Psychological shock absorption- this is agreement with the statements of the communication partner. The purpose of psychological depreciation is to harmonize and increase the efficiency of both personal and business relationships.

The combat version of psychological shock absorption, used when repelling psychological attacks, is called psychological aikido.

The concept was proposed by Russian psychotherapist Mikhail Litvak in the book “Psychological Aikido”.

Psychological shock absorption is universal technique, it can be used in all types of relationships.

An example from personal relationships

- Thank you very much, Nikolai!

Often, when people receive a compliment, they become embarrassed, object, or feel the need to return the compliment. It is not right. First of all, you just need to agree. Consent can be expressed in the form of gratitude, as in the example given.

Business example

Mark Zuckerberg, having received an offer to create social network Harvard, asked just one clarifying question and said:

- I agree.
- What?
- I'm in.

All successful businessmen make decisions quickly. Most often, of course, they refuse. But when they agree, they do it just as quickly and decisively as in the case of a firm refusal. If the offer is beneficial to you, why delay accepting it? Agree immediately!

Direct depreciation

Vladimir Putin agreed with Vladimir Zhirinovsky that excessive Latinization of the Russian language should be avoided.

Meeting of the Council for Culture.

It is best to apply psychological shock absorption immediately in a communication situation.

Vladimir Zhirinovsky:

- Already hundreds of words, completely alien, are destroying the Russian language. But the children don’t understand: they think it’s really Russian. And people abroad think that Russians do not have words to express these concepts. We humiliate ourselves.

Vladimir Putin:

- I support what you said: we need to avoid excessive Latinization of our language. I especially appeal to regional leaders: sometimes you come to a city and the level of culture of local officials is immediately visible. On every corner all the names of various institutions are exclusively with Latin letters written. What country do we live in? Everything is good in moderation. Including the use of various terms and words.

Vladimir Putin is a great master of communication, so he very often uses cushioning in communication.

Deferred depreciation

“You can smoke, drink, sin and still be my student. But I cannot promise you that if you persist in your studies, you will not lose the desire to do this.”.

Film "Awareness. The Life of Yogananda."

Psychological shock absorption can be used some time after communicating with a person. This will also be effective. This can be done in the form of a letter. Alexander Pushkin did it most beautifully:

I loved you: love is still, perhaps,
My soul has not completely died out;
But don't let it bother you anymore;
I don't want to make you sad in any way.
I loved you silently, hopelessly,
Now we are tormented by timidity, now by jealousy;
I loved you so sincerely, so tenderly,
How God grant you, your beloved, to be different.

Preventative cushioning

In a situation where you know what they want from you and you are ready to agree, it makes sense to express agreement before you receive an offer.

For example, sometimes I myself approach the promoters in the store, ask about the terms of the promotion and agree with pleasure and gratitude. I still buy these products.

Joke

- I have a small request for you.
- I agree to everything except the hunger strike.

Super shock absorption

Super-cushioning means not only agreeing with the interlocutor, but also strengthening his words.

For example, in the case of a compliment:

- Katya, you are the best beautiful woman in the world!
- Thank you very much, Nikolai! I'm also a good cook.

Partial depreciation

It often happens that we cannot completely agree with the interlocutor. In this case, we need to find in his words what we share and agree with it. And only after partial agreement do we move on to the part that causes us objections. Since we are surrounded by intelligent people, we can always find something in the interlocutor’s position that seems correct to us.

We all like to sometimes command, prove our point of view, restore justice, argue. However, this desire in most cases rests on similar claims of the communication partner. A conflict arises, a clash in which there are no winners.

Frustration, irritation, anger, depression, headaches, pain in the heart, etc. remain with both the one who gained the upper hand and the one who had to submit. Insomnia occurs, during which one experiences conflict situation, for some time it is difficult to attend to current affairs. Some, in order to drown out their annoyance, use alcohol or drugs, and once again take their anger out on members of their family or subordinates. Many people torment themselves with remorse.

Nobody wants to conflict. When conflicts become frequent, a person painfully searches for a way out. Some begin to limit communication. But the need for communication takes its toll, and then the person comes into contact with anyone, just so as not to be alone. Many people develop isolation and shyness. The latter require unquestioning obedience both in the family and at work. And when the possibilities for suppression are exhausted, they sometimes notice with pain, sometimes with surprise that everyone has left them, and consider that they have been betrayed. Still others, without trying to establish communication, change their partners, get divorced, quit their jobs, move to another city or even country. But you can’t get away from yourself, from your inability to communicate. In a new place everything starts all over again.

As a result, people get neuroses, stress and tension, which destroys their health and destiny. The proverb “All diseases come from nerves” is now receiving scientific justification.

I invite you to familiarize yourself with the principles of psychological depreciation developed by psychologist Mikhail Litvak (“Psychological Aikido”), which will help you avoid unnecessary confrontation, save your energy and time, and at the same time not be deprived of the luxury of human communication.

First, a few postulates:

When communicating with a partner, we must remember that communicate with a person who talks about himself good opinion . This must be emphasized with all your appearance, the construction of phrases during a conversation, facial expressions, etc.

Your partner's answer is programmed into your question itself.. And not just programmed. This is a forced answer. If our partner's answer doesn't suit us, we asked the wrong question. Thus, in order to manage a communication partner, it is necessary to model your behavior, and he will be forced to act as we need.

There are no winners or losers in psychological struggle. Here either both win or both lose. Therefore, your victory will also be the victory of your partner. Under no circumstances should you educate your partner. Let us remember that education ends by the age of five to seven years. Further influence is called re-education. And this is only possible with the help of self-education. Everyone can re-educate only one person - himself.

So. What does a partner expect when he approaches us with certain proposals? It is not difficult to guess - with our consent. The whole body, all metabolic processes, the whole psyche are tuned to this. And then suddenly we refuse. How does he feel about this? Extremely unpleasant. Of course, we are free to answer yes or no, but the first move must be a shock-absorbing one. Then there remains the opportunity for productive contacts in the future.

Thus, depreciation is immediate agreement with the partner’s arguments. Depreciation can be direct or preventive.

Direct depreciation

It is often used in the process of communication in situations of “psychological stroking”, when you are given compliments or flattered, in situations of invitation to cooperation or inflicting a “psychological blow”. Here are examples of depreciation techniques.

With “psychological stroking”:

A: You look great today.

B: Thank you for the compliment! I look really good.

The last sentence is mandatory: some people give compliments insincerely with the conscious or unconscious purpose of embarrassing their partner. The answer can end here, but if you suspect your partner of insincerity, you can add the following: I am especially pleased to hear this from you, because I have no doubt about your sincerity.

When inviting cooperation:

A: We offer you the position of shop manager.

B: 1) Thank you. I agree (if agreed).

2) Thank you for the interesting offer. You need to think and weigh everything (if a negative answer is expected).

It should be noted that the psychological aikido specialist gives consent after the first invitation. If the first invitation was insincere, everything immediately falls into place. Next time they won't play these games with you. If the invitation is sincere, you will be grateful for your prompt acceptance.

With a “psychological blow”:

A: You are a fool!

B: You are absolutely right! (avoiding the blow).

Usually two or three evasions from an attack are enough. The partner falls into a state of “psychological convulsion”, he is disoriented and confused. If absolutely necessary, the answer can be continued as follows:

How quickly you realized that I was a fool. I managed to hide this from everyone for so many years. With your insight, a great future awaits you! I'm just surprised that your bosses haven't appreciated you yet!

Those beginning to master the technique of depreciation often complain that at the moment of contact they do not have time to figure out how to carry out depreciation, and answer in their usual, conflicting style. The point is not ingenuity, but in the fact that many of our behavior patterns operate automatically, without the inclusion of thinking.

First of all, you should suppress these patterns and carefully monitor your partner’s actions, words and agree. There is no need to compose anything here! Use your partner’s “energy”, simply confirm his words in an affirmative form. This is the essence of aikido - you do not resist the blow and do not respond with your own, but, as if dodging to the side, you allow the attacker to fly into the void and even help him in this. The blow failed, and you retained your health and energy.

When direct depreciation still fails, delayed depreciation can be used. If contact between partners has ceased, a letter of amortization can be sent.

Preventative cushioning

The definition is given in the title itself. It can be used in production and family relationships, in cases where the conflict follows the same stereotype, when threats and reproaches take the same form and the partner’s behavior is known in advance. We find a model of preventive depreciation in “The Adventures of the Good Soldier Schweik.” One of the heroes of the book, Second Lieutenant Dub, when talking with soldiers, usually said: “Do you know me? No, you don't know me! You know me from the good side, but you also know me from the bad side. I will make you cry." One day Schweik encountered Second Lieutenant Dub.

Why are you hanging around here? - he asked Schweik. - You know me?

I dare say I wouldn't like to get to know you on the bad side.

Second Lieutenant Dub was speechless with insolence, and Schweik calmly continued:

I dare to report that I only want to know you from the good side, so that you don’t bring me to tears, as you were so good as to promise last time.

Second Lieutenant Dub only had enough courage to yell:

Get out, you bastard, we'll talk to you later!

D. Carnegie in such cases suggests: “Tell about yourself everything that your accuser is going to do, and you will take the wind out of his sails.” Or, as the proverb says: “The sword does not cut off a guilty head.”

So, basic principles of psychological depreciation:

1. Accept compliments calmly.

2. If you are satisfied with the offer, agree the first time.

3. Do not offer your services. Help when you've done your work.

4. Offer cooperation only once.

5. Don’t wait for people to criticize you, criticize yourself.

The principle of depreciation was developed based on the study practical application transactional analysis- a psychotherapeutic method discovered and developed by Californian psychotherapist E. Bern in the 50-70s of the 20th century.

Each of us has three self-states: Parent, Adult and Child.

Studying the communication of people, E. Berne described three I-states that every person has and which, in turn, and sometimes together, enter external communication. Self-states are normal psychological phenomena of the human personality: Parent (R) - Adult (C) - Child (D) (figure).

All of them are necessary for life. The child is the source of our desires, desires, and needs. Here there is joy, intuition, creativity, fantasy, curiosity, spontaneous activity. But there are also fears, whims, discontent. In addition, the Child contains all psychic energy. For whom are we living? For the sake of the Child! This may be best part our personality.

An adult is necessary for survival. The child wants, the Adult does. An adult crosses the street, climbs mountains, makes an impression, gets food, builds a home, sews clothes, etc. The Adult controls the actions of the Parent and Child.

If an action is performed frequently and begins to be performed automatically, simply because it is so accepted, the Parent appears here. This is the autopilot that steers our ship correctly under normal conditions, which frees the Adult from making routine, everyday decisions, and these are the brakes that automatically keep us from rash actions. The parent is our conscience. Child's mottos - I want, I like; Adult - expedient, useful; Parents - must, cannot.

The goal of transactional analysis is to find out which self-state sent the communicative stimulus and which self-state gave the response. Most often the stimulus and response come from the Adult. These are honest, simple transactions that usually take place when productive work. The mason lays brickwork, and the assistant, correctly assessing the speed of his work, brings the bricks and mortar on time. The professor gives a lecture, and the students take careful notes.

What time is it now?

A quarter to eight.

We exchange information via the B-B line. Such a transaction can be called parallel. Parallel transactions also include R-R and D-D.

A.: The students don’t want to study at all.

B.: Yes, curiosity was higher before.

A.: What if after the last lecture you go to the cinema?

B: Yes, that’s a good idea.

There is no conflict here and never will be. We work along the B-B line, along the line D-D love, we have fun, we gossip along the R-R line. These transactions proceed in such a way that psychologically partners are equal to each other.

First Law of Communication: as long as transactions are parallel, the communication process will proceed smoothly and for a long time.

The second type of parallel transactions - D-R and R-D - arises in a situation of guardianship, suppression, care (R-D) or helplessness, caprice, admiration of D-R. These are transactions of psychological inequality. And in in this case as long as the vectors coincide, there will be no conflict. Sometimes such relationships can last quite a long time. The father takes care of his son (while he is a minor), the boss tyrannizes his subordinates (while the latter have a financial incentive to endure). However, sooner or later this relationship will end, otherwise conflict will develop.

Examples of depreciation:

In family (classic example E. Berna):

Husband: Honey, can you tell me where my cufflinks are? (B-B).

Wife: You're not little anymore, it's time for you to know where your cufflinks are! Right where you left them! (R-D).

Husband: Yes, I’m not little, it’s time for me to know where my cufflinks are. But you see how dependent I am. But you are so economical to me. You know everything. I believe that you will teach me this too, etc. (D-R).

In the shop:

Buyer: Can you tell me how much a kilogram of sausage costs? (B-B).

Seller: Don’t you have eyes?! (R-D).

Buyer: I really don't have eyes. How sensitive you are. Nobody notices this, but you have wonderful eyes, and now you will tell me how much a kilogram of sausage costs (D-R). (The queue laughed. The seller, in confusion, named the price of the goods.)

In production:

A.: Can you tell me which brand is better to use here? (B-B).

B.: Is it time for you to know these basic things? (R-D).

A.: It’s really time for me to know this. As soon as you have the patience to repeat the same thing to us a thousand times! (D-R).

In the examples above, the husband, the buyer and A correctly assessed the “I-state” of the wife, the seller and B - “Parent”, as well as the vector of their transaction R-D and applied psychological amortization, responding with a parallel transaction from the position of the Child (D-R) . The conflict ended before it began.

If the husband, buyer and B were in a state of "autopilot" and their "Adult" did not adequately assess the situation, they would respond with an overlapping transaction from the position of "Parent", attacking the "Child" of wife, seller and A. Conflict would erupt .

Second Law of Communication: When transactions intersect, communication stops and conflict develops.

Therefore, for effective depreciation, you need to see what position your partner is in and know which of your I-states the communicative stimulus is directed to. Your answer should become parallel. “Psychological strokes” and compliments go along the D-R line, offers for cooperation go along the B-B line, and “psychological blows” go along the R-D line.

The figure describes some signs by which you can quickly diagnose the condition in which your partner is.

The first task of a student of psychological aikido is to master the ability to remain in an adult position. It is useful to program questions into the Adult: “Is this true?”, “Is this applicable?”, “Where did I get this idea?” When do you Bad mood, ask why your Parent beats your Child. It is necessary to set aside time to make serious decisions. You need to constantly train your Adult.

Vadim Zeland in Transurfing calls the Adult “The Caretaker”. Your Caretaker must not fall asleep. Try to act consciously, and not automatically and routinely. Don't attach undue importance to your opponent's words. Don't swing the pendulum of conflict.

Another task is to bring your communication partner to an adult position, to awaken his Caretaker. Most often you have to do this in your job, when you receive a categorical order from your boss to complete a task that is not possible. It usually comes in an edifying tone along the R-D line. Your first move is to amortize (agree with everything) and then ask a business question. At the same time, you stimulate the thinking of your communication partner and he wakes up and takes the position of an Adult.

Chief: Do it immediately! (R-D).

Subordinate: Okay. (D-R). How? (B-B).

Chief: Figure it out for yourself! What are you here for? (R-D).

Subordinate: If I knew as much as you do, then I would also be a boss. (D-R).

Usually, after two or three amortization moves (the Chief’s Child is not affected), the Parent’s energy is depleted, and since there is no new supply, the partner descends to the position of the Adult.

During a conversation, you should always look into the eyes of your partner - this is the position of an Adult; in extreme cases, upward, as if surrendering to mercy, - the position of a Child. Under no circumstances should you look down. This is the position of the attacking Parent.

Depreciation is applicable in public life, at work, in family relationships and in conditions of their collapse. Here you need:

1. Accept the person as a whole, trying not to bump into his thorns.

2. Bring depreciation to completion, be able to wait for the result.

vkontakte

Psychological Aikido

The view of the process of communication as a psychological struggle and the technique of this struggle, “psychological aikido,” were developed by M. E. Litvak. He sees the peculiarities of psychological struggle in the fact that there are no winners and losers in it. Here either both win or both lose. In its techniques, it resembles martial arts, which are based on the principles of protection, care, defense, and therefore this technique is called “psychological aikido.” Mastering the techniques of psychological aikido will allow you to communicate without much conflict with both close and unfamiliar people, which is important for business communication. M.E. Litvak jokingly notes that the good soldier Schweik can be considered the founder of psychological aikido, who did not respond to the insults of his offenders, but agreed with them: “Schweik, you are not only an idiot, but also a pig!”<...>“That’s right, Mr. Lieutenant,” replied Schweik, “I feel physically as if I was already a pig from the front.”

Psychological struggle is built on the principle depreciation, which is based on the law of inertia, characteristic not only of physical but also of biological systems. When some kind of movement is imposed on us, for example, we are pushed, then we continue the movement that was imposed on us - we absorb, thereby extinguishing the consequences of the push, and only then straighten our legs and stand up.

The first move in the communication process should be a shock-absorbing one, then there remains the opportunity for productive contacts in the future. Depreciation is immediate agreement with the partner’s arguments in communication.

In the process of communication, many patterns of conflict behavior operate automatically, without involving thinking. First of all, you should suppress them, and then listen carefully to your partner and agree. Direct depreciation can be used in the process of communication in situations of “psychological stroking”, when they compliment or flatter, invite to cooperate, or inflict a psychological blow.

Examples of cushioning techniques

With “psychological stroking”:

• - You look great today.
• - Thank you for the compliment! I look really good. "Take compliments calmly. You don't owe anything to the person who gave them to you."

When inviting cooperation:

• - We offer you the position of head of the Federal Treasury department.
• - Thank you, I agree (if I agree).
• - Thank you for the interesting offer. You need to think and weigh everything (if a negative answer is expected).

“If the offer suits you, agree the first time. They may not offer it the second time. And even if it doesn’t suit you, still agree in principle, and then refuse because of the details. Don’t refuse right away. After all, the partner programs consent.”

In case of psychological shock:

• -You think too slowly!
• - You are absolutely morals!

At preventative depreciation you need to say everything about yourself that your accuser is going to say. “Don’t wait for people to criticize you, criticize yourself.”

Super cushioning: You yourself need to strengthen the quality that your communication partner attributed to you. The principle of super-cushioning - when you are scolded, scold yourself too, only even stronger.

Psychological aikido teaches you to accept a partner in the totality of all his qualities, with advantages and disadvantages, like a rose with tires and thorns. Depreciation leads to the fact that a person removes his “thorns”. You must learn not to bump into your partner’s “thorns”, deal only with the flower and remove your own thorns. Instead of provoking conflicts that lead to complications in relationships and even their rupture, you need to learn how to improve relationships.

Let's summarize. The prerequisites and causes of conflict and conflict behavior are determined not only psychological characteristics a person, his temperament, peculiarities of perception, but also a violation of the basic moral law. The German philosopher I. Kant formulated it as follows: “...act in such a way that you always treat humanity in your own person, and in the person of everyone else, just as an end, and never treat it only as a means.” ".

Often conflicts between growing children and adults arise due to the fact that children want more independence, and parents try to maintain a commanding position. Listen to the story of T., 35 years old, whose 13-year-old daughter became disobedient. She raised her daughter without a father, tried to prevent her daughter from feeling this, took care of her, etc. By this time, the daughter began to refuse to attend music school, demanded toilets that were beyond their means, wanted to use time uncontrollably, etc.

• After learning the principle of depreciation, when another scandal broke out due to my reluctance to go to music school, I decided to act in accordance with the knowledge I had acquired. I calmly invited my daughter to a conversation and told her something like this:
• Lena, you’re right, I realized that you’re already an adult. From today I give you complete freedom. My only request is that when you go away for a long time, let me know when you'll be back.

She agreed, not yet knowing what awaited her. I decided to use one of the rules of depreciation: “Don’t offer your services. Help when you’ve done your work.” That same day she went to see her friend and returned late. When my daughter returned, I was already in bed. She asked me to feed her, and I invited her to take the food herself. There was no bread in the house. I referred to the fact that I did not have time. My daughter began to reproach me that I didn’t love her, that I was a bad mother, etc. It was difficult for me, but I agreed with all her statements. Then I began to say myself that she was unlucky with her mother. Seven months passed in such a struggle, where I kept giving in. In the end, without instructions, the daughter took the initiative and distributed the responsibilities herself. I was assigned the role of cook:

• Mom, you're a better cook.

She cleaned the apartment and made small purchases. We did most of the laundry together; she did the little things herself. Gradually, my daughter improved her relationships with her friends in the class. She became calmer and more confident. A year later, I found a job in a cooperative that made toys. I helped her master the process. This resolved the issue with her wardrobe. She began to earn money from it herself. The following summer, we used the money we earned to buy her a ticket to the camp. After returning, I noticed that my daughter sat down at the piano. She told me that at the camp she became friends with a guy from another city. We agreed to correspond and meet at next year, and maybe earlier. This is how my daughter’s first love came. I was pleased that she shared with me. If I had not changed, I would hardly be a friend to my daughter. I completely stopped commanding, I just obeyed.

Conflicts are even more serious when children become adults, but parents continue to actively interfere in their lives.
A teenager at the age of 15, always an exemplary boy, serious, active, involved in sports school and showing great promise, unexpectedly became interested in an 18-year-old girl. He began to return home late, skip training, and do worse at school. The girl he was dating had a lot of sexual experience, which also frightened his parents. The son said that he loved her, that he was already an adult and knew what to do. Convictions and scandals had no effect. The mother was constantly crying, the father was depressed: he had to go sailing soon, and the mother had to be admitted to the hospital. The father carried out the depreciation:

• Son, I'm sorry that we interfere in your life. We somehow missed that you have already grown up. You really understand more in life and are nobler than us. And you can love better. Really, what does it matter that she is older and already has sexual experience? Maybe this is even better. By comparing you with others, your chosen one will be devoted to you.

I won’t describe my son’s amazement. The relationship finally improved after three days. The mother also mastered the shock absorption technique and was discharged from the hospital in good condition a week later.

• Conflicts with my mother-in-law poisoned my life. “I can’t look at my husband anymore, soon all my love will pass away,” says V., a pretty woman of 36 years old, with excitement and tears in her eyes, when she came to class in the group. – We have been married for 12 years, our daughter is 2 years old, and my mother-in-law interferes in all my affairs, although we live separately. In case of any misunderstanding, she says that her son could have taken a woman who was younger, more beautiful, more economical, and smarter... It comes to screams, tears, hysterics, both on my part and on hers.

She started her studies with enthusiasm. A week later she was already saying:

• On Saturday morning everyone went to the garden, and my mother-in-law and I stayed on the farm. I somehow made the bed wrong, from her point of view, and she immediately noticed that her son could have chosen a much better wife. I immediately agreed with this, adding that he could have taken a wife who was not only more economical, but also more beautiful, smarter, younger, etc. She spoke calmly. I remembered how she reproached me earlier and listed my shortcomings and my husband’s advantages. The mother-in-law's eyes widened, it was felt that she had lost her bearings. Without saying a word, she turned on the TV and began to watch it absentmindedly. Soon she began to shiver. She threw a blanket over herself. An hour and a half later, citing a headache, she lay down on the sofa.

Here we are observing a very interesting phenomenon that illustrates the connection between conflict, emotions and internal organs and her role in
maintaining health. V.'s mother-in-law, for a reason that I will discuss below, was always in a state of constant emotional stress, which is usually accompanied by the release of excess adrenaline and a number of other substances into the blood. Normally, we need them and are consumed in the process of activity. Sometimes they accumulate in large quantities and require particularly intensive activity to decompose. If this activity is absent, then some people’s blood pressure begins to rise, others have stomach pain, etc. That's why the scandal isn't as bad as it might seem. During a conflict, especially a violent one, an energy discharge occurs, which brings temporary relief. Some even fall asleep immediately after the conflict, and then, remembering, they say that
they quarreled to their heart's content.

Any work, even the most interesting, causes some kind of tension in the body. The body “overheats”. The best “cooler” is the joy of love. What if she doesn't exist? Then conflict comes to the rescue. So, the best prevention of conflict is love. Now do you understand why our heroine’s mother-in-law is in conflict? That's right, she lived her whole life without love, compensating for it with conflict, and when she lost this substitute, she felt bad.

When my students emerged from the conflict with the help of shock absorption, their partners often felt worse. Often they themselves noted a state of some depression, as they suddenly discovered that they were becoming uninterested in communicating with their former partners. There's nothing wrong with that. For some time (if you come to us) the group will support you, and then your loved ones will begin to experience positive changes, and they will again become even more interested in you, since you yourself contributed to such changes. But if this does not happen, you will part painlessly for both parties. A new one will begin for you interesting life, the partner will find someone else for conflicts, since he needs them. And if he wants to get you back, he will contact you and learn the depreciation technique.

Consider the situation of a breakup. I was invited for a consultation at the neurological department with M., a 46-year-old woman. She could not walk or stand, although in bed her legs made movements in in full. It was functional paralysis of the lower extremities, not associated with death nerve cells, but with their inhibition. Such paralysis usually develops after a difficult emotional experience, is one of the symptoms of neurosis and, with proper therapy, goes away without a trace. She had been sick for about eight months. The treatment had no effect.

Here's her story in brief. Eight months ago, her husband, completely unexpectedly for her, announced that he had another woman and would be divorcing her. M.’s legs immediately became paralyzed, she sobbed loudly and tore out her hair. She reproached him for devoting her life to him, giving up everything, graduating only from technical school, and promoting him, a worker, to chief engineer. It was his fault they didn't have children, but that didn't matter to her. They took in their son. However, the husband remained adamant, filed for divorce and got divorced. They continued to live in the same apartment, but as neighbors.

She cried during the conversation. She calmed down for a while. Additionally, it was possible to find out that she worked as a secretary for a large administrator and largely contributed to her husband’s promotion. Intimate relationships for her of great importance They didn’t, but they didn’t cause disgust either. Now she wanted, no matter what, for her husband to return to the family. In accordance with the principle of amortization, I agreed to help her, but asked if she could play the role in the script that we would write together. She agreed and we started working.

First of all, she needed to understand that her break with her husband was natural and stemmed from their relationship. It is already quite clear to you, my dear reader, that our heroine was a “psychological mother” for her husband. He received “education” from her. And when he studied and advanced in his career, all the psychological energy basically went there, and sexual dissatisfaction was not particularly felt, since all his strength was spent on “getting up.” When he reached a certain social status, the released energy required application. It was only natural that he found a girlfriend who satisfied this need.

Our heroine was a very smart woman. She saw the light literally before our eyes. She immediately stopped crying, her face took on a thoughtful, sad expression. And most importantly, she regained movement in her legs. She stood up and began to walk around the room. She no longer needed to lie down—she had something to do. We developed a scenario together and discussed the details of her behavior. On Saturday I sent her home on a trial holiday and began to eagerly await the results.

When we met, I realized that there was no trace left of the disease. M. was cheerful, cheerful, her eyes sparkled, she could hardly restrain herself from laughing. Here's her story in brief.

• When I entered the apartment “in full parade,” I was a little worried, because I was not entirely sure that I could play my role. To be honest, I was afraid that he would not act as we had planned, and that nothing would work out for me. But when I saw his surprised and confused face, I calmed down. I started talking, his eyes widened more and more, and when I finished, he couldn’t answer me. I, without waiting for him to speak, went to my room. This is roughly what she told him:
• You did the right thing in leaving me, I’m already old, I’ve become a bad housewife, I teach you all the time, and most importantly, I couldn’t give you what a woman should give to a man in an intimate relationship. I am grateful to you for all the good things you have given me. They say time heals. It's hard for me to believe this yet. But that doesn't matter. I will be glad for your happiness.

I would like to draw attention to the psychological content of the ending. The word “yet” indicates that the doors will not always be open.
What does depreciation lead to? The man removes his thorns. Psychological struggle teaches you to accept a partner in the totality of all his qualities, like a rose, to accept both the flower and the thorns. We must learn not to bump into our partner’s thorns, but to deal only with the flower. You also need to remove your thorns.

Let's return to our heroine's husband. He communicates with his beloved. TO good man gets used to it pretty quickly. Does his passion have thorns? Of course have! And when he stumbles upon them, a conversation with the wife he left behind pops up in his memory. Remember her monologue. After all, you can read in it hope for improvement sexual relations. He will think about her again. It’s possible that he won’t make an attempt to return! So I calmly looked forward to the next weekend.

Another day off has passed. They hardly spoke, but it was clear that he had become softer. Then she advised him to bring his mistress to live in their apartment.

• Since we broke up, why should you suffer?

He looked at M. with great interest and said:

• Do you really think that I am such a brute?

A week later she said with an expression of feigned horror:

• You know, he'll probably come back soon!
• Why do you think so?
• He began to go out into the kitchen wearing only his shorts, as he had done before. More often he offers his help.
• Well, great,” I said, “that’s what was required!”
• No, that’s enough, I lived with this puppet for 22 years, I don’t want any more!

The example clearly shows that by holding, you will not achieve anything; by letting go, you can return it. Another pattern: when someone who quit later returns, they often become unnecessary. How can we explain this? In the process of learning psychological warfare techniques, the student experiences personal growth, but his partner does not. He becomes uninteresting, because all his actions are easily calculated, their automatism is visible. If the relationship is not completely broken, the partner gradually undergoes a restructuring. When a relationship is completely damaged, restoration rarely occurs.

Hello, Dear Readers. I continue articles on the topic of psychological aikido and the principle of depreciation. In this note I will analyze why the invention by Mikhail does not work (or does not work correctly) Litvak's principle of depreciation , and I will also give several examples of successful depreciation in the relationship between Children and Parents, taken from the book by Mikhail Efimovich “Psychological Aikido”. I’ll start the article with them, so I’ll immediately give the floor to Mikhail Litvak:

Attention! To stay up to date with the latest updates, I recommend that you Subscribe to my Main YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC78TufDQpkKUTgcrG8WqONQ , since I now create all new materials in video format. Also, just recently I opened my second channel entitled " World of Psychology ", where short videos are published on a variety of topics, covered through the prism of psychology, psychotherapy and clinical psychiatry.
Check out my services(prices and rules for online psychological counseling) You can in the article “”.

Example No. 1. Situation "Parents - children".
Often conflicts between growing children and adults arise due to the fact that children want more independence, and parents try to maintain a commanding position.
Listen to the story of T., 35 years old, whose 13-year-old daughter became disobedient. She raised her without a father, tried to prevent her daughter from feeling this, took care of her, etc. By this time, the daughter began to refuse to attend music school, demanded toilets that were beyond their means, wanted to use time uncontrollably, etc.
“After learning the principle of depreciation, when another scandal broke out due to my reluctance to go to music school, I decided to act in accordance with the knowledge I had acquired. I calmly invited my daughter to a conversation and told her something like this:
“Lena, you’re right, I realized that you’re already an adult. From today I give you complete freedom. My only request is that when you go away for a long time, let me know when you’ll be back.”
She agreed, not yet knowing what awaited her. I decided to use one of the rules of depreciation: “Don’t offer your services. Help when you’ve done your work.” That same day she went to see her friend and returned late.
When my daughter returned, I was already in bed. She asked me to feed her, and I invited her to take the food herself. There was no bread in the house. I referred to the fact that I did not have time. My daughter began to reproach me that I didn’t love her, that I was a bad mother, etc. It was difficult for me, but I agreed with all her statements. Then I began to say myself that she was unlucky with her mother. Seven months passed in such a struggle, where I kept giving in. In the end, without instructions, the daughter took the initiative and distributed the responsibilities herself.
I was assigned the role of a cook: “Mom, you cook better.”
She cleaned the apartment and made small purchases. We did most of the laundry together; she did the little things herself. Gradually, my daughter improved her relationships with her friends in the class. She became calmer and more confident. A year later, I found a job in a cooperative that made toys. I helped her master the process. This resolved the issue with her wardrobe. She began to earn money for it herself. The following summer, we used the money we earned to buy her a ticket to the camp. After returning, I noticed that my daughter sat down at the piano. She told me that at the camp she became friends with a guy from another city. We agreed to correspond and meet next year, or maybe earlier. This is how my daughter’s first love came. I was pleased that she shared with me. If I had not changed, I would hardly be a friend to my daughter. I completely stopped commanding, I just obeyed.”
Almost 15 years have passed since this story. The daughter got married and is happy in family life. The social and material status of my ward has grown so much that I don’t even dare to hint at who she has become. But during meetings, she notes that the psychology of communication helped her, and it all started with psychological aikido and the principle of shock absorption.

Example No. 2. Situation "Parents - children".
Conflicts are even more serious when children become adults, but parents continue to actively interfere in their lives.
A teenager at the age of 15, always an exemplary boy, serious, active, involved in sports school and showing great promise, unexpectedly became interested in an 18-year-old girl. He began to return home late, skip training, and do worse at school. The girl he was dating had a lot of sexual experience, which also frightened his parents. The son said that he loved her, that he was already an adult and knew what to do. Convictions and scandals had no effect. The mother was constantly crying, the father was depressed: he had to go sailing soon, and the mother had to be admitted to the hospital. The father carried out the depreciation:
“Son, I'm sorry that we interfere in your life. We somehow missed that you have already grown up. You really understand more in life and are nobler than us. And you can love better. Really, what does it matter that she is older and already has sexual experience? Maybe this is even better. By comparing you with others, your chosen one will be devoted to you, and she will also be able to teach you sex. And why do you need someone the same age, and a virgin at that? It's like wearing shoes that haven't been worn in. There’s no pleasure, but my feet are chafing.” (Surprisingly accurate! I myself, if possible, try not to get involved with virgins. And men who want to be a girl’s first at all costs, as a rule, suffer from low self-esteem - they are afraid of being worse than their predecessors - they are afraid that the comparison will not be in their favor. From my point of view, it is much more important for a man to be the girl’s last; Yu.L.).
I won’t describe my son’s amazement. The relationship finally improved after three days. The mother also mastered the shock absorption technique and was discharged from the hospital in good condition a week later. The son was already at home.

Example No. 3. Situation "Children - parents".
Quite often children come to us whose parents are too zealously pestering their growing children in an effort to “set them on the right path.” Children generally use shock absorption very successfully. And here is an example of successful depreciation, which was invented by one of my readers, a 15-year-old boy. The guy was like a guy, he studied well and worked on the computer as best he could. During the misunderstandings, his mother constantly reproached him for sucking all her milk out of her. (They usually say: I drank all the juices, but for some reason there’s milk. Well, milk, so milk; M.L.). So, my reader got ready and after another “milk” reproach he said to his mother the following: “Mom, I understand, I caused you serious damage, I drank all your milk. Unfortunately, due to my physiological characteristics, I cannot give you my milk, but I have to pay off my debts, I want to pay with cow’s milk.” And he brought her two buckets of milk, which he had bought in advance. Mom burst into tears and began to complain about her not entirely successful life (she raised her son alone), but she no longer reproached her son with milk. The son understood his mother's suffering. Their relationship became warmer.

Example 4. Situation “Mother-in-law - daughter-in-law.”
“Conflicts with my mother-in-law poisoned my life. “I can’t look at my husband anymore, soon all my love will pass away,” said V., a pretty woman of 36 years old, with excitement and tears in her eyes, when she came to class in the group. — We have been married for 12 years, our daughter is 11 years old, and my mother-in-law interferes in all my affairs. Although we live separately, she comes to “help” us almost every day. In case of any misunderstanding, she says that her son could have taken a woman who was younger, more beautiful, more economical, and smarter... It comes to screams, tears, hysterics both on my part and on hers.”
My dear women! No matter what you are, some neurotic mothers-in-law will still not like you. When the first edition was written, we had not yet comprehended everything as we do now. Unfortunately, sex life between spouses in many families is not established. Then, for such women, sons play the role of psychological husbands. They discuss all life's problems with their sons, do some things together, sometimes even hug, sum up joint activities. In general, they do everything that connects husband and wife. There is no insertion of the son's penis into the mother's vagina. And then some strange woman comes and beats off her sexual partner. Well, please tell me how this woman can be liked. It will always be either too high or too small; either too young or too old; either overeducated or ignorant. Then continue on your own. Take any sign: clothes, cosmetics, conduct household, washing, etc. So in terms of preventing conflicts, it is better to stay away from your mother-in-law in such cases. No, if your mother-in-law is happy in her family life, then she has a chance to like you. Moreover, she can still be useful to you if you turn to her for help. She herself will not impose herself on you. But if it is not possible not to contact, use your mother-in-law as a trainer or as a sparring partner. And, as you know, they don’t take offense at him, even if he hits him in the face. But let's return to the description of the case.
V. started her studies with enthusiasm. A week later she already said: “On Saturday morning everyone went to the garden, and my mother-in-law and I stayed on the farm. I somehow made the bed wrong, from her point of view, and she immediately noticed that her son could have chosen a much better wife. I immediately agreed with this, adding that he could have taken a wife who was not only more economical, but also more beautiful, smarter, younger, etc. She spoke calmly. (In the fight against the psychological Vampire Bluebeard (more about which you can read in the article “”), the technique of super shock absorption was cleverly used. Successfully using the latter to stop the flow of reproaches and nasty things, as a rule, just one or two phrases are enough. Read more about super shock absorption wrote in the article “”; Yu.L.).
I remembered how she reproached me earlier and listed my shortcomings and my husband’s advantages. I thanked her for raising me such a husband. The mother-in-law's eyes widened, it was felt that she had lost her bearings. Without saying a word, she turned on the TV and began to watch it absentmindedly. Soon she began to shiver. She threw a blanket over herself. An hour and a half later, citing a headache, she lay down on the sofa. Her blood pressure rose. She had to take pills. Thank God there was no need to call an ambulance.”
Here we are observing a very interesting phenomenon that illustrates the connection between conflict and emotions with internal organs and its role in maintaining health. V.'s mother-in-law, for a reason that I will discuss below, was always in a state of constant emotional stress, which is usually accompanied by the release of excess adrenaline and a number of other substances into the blood. Normally, we need them and spend them in the process of work. Sometimes they accumulate in large quantities and require particularly intensive activity to decompose. If this activity is absent, then some people’s blood pressure begins to rise, others have stomach pain, etc. (This is why we so need adequate intensity physical exercise ; Yu.L.). That's why the scandal isn't as bad as it might seem. During a conflict, especially a violent one, an energy discharge occurs, which brings temporary relief. Some even fall asleep immediately after the conflict, and then, remembering, they say that they caused a scandal to their heart's content. E. Bern considered scandal a form of perverted sex.
But let's continue further.
Any work, even the most interesting, causes some kind of tension in the body. The body “overheats”. The best “cooler” is the joy of love. What if she doesn't exist? Then conflict comes to the rescue. So, the best prevention of conflict is love. Now do you understand why our heroine’s mother-in-law is in conflict? That's right, she lived her whole life without love, compensating for it with conflict, as we talked about above, and when she lost this substitute, she felt bad. Once, at one very representative meeting, I said that the prevention of many strife, and even wars, would be well-functioning sex. There would be no time to fight, and there would be no strength. Many were outraged. Yes, I said all this myself to dispel the boredom that reigned at this meeting. But there is something in this!
When my students emerged from the conflict with the help of shock absorption, their partners often felt worse. Often they themselves noted a state of some depression, as they suddenly discovered that they were becoming uninterested in communicating with their former partners. Nothing wrong with that. For some time (if you come to us) the group will support you. And if you think well of your loved ones, then you will understand that they will withstand this deterioration, come up with something themselves or turn to a specialist for help. And if they turn to us, we will help them too. Then your loved ones will begin to experience positive changes, and they will again become of even greater interest to you than before. And you will be flattered that you yourself contributed to such changes. But if this does not happen, you will part painlessly for both parties. A new interesting life will begin for you, your partner will find someone else for conflicts, since he needs them. And if he wants to get you back, he will contact you and learn the depreciation technique.”

Dear Readers, now I will analyze in detail the comment from Mikhail’s forum Litvak. Depreciation principle , applied by the girl (let's call her A.) did not work. She wanted to know: “Why?” They didn’t answer her on Mikhail Efimovich’s forum. From my point of view, this example is interesting, so I decided to include it in this article:
“Good afternoon, dear Mikhail Efimovich!
I have two questions:
1. What to do if, after long quarrels, your mother young man perceives depreciation, and my listing of my shortcomings and the fact that I agree with her, as sarcasm and mockery? And where is the line between depreciation (after all, I don’t really think that I’m tough and stubborn) and mockery?
2. The young man says that things have gotten better, that I stopped shouting and blaming him for everything, but it’s strange that in all conflicts I agree that I’m wrong, he says that I really don’t think so, and everything looks stupid . Could it be that depreciation does not affect someone at all?
Maybe I'm damping incorrectly?
Here's an example:
HE: I’m going on vacation with friends, this will take up my entire vacation, just don’t shout loudly - the neighbors are already asleep.
Me: You are an adult, and you yourself know who to give time to and who to spend your vacation with, whose happy smile to watch for 2 weeks.
HE: Are you upset? Go with your friends too.
Me: Yes, you’re right, I’ll definitely find company, but after Olya married your friend Igor, and Pasha married Katya, and now they travel only together all the time, the task has become more complicated. But maybe I’m not as beautiful as them (in fact, I’m twice as beautiful as them, and guys always paid attention to me, but not to them, he knows that), not as smart (I earn much more, he knows that too ), not as affectionate (he says that there is no one more affectionate than me in nature), honest (both got married on the fly, having planned it in advance, he also knows about it) like them, and I don’t deserve to go with you, and which one I’m an assistant (I always helped him in everything), so she’s just a burden.
He: You’re wrong, you’re berating yourself on purpose to make me feel sorry for you, but I’m not Igor or Pasha, I need freedom.
Me: Of course, you know better, you're right.
He: Yes, I know better.
And he drives, and then behaves as if nothing had happened.
What's wrong? Why doesn't depreciation work?

Dear Readers, before reading my analysis, I suggest you independently find A.’s mistakes made during amortization in dialogues with the young man’s mother (for brevity, I’ll call her mother-in-law) and the young man (for brevity, I’ll call him A.’s husband, since they, as I understand it, they live together civil marriage, and the legal formalities of an officially registered (unregistered) marriage do not really interest me).
1. Firstly, A.’s initial question was asked incorrectly: HOW can one answer it if A. does not cite the dialogue that occurred with his mother-in-law? In my opinion, this is a question like: “Tell me, why am I not a millionaire yet???” In this case, the question is asked to a person who sees the questioner for the first time and knows nothing about him. On this topic, I remembered an episode that occurred at one of Mikhail Litvak’s seminars: he quoted the Bible: “Ask and it will be given to you.” One of the listeners asked him a question: “Why then did one person ask and the other refuse him?” Litvak replied: “You are asking a vague question. Give an example of a situation where one refused the other.” He refused, and Mikhail Efimovich quite rightly considered such a question a waste of time: it lacks specifics - there is no description of the situation, the characters and the dialogue between them. Therefore, Dear Readers, if you ask a question, then learn to do it as specifically as possible.
Secondly, it is unclear what words, tone, posture, facial expressions, and gestures the girl used to cushion the shock. Were there hidden injections along the R-D line? This is where the line between depreciation and mockery is crossed. I wrote about this in more detail in the article “”. It’s not just that the mother-in-law perceives consent as a mockery. In her heart, A. completely disagreed with her mother-in-law’s insults (this is evidenced by her phrase “after all, I don’t really think that I am tough and stubborn”). As a result, they aroused internal indignation in A., which, naturally, was reflected in her tone, facial expressions, etc. Here the girl makes a serious mistake: It doesn’t matter what A. Thinks about herself. – It’s important what her Mother-in-law thinks about Her! This is what we have to agree with. The essence of depreciation is not to change YOUR opinion, but to not change (calmly accept) the opinion of your PARTNER.
Thirdly, from my point of view, A. wants to improve relations with her mother-in-law, wants to be good for her, to please her, is afraid of condemnation and reproaches from her, and, perhaps, is subject to feelings of guilt. Otherwise, A. would not worry so much about what impression the depreciation would make on her mother-in-law, and what the latter would think about A. In this case, from my point of view, depreciation should be used more for Breaking Relationships than for Establishing them. Most likely, her mother-in-law is a psychological vampire, and it doesn’t make much sense to establish a relationship with her (I wrote more about this in the article “”). And A.’s task is to do everything so that the mother-in-law stops meddling in their family life.
Fourthly, we should not forget that depreciation must be completed. I’ll give a few examples of amortizing answers to the question: “Are you kidding me?!”: a) “Sorry, I’m really talking some kind of nonsense. Forgive me, please, I have no idea what I’m saying. Indeed, only now it dawned on me that my answer sounds mocking to you. Forgive me for this” (it is important to make a guilty-repentant look); b) “What kind of bullying is this! You are absolutely right that I…” The following is a list of all the sins and abominations previously expressed against you. The tone should be confident and at the same time guilty - you are confident that your communication partner is completely right and at the same time repent. Dear Readers, if for some reason the depreciation options I propose do not suit you (or don’t like), you can offer your own. If they are compiled psychologically competently, I will definitely publish them. You can send me your questions, answers, criticisms, requests and recommendations via the feedback form.
Fifthly, A.’s phrase: “after long quarrels” speaks for itself. If the mother-in-law is a mentally healthy person who does not suffer from psychopathy (a pathological character that cannot be corrected and requires the supervision of a psychiatrist) or paranoid delusions, then by correctly using depreciation, there shouldn’t have been any LONG QUARKS or even JUST QUARKS in principle! It is obvious that A. pricked her mother-in-law in response, otherwise she would have closed her mouth after 2-3 sentences.

2. I turn to the analysis of the second question.
First: “he says that I don’t really think so, and everything looks stupid.” Of course, because, again, she agrees Exclusively Outwardly. So to speak, for show. But internally it protests, which is expressed in tone, facial expressions, gestures, intonation, which I already wrote about above. Naturally, this behavior looks stupid. In general, from my point of view, to apply Litvak's depreciation principle in a relationship with a loved one, this is already a last resort. In one of next articles I will analyze this issue in more detail.

Second: from my point of view, depreciation was carried out incorrectly. To his phrase “Are you upset? go with your friends too,” you should have answered: “Yes, I’m upset.” At the same time, the face takes on a corresponding (upset) look. Tone, facial expressions, posture and gestures are also appropriate. This phrase is very important, because it was thanks to her that the girl had to give the young man Feedback(his behavior really made her upset, sad, and melancholy). Instead, A., as if nothing had happened, answers: “Yes, you’re right, I’ll definitely find company” - it feels like She’s completely indifferent to whether he goes with Her or with Friends. Naturally, such behavior and A.’s answers look ridiculous (after all, in her heart she is very worried, otherwise she would not have turned to Mikhail Efimovich for help). By the way, a separate holiday is the first alarm bell that not all is well in the family; Yu.L.)". Further, my psychologically competent answer could be continued with the following phrases: “As you say, Beloved (to his phrase about the company; Yu.L.). I love you and wish you happiness. Of course, I would really like you to spend your holiday with me. But if it would be more pleasant for you to relax with friends, then, of course, go with them!”

Third: “But maybe I’m not as beautiful as they are (in fact, I’m twice as beautiful as them, and guys always paid attention to me, but not to them, he knows that),” etc. (I won’t quote the whole phrase for brevity).
Firstly, the phrase “maybe” suggests that in fact (subconsciously) the girl does not initially think so (she doubts). But if we were to talk about comparing ourselves with others (which I would strongly advise against doing; I’ll explain why below), then we should start like this: “I, OF COURSE, am not as beautiful as...”.
Secondly, is there any point in this situation (and in general) in Comparing Yourself with Others? It is already obvious that A. has significant problems with self-esteem due to the fact that she is infected with the original sin of comparison - regarding her personality and her successes, she divides other people into superiors (those who, from her point of view, have achieved more than she) and inferior (those who, from her point of view, have achieved Less than her). I wrote more about this in the article “”).
Third, do Her Friends have anything to do with their Family Relationships? In my opinion, No.
Fourthly, in this context, comparison with friends looks like a psychological Reproach - “Look at me: I’m a saint (beautiful, smart, earn good money, etc.), and you (then it reads like “you’re such a bastard”) , you don’t value me at all. Look at them (the girlfriends) - these are demons from the underworld. If you got one of them, you would howl with grief!” – After all, the young man knows very well that A.’s friends got married as a planned affair.
Fifthly, Litvak used the phrases “I’m not that young, I don’t have a very slender figure, I haven’t started managing my household very well...”, etc. in depreciation letters, the purpose of which was to RETURN (beat off) the Husband (that is, Initially the Goal was different - after all, the husband did not leave A.). And there, in his letters, Litvak did not introduce additional third parties (mistresses, wives) for comparison - he compared his wife (mistress) with himself: only the one of that time (with whom the husband lived in love and harmony) with the present one (with whom the husband left) - that’s why this comparison was necessary.
A. forgets (or does not fully understand the essence of the principle of depreciation: You need to SCRUDE yourself - then your communication partner will begin to PRAISE you. But she, on the contrary, strives to present herself in the most favorable light and, naturally, in return receives the exact opposite reaction - he subconsciously will look for disadvantages in her. Moreover, his response phrase: “You are wrong, you are deliberately scolding yourself in order to pity me (absolutely true: here she is offended and offended seeks to make him feel guilty; and this is already clean water manipulation; Yu.L.), but I’m not Igor, and I’m not Pasha, I need freedom” - This is natural and logically follows from her previous answer! Thus, with her “depreciation” A. achieved the exact opposite result.
Sixthly, the girl writes: “he says that there is no kinder person in nature than me.” Here he compares A. with other women. It is already obvious that she has contacted the Womanizer, and he may not be going on vacation with friends at all...
Seventh, most likely, A. herself does not take into account the interests of her young man, does not take into account him and his views, and, without realizing it, thus limits his freedom, which he refused to tell her about in the dialogue.

To summarize, I will say that, from my point of view, the entire dialogue performed by A. is not Depreciation, but pure Manipulation, where A. wants to win, and the young man Must Lose: spend his vacation not the way He Wants, but as She needs. But let us remember that if you hold on, you will lose. By letting go, you can hold on.

Dear Readers, I apologize for the detailed analysis and harsh criticism of this comment. But I did not conduct it by chance: unfortunately, we often do not understand how our phrases affect the Subconscious of our interlocutor.

In conclusion, I will say that if in your personal relationships you have used Litvak's depreciation principle , and the latter gave the exact opposite result - then, most likely, you did something wrong. Here you should definitely conduct a detailed analysis and analysis of your own mistakes.