Due to its characteristics it is used in. Susan Keyintroverts. How to be more effective

Published with permission from The Negotiation Company, LLC c/o InkWell Management LLC and Synopsis Literary Agency

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright holders.

* * *

To all my family members

A nation in which everyone was General Patton would no more succeed than a nation in which everyone was Vincent van Gogh. I prefer to think that our planet needs athletes, philosophers, sex symbols, artists, scientists in equal measure; sympathetic and callous, rational and easily vulnerable people have their own role. The world needs those who will devote their lives to studying the specifics of the salivary glands in dogs, and also those who can capture a short moment of cherry blossom in a poem of fourteen syllables or devote twenty-five pages to describing the feelings of a little boy lying in the silence of the night on his bed in waiting for your mother's kiss before going to bed.

The presence of any pronounced talent indicates that something was sacrificed...

From the author

Formally, I have been working on this book since 2005, but, in fact, my entire life. I spoke and corresponded with hundreds, if not thousands, of people discussing the issues presented in the book, and read countless books, scientific and journal articles, and discussions on forums and blogs. I quote some of the authors verbatim; the thoughts of others permeate every sentence in this book.

The book “stands on the shoulders” of many people, mainly scientists and researchers, whose work taught me a lot. In an ideal world, I would list each and every one of those who helped me and shared knowledge. But, to protect the reader from an endless stream of names, some authors are mentioned only in the “Notes” section.

For the same reason, I sometimes omitted quotation marks when quoting other people, but at the same time I was careful that new words did not distort the meaning intended by the author. If you want to get acquainted with the original of this or that idea, you can find a detailed list in the “Notes” section.

I have changed the names and physical descriptions of several people whose stories I share here, as well as stories from my law practice. In order not to intrude on the privacy of the participants in Charles di Cagno's seminars, who did not at all expect that they would become characters in a book when they signed up for the courses; The history of my first seminar is a composition of general impressions throughout the entire period of training. The same goes for Greg and Emily's story, which is compiled from interviews with many couples. Due to the imperfection of my memory, many stories are given as I remember them. It should also be said that I did not check their reliability, placing in the book only those that seemed plausible to me.

Introduction. Poles of temperament

Montgomery, Alabama. The first of December 1955. Early evening. A city bus stops and a modestly dressed woman in her forties gets on. Her posture is upright, despite spending the day hunched over an ironing board in the basement of a local department store laundry. Her legs are swollen, her shoulders ache from fatigue. She sits in the front row of the “colored” section and calmly watches the bus fill with passengers. This continues until the driver asks her to make room for a white passenger.

A woman utters the single word that would give birth to one of the most important civil rights movements of the 20th century—a word that would set America on the path to moral renewal.

This word is no.

The driver threatens to arrest her.

“You can do it,” Rosa Parks replies.

A policeman arrives. He asks Parks why she refused to give up her seat.

– Why do you always tell us where it is? – she answers simply.

“I have no idea,” he says, “but the law is the law!” - you are under arrest.

On the day of her trial, she is found guilty of unlawful conduct and convicted. Following the verdict, the NAACP in Montgomery holds a rally in support of Parks at Holt Street Baptist Church, in the city's poorest neighborhood. Five thousand people gathered to show their support for this woman's lonely act of courage. They squeeze into the church until all the pews are occupied. Those who remain have to wait outside and listen to public address systems. Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. addresses the crowd. “There comes a time when people get tired. We are gathered here tonight to tell those who have treated us so poorly for so long that our patience has run out. We are tired of segregation and humiliation, we are tired of the iron fists of the oppressors."

He praises Parks' courage and hugs her. All this time she stands quietly next to him, and her mere presence is enough to inspire enthusiasm and strength in the crowd. The association launches a citywide bus boycott campaign that lasts 381 days. People walk miles to work or ask strangers for a ride on the roads. By their behavior they are changing the course of American history.

I always imagined Rosa Parks as a statuesque woman with a challenge in her eyes - in short, the kind of person who could easily be insolent on a bus full of passengers. However, after her death in 2005 at the age of 92, a stream of obituaries described her as a medium-sized woman with a gentle personality and a pleasant personality. She was said to be "modest and shy" but had "the courage of a lion." The descriptions contained many phrases such as “deep humility” and “quiet perseverance.” What does it mean to be quiet and stoic? What does this mean? How can you be humble at the same time? And brave?

Parks, seemingly aware of this paradox, titled her biography Quiet Strength, a title that forces us to reconsider our ideas about strength and resilience. Why is it quiet? can not to be strong? And what can be combined with calmness that we didn’t think of before?

* * *

Our lives are determined as much by character as by race or gender. And the main personality trait – “the southern and northern poles of temperament,” as one scientist puts it – is whether one belongs to an extroverted or introverted type. The degree to which these qualities are expressed affects our behavior, the choice of circle of friends and acquaintances, the manner of conversation, the way we solve problems and show love. The tendency towards extraversion or introversion affects the choice of profession and success in it. It also determines our desire to engage in physical exercise; determines the tendency towards adultery; affects the ability to function normally in conditions of insufficient sleep; forces you to learn from your mistakes or strive for risky play on the stock market, and also affects the ability to abstain from pleasure; be a good leader and look for alternative ways. All these qualities are determined by the functioning mechanism of the nervous system and its individual characteristics. Today, introversion and extraversion are among the most deeply researched personality traits, but the interest of scientists and psychologists in this topic is still very high. In recent years, with the help of modern technology, researchers have made many amazing discoveries.

Interest in the question of temperament has very deep roots. Poets and philosophers have pondered human character since the beginning of time, as evidenced by historical documents. Descriptions of both personality types are found in the Bible and in the works of doctors of Ancient Greece and Rome. Some evolutionary psychologists argue that examples of extroverted and introverted behavior of individuals can be found in the animal world: introverts and extroverts are found both among fruit flies and among highly developed rhesus macaques. As with other important pairs of opposites—masculine and feminine, East and West, liberal and conservative—humanity would be much less diverse without the two personality types.

Consider, for example, the tandem of Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr. An influential speaker who refuses to give up his seat on a bus would not have the same effect as a quiet woman who prefers to behave modestly unless an emergency prevents her from doing so. Parks wouldn't have been able to get the crowd going if she'd gone up to the podium and declared that she had a dream. But thanks to King, she didn't have to do that.

And yet, a very narrow range of manifestation of personal qualities is considered socially approved. We are told that to be successful is to be brave, and to be happy is to get along with people easily. We see ourselves as a nation of extroverts and therefore lose sight of who we really are. The results of various studies, depending on which one you look at, show that between a third and half of Americans are introverts, in other words, one of two or three people you know. (Given that the United States is considered one of the most extroverted nations, the number of introverts should be at least as high in other parts of the world.) Even if you yourself are not an introvert, your spouse, colleague, friend or relative may well be.

If this statistic surprises you, it's most likely because many people just pretend to be extroverts. A naturally introvert can be very successful at hiding his true colors on the playground, in the school locker room, or in the office hallway. Some people even succeed in self-deception, at least until a certain point in life—a layoff, an empty nest stage, or an unexpected inheritance—that allows them to live the life they always wanted and opens their eyes to their true selves. Try to bring up this topic in conversation with friends and acquaintances, and you will be surprised to find that many people, by their own admission, consider themselves introverts, despite the striking difference in their behavior from your stereotypical ideas.

Considering all that has been said, it becomes absolutely clear why many introverts hide their true colors from others and themselves. Our society is governed by a value system I call the “ideal extrovert,” or the pervasive belief that the ideal self should be outgoing, dominant, and comfortable in the spotlight. According to the archetypal model, an extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk to caution, and confidence to doubt. He tends to make quick decisions, despite the high probability of them being wrong, works well in a team and has no problems with socialization. We like to think that we value individuality, when in most cases there is only one type of personality that we admire - the person who is used to overcoming difficulties, who works hard to achieve their goals. Of course, we allow all the gifted eccentrics who create companies in garages to express their personality as they please, but this is rather the exception to the rule - our tolerance usually extends to those of them who manage to get fabulously rich, or at least those who give hope for this.

Introversion, like its “cousins” - sensitivity, seriousness and shyness, is considered a second-class quality, almost beyond the norm, and causes disappointment. The life of introverts in the world of an ideal extrovert resembles the life of a woman in a man's world. They are not accepted because of what constitutes the very core of their personality and defines their true essence. Extroversion is extremely attractive, but we have turned this quality into the only standard that everyone somehow has to live up to.

The existence of an ideal extrovert standard is indirectly confirmed by many studies, although all this data has never been combined. It has been proven, for example, that talkative people are considered more intelligent, beautiful, interesting and desirable as friends. At the same time, both speech rate and volume matter: people who speak quickly seem more competent and attractive compared to those who speak slowly. A similar trend can be seen in other studies: talkative people always seem smarter and more pleasant to talk to than their silent counterparts, despite the complete lack of correlation between the ability to generate good ideas and how well a person speaks. Even the meaning of the word “introvert” has taken on a negative connotation: in one informal experiment conducted by psychologist Laurie Hallgo, it was found that most introverts use a rich and colorful vocabulary to describe their own appearance (“blue-green eyes”, “exotic”, “tall”). cheekbones"), but when asked to describe the average introvert, they paint a vague and unattractive picture (“awkward,” “colorless,” “bad skin”).

In my opinion, we make an unforgivable mistake by blindly praising the ideal of extroversion. Some of the greatest human ideas, works of art and inventions - take the theory of evolution, or Vincent van Gogh's Sunflowers, or personal computers - arose from quiet, thoughtful people who are able to tune into their inner rhythm and find the true ones in the nooks and crannies of the mind. hidden treasures. Without introverts, the world would lose:

Nocturnes by Fryderyk Chopin;

"In Search of Lost Time" by Marcel Proust;

George Orwell's 1984 and Animal Farm;

The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss;

Steven Spielberg's Schindler's List, E.T. and Close Encounters of the Third Kind;

According to scientist-journalist Winifred Gallagher, the ability to perceive and reflect on the reality around us, rather than immediately interact with it, is more likely to lead to the creation of outstanding works of art and science. Neither E = mc 2 nor “Paradise Lost” could have been hastily put together cheerful partygoer. Even in fields such as finance, politics, and the civil rights movement, where a certain degree of extroversion would seem to be required, some remarkable breakthroughs have been made by introverts. So, in this book you will find examples of Eleanor Roosevelt, Al Gore, Warren Buffett, Mahatma Gandhi and Rosa Parks - people who achieved victory without contrary to, A thanks to your personal qualities.

Since childhood, we spend time at desks arranged in ever-expanding groups, which promotes the formation of group learning habits, and, according to some studies, most teachers believe that the ideal student should be an extrovert. We watch all sorts of television shows whose participants do not at all resemble the real people we meet in life; we see rock stars and outrageous hosts with inflated egos like Hannah Montana and iCarly's Carly Shay. Even little Sid from the PBS-funded Sid the Science Kid, who is supposed to serve as a model preschooler, starts each day at kindergarten by dancing in the hallway with his friends. (“Check out my moves! I’m a rock star!”)

As adults, many of us join companies that require teamwork and force us to work in open offices under bosses who value getting along with people above all else. To move up the corporate ladder, we must unceremoniously put ourselves forward at every opportunity. Scientists who manage to get funding often turn out to be very confident people, maybe even too confident. The artists whose works adorn the exhibition halls of modern galleries strike an impressive pose and flaunt at the entrance in elaborate outfits. Authors whose books are published—once considered a strange breed of recluse—now have to prove their ability on talk shows and press conferences. (You wouldn't be reading this book if I hadn't convinced the publisher that I was a good enough pseudo-extrovert to promote it.)

An introvert has probably had to deal with the destructive impact on the psyche of all these prejudices. Maybe in childhood you overheard parents apologizing for their child’s shyness. (Why can’t you be like the boys in the Kennedy family? This was a question one of the people I interviewed often heard from the parents of one of the people I interviewed.) At school, you were quite likely forced to “come out of your shell” - even this strange expression reflects a lack of understanding of that , why some animals carry a portable shelter everywhere and why some people do the same. “All these comments I heard as a child still ring in my ears, telling me that I am lazy, stupid, slow, boring,” writes one member of the online community Introvert’s Haven. “By the time I was able to understand my introverted nature, part of me had already been influenced by the belief that there was something wrong with me. It would be nice to be able to find this seed of doubt that torments me and get rid of it forever.”

Even as an adult, it is quite possible to feel some remorse when turning down an invitation to dinner in favor of reading a good book. Or perhaps you like to dine alone at a restaurant and would prefer not to get the sympathetic glances of other customers. Or you are constantly told that you “withdraw into yourself” too often, which is often heard by calm and thoughtful people.

Of course, they can be called one more word - thinkers.

* * *

I have personally seen how difficult it can sometimes be for introverts to learn new skills and how successfully they use them afterwards. For over a decade, I have trained a diverse audience (corporate lawyers, hedge fund managers, university students, and married couples) on negotiation. Naturally, my trainings touched on basic issues: how to prepare for negotiations, when to make the first offer, how to behave if the other side insists: “agree or leave.” But besides this, I helped clients understand themselves better and use their potential more successfully.

My first client was a female Wall Street lawyer. Quiet and dreamy, Laura avoided unnecessary attention and did not tolerate aggression. Somehow, miraculously, she was able to graduate from Harvard Law School - in this harsh place, classes are held in huge amphitheaters suitable for gladiator fights. (Once, from the stress, Laura threw up right on the way to a couple.) And now, in the real world, she was not sure that she would be able to defend the interests of her clients with such vigor as they expected.

During her first three years as a junior associate at the firm, she had no opportunity to test her assumption. But one day the senior lawyer she was assisting went on vacation, and Laura had to take on the responsibility of conducting some very serious negotiations. Laura represented a South American industrial company that was behind on a bank loan and was hoping to negotiate new terms; On the other side of the negotiating table sat the lawyer for the syndicate of bankers who issued the loan.

Laura would have happily preferred to hide under the above table, but managed to overcome this desire. Courageously, if nervously, she took her seat, placing herself between her clients: the general counsel and the senior finance employee. It must be said that these were Laura’s favorite clients - sophisticated and courteous, very different from the company’s other clients, who behaved like rulers of the world. In the past, Laura had the opportunity to attend a Yankees game with the main consultant, and she also helped him choose a handbag as a gift for his sister. But now all these sweet activities—the kind of social interaction Laura liked—seemed like a distant dream. On the opposite side of the table sat nine irritated bankers in expensive suits along with their lawyer, a square-jawed woman with a friendly manner. This lady, clearly not a timid woman, immediately gave an impressive speech about how incredibly lucky Laura’s clients were: after all, they were given the opportunity to accept the bankers’ conditions. She said it was an incredibly generous offer on their part.

Everyone expected Laura to say something in response, but absolutely nothing came to her mind. And she just sat there and blinked. Under the gaze of everyone present. Laura's clients fidgeted tensely in their chairs. In the woman’s brain, ordinary thoughts rushed through the usual circle: “I’m too timid for this kind of work, indecisive, I think too much.” She saw a man who would be more suitable for this task: confident, cocky, ready to slam his fist on the table. At school, they were called “outgoing” - on the seventh-grader rating scale, this quality is even higher than “nice” for girls and “sporty” for guys. Laura promised herself that today she would endure her final torment. Tomorrow she will start looking for a new career. But then Laura remembered what I had told her so many times: that as an introvert, she had unique negotiating skills—perhaps less pronounced, but no less effective. She probably prepared for these negotiations like no one else. Her speech was calm but confident because she rarely spoke without thinking. Soft-spoken, Laura could take a strong, even aggressive stance, passing it off as a calm and thoughtful approach. She also knew how to ask questions, a lot of questions, and listen to the answers - and this is a very useful quality in negotiations, regardless of personality type.

So Laura decided to act natural.

- Let's do it in order again. What are your numbers based on? – she asked. – What if we structure the loan this way?.. Or like this? Are there any other options?

At first, Laura's questions were quite cautious. But as she spoke, they became more specific and specific, demonstrating that she had done her homework and understood the situation down to the smallest detail. At the same time, Laura remained true to her style: she did not raise her voice and did not lose her composure. Every time the bankers came up with a controversial idea, she showed them how unconstructive it was.

– Is this really the only solution? Maybe st O should we look for an alternative?

Gradually, the atmosphere in the room changed, exactly as it is written in negotiation manuals. The bankers stopped ranting and trying to give themselves unnecessary importance, that is, playing a game in which Laura felt out of place, and began to directly discuss.

The conversation continued, but the parties still could not come to an agreement. One of the bankers stormed out of the room in anger, scattering papers in his path. Laura ignored this demarche, largely because she simply did not know how to react to it. Someone later told her that at that crucial moment she had used one of her negotiation jiu-jitsu techniques brilliantly; however, she just did what quiet people usually do in our noisy world.

Eventually the parties reached an agreement. The bankers left the building, Laura's favorite clients went to the airport, and she herself went home and, sitting comfortably with a book on the sofa, tried to forget about all the vicissitudes of the past day.

The next morning, the bankers' chief lawyer - the same woman with the massive jaw - called and offered her a job. “I’ve never met a person in my life who was polite and also stood his ground,” she said. A day later, the head of the bank called Laura and asked if her law firm could handle the affairs of his company in the future. "We could use someone who can negotiate deals but doesn't let his ego cloud his judgment," he said.

Taking a soft approach, Laura attracted a new business partner for her firm and a job offer for herself. No raising your voice or banging your fist on the table.

Today, Laura has learned to use her nature effectively, accepting introversion as an integral part of her personality. Now the old tune about being quiet and insecure plays in her head a lot less often. Laura is confident that she can stand up for herself if she has to.

* * *

What exactly do I mean by Laura being an introvert? When starting to write this book, the first thing I decided to do was find out how modern research psychologists define introversion and extraversion.

In 1921, the famous psychiatrist Carl Jung published a monumental work, “Psychological Types,” where he described the fundamental personality traits of extroversion and introversion, thereby making these terms popular. Introverts, according to Jung, are focused primarily on the world of thoughts and internal experiences, while extroverts are focused primarily on the world of people and objects around them. Introverts comprehend the events taking place around them, and extroverts try to immediately become participants in them. To replenish their strength, introverts need to be alone, while extroverts need recovery only if they communicate not enough. If you've ever taken the Isabella Myers-Briggs test (based on Jung's typology), which is used in many universities and reputable companies, then you probably already have some idea of what I'm talking about.

And yet, what do modern scientists think about introversion and extroversion? It turned out that there is no single universal definition for these concepts. They are not as easy and simple to describe as, say, defining the words “curly” or “teenage”, the meaning of which is clear to everyone. For example, followers of such a trend in personality psychology as the Big Five (according to their concept, human personality can be classified according to five basic elements), define introversion not by the richness of inner life, but by the low value of such qualities as confidence and sociability. Definitions extroversion And introversion there are almost as many personality psychologists as there are; and they all argue endlessly about whose definition is more accurate. Some believe that Jung's ideas have become obsolete, others believe that only Jungian theory reflects the real state of affairs.

However, on some issues the opinions of psychologists coincide: for example, everyone agrees that these two types differ in the degree of need for external influence that is comfortable for them. Introverts would benefit from its complete absence; they would like to quietly drink wine alone with a close friend, read a book or solve a crossword puzzle. Extroverts, on the other hand, are always happy to have the opportunity to interact with the environment: meet new people, go skiing or jump to upbeat music. “Other people always make you worry,” says personality psychologist David Winter, explaining why the typical introvert would rather read a book on the beach while on vacation than party non-stop on a cruise ship. – Communication with them causes a feeling of danger, fear, panic or love. A hundred people are a much stronger irritant than a hundred books or grains of sand.”

Many psychologists agree that introverts and extroverts have different work styles. Extroverts like to dive right into the task. They tend to make quick (sometimes rash) decisions, feel comfortable distributing attention between numerous tasks, and are not afraid to take risks. Extroverts enjoy the “thrill of the chase” and the spoils it promises—money and status.

Introverts work much slower, but more thoroughly. They prefer to focus on one task at a time and have remarkable concentration abilities. They can be considered relatively immune to the magic of fame and fortune.

Personality type determines the style of social interaction. Extroverts will find it easy to liven up a dinner party and laugh at your jokes. They are confident, somewhat dominant and need company. Extroverts think out loud and on their feet, preferring to talk rather than listen, and are rarely at a loss for words, often making remarks they had no intention of saying. They cope with conflicts without difficulty, but not with loneliness.

In contrast, introverts, although they often have significant skills in social communication and conducting business meetings, after a while, during intensive communication, they begin to feel tired and regret that they did not stay at home. They prefer to spend their social energy on close friends, colleagues and relatives. They listen more than they speak, think before they open their mouth, and often express their thoughts better in writing than in speech. Conflicts are not their thing. Many of them do not like meaningless conversations about anything, but enjoy deep discussions on exciting topics.

What qualities are mistakenly attributed to introverts? The word "introvert" is often considered synonymous with the words "hermit" and "misanthrope." Perhaps some introverts can actually behave this way, but for the most part they are absolutely friendly people. Additionally, it is not necessary that all introverts are naturally shy. Shyness is caused by fear of social disapproval or fear of humiliation; introverted people simply prefer a quiet and calm environment. Shyness causes very painful experiences, introversion does not. Many people confuse these two concepts because these qualities often appear in the same person (although psychologists have not agreed on the extent to which these traits correlate). Some experts view this pair of characteristics as axes in a coordinate system, placing introversion-extroversion on the X-axis, and anxiety level on the Y-axis. Thus, four squares are formed, corresponding to four possible combinations of qualities: calm extrovert, anxious extrovert, calm introvert and restless introvert. In other words, you can be a timid introvert like Barbra Streisand, a bright personality with overwhelming stage fright, or a not-at-all-shy introvert like Bill Gates, who, as the rumor goes, pays little attention to the opinions of others.

The expression “poles of temperament” is taken from the book: Gallagher Winifred. How We Become What We Are / The Atlantic Monthly, September 1994; which in turn is quoted by J. D. Higley. (Highley discusses boldness and tightness in his book, but many of his observations apply to the concepts of extraversion and introversion.)

The biography of Rosa Parks is described in detail in the book by Douglas Brinkley: Brinkley Douglus. Rosa Parks: A Life. – New York: Penguin, 2000. Most of the information about her comes from this book. As for the spontaneity of her action, she did receive civil rights training before the incident on the bus. But according to Brinkley, there is no evidence that everything was planned and that Rosa Parks simply did not behave naturally. What is much more significant for us is that, due to her personal characteristics, Parks was ideally suited to demonstrate nonviolent resistance.

Seats on public transport reserved for people of other races. A common practice in the southern US states of those years, part of the segregation policy. Note ed.

The distribution of these qualities between extroverts and introverts looks like this: a penchant for sports - extroverts; tendency towards adultery (Statistics of adultery are taken from the following sources: Nettle Daniel. Personality: What Makes You the Way You Are. - New York: Oxford University Press, 2007. - R. 100. See also Schmitt David P. The Big Five Related to Risky Sexual Behavior Across 10 World Regions: Differential Personality Associations of Sexual Promiscuity and Relationship Infidelity / European Journal of Personality 18, no. 4 (2004): 301–19.) – extroverts; do better without sleep (For information on how effectively different people function without sleep, see: Killgore William D. S. et al. The Trait of Introversion – Extraversion Predicts Vulnerability to Sleep Deprivation / Journal of Sleep Research 16, no. 4 (2007) : 354–63. See also Taylor Daniel, McFatter Robert M., “Cognitive Performance After Sleep Deprivation: Does Personality Make a Difference?,” Personality and Individual Differences 34, no. 7 (2003): 1179–93; Smith Andrew, Maben Andrea Effects of Sleep Deprivation, Lunch, and Personality on Performance, Mood, and Cardiovascular Function / Physiology and Behavior 54, no. 5 (1993): 967–72.) – introverts; learn from their mistakes (See) – introverts; more adventurous (Sm.) – extroverts; delay gratification - introverts; the best leaders (See) - depending on the type of leadership, either introverts or extroverts; tendency to think about alternative options (See and) – introverts. Note auto

An allusion to Martin Luther King's most famous "I Have a Dream" speech, delivered on August 28, 1963 from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial during the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom! Note ed.

In Bayne Rowan's The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator: A Critical Review and Practical Guide. – London: Chapman and Hall, 1995. – R. 47, considering the statistical severity of introversion, the author indicates the frequency of manifestation of this quality at 36 percent; data taken from Isabel Myers' personal research in 1985. The newest study of this trait, conducted by the Center for Applied Research of Psychotypes in 1996 on a sample of 914,219 people, showed different results: 49.7 percent of respondents were extroverts and 50.7 percent were introverts. See Estimated Frequencies of the Types in the United States Population, published by the Center for Applied Psychotype Research in 1996 and 2003. These data do not necessarily mean that the number of introverts in the country has increased from 36 to 50.7 percent: the results may reflect the specifics of a particular sample. Another study using the Eysenck questionnaire showed that the proportion of extroverts increased for both sexes between 1966 and 1993. For more details see Jean M. Twenge. Birth Cohort Changes in Extraversion: A Cross-Temporal Meta-Analysis, 1966–1993 / Personality and Individual Differences 30 (2001): 735–48.

Confirmation of this can be found in two studies at once: 1) Juri Allik, Robert R. McCrae. Toward a Geography of Personality Traits: Patterns of Profiles Across 36 Cultures / Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology 35 (2004): 13–28; 2) Robert R. McCrae, Antonio Terracciano. Personality Profiles of Cultures: Aggregate Personality Traits / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 89:3 (2005): 407–25.

William B. Swann Jr., Peter J. Rentfrow. Blirtatiousness: Cognitive, Behavioral, and Physiological Consequences of Rapid Responding / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 81, no. 6 (2001): 1160–75.

Howard Giles and Richard L. Street Jr. Communicator Characteristics and Behavior / in M. L. Knapp and G. R. Miller, eds., Handbook of Interpersonal Communication, 2nd ed. – Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage, 1994. pp. 103–61. (As a consolation for introverts, measured speech is perceived as honest and sincere in other studies.)

Delroy L. Paulhus and Kathy L. Morgan. Perceptions of Intelligence in Leaderless Groups: The Dynamic Effects of Shyness and Acquaintance / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 72, no. 3 (1997): 581–91.

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/asperger/detail_asperger.html.

Elaine N. Aron et al. Adult Shyness: The Interaction of Temperamental Sensitivity and an Adverse Childhood Environment /Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 31 (2005): 181–97.

This can be confirmed in many works. For example, see Stephen R. Briggs. Shyness: Introversion or Neuroticism? / Journal of Research in Personality 22, no. 3 (1988): 290–307.

Some people find it difficult to admit that they are introverts. When people think of introverts, they are often mistakenly thought of as almost misanthropic.

However, as Susan Cain convincingly showed in her book Introverts. How to use your personality traits,” introverts can be warm-hearted, interested in others, and strong in their own way. But the stigma that many still place on introverts can cause people to resist their tendencies or even deny their existence.

Let's look at 9 typical behavioral traits of introverts. By consulting them, we may discover that we are not as oriented to the outside world as we might have thought.

1. You're truly an introvert if you enjoy alone time.

When you are able to take a break and relax, you are more likely to read, play video games, or simply listen to music. Solitude is important to your well-being, although you often enjoy socializing with people and attending events.

2. You think best when alone.

You are not against group meetings and discussions, but when you need to find an original solution to a problem, thinking on your own is better for this. Quiet and calm reflection, without the distractions of other people, allows you to maximize your potential and achieve results that make you proud.

3. You are best at leading people who take initiative.

Contrary to the stereotype that introverts are so quiet that they are unable to take charge and manage everything, in the right circumstances they can be the most. If the team is ready to work on its own, an introverted leader can get the most out of it. It's only when people need some spark from their leader that an introvert may not be up to the task. In these cases, he will need an extroverted partner to take it upon himself.

4. You are the last one to raise your hand when someone asks something from the audience.

As you may remember from your school days, there are usually students who raise their hands immediately after the teacher asks a question or asks for volunteers. Extroverts tend to stand out in any social situation. You're probably more of an introvert if you're comfortable just sitting and letting others be the center of attention. It's not that introverts know less, they just don't want to be seen as much.

5. You are truly an introvert if people often ask for your opinion.

Just as introverts are less likely to take the initiative in public, they are less likely to be the first to share opinions and give advice in more private settings. Whether it's a family discussion around the table or a meeting of colleagues to solve work problems, those prone to introversion will always rather keep their opinions to themselves, letting everything be decided. Because your opinion can be valuable, if you are constantly asked what you think, it may mean that your behavior tells others that you are directing your attention inward to your thoughts.

6. You often wear headphones when out in public.

If you are an introvert, then you are unlikely to need maximum contact with others, being, for example, in a crowded station or street. You can use headphones as extra protection from a crowded environment, regardless of whether they are playing music or not.

7. You prefer not to associate with people who seem angry or upset.

You prefer to avoid people who are in a bad mood. According to a study by psychologist Marta Ponari and her colleagues from University College London, introverts do not like to look at the faces of angry people because they are more sensitive to negative evaluations and fear that the person is angry with them or because of them, which means is a potential threat.

8. You receive more calls, messages and emails than you send, except in situations where you have no choice.

All other things being equal, introverts are not very willing to voluntarily start a dialogue with people from their social circle. If they have a free minute, they will not call someone just to spend that time communicating. Also, they are more likely not to write first, but to respond to received letters and messages. It is very likely that, being a true introvert, you will try to avoid jobs where you need to constantly . If you need to communicate something to someone, you will most likely prefer writing to telephone calls. This may be due to a desire to avoid being judged by others. If you receive a refusal to do something over the phone, you risk being demoralized. You can always get a refusal in writing, but in this case it will not happen in real time, and it will be easier for you to save face or even your self-esteem.

9. You don't make small talk with people you happen to bump into.

It is almost impossible to imagine you easily striking up conversations with the first people you meet. If you are late or worried about something, you will not share it with just anyone, but rather silently consider your situation. You may believe that this is no one else's business but you, or you may prefer to use your own ways of coping with stress. In other words, people usually don't know what you're thinking or feeling at any given moment unless you consider them close enough to share personal thoughts with them.

Introversion - is it really that bad?

Introversion definitely has its benefits. For example, you are much less likely to do something insensitive like unintentionally insult someone with whom you disagree. By loving your own thoughts, you will be much less likely to feel bored when alone than those who need constant social stimulation.

The only risk is that people who don't know you may think you are cold and withdrawn or arrogant. Giving yourself permission to be a little more open with your feelings and thoughts can help introverts get the best out of both sides while staying true to themselves and without coming across as unfriendly.

On the other hand, if you're an extrovert, you might benefit from introducing a little introversion into your life. Try what it's like to not speak first, take charge, or speak your mind. Perhaps being introverted can help you see life differently, a little more thoughtfully.

The psyche of each person is individual, but there are general patterns, and the minds of many people work according to a certain scenario. The famous 20th century psychologist Carl Jung introduced the terms introvert And extrovert, describing different personality types. Jung himself was an introvert and was the first to explain that introverts are interested in the inner world of thoughts and emotions, while their opposites, extroverts, are drawn to the outer world filled with people and events.

In her book The Secret Power, psychology professor Susan Cain talks about the benefits of being an introvert. She is confident that observation, the ability to hear others and feel their needs are a powerful tool when communicating with people and the key to success.

And Kane notes that many great artists, inventors, athletes and entrepreneurs are introverted people. That's what we'll talk about today.

Mahatma Gandhi

Mahatma Gandhi was very timid as a child and was afraid of everything, especially people; after school I immediately ran home so as not to communicate with my classmates. But when he grew up, he led the liberation struggle in his native country, without changing his essence. Peaceful nonviolent protest became his weapon.

Beyoncé

For you, she is a pop music icon, filling stadiums around the world. Star of video clips that have received more than a billion views on YouTube. And although Beyoncé has been performing concerts since childhood, she recalls being an introverted child.

Now her self-confidence inspires fans from all over the world, but she still tends to be quiet and contemplative. “I’m a good listener and I like to watch people, and this is sometimes mistaken for shyness,” says the singer.

Emma Watson

“In fact, I’m a shy introvert and feel awkward in society,” admits Emma Watson. “At noisy parties, everything distracts me, and I usually go and lock myself in the bathroom!” I need time to rest, I don’t know how to talk about “nothing” at all, and when I meet strangers, I get very tense, because I know that they expect something from me. However, I love dancing in a small group of close friends - I'm an extrovert there! But I’m very shy in public.”

Misty Copeland

Misty Copeland has been called an atypical ballerina. Like most athletes, she began studying ballet as a child, but later than is typical: children are often brought to ballet school as early as four years old. Thirteen-year-old quiet Misty had no doubt that she had failed her audition for the school choreographic troupe. The girl kept quiet below the grass, but she was noticed. Misty's ability and talent were undeniable, and her ability to observe and focus on complex choreography seemed unique for her age. That day she was put in charge of a troupe of sixty girls. This is how her journey into ballet began. In 2015, Misty became the first African-American prima ballerina in the history of the American Ballet Theatre.

Albert Einstein

As a child, Albert Einstein preferred to study subjects that interested him on his own, which sometimes got him into trouble. At age 16, he failed his college entrance exam because he didn't prepare enough—he only studied what was interesting to him. True, later he learned to combine intense periods of solitary work with going out into public.

At the age of 23, Einstein created the Olympia Academy, a club where he met with close friends and discussed ideas that he spent many hours developing alone. At the age of 26, Einstein revolutionized physics, and at the age of 42 he received the Nobel Prize.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

National Basketball Association record holder Kareem Abdul-Jabbar dunked the ball every night in front of ten thousand fans, although he did not like the crowd or the attention. In fact, he loved reading history books and was a self-described nerd who, as fate would have it, turned out to be a good basketball player. Left alone with himself, he wrote memoirs and even novels.

As you can see, introversion did not stop Beyoncé, Einstein, Emma Watson and other celebrities from expressing themselves and achieving success.

Based on materials from "Secret Power". This book will teach you to be yourself, use your potential and enjoy life!

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Introverts are people who are focused more on their inner world than on others. They are comfortable being alone and their behavior is withdrawn and solitary. According to Susan Cain, author of the book Introverts, introversion is characteristic of up to 50% of all people. However, modern society is focused more on bright personalities, sociable, sociable and influential - extroverts. But what about the rest of the population? In order to find the answer to this question you need to take the path. Or you can take the shortcut and read what the author of the book, Susan, came up with.

How to understand that you are an introvert?

This is quite easy to do and usually people can immediately say that they prefer a calm, secluded environment or large, noisy and cheerful companies. If not, then we offer you, which will tell you for sure what type of people you are more of.

I would also like to note that it is rare to meet absolute introverts and extroverts. Often people are simply more prone to one type or the other, while possessing some characteristics of the opposite type.

So, if you have identified yourself as an introvert, then you should know some features that will help you in life.

Key ideas from Susan Cain:

If you want to find a reliable person who will protect you or your business from unnecessary risks, then an introvert would be the best candidate.
Introverts often turn out to be the best: if initiative appears in the team, then introverted managers are more willing to allow their subordinates to work with their own ideas.
Most creative people have a predisposition to introversion, because loneliness is an important part of any life.

If you liked the ideas and want to better understand yourself or the introverts you know, you can read Susan Cain’s book “Introverts”, where you will learn a lot of interesting things.

The famous psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung argued that you should not go against your nature, because this can negatively affect the quality and quality of your life. According to psychologist Susan Cain, every introvert can be quite successful at hiding their true colors on the playground, in school, or in the office hallway. But at a fateful moment in life (being fired or receiving an unexpected inheritance) that will allow them to live the life they always wanted, introverts realize their true nature. In the modern world of extroverts, where sociability is valued above all else, and detachment from communication is considered bad manners, it is really difficult for introverts to exist. But without these people, the world would have lost Harry Potter, Larry Peilge's Google, Chopin's nocturnes, Einstein's theory of relativity and iconic roles. ELLE collected facts about introverts and shared tips for those who are tired of seeming like an extrovert.

Facts about Introversion

1. To replenish their strength, introverts need to be alone, while extroverts need recovery only if they do not communicate enough.

2. Many psychologists are unanimous that introverts and extroverts have different work styles. Introverts work much slower, but more thoroughly. They prefer to focus on one task at a time and are outstanding.

3. According to scientist Winfred Gallagher, the ability to perceive and reflect on the surrounding reality, rather than immediately interact with it, is more likely to lead to the creation of outstanding works of art and science.

4. Finland has the largest number of introverts.

5. According to American psychologist Jennis Dorn, introverts are less sensitive to encouragement. It has been scientifically proven that introverted employees are not as motivated by praise as extroverted ones. For an introvert, encouragement is only important when he really deserves it.

6. In 1968, German psychiatrist Karl Leonhard conducted a study of introverts and extroverts. As a result of his work, the scientist proved that introverts are less susceptible to outside influence and have more stable willpower.

7. Introverts love solitude, so they actively protect their personal space. They are in no hurry and often feel guilty when refusing to accept an invitation.

8. The distance that introverts keep from people is not a sign of arrogance. The ability to focus on your inner world, feelings and experiences allows introverts to better understand and empathize with others.

9. Scientists from Harvard, Stanford and the University of Chicago analyzed the behavior of 5,000 CEOs of various companies. According to the results of the study, they found that introverted leaders are able to manage organizations more effectively than their extroverted colleagues.

10. In 2002, Bar-Ilan University conducted a study that found that introverts feel much freer and more comfortable online than extroverts. By the way, most popular bloggers in real life are introverts.

1. Psychologists recommend that introverts warn their work team about their character traits. For example, Douglas Conant, a famous American business coach, advises introverts to say the following: “If it seems to you that I am somewhere far away, please understand that I am an introvert, call out to me!” Honesty is conducive.

2. Experts recommend that introverts spend 30 minutes a day for informal communication at work. And the rest of the time, retire with headphones and your favorite playlist.

3. In order for people around you to receive valuable information about you that you are unlikely to tell yourself, pay attention to your social networks. Perhaps your Facebook page will help position yourself correctly. Yes, this world is made for extroverts. But the Internet is the best territory for an introvert.

4. Agree on your time frame for meetings in advance. Don't forget that you get tired of communication much faster than extroverts.

5. Making eye contact with your interlocutor is a seemingly simple, but energy-consuming process for an introvert. In order not to offend a person by lack of interest, it is better to sit not opposite him, but to the side. Then you can look away and not look indifferent.

6. If you are invited to a party and don’t know how to carry on a conversation, then it’s better to help the hosts or take pictures of your friends.

7. HR specialists and coaches recommend that introverts take into account their characteristics when preparing for interviews. Rehearse your answers to the applicant’s possible questions, do not forget to write down and mention your merits, which you may forget to mention due to shyness.

8. Parents of introverted children should remember that before introducing the child to a new place or people, it is necessary to prepare and work through possible reactions with him. You should not call introverted children shy or timid, as this can give rise to a social insecurity complex.

9. Most often, introverts have one or two serious hobbies, unlike active extroverts. Give your hobbies the time you want and find like-minded people who will support you. Perhaps these hobbies will become your new sources of strength.

10. Do not allow your personality traits to be judged or criticized. Remember that many people feel good in your company, because introverts are the best listeners and sensitive advisers.