Type this query into a search engine or ask a specialist this question and you will immediately regret it. Because most likely they will tell you that you need to understand yourself, bring your assessment to adequacy, communicate more, balance your needs, and so on, which you already know very well and which either does not work, or all this is not yours at all. Well, what about “reducing demands”? What, I’ve been dreaming all my life about a handsome, charming brunette, and now, because I’m 30+, I’ll suddenly agree to a nondescript plumber with 2 children from his first marriage? It’s true that “it’s better to be alone than with just anyone.” And so it is. There is no point in exchanging one misfortune for another. After all, if you didn’t get married before this age, then marriage was not your goal in itself - because everyone who wanted to get married has been there for a long time. You are driven by other motives. You are afraid to be alone. After all, if suddenly you suddenly found yourself in the past, like the heroine of a fantasy story, and you were 20 years old again, you would be eager to marry the first one more or less the right guy or would you wait for your soul mate, knowing that you have many years left? Second, it's true. Or how to start communicating more and visiting “places where men gather”? What kind of self-selling is this? And you might think that the sociable girl didn’t do this anyway, but nothing worked out. And someone who is not sociable will run away from you after such advice. And in general, all people are different, what kind of universal advice can we talk about here?!
Of course, it is difficult to believe in yourself if you are a beautiful, smart, well-groomed young woman, but your personal life is not working out. How can one not indulge in self-criticism? Do not analyze yourself, your actions, start to have complexes due to the fact that much less attractive girls have been happily married for a long time. And also different " good people"they say that everyone good men sold out a long time ago. As a girl who got married after 30, I must admit that I have nothing like this =) I have the most wonderful husband in the world - exactly the same as I have dreamed of all these years. And externally, and character, and mind and everything else. I won’t lie when I say that I was just waiting for my soul mate and specifically refused other offers. Of course, I was also tormented by doubts and worries. But now I regret that it was like that, and that I allowed other people to instill these thoughts in me. I know very few women who got married after 30 and for whom marriage became a compromise - they all have wonderful husbands. But many who started a family early have just enough problems. I will not say that there is a direct relationship, but a certain dependence exists. Still, a mature mind and a mature choice cannot be avoided.
So what to do? First of all, you need to calm down and understand one thing - the problem is not always with us. Just “everything has its time.” Ultimately, everything depends on us. But all our minor shortcomings, troubles, character traits (if all this does not go beyond the bounds of reason) are our characteristics that cannot be changed and are not necessary. A girl cannot be active if she is an introvert. Leave her alone with these tips. And she cannot “knock out fire with fire” by getting closer to one man if she loves another. This is not suitable for everyone. Therefore, the next step after you have calmed down and exhaled should be a pause. Give yourself a break. Tell me - I'll take it 
a year's vacation from your thoughts and fears. It doesn't matter how old you are. At least 45. Give yourself a break from your worries. Do whatever you want during this time. Stay at home with a book or travel around the world, chat with friends or go to the dacha to plant a garden, take classes or walk the dog, bake pies and watch TV series in the evenings. Absolutely whatever you want, the main thing is that it is exactly what you want. Replenish your feminine energy. Very important point at this time, you absolutely should not think about men. Make a promise to yourself that this year you will be free from them. Of course, you can leave friendly communication with male friends. This is different.
If a year is not enough for you, you can extend this period. In general, initially I gave myself 3 years for such a vacation, less was enough). If during this period you are invited to a date or to a company where there will be men, go only if you really want it. If you prefer to go to the cinema with a friend, choose this. If you do go on a date or to a party, be absolutely calm. Now your goal is not men. I liked someone, met, had a great time. We continued communicating - great. No continuation is even better, but the memory will remain of a great time spent and no extra stress from the need to build relationships. You should not have any worries if the man you liked did not want to continue communication - this was not your goal initially. And now you don't need it at all.
Of course, the purpose of such a vacation should be several points. The first and most important thing is that if you did everything sincerely and correctly, the “I want to get married” stamp will be erased from you. Believe me, it is always visible to the naked eye. Secondly, you stop looking exhausted by your fears and problems, which greatly spoil your appearance and make you invisible, or even repulsive to others. If you enjoyed everything you did, then this will invariably add to your visual appeal and sparkle in your eyes. And also - which is very important - self-confidence and inner peace. Have you noticed how quickly everyone gets married as soon as they say to themselves - okay, apparently this is not for me, I will live for my own pleasure, take care of myself and my career?
Don't be afraid to miss time. It is not true that after a certain age there are no normal unmarried men left. Just like any quality product, you need to find it, you need to be able to see it and wait. Men, too, do not all easily enter into relationships, and they also want to find the right woman for themselves.
Good day, dear readers. Today we will talk about a situation when you are 30 years old and unmarried and have no children. You will learn what factors can influence this. You will know what to do in such a situation. You will find out whether it is normal for a woman to have no family at this age.
Possible reasons
If you are familiar with the phrase “I’m 30 years old and not married,” most likely this is due to the presence of certain factors in your life. Let's look at what reasons influence this.
- A strong desire to have a husband repels potential suitors. The woman behaves too intrusively, rushes up events. Thus, she scares her partner, and in the end she is left alone.
- The girl behaves like an equal. She communicates with the man in his language and enjoys watching football. Such a woman is perceived by a man as his boy. In this situation, it is unlikely that they will pay attention to her as a future wife.
- Excessive self-confidence. The woman is still alone due to the fact that she sets too high standards for her future husband, and is waiting for a prince.
- The girl pays a lot of attention to her rivals, while trying to criticize the young ladies walking by or even her friends. She believes that this will allow her to assert herself, look more beautiful and better in the eyes of a man. However, this behavior is not perceived by the guy, and he runs away very quickly.
- One of possible reasons is that the girl is in a relationship with a married man, that is, she is his mistress. The gentleman can feed you empty promises, convince him that he will soon divorce his wife and marry her. However, this does not happen, the years go by, the girl is already thirty, and she still has not started a family.
- Excessive modesty and shyness can also repel men. Today, guys are more interested in lively and mischievous girls.
- Men do not marry a woman who, from the very beginning of the relationship, pretends to be the main person in the house. The guy won’t like it if they take his place and force him to obey.
- Woman - . She is at work all day long and has absolutely no time for her personal life.
- Fear of the unknown. The girl does not want to change her established way of life, start a family and the accompanying problems.
- Low self-esteem and strong complexes do not allow a woman to have a serious and long-term relationship.
I am thirty years old, I am married for the second time and have a son. I belong to that category of girls who entered into a marital union too early and quickly divorced. Among my classmates, 20 percent are still unmarried, although this did not stop some from becoming mothers. These girls are in no hurry to connect their lives with men, they live for their own pleasure, most of them make careers. They are only now starting to think about starting a family.
Sequencing
- Work on your self-knowledge, possible complexes and uncertainty, excessive shyness. It is important to increase your self-esteem, get rid of bad habits and criticism of potential rivals. Stop focusing on marriage if this idea does not leave you every day.
- If you see that there are certain shortcomings in your figure or appearance, and you are able to correct them yourself, act. Go to the dentist to improve your smile, to the hairdresser to change your hairstyle, to Gym- to tighten your figure.
- Update your wardrobe. It's time to get the cool dress you've been dreaming of for a long time. This purchase will give you more confidence.
- You shouldn’t sit and wait until your chosen one finds himself in your arms. Expand your social circle, regularly attend public events where there are many young people, attend exhibitions, go to the theater. Engage in self-development, and do not avoid meeting new people.
How to behave
It's time to start living an active life, attend events with large crowds of young people, expand your social circle, and not be afraid of new acquaintances
Let's look at what to do in this or that situation if you are still not married and your age has exceeded thirty.
- If your crazy desire to get married is to blame, then you need to learn to restrain your emotions and impulses. A woman must realize that with such actions and intrusiveness, she will not win the favor of a man. In addition, life is designed in such a way that we rarely get what we really want. Therefore, it is better to let go of the situation, enjoy what you have, and stop thinking about marriage as an obsession.
- A girl who behaves like a man needs to change her outlook on life, start dressing beautifully, and be more interested in traditionally feminine responsibilities. Suppress the masculinity in yourself so that your partner feels that next to him is a good candidate for a wife.
- If you are still waiting for a handsome prince, it’s time to come down to earth and stop setting high demands on your partner. Take a close look at the guys around you; perhaps among them there has long been a guy who could win your heart.
- If you criticize other girls too much, stop doing that. Do not judge anyone and remember “judge not, lest you be judged.” There is no need to treat young ladies this way, even if they really don’t take care of themselves or have problems with being overweight. Try to see the good in other people.
- If the whole thing seems to be strong love To married man, then it’s time to realize that such a person is not worthy of your feelings. Firstly, you shouldn’t destroy someone else’s family - you won’t build your own happiness on someone else’s ruins. Secondly, it’s high time to understand that the gentleman will not leave his wife, and you will remain a lonely woman.
- If you are too shy, it's time to work on yourself. If you can’t do it on your own, then it wouldn’t hurt to consult a psychologist. Remember that your family happiness is at stake.
- If you are used to always deciding everything on your own, being the main one in any relationship, then it’s time to feel like a weak and defenseless woman and allow your partner to be the main one in the relationship.
- If you disappear all day at work, it’s high time to think about rest and start allocating time for personal leisure.
- If you are afraid of change, difficulties, and because of this you are postponing marriage, watch other families. Look how happy they are, just think about why you would arbitrarily deprive yourself of such joy.
- If it’s all about complexities, it’s time to work on yourself, and it’s better to seek help from a specialist who can choose the right course and make you believe in yourself and your strengths.
It is important to understand that a 30-year-old woman owes nothing to anyone. She is not obliged to follow any stereotypes and rush to start a family and have children. A woman should not blush in front of her parents or make excuses in front of her married friends. Each person has his own destiny and his own goals in life.
If a woman wants to devote herself to her home and family and does not think about her career at all, she can get married at 20 years old. While the other wants to live for herself, to stand firmly on her feet, so as not to depend on a man later, in order to be able to give her little one everything he needs, she first spends years on a career for the sake of a stable position, at 30 she is still without families. This is the choice of everyone. This does not mean that someone lives incorrectly or deviates from generally accepted norms. In addition, do not forget that girls who get married immediately after school or university are most often not happy in their marriage. Such unions quickly fall apart, and girls become single mothers.
If you have no children at 30, this is not a death sentence. Life is just beginning. It’s good when a woman manages to achieve something, decide on her needs, become financially independent, understand who exactly she wants to see next to her, and only after that she starts a family and gives birth to children from her beloved man.
In our column “Women’s Council” with your opinion on typical problems in relationships between men and women, a 40-year-old woman with many years of relationship experience, a 20-year-old young girl and a professional psychologist share their opinions. This week we were contacted by Sylvia, who laments her age and her “single” status.
“I’m already 30 years old and I’m not married, I’m not in a permanent relationship. All my friends have families, but I am alone. The feeling that life is slipping through your fingers. It seems that I have no chance of finding a normal man and having a child! Men with whom I rarely start relationships leave very quickly: they meet other women or simply lose interest in me. I can’t understand whether something is wrong with me or with them. I take care of myself, I read books, I know how to cook borscht. I want to get married, I want a family, but men are running away from me. What to do?" - asks Sylvia.
Opinion of a 40-year-old:“You probably haven’t met YOUR man yet. If men do not stay with you for a long period of time, then you should think about what is wrong either with men or in your behavior pattern. Borscht and books are not the main thing. The main thing is your attitude to life, your smile, your inner charm. Perhaps you see your future husband in everyone you meet, mentally convey this thought to the man, and he runs away from you. Men read your unconscious signals also unconsciously. But there is also such a moment: when you passionately desire something, fixate on something, trying to break through the wall with your head, nothing happens. Let go of the situation, don’t think hard about the fact that you didn’t get married. Although at your age it’s really strange not to be married.”
Opinion of a 20-year-old:“Do you want status or a partner? It's somehow unclear. You should learn to enjoy life, from communicating with yourself and with friends. The description gives the impression that you either “love” men’s brains a lot, or are simply uninteresting because you get bored quickly. Develop yourself, learn new languages, learn skills, then when you have a family, there won’t be so much time for this. If you are interested in yourself, then men will not run away from you. Relax and have fun."
Opinion of psychologist Maria Reut:“From the small amount of information that you gave, Sylvia, it is difficult for me to conclude what is the reason for the rapidly deteriorating relationships with men. You describe yourself as “no worse than others.” You are at the right age to start a family and have a child, so in order not to waste time, I advise you to contact a psychologist who will help you find the reason for your unfulfilling relationship. It doesn’t matter whose fault it happens, it is important to understand the mechanism and have time to do what you set out to do. Good luck, Sylvia!
I don’t want to get married either, I’m such a monster) I got married at 21, now I’m 27, my son is 3 years old, I got divorced a year ago. The husband drank, hung around with the Kents, did nothing at home and didn’t help with the child, even if he earned money, but no, or sat without work, or proudly brought 7 thousand, from which he himself ate, or rather drank. Well, I left and didn’t regret it for a minute. On the contrary, everyone says I started to look better, sometimes they don’t even give me cigarettes without a passport) the house is clean, comfortable, no one shows up drunk, inhales fumes, throws smelly socks, spills food, or plays stupid chanson. I work and spend it on myself and my son, and I don’t support some over-aged idiot, to whom, you see, no one offers a job. I’ll even save up for a car in six months; I wouldn’t have saved up in my life with my husband, then install windows for him. Either borrow to rebuild your garage, or maintain it for six months. And why would a sane woman do this? Place a drinking pig in your home, which brings nothing but trouble. No, thank you) my friends have about the same picture, either their husbands drink or don’t work. You men have forgotten how to perform male functions. You can’t make a damn good living, you barely earn enough to meet your needs, and your wife has to take care of the whole house, the children, and also work and serve you. And for what? However, not everyone is like that. My brother doesn’t drink, loves his wife, works 3 shifts, but there are few of them. If you meet someone like that - you’re welcome, no - well, I have a child, I got married, and you can find a ton of sex just like that
I don’t want to get married either, I’m such a monster) I got married at 21, now I’m 27, my son is 3 years old, I got divorced a year ago. The husband drank, hung around with the Kents, did nothing at home and didn’t help with the child, even if he earned money, but no, or sat without work, or proudly brought 7 thousand, from which he himself ate, or rather drank. Well, I left and didn’t regret it for a minute. On the contrary, everyone says I started to look better, sometimes they don’t even give me cigarettes without a passport) the house is clean, comfortable, no one shows up drunk, inhales fumes, throws smelly socks, spills food, or plays stupid chanson. I work and spend it on myself and my son, and I don’t support some over-aged idiot, to whom, you see, no one offers a job. I’ll even save up for a car in six months; I wouldn’t have saved up in my life with my husband, then install windows for him. Either borrow to rebuild your garage, or maintain it for six months. And why would a sane woman do this? Place a drinking pig in your home, which brings nothing but trouble. No, thank you) my friends have about the same picture, either their husbands drink or don’t work. You men have forgotten how to perform male functions. You can’t make a damn good living, you barely earn enough to meet your needs, and your wife has to take care of the whole house, the children, and also work and serve you. And for what? However, not everyone is like that. My brother doesn’t drink, loves his wife, works 3 shifts, but there are few of them. If you meet someone like that - you’re welcome, no - well, I have a child, I got married, and you can find a ton of sex just like that
I agree with you, it’s a problem to find a normal guy... The 99% are moral monsters. It’s better to be alone than with just anyone...
In general, men have settled down well these days) and the maid and cook and mistress also work and take care of the children on their own…. This is the picture in Russian families mostly. There are very few normal men... and do they even exist in nature?) they are drunks and drug addicts or jealous owners and mama's boys or just outright selfish... Women don't have much choice, so they give birth for themselves so as not to tolerate such a "daddy"...
Well, did you live to be 30 without getting married or having children? Congratulations, you are an old maid. And let the evil grannies at the entrance not call you that way to your face, but you definitely see the sidelong glances, and you hear the sympathetic sighs.
Don't tell me you didn't do it yourself. That at the age of twenty I didn’t glance sideways at my thirty-year-old acquaintances with thoughts of how mercilessly they wasted the very ten years when they had to woo and give birth. Remember, you thought: “Why is this Masha digging around? I’d take any man, it’s time to give birth, the clock is ticking.” Now what? Now you are such a Masha yourself.
Well, okay, not at twenty. At twenty you still don’t want to get married: life is too exciting without it. But by 25, panic begins. If before this time you have not become someone’s—or at least someone’s—legal wife, that’s it, life is not sweet, it is unloved by itself. Turned 26 - you try on dark clothes of the "hoodie" style, turn the lights down, look through your makeup bag for sparkles, turn off the color. You straighten out the errors of the language: no slang, no chances, no options. You find yourself staying late at work more and more often. But it’s not you who is put in the boss’s chair.
And at first you are gnawed by some vague doubts about the fact that you put your life in the wrong place and covered it with the wrong thing. And then - just in time for thirty - he lets go. And you don't care anymore. You no longer want a new chair, you are here, a full-fledged developed personality. Languages, travel, rumba on weekends.
Who has anything to prove? Everything worked out.
You now have bright lipstick, stilettos and complete independence. One day, while pouring dry food for your cat in the twilight of the kitchen, illuminated by an open refrigerator, you suddenly realize that your life has not been a success. What you have been doing all this time is not needed by anyone, including you, and you yourself are old and unnecessary to anyone. And you put on your best hat, pull out a little Beretta from the elastic of your stocking and put a bullet in your forehead, like any self-respecting nonentity.
Come on, of course not. Where did you get those ancient stockings with elastic? There is already silicone everywhere. Therefore, this story will have a different ending.
Maybe it’s enough to listen to those who are inside the stereotype and think that women at thirty with an unfulfilled personal life howl like a wolf at the full moon and gnaw their veins with their teeth in order to die at least from blood loss, since things didn’t work out with Beretta? Look back at the past decade: have you really never been asked to get married? Think about it, why didn’t you come out? Do you know why. I did everything right.
And look around. Those who baptize you when they meet you and splash you with holy water for not being like them. Oh, you poor thing, they say. Well, it’s okay, they say, and you, girl, will be lucky. Look what's wrong with them. Okay, I agree, Lyuba has a successful case. Husband, family and even twins: I shot once for myself and for that guy. Well, what about the rest? How many people have experience with divorce, alimony, cannibalistic husbands and “vamping” mothers-in-law with a dog and sterile floors? There will be more of these than one lucky Lyuba.
You can be lonely and even unloved in marriage.
If you think big, look around and admit to yourself: even now it’s not a problem to find a husband. There are no fewer suitors than there were five years ago, and some of them are really committed to serious relationship. Yes, yes, the same Vitya whom you have been harassing for the third week. But you don’t want to marry the first person you meet. You want and expect love. And we affirm that everything can work out. Maybe even tomorrow. Only you are no longer twenty, and you will build your relationships without rushing into the pool without reasoning. In addition to love, you will need mutual respect, the ability to exchange warmth, and the desire to create comfort. Your marriage will be different. He will be the best.
And you’re right that you don’t get married based on public opinion. Look around: mostly the divorcees turned out to be those who seven years ago clicked their tongues and shook their heads: “What are you doing, girl? You will remain an old maid! I'm here with my husband. Bad one, yes mine.” They got married, realizing that they were marrying a “bad guy.” In the back of their minds a monotonous metronome sounded, counting down the number of years of hassle before the divorce, because “you can’t live with him.” But they walked. They were there. To say: “Married? I was there, I didn’t like it.”
Well, why was there any fear of remaining an old maid?
Well, now - yes, exhale. If doubts were gnawing at you, if you thought that you were doing something wrong, not according to plan, not according to Ilyich’s behests and contrary to society, then exhale. Everything is fine with you, you shouldn’t have married anyone if you didn’t want it. So for some reason it was necessary. And it was necessary for you, first of all, yourself. You acted in accordance with your inner feelings and did not become a traitor only because of the pressure of society, which requires you to comply with the rules invented by someone. You formed, grew and developed. And you became confident, feminine, beautiful. Your life is in full swing, and romantic adventures are just beginning. Happiness ultimately does not come from marriage. Happiness is within you.
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