Can't live without a man, what should I do? Lonely but happy: how to live without men. "Old Bachelor with Oddities"

Moreover, for some reason it is not customary to discuss the loneliness of men. A man is most often considered free, so few people know the true reasons for male loneliness.

As a rule, when a girl does not get married for a long time, her friends and close relatives begin to show alarm. The attitude towards a man is completely different. It seems as if a woman is simply obliged to start a family while she is young, but a man is in no hurry.

It is generally accepted that prolonging girlhood is extremely undesirable, and a man who has lived single until middle age is a normal phenomenon, as is a man’s loneliness itself. All this can be explained by simple conclusions: a woman must bear and give birth to children, but a man does not need to do this.

This is also emphasized by the fact that often after 30 years a woman’s childbirth and pregnancy can occur with complications. For these reasons, women tend to get married as early as possible. However, evidence from psychologists' studies suggests that with age, a man's ability to become a father decreases significantly.

A too long period of male loneliness can affect male potency, and can also cause severe moral damage. In this regard, psychologists recommend that men marry young, thereby avoiding the problem of loneliness among men.

Reasons for loneliness of men

Those who stand on the side of protecting late marriages and female and male loneliness are sure that first you need to live for your own pleasure, without denying yourself travel around the world, free spending of money and constant new acquaintances for love affairs and passionate entertainment. The same arguments include chaotic sexual relations. The result of men’s loneliness is their own vision of intimacy: since marriage does not appear in the near future, then you should not think about what kind of chosen one will be today. Sometimes you have to pay a heavy price for such reasoning. The consequences are sexually transmitted diseases, in some cases loss of self-confidence, and sometimes vice versa, the acquisition of a sense of permissiveness.

The lack of need to care for loved ones and responsibilities gradually lead to a change in personality and damage to character. As a result of such male loneliness, a narcissistic man appears who does not want to sacrifice himself and avoids everyday worries and joys. If it is not possible to start a family and a man remains alone until old age, then he often turns out to be an old bachelor, who is characterized as a cold cynic, or as a sad skeptic, or simply as an unhappy person, adding to the statistics of loneliness of men. Moreover, whatever the result in life, all bachelors are convinced that there is no selfless love or female fidelity in the world.

Psychologists have written many monographs and dissertations about the causes of male loneliness. Most experts tend to distinguish two groups of single men:

the first group includes those who remain lonely due to their personal characteristics;
the second group is people with spiritual characteristics who cannot step over their prejudices.

Every person strives to avoid stressful situations. For many people, new acquaintances bring a number of experiences, doubts, and require significant mental strength. Relationships involve communication, and the man has to talk about himself, about his past life. He will tremblingly await the assessment of his chosen one, because she may not like something in his words.

Where is the root of the problem and how to get rid of it?

Very often a man does not know how to communicate with the opposite sex due to psychological trauma received in childhood. Perhaps he once liked a girl who sharply refused or offended him. It is important to work through this reason, think about it and smile at it :)

Excessive attachment to mother. Start building your new life!
Selfishness and immaturity. The childish behavior of men and lack of independence repels women.
Loneliness as spiritual growth. At a certain point, a man realizes that he does not need love and does not want to burden himself with emotional experiences. Be less callous and open yourself to the world around you.
Social phobia. Social phobia may be caused by early social development in childhood. For example, when a child was sent to first grade early, at a time when he was not ready for it. This is serious fear and psychological trauma.
Psychopathology. Depression, alcoholism and various psychological illnesses are the main reason for a person’s isolation. He repels others with his gloominess.

Single men increase their self-esteem, become confident, and then strive to maintain their position, the main advantage of which they consider freedom. It’s rare that anyone can say “stop” to themselves and think that it’s time to switch from a career to starting a family. Male loneliness becomes familiar to them and, in their opinion, a natural state.

To rethink his attitude towards his personal life, a man should take a blank sheet of paper and write on it the advantages of male loneliness, its negative aspects, and directions for further action.

The idea that a person should come to terms with his loneliness is untenable. He cannot, and should not, be alone, and all the “calming” theories about self-sufficiency are not confirmed by anything. This is a manifestation of escapism; instead of finding the right solutions, a person moves away from the problem, withdrawing even more into himself.
Changing your condition means gaining faith in yourself and your strength. You cannot justify failures in your personal life by lack of masculinity, the necessary financial condition or gentleness of character. You should be determined to take decisive and courageous actions, otherwise you will never be able to overcome loneliness.
When changing yourself for the better, you should not choose a path that will lead to the development of aggression, anger, and even cruelty. After all, being a man does not mean behaving like a wild male. This is an extreme that should be avoided. It is much preferable to become fearless, but at the same time noble and restrained, purposeful. You need to get rid of the negativity received as a result of previous failures, and not transfer it to new pages of life. All relationships should start from scratch.
If a man positions himself as weak, soft and compliant, and does not want to change anything about himself, it is worth reconsidering the approach to choosing his soul mate. After all, you can meet strong and self-sufficient women who prefer to have just such partners. Loneliness will be over, and the rest of the development of the relationship will depend on the two of you.
Those representatives of the stronger sex who are afraid to be around more successful women should set the goal of achieving career and professional growth, which will put both on the same level. This is a rather productive approach that will serve as an additional incentive for a man’s development.

How men escape loneliness

Men's loneliness forces them to seek salvation in communication with friends, in sports activities, in clubs and organizations. A person strives to find solace, to feel needed, to find recognition.

With such approaches, solving the problem can only be postponed, because this is only a temporary solution that will not change the situation as a whole. A person will remain lonely both in a circle of like-minded people, in the gym, and at home. Male loneliness will be within himself, and he will not be able to hide from it. The worst scenario could be excessive indulgence in alcohol, casual relationships and dubious companies. A person risks falling into the abyss, and he should come to his senses and reconsider his behavior.

Sooner or later, all friends will start families. Interest clubs will become unattractive, and meetings for intimate relationships with frivolous women will exhaust all mental resources. If we also don’t forget that the years are passing, then in five or six years it will be very difficult, almost impossible, to catch up.

A person cannot be alone. He still needs a companion with whom he would share all his joys and sorrows, on whose support he could count in any situation. Therefore, there is no reason to cling to male loneliness; it has never brought happiness to anyone, no matter how those who are proud of their imaginary freedom and apparent independence try to convince him of this.

If you want to start changing from today, then we offer you one effective method. Repeat the following expressions to yourself every day, like a prayer (or better yet, print them out and hang them on the wall next to your bed):

I am surrounded by many interesting people;
I am kind to others;
I easily meet nice people;
when communicating with others, I feel joyful and warm at heart;
I'm starting to feel confident;
I have a lot of energy;
I am ready to give love and be loved.

Remember, you are a man, be a lion and a tiger!

Reading time 8 minutes

Both men and women strive for romance and harmony in their personal lives, they want to feel the warmth and support of their loved ones. It is difficult for single people to achieve something in life, to enjoy every day, to realize their goals. Male loneliness is difficult to explain by statistics and the characteristics of the characters of the stronger sex, because this can only concern women. This is an incomprehensible phenomenon and therefore remains mysterious.

Why men's loneliness is perceived differently

Loneliness is like the smell of a poisonous plant: it is pleasant, but intoxicating and over time becomes destructive for the strongest people. © Friedrich Spielhagen

Women, leading psychologists and men of different ages and social status explain the reasons for male loneliness in different ways. If guys can cite the need to study a lot and build a career, lack of time for acquaintances and meetings, then men in adulthood look for an excuse in the fact that they failed to meet true love. Some position their loneliness as freedom, the absence of any duties and responsibilities. They attribute these concepts to the advantages of male loneliness.

The overwhelming majority of representatives of the stronger sex want to have a stable relationship, an established life, and children at the age of thirty. In their opinion, they can already build their entire future career, a program for their implementation, while being family members. It doesn’t even matter to them whether their marriage will be official, or whether they will simply live together with their chosen ones. The main thing is that men are conscious of the fact that having a family is a must, and they should choose a reliable life partner.

However, the number of young men who have not started a family by the age of thirty is growing every year. They begin to understand that the older they get, the fewer opportunities they have to organize their lives. Very often, men refer to their own shyness, excessive modesty, or even timidity in front of women. They find advantages in this situation, because they have time and energy for professional growth. Thus, young men reassure themselves and focus on prioritizing social status and achieving material well-being.

Living alone as a man: an accident or a pattern

Successful people who do not strive to fight their loneliness do not conform to generally accepted norms, and become objects of gossip and gossip. They have no need to change their habits, and some of them even consider themselves happy people, which causes bewilderment among others. They perceive them as antisocial individuals and treat them with pity.

If a man is already over thirty, and has never been married or had a permanent long-term relationship, the fairer sex around him thinks that he is “something different.” It doesn’t occur to them that perhaps he was stressed due to his first unsuccessful experience in organizing his personal life. It could be betrayal, disrespect, or the desire to be in charge. Most likely, such men need psychological release, a new acquaintance that will make them forget about past troubles.

Male loneliness, based on the fear of failure in relationships, can end in a meeting with someone who will change the entire world around him and make him look at it with a completely different look. The person will forget about his past, and the desire to live for the sake of his beloved will return to him.

It’s another matter if male loneliness is a source of pride, an integral part of the implementation of a program where the goal is material well-being multiplied by absolute freedom. Such a person cannot be convinced that his ideas and concepts are untenable, and that family life will bring positive changes and moods into his life.

Many women, without meaning to, scare men away with excessively high demands.

They insist that there should be a strong man next to them, who is able to provide for them and protect them from everyday adversity. But if their chosen ones have a vulnerable sense of self-esteem, they may understand that they cannot cope with such a mission, and withdraw into themselves. After all, not every man can take on the financial side. To do this, he needs to earn a lot in order to feel like a real master of the situation.

Male loneliness may also be the reason that a man was very critical of the choice of his half, and was always looking for some shortcomings in women. Some seemed immodest and overly liberated to him, others - bad housewives, and others did not suit their appearance. As a result, such men conclude that there is no, and cannot be, a worthy chosen one, and they begin to get used to bachelor life. It never occurs to them that the reason for this situation is their difficult character, pickiness or selfishness.

How a man can prepare himself for changes in life

To rethink his attitude towards his personal life, a man should take a blank sheet of paper and write on it the advantages of male loneliness, its negative aspects, and directions for further action.

The idea that a person should come to terms with his loneliness is untenable. He cannot, and should not, be alone, and all the “calming” theories about self-sufficiency are not confirmed by anything. This is a manifestation of escapism; instead of finding the right solutions, a person moves away from the problem, withdrawing even more into himself.
Changing your condition means gaining faith in yourself and your strength. You cannot justify failures in your personal life by lack of masculinity, the necessary financial condition or gentleness of character. You should be determined to take decisive and courageous actions, otherwise you will never be able to overcome loneliness.
When changing yourself for the better, you should not choose a path that will lead to the development of aggression, anger, and even cruelty. After all, being a man does not mean behaving like a wild male. This is an extreme that should be avoided. It is much preferable to become fearless, but at the same time noble and restrained, purposeful. You need to get rid of the negativity received as a result of previous failures, and not transfer it to new pages of life. All relationships should start from scratch.
If a man positions himself as weak, soft and compliant, and does not want to change anything about himself, it is worth reconsidering the approach to choosing his soul mate. After all, you can meet strong and self-sufficient women who prefer to have just such partners. Loneliness will be over, and the rest of the development of the relationship will depend on the two of you.
Those representatives of the stronger sex who are afraid to be around more successful women should set the goal of achieving career and professional growth, which will put both on the same level. This is a rather productive approach that will serve as an additional incentive for a man’s development.

How men escape loneliness

Men's loneliness forces them to seek salvation in communication with friends, in sports activities, in clubs and organizations. A person strives to find solace, to feel needed, to find recognition.

Reasons for male loneliness

Psychologists have written many monographs and dissertations about the causes of male loneliness. Most experts tend to distinguish two groups of single men:

The first group includes those who remain lonely due to their personal characteristics;
The second group is people with spiritual characteristics who cannot step over their prejudices.

If he gets a low rating, he will have a desire to avoid new meetings, and the man will conclude that all relationships with the opposite sex will end for him in the same way. It is easier for him to remain alone than to make an attempt to improve his level and still normalize his personal life.

Men can be shy and indecisive by nature, and these qualities are perceived by women as weakness. They treat them with a degree of condescension, thereby exacerbating their desire to never look for new acquaintances. If this happens in adolescence, this psychological trauma can remain for life. The person will become afraid of relationships and will avoid them even in adulthood.

There is a type of man who cannot get rid of psychological dependence and emotional attachment to his mother. They inevitably compare all the women they meet with her, and reject them if they find nothing in common. In their minds, a mother is a model for a future wife, and they are not going to change this position. It will be almost impossible for them to find their chosen one with this approach.

Loneliness and the development of a single man

And in solitude there are divine, wonderful duties, and to perform them quietly is better than to have wealth. © Joseph Haydn

Many men believe that loneliness is an integral component of spiritual growth, a chance to achieve self-sufficiency. They are not distracted by dates, much less responsibilities, from the goals they have set for themselves. Moreover, emotional breakdowns and worries rob them of the strength and time necessary to implement their programs.

If a person believes that all relationships are burdensome for him, and he sees himself only in work, scientific activity or sports, there is no point in dissuading him of this. After all, this way of life is his choice, to which each of us has the right.

The development of a single man is an issue that is hotly debated. Some believe that results can only be achieved with the support of loved ones, while others are confident that one should begin to build the foundation of a family only when the main goals are achieved.

There is no single and correct solution here, because history knows examples when loved ones played the role of inspiring muses, without whom great people would not have been able to create their brilliant works. At the same time, there were situations when, due to unfulfilled relationships, some lost interest both in their creativity and in their whole life.

Fickle Don Juans, old bachelors, devoted sons... How do women explain to themselves why a man is lonely?

“I have no prejudice against bachelors,” says 46-year-old Sofia. “I draw for myself the image of an original, independent, like myself!” Divorced 38-year-old Polina, mother of three daughters, is afraid of men who “stewed in their own juice for 40 years.” She believes that they are “selfish, womanizing and obsessed with their independence. How can they fit a woman with children into their lives and remain faithful to her?” Women's judgments are firm and sometimes harsh. They reflect their expectations and often disappointments. Successful and independent, loners and seekers of love adventures - their stereotypes are similar, despite differences in the experience of their personal lives.

"Seducer"

This is how many women see unmarried people. Unreliable, sexually incontinent, narcissistic, this man loses interest in a lady as soon as he receives signs of reciprocal sympathy. Generations of deceived women stigmatized the men who abandoned them and passed on to their daughters their resentment and hostility towards such a male image. However, the responsibility for breaking up does not always lie with the man.

“Sometimes women unwittingly provoke a breakup themselves,” notes family psychologist Inna Shifanova, “because they are confident that they cannot be loved constantly and the relationship will (sooner or later) fall apart. Those who were unloved in childhood or betrayed in their first love union retain the fear of being rejected. They avoid communication or themselves create obstacles to it: jealousy, insatiable demand for attention, tightness, comparison of a partner with other men prevent them from opening up to another and being fully involved in the relationship. Their feelings are contradictory: they want a relationship, but they are afraid of suffering again.”

"Old Bachelor with Oddities"

An eccentric who has always lived alone, unable to give up any of his habits and is afraid of any change - another image of a bachelor. The stereotype is not entirely harmless: it helps a woman forget that love is concessions and compromises on both sides, and at the same time hide from herself her own bachelor habits. For example, on Sundays, stay in your pajamas until two o'clock in the afternoon or watch five episodes of Desperate Housewives in a row.

Inna Shifanova says: “When I ask single clients what is most important to them in a possible relationship, they often answer: “I want him to be kind, give me flowers (buy an apartment, a car), and become a good father.” Women talk only about him, the psychologist notes, about their expectations, sometimes contradictory. But love is a path that has to be taken towards each other.”

"Sissy"

A familiar image - a man secretly in love with his own mother, dependent on her. He seeks the protection of a woman, but is afraid of falling under her control. He has attractive features: raised by a woman, he speaks about feelings more easily than his “manly” brothers; Having gotten used to obeying, she willingly fulfills her friend’s wishes.

“But few women want to compete with his mother,” explains the psychologist. “If a friend manages to take the place of a “caring mother,” the unconscious prohibition against incest will kill her sexual attractiveness in the eyes of her partner.” In addition, an independent adult woman is unlikely to want to appear in public with a “mama’s boy” whose insecurities and sensuality can jeopardize her self-esteem. Perhaps she will even prefer a hidden homosexual to him: at least you can have a pleasant time with him, although you should not count on a long-term relationship.

"Abandoned Husband with a Broken Heart"

There are many prejudices against such a man. They believe that he is using his new girlfriend as a nurse: she will understand and console, raise his fallen self-esteem. And if he has children, the woman will have to take care of them and conduct diplomatic negotiations with her ex-wife.

“Comparison with your ex-wife is painful, but inevitable,” notes the family psychologist. “Even if a man remains silent, a woman will still think whether she treats children this way, whether she manages the household worse than her predecessor.” Many women, when looking for a partner, prefer widowers who yearn for life as a couple. They often idealize their lost friend, but still strive to enter into a new, strong relationship, seeing in them protection from old age. “Widowers go straight to their goal,” says 40-year-old Valeria. “They are more mature and feel less sorry for themselves.”

Objective view

Whether stereotypes about single men are justified or not, they remain as enduring as the good old fairy tale about a handsome prince. A man must be in love, attentive, courageous, with a sense of humor, independent and reliable... Everything happens as if women had previously determined the ideal that men must meet in all respects. However, stereotypes can also say a lot about the character of those who, with their help, are trying to attach another label.

“Each of us has our own system of ideas, fears, expectations that come from experience, parental scenarios and social attitudes,” reflects Inna Shifanova. “Wanting to be objective, we actually sift reality through the sieve of our stereotypes: the more there are, the smaller the gaps.” It is difficult to get rid of the “grid” because we simply do not notice it. Moreover, to some extent, it really protects us from mistakes. But, alas, also from discoveries! And often the price of such “wisdom” is loneliness.

We are all, men and women, unique. That's why it's sometimes so difficult for us to find a mate - and that's why when we find one, it brings us so much joy.

Why do they stay lonely?

There are so many women around them who dream of finding a life partner, but these men refuse to enter into long-term relationships. What are the underlying reasons that prompt them to hold tightly to their loneliness?

“I’m tired of everyone feeling entitled to ask me why I’m not getting married,” says 48-year-old Mikhail. - To get rid of them, I bought a wedding ring and put it on my left hand, as if I were divorced or widowed. If they still ask me a question about what this means, I don’t lie - I just take a deep breath and say: “Better not ask!” Usually this is enough."

It is impossible to name with certainty one or even several reasons why a man prefers loneliness, our experts say. The answer may lie in family history and sexual problems. “Even a survey won’t help here,” says family psychologist Inna Shifanova. - Because among the reasons for loneliness may be, for example, hidden homosexuality. Many men won’t admit it even to themselves and may prefer complete abstinence.”

Isn’t this the key to some platonic novels, in which dates and frank conversations do not lead to physical intimacy and often leave women bewildered? “This is not excluded, but the reason may be different,” notes sexologist Irina Panyukova. - Many men are afraid of being sexually incompetent, especially after a long break in sexual activity, and therefore avoid any physical contact. Women often do not realize how vulnerable men are in this area. And subsequently, fear can overpower or completely suppress desire.”

A patient and generous woman can help a man overcome many fears. However, experts remind that there are also problems that cannot be solved without the help of a psychologist - and this can only be done if the man himself wants these changes.

If you're tired of being alone

Today we are talking about female loneliness. In my opinion, loneliness is contrary to life itself. Life is arranged in such a way that when growing up, a man and a woman create a couple in order to pass on life.

Today in the modern world, a woman can live alone, support herself, give birth for herself and seem self-sufficient and fulfilled. But in any case, it is difficult to deceive yourself. It is especially difficult for a woman to endure loneliness, so it’s in her nature to be defenseless and weak. Whereas a single woman must protect herself, and love has not been canceled. This need cannot be hidden by pretending that “I feel good as it is.” This is how a woman is designed that she needs the love and attention of a man.

And if you are tired of loneliness and feel the destructive power of loneliness in your soul, then

The best place to start is by acknowledging the fact that you are lonely and want to resolve this issue. Treatment of any disease begins with recognition of the disease. Many people try to hide this problem not only from others, but also from themselves. It is important to admit to yourself that it is not comfortable and difficult for you to be alone. Remember how the heroine of “Office Romance” said that she likes to just be a director. I liked it until she cried and faced the truth - that she was a lonely woman. Only after this did changes begin.

Afterwards, it is important to admit that there is a fear of loneliness. It leads us to a dead end; we don’t so much want to start a family, choose a man, as we want to solve this problem. To suppress this fear, we spend a lot of energy, look at men with pitiful hungry eyes, and tense up. And if a man meets, we are afraid in advance that he will leave us, since we are driven by the fear of loneliness.

I wonder if he will quit? Certainly. We always get what we want.

If there is fear, we need to admit that we ourselves want to be alone, this is our subconscious choice. This will have to be accepted. Today you are alone not because the circumstances are wrong, but because it is YOUR CHOICE.

You are not ready to enter into a relationship and let a man into your life and allow intimacy in every sense.

First of all, we don't want to grow up. We remain a little girl, devoted to her parents, mom or dad.

We don't want to break this connection and separate from our parents. Although outwardly we may conflict with them and dream of leaving our parents’ home. But it is precisely conflicts and claims against parents that prevent this umbilical cord from being cut. You are in a virtual expectation that they must first love you and take care of you, and only then you will leave and start building your life. “If a child insists on his claims against his parents, he cannot separate from them.” Bert Hellinger.

Some people think that they cannot be happy if, for example, their mother is left alone. And the woman considers herself responsible for her mother’s happiness. When should she build her life? In this case, she takes on a lot.

The reasons may be different . My advice to you is to ask God not for a man, but for an understanding of what reason is preventing you from improving your personal life and being in a happy relationship. But for this you need to make a decision about growing up.

Do you know what growing up and adult life is? This is when you take 100% responsibility for your life and yourself. Nobody owes you anything anymore: neither parents, nor men, nor life, nor fate.

Often we feel sorry for ourselves, complain about life, about men, this gives a very good benefit - we can do nothing and remain a child. But if you really want changes in life and to end your loneliness, you will have to work hard.

Every person has a problem in life, the solution of which is difficult for him. For example, there are people who remain thin and slender no matter what they eat, while other people, just looking at food, begin to gain weight. And they need to make an effort to stay slim.

Everyone has their own problems. Some people can't solve their health problems, while others can't cope with their jobs. But you are alone. And this is your task that needs to be solved. And you may have to put in more effort than your friend who is already happily married. Know that you too can love and be loved.

The next point is to stop crying to yourself and your friends, whining and complaining about fate, and indulging in sad thoughts. There is no solution here.

If you want to change your life, you will have to change. See this period as an opportunity to change. After all, if you don’t have something, it means you are not ready to have it. So you need to prepare. You must understand and be aware of yourself and be ready to enter into a relationship.

Give up once and for all your imagined inferiority and inferiority. From the idea that to be happy a person needs a soul mate. You are not half, you are a whole person. A woman really needs a man to reveal herself. I repeat: an adult woman, not a child. If you are single, it means that deep down you feel the need to be a child, you are afraid of growing up and responsibility.

Which exit? Grow up!

Many psychologists suggest that single women develop confidence. It doesn't need to be developed. When you wholeheartedly accept the idea of growing up, confidence will appear automatically. It is the inner child that makes you invent non-existent shortcomings, play roles, be afraid of loneliness and look for a dad in a man, shifting all responsibility for your life onto him. It is this fact that makes you lonely. A man wants to be paired with an adult woman, not a child.
Start developing feminine qualities in yourself. For example, openness. Start communicating, talking, opening up to the world, be prepared not to mutter something in response to the man, but to maintain the conversation. Now start training. Through “I don’t want.” Be sweet and likable.
Just communicate with people, and especially with men, without the ghost of your loneliness, enjoy yourself and forget about the fact that you urgently need to connect your life with someone.
If you have children, don't focus on being a mother. You are not only a mother, but first and foremost a woman. This is exactly what you should broadcast to the world around you, unless of course you want to be alone all the time.
Someone needs to take care of their appearance and body. All single women need to give up trousers and jeans. Moreover, do not go on dates in them. And not in order to please someone, but first of all, so that you like yourself and enjoy yourself. You can easily find effective advice in the “Beauty and Health” section on my website.
Those who live with their parents need to move out. If there is a solution, an opportunity will appear. But this must be done MANDATORY!
Stop doing everything yourself, there are men around you, learn to ask for help. After all, if you can do everything yourself, then why do you need someone else?
You should not sit at home, be sure to visit public places . Exhibitions, concerts, courses, discos. Miracles are possible, but you must be the first to start doing something. It's a myth that you can't meet a good person in a nightclub. You can meet people everywhere. Leave the house not to escape from loneliness, but to enjoy yourself and life.

Life is beautiful when there is no longer room for resentment, grief, sadness, sadness, or fears of being alone. You are an adult woman who can love and enjoy herself, and make any man happy.

Are you afraid of loneliness?

When a woman is afraid to be alone, she begins to fuss, take many unnecessary actions, and enter into relationships that she would not have entered into if not for this fear. She tolerates what cannot be tolerated, forgetting about her dignity.

Not long ago, at one of the consultations, we touched on the topic of loneliness. A woman experiences great fear that she will not be able to find a man and will be left alone. At the beginning, I suggested thinking about the phrase: “I will be alone.” What's so scary about that?

And this is what the woman replied: “ I will be left without communication, without warmth, without support and will be unhappy. I will feel so bad and in pain that I won’t be able to live normally.».

When we are alone, we are afraid to experience a feeling of emptiness, a loss of meaning in life. At the mental level, loneliness is associated with something heavy, deadly, depressing and hopeless.

We are afraid not so much of loneliness as of the feeling that presses from within with its emptiness, isolation and lack of intimacy, contact and love.

And here’s what we discovered important: if you sit and wait for love, care and attention from others, like a child, then there is a high probability of really being left alone. You will simply be consumed by a feeling of abandonment, emptiness and uselessness. Because it’s not a fact that someone will take care of you, love you and make you happy.

And if you remember that you are an adult and give yourself, make contact yourself, then this terrifying feeling of emptiness and abandonment will not threaten you.

This feeling is especially frightening in childhood, because a child can only count on adults; besides adults, he no longer has support, and if they leave him, then it is really scary. An adult has, first of all, self-reliance and this needs to be remembered more often: I have me, and we will definitely cope with any issues.

If you are afraid of loneliness or are already lonely. You'll have to change your internal state.

There is little joy, happiness, harmony in your soul. Lots of cold, fear and pain. Need to warm yourself up. Fear and love cannot live in the heart at the same time. Choose love. Let love bloom in your soul and fill you with tenderness and beauty.

Change your behavior and start paying attention to your relationships with people.

Start taking steps towards people. Toward trust, love, attention. Let me remind you that if you give, you will never be alone, and if you only expect that someone owes you something, then you are 100 percent at risk of loneliness.

We all have a desire to be hospitable, but we are afraid and do not invite people. We are afraid that we don’t know each other well, that they won’t understand, that my repairs haven’t been done, that they will judge me, or that I don’t cook well, and there are many different reasons for not inviting anyone.

Learn to rejoice and enjoy life. Take steps towards the first one: invite her to visit, say a kind word, give a compliment, smile.

I have a friend, she is ready to help everyone, always ready for contact, open. She recently had a wedding, she is 37 years old. Even her mother-in-law managed to notice her contact. Giving a toast to the young bride, she said the following words: “You won’t be left alone on an uninhabited planet.”

Stop bringing negativity into the world. If you broadcast your problems, your unhappiness to others, no one will want to communicate with you, they will avoid you. And if you want to meet a worthy man, then think: does he want to meet someone like you?

Become happy. A happy woman will never be alone everyone will be drawn to you and try to stay close to you.

How to get rid of loneliness? - stop complaining, being sad and whining. Only the mood for the best and brightest will help you, only the belief that everything will be fine, only the mood for happiness and satisfaction from life, no matter what happens.

Pessimism and negativity attracts negativity and pessimism. Remember this!

There should be peace, joy, love and happiness in your soul before meeting a man.

Just try to imagine: the man of your dreams, is he looking for a woman who is cheerful and life-loving or who is always whining, unhappy and offended?

Don't do something to get something. For example, I’ll go to a cafe to meet someone, put on a dress to get noticed, and do my hair to attract attention. Do it all because it feels good to do it because all this decorates YOUR life, makes it much brighter, more fun and brighter.

Often, at the expense of others, we want to solve our problems, including loneliness. But no one wants to be the solution to a problem and be used.

Once again: Don’t do anything to attract, like, or retain. You'll come from a place of lack, man will always feel it and will leave you, even despite all your merits. Men are very energy-efficient; if you want to fill yourself up at his expense, he will quickly sneak away.

Come from excess, pleasure, joy, happiness, share it with others.

Start doing something with love and passion. Favorite activity, hobby, sport, dancing, everything that gives pleasure and brings joy. Buy yourself something that you have long dreamed of, but were sorry for the money, treat yourself to something that will bring you pleasure. Do it for yourself. Don't wait for anyone! You must understand that loneliness is not the same as unhappiness, there are so many people who are not lonely, but are unhappy.

Now you know, How get rid of loneliness, don't be alone, and when we receive knowledge, we receive faith, and faith dissolves fear. And it becomes easier for us to live, easier to rejoice and be happy.

Stop being afraid of loneliness and living out of this fear, holding on to a man who doesn’t need to be kept. Take care of yourself and your life. Make your life happy!

Loneliness arises from mental laziness, and the soul must work. Every day!

Therefore, every day fill your life with colors, taste and light, and your soul with peace and love. Without any conditions, just like that! Because this is the right way to be happy, not lonely.

Loneliness- bastard

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To put it very briefly, I have almost everything I need in life, except for a man next to me. And I get very lonely at night, to the point of panic attacks.

About myself: I am 31 years old, I am divorced, I have a child (5 years old), and - most importantly - I have a very non-standard profession and entire lifestyle. I am an artist, and I chose my path not so many years ago. But it was a very conscious choice. I went to this for a long time, and after making the decision I had to face complete misunderstanding and disapproval of my family, go through a divorce, then through the hell of living with an alcoholic partner, then psychotherapy, a rather long (six months) period of working for pennies, surviving beyond the bounds poverty. But not for a day did I doubt that I had chosen the right path. Why am I writing this right away: because work for me is more than work and earnings. This is both meaning and style, a way of life, I am a fanatic of my business, and my profession (like most creative ones, probably) is not limited to a five-day period. This is what is always with me day and night. So, after all sorts of hardships and problems, starting around this January everything somehow gradually got better for me. Now I earn enough for an average standard of living, I have my own home, and not just any home, but the brightest and most comfortable one in the world, in the very area in the city I adore, where I have always dreamed. Although I am a single mother (a terrible stigma))), I managed to competently organize the logistics with the child so that all relatives, especially my ex-husband, helped me a lot, leaving enough time for work, rehearsals, sports several times a week, etc. I have my big plans, ambitions and dreams. In 2-3 years, I plan to work in a major show with an international name, abroad, to achieve recognition and fame, so that after 35 years, with a name and money, I can create my own theater in my favorite city. I clearly see not only the goals, but also the means and stages. And everything is fine with me, I’m almost happy, especially every time I overcome myself, take some kind of bar and prove something to myself over and over again.
I don’t have one, a man is nearby.
I’ll tell you right away about one intimate moment that I can only complain about here, anonymously. This is not the most important thing, of course. But it probably makes me a little nervous subconsciously. I have a beautiful body, without boasting: flexible, slender, well-defined, smart. And I love sex, really, really. But for almost a year now I have been waking up and going to sleep alone. Why am I falling asleep, I haven’t even had a light romance with kissing or even hand-holding this year...
It's not that I have problems finding someone. For sex - like dirt. And for life there are contenders, I know. But I don’t see my husband next to me as anything other than a stage partner. Satellite. A person with whom we can go on tour 10 months a year, with whom we can wake up and discuss props and technical details in the middle of the night. Burn with the same goals and ambitions. Someone with whom we understand each other perfectly, who will support us in moments of creative disappointment and fatigue. It's important for me. And in my field this is the case in the vast majority of families, this is the norm.
But. There are not many young, talented, charming, promising artists in the city. I also have a fairly strictly limited external type that I fall for, a number of fetishes in a man’s appearance, and what’s even worse, in character. And this type, thank God, is not uncommon among actors in fact, but, alas, it is not very suitable for a family. I understand that the chances of finding someone with my needs, in a rather rare profession, and at the same time with my age and child, are quite small. And when I realize this, when time passes, and I still remain alone, while even ugly, stupid or unkind people nearby create families, help each other, take care of each other, I feel very, very, damn, terribly lonely and bitter. At night, this feeling can be unbearable, leading to panic attacks, screaming, howling, preventing you from sleeping, waking you up in the middle of the night. And it happens like habitual pain in joints or ligaments. But one way or another, I always feel a little disabled. I’m alone, alone, alone and unhappy for five years now, and it’s very hard for me. But I have a lot to give to the person next to me, a lot. It haunts me that we could live brightly, cheerfully, fully, at 200%. There are so many joys that I could share with a loved one. Why shouldn't this be?
What am I supposed to do? Go to a therapist to learn to live with this pain? Relax and take a break? I understand that, in principle, I am doing everything right. I have organized my life well, I do what I love and would not exchange it for anything in another life. I move forward and do what I have to do, and the rest is a matter of luck, I guess. But how can I even learn to cope with bouts of loneliness at night? I'm asking for advice, opinions on the situation or community questions. Thank you.