Book summary. Kelly McGonigal - Willpower. How to develop and strengthen

Current page: 1 (book has 20 pages total) [available reading passage: 4 pages]

This book is dedicated to everyone who has ever struggled with temptation, addiction, procrastination, and persuading themselves to do something—that is, all of us.

A smart person wants to control himself - a child wants sweets.

Rumi 1
Jalaluddin Rumi, 13th-century Persian Sufi poet.

Preface. Introductory lesson on the course “The Science of Willpower”

To whomever I tell that I am teaching a course on willpower, they almost always answer me: “Oh, that’s what I lack.” Today, more than ever, people understand that willpower—the ability to control attention, feelings, and desires—impacts physical health, financial status, close relationships and professional success. We all know this. We know that we must be in complete control of our lives: what we eat, do, say, buy.

However, most people feel like failures on this path: one moment they control themselves, and the next they are overwhelmed by emotions and lose control. According to the American Psychological Association, society believes that a lack of willpower is main reason difficulties on the way to the goal. Many people feel guilty about letting themselves and others down. Many find themselves at the mercy of their own thoughts, feelings, and addictions - their behavior is dictated more by impulses than by conscious choice. Even the most skilled in self-control get tired of holding the line and ask themselves whether life really has to be so hard.

As a health psychologist and instructor in the wellness program at Stanford University School of Medicine, my job is to teach people how to manage stress and make healthy decisions. I watched for years as people struggled to change their thoughts, feelings, bodies, and habits, and realized that these sufferers' beliefs about willpower were getting in the way of their success and causing unnecessary stress. Although science could help them, people did not accept hard facts and continued to rely on old strategies, which, as I learned again and again, were not only ineffective - they were backfire, leading to sabotage and loss of control.

This inspired me to create the course “The Science of Willpower,” which I teach as part of the program additional education at Stanford University. The course summarizes the latest research from psychologists, economists, neuroscientists and doctors and explains how to break old habits and develop new ones, overcome procrastination, learn to focus and cope with stress. He reveals why we give in to temptation and how to find the strength to resist. He shows how important it is to understand the limits of self-control and suggests best strategies to develop willpower.

To my delight, “The Science of Willpower” quickly became one of the most popular courses the Stanford Extension Program has ever offered. At the very first lesson, we had to change the audience four times to accommodate the continuously arriving audience. Corporate executives, teachers, athletes, medical professionals and other curious people filled one of Stanford's largest auditoriums. Students began to bring their spouses, children and colleagues to introduce them to the treasured knowledge.

I hoped that the course would be useful to this diverse group. The goals of the people who attended the classes varied: some wanted to quit smoking or lose weight, while others wanted to get out of debt or become a good parent. But the result surprised even me. After four weeks, when surveyed, 97 percent of students reported that they had become more aware of their own behavior, and 84 percent reported that their willpower had strengthened as a result of the proposed strategies. By the end of the course, students were sharing how they had overcome 30 years of sugar cravings, finally paid their taxes, stopped yelling at their children, started exercising regularly, and felt that they were generally more satisfied with themselves and responsible for their decisions. Their assessment of the course: it changed their lives. The students were unanimous: The Science of Willpower gave them clear strategies for developing self-control and the strength to achieve what meant so much to them. The scientific findings were equally useful to the recovering alcoholic and to the person who couldn't break away from the addiction. Email. Self-control strategies helped people avoid temptations: chocolate, video games, shopping, and even a married coworker. Students attended classes to achieve personal goals such as running a marathon, starting a business, coping with the stress of job loss, family conflicts, and the dreaded Friday dictation test (that's what happens when moms bring their kids to class).

Of course, like any honest teacher, I admit that I also learned a lot from the students. They fell asleep when I talked too long about miracles scientific discoveries, but I forgot to mention what willpower has to do with it. They quickly told me which strategies worked in the real world and which ones failed (a laboratory experiment will never achieve this). They were creative with weekly assignments and shared with me new ways to turn abstract theories into useful rules For Everyday life. This book combines the best scientific achievements And practical exercises course, is based on latest research and the experience of hundreds of my students.

To successfully control yourself, you need to know your weaknesses.

Most books about life changes—new diets or ways to achieve financial freedom—will help you set your goals and even show you how to achieve them. But if we had enough awareness of what we want to fix, every New Year's resolution we made to ourselves would come true, and my classroom would be empty. A rare book will tell you why you are not doing what you need to do.

I believe that The best way develop self-control - understand how and why you lose it. Knowing what is most likely to make you give up won't set you up for failure, as many people fear. It will serve as your support and help you avoid the traps in which willpower tends to betray you. Research shows that people who think they have a strong will are actually much more likely to lose control when faced with temptation. 2
This distortion extends beyond willpower. For example, people who believe that they can easily do several things at once are more easily distracted by extraneous stimuli than others. This phenomenon is known as the Dunning–Kruger effect, and was first reported by two psychologists at Cornell University. They found that people overestimate their various abilities, such as their sense of humor, literacy, and judgment. This effect is most pronounced among people whose skills are particularly weak: those whose test scores fall in the 12th percentile tend, on average, to rate themselves at the 62nd percentile. This explains, among other things, the high volume of talent show auditions.

For example, smokers who are particularly optimistic about their ability to abstain from cigarettes are much more likely to resume their old habits four months later, while overly optimistic weight loss dieters are minimally likely to lose weight. Why? They fail to predict when, where, or why they will give in to temptation. They expose themselves to great temptations, for example, hanging out in smoking groups or placing bowls of cookies around the house. Their breakdowns sincerely amaze them, and they give up at the slightest difficulty.

Knowing about ourselves—especially how we behave when our willpower fails us—is the basis of self-control. That's why the Science of Willpower course and this book address common failures of self-control. Each chapter debunks a common misconception about self-control and offers a new approach to willpower testing. We will perform a kind of autopsy of each of our mistakes. What causes failure when we give in to temptation or put off what we should do? What is this fatal mistake and why do we make it? Most importantly, we will find a way to save ourselves from evil fate and turn knowledge of mistakes into strategies for success.

I hope that after reading this book you will understand your imperfect but perfect human behavior. The science of willpower shows that each of us, in one way or another, struggles with temptation, addiction, distraction and procrastination. All these weaknesses do not expose us to personal failure - these are universal phenomena, part of our human essence. If my book just helps you see that you are far from alone in your “struggle of will,” I will be happy. But I would really like to see things go further and the strategies in this book give you the opportunity to truly and lastingly change your life.

How to use this book

Become a Willpower Explorer

I was trained as a researcher, and the first thing I learned was that theories are good, but facts are better. Therefore, I ask you to treat the book as an experiment. The scientific approach to self-control is not limited to the laboratory. You can—and should—make yourself the subject of your own natural experiment. While you are reading the book, do not take my words for granted. I will argue my reasoning, but I ask you to test it in practice. Do your research, find out what is true for you, what works for you.

In each chapter you will find two types of tasks that will help you become willpower researchers. The first one is called “Under the Microscope.” These are questions about what is currently happening in your life. Before you change anything, you need to look at it. For example, I'll ask you to notice when you're most likely to give in to temptation and how hunger affects your spending. I ask you to pay attention to what you say to yourself when your will is tested, including when you procrastinate, and how you evaluate the successes and failures of your will. I'll even ask you to do some field research, such as tracking how salespeople use store interiors to weaken your self-control. In each case, adopt the dispassionate position of a curious observer, like a scientist peering into a microscope, hoping to discover something exciting and useful. You shouldn’t eat yourself for every weakness or complain about modern world with his temptations (the first is unnecessary, but I will take care of the second).

In each chapter you will also find "Experiments". These are practical strategies for improving self-control taken from scientific research or theory. They will help you strengthen your willpower in life's trials. I strongly recommend keeping an open mind about all methods, even if some seem counterintuitive (there will be many). They have been tested by students in my course, and while not every strategy will work for everyone, they all earn the highest praise. What about those that sounded good in theory, but failed miserably in practice? You won't find them here.

These experiments are a great way to stop stalling and find new solutions to old problems. I recommend you check different strategies and learn from experience what works best for you. Because these are experiments and not exams, you won't fail them—even if you decide to try the exact opposite of what science suggests (it needs skeptics, after all). Share these methods with friends, family, colleagues, see what works for them. It's always educational, and you can use the observations to hone your own skills.

Your test of willpower

To get the most out of the book, I encourage you to choose one willpower challenge in which you will test all the ideas. Every person has their own weaknesses. Some of them are universal, for example, we have a biological craving for sweets and fatty foods and we all have to restrain ourselves so as not to empty out the local confectionery shop alone. But many volitional tests are unique. What attracts one person may repel another. What captivates one person may seem boring to another. And someone will gladly pay for the opportunity to do something that you still can’t get around to doing. However, whatever the difficulties, they affect us all equally. You crave chocolate in much the same way that a smoker craves a cigarette or a shopaholic craves to empty his wallet. You talk yourself out of playing sports, just as one person makes excuses for not paying overdue bills, and another for not spending an extra evening reading books.

Perhaps your test of willpower is something you've always avoided (call it the "I Will" test of strength), or a habit you want to break (call it the "I Won't" test of strength). You can also select important life goal, to which you want to devote more effort and attention (test of the “I want” strength), for example, take care of your health, cope with stress, become a better parent, achieve success in your career. Absent-mindedness, temptation, impulsiveness and slowness are such universal challenges that the advice in this book is suitable for any purpose. By the time you finish reading, you'll have a better understanding of your weaknesses and be armed with a new set of self-control strategies.

Take your time

This book contains a 10-week educational course. It is divided into 10 chapters, each of which describes one key idea, her scientific justification and how it can be applied to your goals. The ideas and strategies are interconnected, and the challenges in each chapter prepare you for the ones that follow.

While you can read the entire book in a weekend, I recommend slowing down when it comes to implementing the strategies. In my classes, students spend a week watching how each idea resonates in their lives. Every week they try one new way self-control, and at the end they tell you which one helped them more. I encourage you to take the same approach, especially if you intend to use the book for a specific purpose, such as losing weight or gaining control over your expenses. Give yourself time to try all the exercises and reflect. Choose one strategy from each chapter - the one that best suits your problem, and don't try

10 new methods at once.

You can use the book's 10-week structure any time you want to change something in your life or achieve a goal. Some of my students took the course more than once, each time choosing a new challenge. But if you decide to read the whole book first, enjoy it, and don't try to keep up with the reflections and exercises along the way. Make a note of what you found most interesting, and then come back when you're ready to put the ideas into action.

Let's get started

Here's your first challenge: choose one challenge for your journey into the science of willpower. And I'm waiting for you in the first chapter: we will go back in time to understand how willpower arose - and how to benefit from it.

Under the Microscope: Choose Your Willpower Challenge

If you haven't already, now it's time to choose a will test to which you'll apply the ideas and strategies from the book.

The following questions will help you determine it:

– Test of strength "I will." Is there something you want to do more than anything else, or something you want to stop procrastinating on because you know it will make your life so much easier?

– Test of strength "I won't." What is your most “sticky” habit? What would you like to get rid of or what would you like to do less often because it is harmful to your health, interferes with your happiness or success?

– Test of strength "I want." What is your most important long-term goal that you want to devote your energy to? What immediate “want” is most likely to tempt you and distract you from that goal?

1. “I will”, “I won’t”, “I want”: what is willpower and why is it important

When you think about something that requires willpower, what comes to mind first? For most of us, the classic test of willpower is temptation, whether it's a donut, a cigarette, or a one-night stand. When people say, “I'm weak-willed,” it usually means, “I have a hard time saying no when my mouth, stomach, heart, or… (insert your body part) wants to say yes.” Call it the power of “I Won’t.”

But the ability to say no is only one of the components of willpower. After all, “just say no” are the three favorite words of pipers and couch potatoes around the world. At times, it’s more important to say yes – otherwise how can you do all the things you’ve been putting off until tomorrow (or forever)? Willpower helps you put it on your to-do list, even when uncertainty, petty concerns, or the never-ending stream of reality TV shows try to convince you otherwise. This ability to do what you must, even if some part of your soul does not want it, we will call the power of “I will.”

The forces of “I will” and “I will not” are two sides of self-control, but it is not limited to them. To say no and yes randomly, you need a third strength: the ability to remember what you really want. I understand that you feel like you really want a chocolate chip shortcake, a third martini, or a day off. But when faced with temptation or flirting with procrastination, you have to remember that what you really want is to fit into skinny jeans, get a promotion, pay off your credit card debt, save your marriage, or stay out of jail. Otherwise, what will keep you from momentary desires? To control yourself, you need to know what is truly important to you. This is the power of “I want.”

Self-control is the control of the three forces: “I will,” “I won’t,” and “I will,” and it helps you achieve your goals (or stay out of trouble). As we will see, we human beings are the fortunate owners of brains that support all three functions. In fact, the development of these three forces defines us as a human species. Before we get down to the dirty business of analyzing why we can't use them, let's consider how lucky we are to have them. We will look into the brain and see where the sacrament is performed, and we will also find out how we can train willpower. We'll also take a quick look at why willpower can be hard to come by and how to harness that other uniquely human ability, self-awareness, so that our grit never fails.

Where do we get willpower from?

Imagine: we are transported 100 thousand years ago, and you are the latest homosapien among all the evolved diversity. Yes, I'll wait for you to enjoy your opposable thumbs, your upright posture, your hyoid bone (which allows you to develop some semblance of speech, although I'm sure I won't understand a word). By the way, congratulations: you know how to start a fire (without starting a fire), and also paint buffalos and hippos using advanced stone tools.

A few generations ago, your life tasks were so simple: 1) find lunch; 2) reproduce; 3) avoid unexpected encounters with Crocodylus anthropophagus (translated from Latin as “the crocodile that eats people”). But you grew up in a tight-knit tribe and depend on other homo sapiens for survival. This means you have to add "don't piss anyone off in the process" to your list of priorities. Community means cooperation and sharing of resources: you can’t just take what you want. If you steal someone's buffalo sandwich or a friend's girlfriend, you can be expelled from the tribe and even killed (remember, other homosapiens also have sharp stone tools, and your skin is much thinner than a hippopotamus). Moreover, you need a tribe: it takes care of you when you are sick or injured, and therefore cannot hunt or gather berries. Even in the Stone Age, the rules for winning friends and influencing people were similar to today: help when a neighbor needs shelter, share your lunch even if you haven't eaten yet, and think twice before you say, “This loincloth is yours.” makes you look fat." In other words: please take some care of yourself.

It's not just your life that's at stake. The survival of your entire tribe depends on your ability to choose who to fight (preferably not your own) and who to marry (not your cousins: you need to increase genetic diversity, otherwise your entire tribe will be wiped out by one disease). And if you are lucky enough to find a mate, you are expected to connect for life, and not just for once over the next bush. Yes, you, a (almost) modern person, have a lot of new ways to get into trouble thanks to time-tested food, aggressive and sexual instincts.

Thus arose the need for what we now call willpower. Throughout (pre)history, the increasing level of complexity of our social worlds has required ever greater self-control. The need to fit in, collaborate, and maintain long-term relationships primed our primal brains to develop self-control strategies. Modern we are a response to those ancient demands. Our brain caught up with what was missing, and voila: we have willpower - the ability to control our impulses, which helped us become human in the full sense of the word.

Why do we need it now?

Let's go back to modern life(of course, keep your personal details to yourself thumbs, but you might want to dress up a little). Willpower has gone from being what differentiates humans from other animals to being what differentiates humans from each other. We may all be born with the ability to exercise self-control, but some use it more than others. People who better manage their attention, feelings and actions are more successful, no matter how you look at it. They are healthier and happier. Close relationships bring them more joy and last longer. They earn more and achieve more in their careers. They cope better with stress, resolve conflicts, and overcome adversity. They even live longer. If you compare willpower with other virtues, it turns out to be the highest. Self-control, to a greater extent than intelligence, predicts success in university (get it, school learning ability test 3
Scholastic Aptitude Test - a standardized test for admission to higher education educational establishments USA, used along with high school GPA, assesses overall literacy and math skills. Note lane

), it makes a greater contribution to effective leadership than charisma (sorry, Tony Robbins 4
Tony Robbins is the author of books on leadership in the genre of popular psychology. Note lane

), and is more important for marital happiness than sensitivity (yes, the secret to a long marriage depends on whether you have learned to keep your mouth shut). If we want to live a better life, willpower is not a bad start. To do this, we'll ask our standard brain to work a little harder. So, let's get started: let's see what we have to work with.

One day I decided to conduct a survey among readers about whether they conduct business, and if not, what is stopping them?

The results were unexpected. I guessed that most of my blog readers are involved in fitness and take care of their health, but the answers “no”, I admit, surprised me. Among the answer options there were logical reasons: lack of time and lack of knowledge about. Three people directly stated that they did not need it.

These two answers can be combined into one, since they both rely on the same mechanisms. Laziness, lack of composure, lack of self-control and concentration are largely due to the chemical processes occurring in our body. And a person who knows how to direct these processes in the right direction will be able to achieve great success in life.

In this blog you can find articles on how to develop willpower: , . Previously, I treated the concept of “willpower” as a certain feature of our psyche, our way of thinking. Kelly McGonigal's book Willpower. How to develop and strengthen” turned all my ideas about willpower upside down and made me look at this issue from a different angle - from the point of view of physiology. This book talks about how our volitional qualities and self-control depend on the processes occurring inside our body, and how to manage these processes.

Book Willpower. How to develop and strengthen

Kelly McGonigal is a Stanford University professor and Ph.D. who has spent many years studying the connection between our strong-willed qualities and our physiology. In addition to her academic work and teaching courses at the university, Kelly teaches yoga classes for stress relief and pain relief. After “Willpower,” I read her two other books: “Anti-Pain,” about meditative techniques for relieving pain, and “Good Stress as a Way to Become Stronger,” about taking advantage of stressful situations. But “Willpower. How to Develop and Strengthen" is her main book, which brought Kelly world fame. In Russia it was published by the publishing house MIF in 2012.

If you want to know more about Kelly McGonigal, her life and work, I recommend reading.

From most similar self-development books, the book “Willpower. How to develop and strengthen” is distinguished by the fact that it is entirely based on the results of scientific research. At the end of the book, Kelly provides several dozen pages with links to scientific works used in writing the book. This is monumental work.

In this article I want to highlight a few of the most important points from the book, but I advise you to read it in its entirety. Even if you do not have problems making strong-willed decisions, the book will be useful for your general development and understanding of how people really work.

What is willpower?

According to McGonigal, willpower (or self-control) is human ability control three forces that regulate all our actions and desires:

"I won't"- the ability to say “no”, a component of willpower, which is usually perceived as willpower in general. When you try to resist eating a bad cake, buying a trinket, smoking a cigarette, or giving in to any other temptation, you are exercising the power of “I Won’t.”
"I will" — back side the previous force that allows us to do what we need to do by volitional decision. Forcing yourself to work, do exercises, clean your room, or do any other unpleasant, uninteresting, but useful thing is a manifestation of the power of “I will.”
"I want"- the third force, reflecting what is really important to you. It manifests itself in those moments when you retreat from your important life goals for the sake of momentary temptations. For example, with a cake, if the force of “I won’t” puts pressure on you not to eat it because it harms the body and makes you fat, then “I want” forces you to give up the yummy food because you want something something to achieve: to please another person, to fit into old jeans, to look good in a photo.

Where did willpower come from?

In the book “Willpower. How to develop and strengthen” Kelly talks about where people got their strong-willed qualities.

The fact is that willpower is inherent only to humans, and it appeared hundreds of thousands of years ago as a survival mechanism pushing us to accept right decisions.

As is known, evolutionary selection leaves only the strongest alive, and if in wildlife the first people (like animals) had to trust their instincts in everything, then with the advent of human society more complex needs came to the fore. To survive among his own kind, a person had to learn to keep selfish instincts under control and develop qualities that help in the long term: the ability to cooperate, build relationships, take care of oneself, and control one’s impulses. The need to make decisions consciously, and not instinctively, is in many ways what made us real people.

Nowadays, willpower in the same way allows us to bypass more weak people and take a high place in life. Strong-willed people are healthier, they are happier, they earn more and achieve greater career success, they have stronger relationships, they cope better with stress and problems, and resolve conflicts more easily. According to the book “Willpower. How to develop and strengthen”, self-control in learning is higher than intelligence, in family affairs it plays a greater role than sensitivity, and in relationships it is more important than charisma.

IN human body there is an organ responsible, among other things, for willpower. This is the perfrontal cortex, the most large plot brain The perfrontal cortex has three main areas associated with self-control: “I will” is located in the upper left, “I will not” is located in the right, and “I want” is located slightly lower and closer to the center. It is this part of the brain that allows us to control ourselves and make the right decisions. There are cases where, with injuries to the front part of the brain, people remained alive, but almost completely lost the ability to control their actions - they began to commit stupid (from the point of view of society) and thoughtless actions, to behave rudely, selfishly and aggressively.

So, any processes occurring in the perfrontal cortex affect our level of self-control. Our task is to use them for good, to develop and strengthen willpower.

Strength of will. How to develop and strengthen?

There are at least thirteen properties of willpower, knowing and using which you can pump your self-control to the maximum:

2. Meditation. Regular meditation increases blood flow to the perfrontal cortex in much the same way that lifting weights increases blood flow to the muscles. As a result, the cortex adapts, enlarging and speeding up its work - and, therefore, self-control increases.

3. Deep breathing. When the brain “turns on” instincts, our heartbeat speeds up and our breathing quickens. Conversely, deep, slow breathing allows you to concentrate and raise your will above your instincts. Therefore, when you need to stop the internal struggle and make a volitional decision, breathe as slowly and deeply as possible for some time - self-control will return.

Similar materials

Published with permission from Andrew Nurnberg Literary Agency

Book illustrations provided by Tina Pavlato of Visual Anatomy Limited (Ch. 1, 5), Hal Ersner-Hershfield and John Baron (Ch. 7)

All rights reserved. No part of the electronic version of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, including posting on the Internet or corporate networks, for private or public use without the written permission of the copyright owner.

Legal support for the publishing house is provided by law firm"Vegas-Lex"

This book is well complemented by:

Whole Life

Les Hewitt, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

Time drive

Gleb Arkhangelsky

How to get things in order

David Allen

Personal development

Stephen Pavlina

Strategy and the fat smoker

David Meister

This book is dedicated to everyone who has ever struggled with temptation, addiction, procrastination, and persuading themselves to do something—that is, all of us

Preface. Introductory lesson on the course “The Science of Willpower”

To whomever I tell that I am teaching a course on willpower, they almost always answer me: “Oh, that’s what I lack.” Today, more than ever, people understand that willpower—the ability to control attention, feelings, and desires—impacts physical health, financial status, intimate relationships, and professional success. We all know this. We know that we must be in complete control of our lives: what we eat, do, say, buy.

However, most people feel like failures on this path: one moment they control themselves, and the next they are overwhelmed by emotions and lose control. According to the American Psychological Association, society believes that a lack of willpower is the main reason for difficulties in achieving goals. Many people feel guilty about letting themselves and others down. Many find themselves at the mercy of their own thoughts, feelings, and addictions - their behavior is dictated more by impulses than by conscious choice. Even the most skilled in self-control get tired of holding the line and ask themselves whether life really has to be so hard.

This inspired me to create the course “The Science of Willpower,” which I teach as part of the continuing education program at Stanford University. The course summarizes the latest research from psychologists, economists, neuroscientists and doctors and explains how to break old habits and develop new ones, overcome procrastination, learn to focus and cope with stress. He reveals why we give in to temptation and how to find the strength to resist. He shows the importance of understanding the limits of self-control and offers the best strategies for building willpower.

I hoped that the course would be useful to this diverse group. The goals of the people who attended the classes varied: some wanted to quit smoking or lose weight, while others wanted to get out of debt or become a good parent. But the result surprised even me. After four weeks, when surveyed, 97 percent of students reported that they had become more aware of their own behavior, and 84 percent reported that their willpower had strengthened as a result of the proposed strategies. By the end of the course, students were sharing how they had overcome 30 years of sugar cravings, finally paid their taxes, stopped yelling at their children, started exercising regularly, and felt that they were generally more satisfied with themselves and responsible for their decisions. Their assessment of the course: it changed their lives. The students were unanimous: The Science of Willpower gave them clear strategies for developing self-control and the strength to achieve what meant so much to them. The scientific findings were equally useful to the recovering alcoholic and the person who couldn't stop reading email. Self-control strategies helped people avoid temptations: chocolate, video games, shopping, and even a married coworker. Students attended classes to achieve personal goals such as running a marathon, starting a business, coping with the stress of job loss, family conflicts, and the dreaded Friday dictation test (that's what happens when moms bring their kids to class).

Of course, like any honest teacher, I admit that I also learned a lot from the students. They fell asleep when I went on and on about the wonders of scientific discoveries for too long, but forgot to mention what willpower has to do with it. They quickly told me which strategies worked in the real world and which ones failed (a laboratory experiment will never achieve this). They were creative with weekly assignments and shared with me new ways to turn abstract theories into useful rules for everyday life. This book combines the best science and practical exercises of the course, based on the latest research and the experiences of hundreds of my students.

To successfully control yourself, you need to know your weaknesses.

I believe the best way to develop self-control is to understand how and why you lose it. Knowing what is most likely to make you give up won't set you up for failure, as many people fear. It will serve as your support and help you avoid the traps in which willpower tends to betray you. Research shows that people who think they have a strong will are actually much more likely to lose control when faced with temptation. For example, smokers who are particularly optimistic about their ability to abstain from cigarettes are much more likely to resume their old habits four months later, while overly optimistic weight loss dieters are minimally likely to lose weight. Why? They fail to predict when, where, or why they will give in to temptation. They expose themselves to great temptations, for example, hanging out in smoking groups or placing bowls of cookies around the house. Their breakdowns sincerely amaze them, and they give up at the slightest difficulty.

Do you feel like you lack willpower and self-control? Then the book Kelly McGonigal for you. Kelly McGonigal is not some amateur writer, but a real expert in the development of willpower, a practicing psychologist, doctor of science and professor at Stanford University.

At one time, she created a course of the same name for students, designed for 2.5 months of training, which soon became very popular and attracted the attention of the press. Then, as befits a professor, Kelly McGonigal had to write this book, which also quickly became famous.

In his book "Strength of will. How to develop and strengthen" Kelly McGonigal gives plenty valuable advice about how to increase self-control. She believes that willpower can be trained the same way we train muscles. By exercising regularly, without overloading, and making sure to give this “muscle” enough rest, it quickly responds to the load and becomes more resilient. Then you become able to perform those actions that were previously barely possible for you.

In addition to the training tips in the book "Strength of will. How to develop and strengthen" Various interesting tricks are described with the help of which even a person who does not specifically train can learn to better control himself. For example these.

Ecology of life: The other day I read a book that turned all my ideas about willpower upside down and made me look at this issue from a different angle. This book is called “Willpower. How to develop and strengthen?”, it was written by Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D. and professor at Stanford University. This book talks about how our self-control depends on the processes occurring inside our body, and how to manage these processes.

I read a book that changed all my ideas about willpower and made me look at this issue from a different angle. This book is called “Willpower. How to develop and strengthen?”, it was written by Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D. and professor at Stanford University.

This book talks about how our self-control depends on the processes occurring inside our body, and how to manage these processes.

“Willpower” differs from most similar books on self-development in that it is based entirely on scientific research, and the author substantiates any of his statements. What is the value of just a list that takes up several dozen pages? scientific works, used in the preparation of the book. There is no esotericism or any traditional (folk) methods here - only a scientific approach. Kelly is not just a researcher, she is a practitioner who teaches her own course on developing willpower and has the opportunity to observe the effects of certain factors live, communicating and conducting experiments with her students.

In this article I want to highlight several of the most important points from the book, and I sincerely advise you to read it in its entirety. Even if you do not have problems making strong-willed decisions, the information provided will be very useful for general development and understanding of how people really work.

Kelly McGonigal

What is willpower?

Willpower (or self-control) is the human ability to control three forces that regulate all our actions and desires:

"I won't"- this is the ability to say “no”, a component of willpower, which is usually perceived as willpower in general. When you try to resist eating a bad cake, buying a trinket, smoking a cigarette, or giving in to any other temptation, you are exercising the power of “I Won’t.”

"I will"- the reverse side of the previous force, which allows us to do what we need by a strong-willed decision. Forcing yourself to work, do exercises, clean your room, or do any other unpleasant, uninteresting, but useful thing is a manifestation of the power of “I will.”

"I want"- the third force, reflecting what is really important to you. It manifests itself in those moments when you retreat from your important life goals for the sake of momentary temptations. For example, with a cake, if the force of “I won’t” puts pressure on you not to eat it because it harms the body and makes you fat, then “I want” forces you to give up the yummy food because you want something something to achieve: to please another person, to fit into old jeans, to look good in a photo.

Where did willpower come from?

Willpower is unique to humans, and it has appeared hundreds of thousands of years ago as a survival mechanism that pushes us to make the right decisions. As is known, evolutionary selection leaves only the strongest alive, and if in the wild the first people (like animals) had to trust their instincts in everything, then with the advent of human society more complex needs came to the fore.

To survive among his own kind, man had to learn to keep selfish instincts under control and develop qualities that would help him in the long run: the ability to cooperate, build relationships, take care of himself, control his impulses. Actually, it is precisely this feature of making decisions consciously, and not instinctively, that made us real people.

IN modern times Willpower similarly allows us to outperform those around us and achieve greater success. Strong-willed people, whatever one may say, are healthier and happier, they earn more and achieve greater success in their careers, they have stronger relationships, they cope better with stress and problems, and resolve conflicts more easily. According to Kelly (and I agree), self-control is more important than intelligence in learning, more important than sensitivity in family matters, and more important than charisma in relationships.

From a physiological point of view, willpower has its rightful place in the body - this is the perfrontal cortex, the largest region of the brain. There are three main areas in the perfrontal cortex responsible for self-control: “I will” is located in the upper left, “I will not” is in the right, and “I want” is slightly lower and closer to the center.

It is this part of the brain that allows us to control ourselves and make the right decisions. There are cases where, with injuries to the front part of the brain, people remained alive, but almost completely lost the ability to control their actions - they began to commit stupid (from the point of view of society) and thoughtless actions, to behave rudely, selfishly and aggressively.

So, any processes occurring in the perfrontal cortex affect our level of self-control. Our task is to use them for good, to develop and strengthen willpower.

How to develop and strengthen willpower?

There are at least thirteen properties of willpower, knowing and using which you can pump your self-control to the maximum. All of them influence one, two or all three of the forces that make up willpower (pardon the pun).

1. Willpower can be trained like a muscle. The more often you resort to volitional efforts, the easier it becomes for you to do this in the future. If you constantly take care of yourself in small ways, you can strengthen your willpower in general.

4. Training. Exercise, like meditation, enlarges and speeds up the perfrontal cortex, and also relieves stress and is a powerful antidepressant. This includes not only exercise, but also any other active daily activity.

What reduces willpower?

5. Lack of sleep. Chronic lack of sleep disrupts the amount of glucose consumed, which means the brain is left without nutrition and begins to starve. Self-control, as the most energy-consuming task, simply turns off at such times, and that is why in a sleepy state it is difficult for us to make decisions and be responsible for our actions.

Moreover, in a state of sleep deprivation, the perfrontal cortex loses control over other areas of the brain, which leads to disruption of hormonal levels and an even greater loss of self-control. This process is reversible - you just need to get enough sleep.

6. Willpower has limits. Paradox: the more often you try to control yourself, the more your willpower gets tired and discharged, which can lead to a complete loss of control over yourself. Since it follows from the first point that willpower is like a muscle, it gets tired after exercise and needs to be restored.

By the way, this is why it is so easy to break down when following a diet. To prevent this from happening, firstly, self-control training must be gradual, and secondly, you must let go of the “reins” of control from time to time and relax.

7. Good deeds weaken willpower. Having done (or supposed to do) a good deed, we tend to forget about our true goals(“I want”) and allow yourself some concessions or “rewards.” For example, having bought something in a supermarket at a discount, we always risk spending more overall than we could: this is how we reward ourselves for resourcefulness and a successful purchase.

Having ordered a healthy and wholesome dish at a restaurant, it is easier for us to make a concession and choose something unhealthy to go with it. Having done a useful task, we reward ourselves with a trinket or a harmful tasty treat. It's good when good deeds are rewarded, but it's very bad when these rewards go against your true goals and values.

8. Self-control decreases greatly as dopamine levels increase. The hormone dopamine is responsible for the pleasant anticipation of reward and is released when we expect something pleasant. It is because of dopamine that the likelihood of smoking a cigarette or eating a cake increases sharply when you see it (him) packed in a beautiful wrapper.

This is why many men turn off their brains when they come into their lives. beautiful woman. That is why another fashionista, seeing Nice dress, can break out and buy it for crazy money. The closer the object of your pleasure, the more dopamine is released, and the higher the chance that you will simply lose your head.

9. A bird in the hand is better than a pie in the sky. One of the features of our psyche and special case the previous point is that a person prefers to get something right NOW, even if he is told that he will receive much more LATER.

The opportunity to possess a thing or experience pleasure NOW turns on instincts, which, as has been said more than once, are aimed at survival and receiving joy from life, the enhanced synthesis of the aforementioned dopamine starts and completely turns off willpower. By the way, this is the basis of the well-known trick of scammers who show you beautiful thing, they let you hold it in your hands, and then they take it away - and you madly want to buy it, because it is almost yours.

10. Stress greatly reduces willpower. When we are stressed, our brain does its best to direct us towards something that can bring pleasure, even if it is dubious from the point of view of your goals. That's why many fat people tend to eat stress, and alcoholics tend to drink. It gives joy, although it destroys the body.

11. Subconscious fear of death reduces willpower. Unlike our primitive ancestors, we can almost always be sure that nothing threatens our lives. But, nevertheless, subconsciously we experience fear from bad news, incidents and various horror stories. This fear puts our body into defense mode, and, just like in the previous point, the brain reduces self-control and goes in search of dubious pleasures.

In order not to be exposed to the situations described in the previous paragraphs, avoid these irritants, and constantly keep your real goals before your eyes.

12. Guilt reduces willpower. Having succumbed to any temptation, we tend to blame ourselves and at the same time lose self-control. In a state of guilt, these temptations can turn into a chain reaction - the more a person drinks alcohol, the more he wants, the more harmful things he eats, the more difficult it is for him to refuse them.

Instead of making a strong-willed decision to refuse to “continue the banquet,” he says: “I’ve already broken all my diets, a couple more pieces of cake won’t make a difference.” The principle of operation of our brain is the same - having succumbed to feelings of guilt and having experienced stress, the brain seeks pleasure and finds it in what caused this feeling. The solution here is this: try to be less self-critical and learn to forgive yourself for all sorts of minor mistakes.

13. Your self-control directly depends on society. As already mentioned, the mechanism of willpower arose in order to regulate the needs and desires of a person living in society. This also has a downside: public opinion greatly influences all the decisions we make, sometimes causing us to lose control of ourselves. Remember how often you are faced with the need to be like everyone else? I personally know people who make decisions about how to dress for the street not based on the weather, but based on “what are they wearing out there now?”

This might interest you:

Emotions such as pride and shame also influence our actions and decisions, much more powerfully than logic and rational arguments. In order to direct this effect in the right direction, you need to pay attention to your surroundings - who do you communicate with, from whom do you tend to adopt certain traits and habits, who do you try to imitate? Make plans and, again, keep your long-term goals before your eyes - and you will live not like everyone else, but the way you want. published