In families where the daughter remains to live alone with her father, certain relationships are built. The father takes on the responsibility of providing and protecting his family, while the daughter does the housework and takes care of the father. In this case, she plays not only the role of a daughter, but also the role of a wife and sometimes even a mother.
Why do problems arise?
When appears in the family new woman, the girl may feel jealous. After all, she herself coped well with household responsibilities and showed concern for her father, so there was no need for additional help. And the stepmother, in addition to introducing her own rules into an already established family, can also teach her stepdaughter, telling her father about all her mistakes.
Difficulties can also arise due to the fact that the girl equates her choice of father with betrayal of her mother. Daughters cannot forgive their fathers for the fact that a woman appears in their house claiming to take the place of their mother.
What to do?
It is most difficult for a man in such a situation, since he is torn between his daughter and the woman he loves. He needs to create a family atmosphere in which both women understand and support each other, and also treat him equally well.
There is no need to be with your daughter and wife all the time; they need to be given time to be alone. The stepmother and her stepdaughter must understand that their quarrels and slander upset the man. To create a strong and friendly family, it is important for them to find common interests and hobbies.
First of all, women should distribute household responsibilities among themselves. The stepmother can do the cooking and cleaning, and the stepdaughter can monitor the cleanliness of clothes and pets. It is useful to spend leisure time together: joint shopping trips, entertainment and sincere conversations over a cup of tea will bring even opposite personalities closer together.
In case of acute misunderstandings, it is worth finding the cause of the conflict. In addition to jealousy, a feeling of envy may arise in such a family. A sociable beautiful young girl reminds her stepmother that she best years is already behind, and an elegant woman with refined manners will make the unfeminine stepdaughter think about her appearance and character. Instead of conflicting over this issue, it is necessary to learn from each other, ask for advice and take into account opinions and wishes. A man, noticing changes in the relationship between his daughter and his wife, will feel comfortable with his family.
Whether it was or not, one man had two daughters. One from his former wife, and the other from his current wife. No matter how much sweet food she ate, her own daughter did not become beautiful. And the stepdaughter only got a bone or a piece of cake, but she was beautiful: with a face the color of a rose and a slender figure, like a plane tree. Her eyes shone like stars, and her eyelashes were like arrows. Her stepmother did not love her and constantly shouted:
Hey, snake, bring this, take that, boil some tea, go somewhere!
The poor girl worked from morning to night. And every day the stepmother shouted:
Look after your ram!
One day she gave the girl a pound of cotton and said:
Before evening, clear the seeds and bring them!
The girl took the ram with her, went and sat down to work. Suddenly the wind rose and blew the cotton away from her. The girl jumped up and ran after the cotton. She got there, and lo and behold, the wind blew the cotton into the black shack. A girl came to the threshold of this shack and said:
Esselom alaikum. “Esselom alaikum” (from Arabic “as-salam alaikum” - “peace be upon you”) is a greeting accepted among peoples professing Islam. Here - in the Mary dialect of the Turkmen language.
Valeikum “Valeikum” (from Arabic “wa alaykum as-salam” - “peace be upon you”) is a response to a greeting. Here - in the Mary dialect of the Turkmen language. came from the shack.
The girl looked, and an old woman, a deva, was sitting by the fireplace.
Come, my child, don't be afraid! Sit next to me and look in my head,” she said.
The girl destroyed all the lice one by one and said:
Now be calm, mother, I destroyed them.
“Come on, my child, come to the threshold of the hut and take a look,” said the old woman of the devas.
The girl went and looked, and scattered silver taps lay at the threshold. “Can I take this? After all, this is the old woman’s good,” she thought and returned to the old woman.
Have you seen, my child? - asked the old lady dev.
Yes, I saw it,” the girl answered.
Well, my child, now shake yourself off, and I’ll take a look,” said the old woman of the devas.
The girl shook herself off, but nothing fell out of her dress, and the old deva woman realized that the girl had not taken anything. She gave her the cotton and said:
When you leave here, you will meet a river along the way. You pass by, this is a bad river. Then you will come to another river. In it, be sure to wash your hands and feet, take a good bath yourself, and only then leave.
Okay,” the girl answered, “I’ll do as you tell me.”
She said goodbye to the old woman and left. Here she goes, and along the way she meets a river. The girl, as the old woman of the devas advised, passed by. Then she came to another river. In it, the girl washed her hands and feet and bathed herself. And when she came out of the water, she became even more beautiful than before. So the girl returned home.
One day the stepmother gave her own daughter a pound of cotton and said:
Remove the seeds and bring it.
And this girl’s cotton was carried away by the wind and thrown into the shack of the old woman deva. The stepmother's daughter also came to the old deva's hut and greeted her. She answered hello, asked the girl to look in her head and started the same conversation.
When the stepmother's daughter saw the taps that were lying at the threshold, she immediately filled her clothes with them. And when, on the orders of the old deva woman, she shook herself off, the taps fell down. The old woman deva did not give her the cotton and said:
Go. Along the way you will meet a river - swim in it. And when you come to another river, pass by.
The girl swam in the first river. And when she came home to her mother, it turned out that her whole body had become pockmarked.
From day to day, the stepmother hated the orphan girl more and more. One day she told the girl's father:
Go slaughter the orphan ram.
The ram was slaughtered, and the orphan was given food separately from everyone else. She sat down to eat, and she cried out of pity for the ram. Here the ram meat says to her:
Don't eat me, I'm poisoned.
Then the girl, trembling and hiding from everyone, ran away from the house into the steppe.
Meanwhile, the son of the padishah went hunting. He noticed something dark from afar, approached - and there was a girl sitting with a face the color of a rose, with eyes like stars.
What are you doing in the steppe? - asked the son of the padishah.
And the girl told him everything from the very beginning. Then the son of the padishah asked:
Do you want to go to our village and become the head of the servant girls?
The girl agreed. They arrived in the village and settled in for a few days. The son of the padishah took the girl as his wife.
One man had two wives and a daughter from each wife. He loved both daughters equally, and peace and harmony reigned in the family.
But when the older wife died, the younger one began to care only about her daughter and treat her stepdaughter poorly. Her own daughter ate deliciously and dressed beautifully, and her stepdaughter worked from morning to evening and even listened to scolding for it.
The father felt sorry for his eldest daughter, but did not dare to stand up for her because he was afraid of his wife.
One day a girl started playing with her friends and returned home late. The evil stepmother locked the doors and did not let her in. The stepdaughter kept asking to open it until she became hoarse, but the stepmother insisted on her own.
The girl had to spend the night outside and sleep on dew-covered grass.
She caught a cold from the cold and dampness and became seriously ill.
The saddened father abandoned all his affairs and looked after his daughter, but as soon as he left, the stepmother and younger sister began to shower the poor girl with abuse and insults.
One day my father needed to leave for a long time. Before leaving, he cooked a pot of rice and boiled an egg for his eldest daughter. The younger sister noticed this and immediately told her mother about everything. The enraged stepmother came running, knocked over the pot of rice, threw out the egg and kicked her stepdaughter out of the house.
Not knowing where to look for protection and help, the poor thing wandered off randomly.
The women in the village sympathized with her and tried to help in whatever way they could - some with food, some with medicine.
When the girl recovered, she went into the forest, made herself a hut there and dug up the earth near it. Good people They helped her, and soon rice began to sprout in her field and corn grew. She got pigs and chickens, worked hard and felt happy.
They often came from the forest wild boars and spoiled the crops. Hearing noise and grunting one night, the girl gently said to them:
- Boars! If you want corn, eat the cobs, but don’t touch the green sprouts: they haven’t grown yet.
The boars obeyed her and since then have not spoiled the crops.
And one day a tiger crept up and wanted to grab the pig. Feeling his approach and hearing how frightened the pigs were rushing about in the barn, the girl said:
- Tiger, if you come for a pig, take the big one, but don’t touch the small piglets. They still have to grow up.
And the tiger, subdued, returned to the forest. But one night he appeared again and threw something out of his mouth near the house.
“In three days, fill this place with earth, and after six days, remove it,” he said.
The girl obeyed the tiger. Six days later, she raked the ground and saw a whole heap of shiny gold. Since then, life has become even easier for her.
The girl's father was very sad when he returned home and did not find his daughter.
One day, while he was working in the field, a crow appeared above his house and croaked:
- Karrr, karrr... take the black chest and the red chest, go get your daughter’s gold! The stepmother heard this, was very surprised and drove the crow away. And she said to her husband, as if a crow had cawed: “Take a shovel with a black handle and a shovel with a red handle, go bury your daughter!” The father was scared, and the next morning, just before dawn, he took shovels and went into the forest to look for the girl. He cried all the way. That’s why he was surprised and delighted when he saw that the girl was healthy and her house was full of kindness! Rejoicing at the meeting, father and daughter shed happy tears.
When he returned, the father told everyone the story of his daughter. And the stepmother, having learned about the wealth, felt envy. She immediately took her daughter to the forest, built a house for her, drove pigs for her, and brought her grain. She helped her cultivate the field, and when shoots appeared on it, she left her daughter alone and returned home.
At night forest animals came to the field to feast. The girl scolded them as best she could, but she was afraid to drive them away. Seeing this, the animals became bolder, and soon there was no trace left of the crops.
Then, smelling the smell of pigs and chickens, the tiger came. And he began to come every night. The girl was trembling with fear, huddled in a corner, and was afraid to fall asleep. And the tiger, having dealt with the cattle, made its way into the house, tore the girl to pieces and went to bed.
The next morning, a crow flew to the house where the husband and wife lived and, sitting on the fence, croaked:
- Karrr, karrr... take a shovel with a black handle and a shovel with a red handle, go bury your daughter!
The wife thought that the crow was lying, took a stone and drove it away. When her husband returned, she told him, as if a crow had cawed: “Take the black chest and the red chest, go for your daughter’s gold!” The husband believed, prepared the chests and went into the forest with his wife. But it was quiet near the house, the cattle had disappeared. The father rushed to look around, and the stepmother immediately ran into the house. Seeing something yellow on the floor, she poked the tiger with a stick. He woke up, attacked his stepmother and tore her to pieces.
Once upon a time there was a girl, white and pretty. She was born in winter, and winter gave her beautiful white skin, white teeth, a bright blush, and dark eyes. Smart girl, an ambulance worker, an assistant to her father and mother. He doesn’t sit idle - he either spins yarn, or grazes cows, or goes to the apiary when he has time to sleep. Time passed, the girl’s mother died after great labors, and no matter how long it took, the stepmother came to the house. Evil, like all stepmothers. I’m not used to working, but I want to live in goodness and gold and silver. She is not who she said she is, but who knows about it! In short, she settled into the house and began to command her husband, and even more so, her stepdaughter. And he shouts at her, and spreads his arms, and dreams of poisoning her. Why does she need to remove her stepdaughter, if she is quiet and hard-working, does not complain to her father about her stepmother, and does all the work properly? Only now her beauty does not fade, but intensifies. The girl has become so beautiful that the boyars look at her, the princes send matchmakers. What does the stepmother want? She wanted to become young. Why should she live in a simple hut if she can live in a princely one!
And what a witch she was, who would know! She could do everything, ruin everything, change everything! She could move herself, and others, and objects, but she did not show her abilities ahead of time. No one knew her true intentions, although she lived for thousands of years, changing her image to the one she liked. She was a knowledgeable witch, for she treated illnesses with herbs and often went into the forest without arousing suspicion. And in the forest he will pick herbs and brew magic herbs to keep his face young, not to grow old, and so that no one will see, he will say all sorts of words about the herbs collected for his husband and stepdaughter. I won’t say exactly what those words conveyed, but it was not good news, they collected illnesses and attracted death.
Not a little time had passed, she killed her husband with herbs, although outwardly her face was rejuvenated and well-groomed, so that people would not say that she brought her husband to death. No, I followed all the rituals, and at his grave I sobbed inconsolably, so much so that I could hear howling and laughter at the same time in that sob. So the neighbors decided that the woman had gone crazy and could not stand the death of her husband. It’s good that I’m not alone, but my daughter is nearby. And the witch keeps crying and howling, and listening to people what they are talking about. And what about my daughter? She sheds tears quietly, doesn’t look at anyone, understands how hard it will be for her to live now. She had already seen the true face of the witch, but there was no one to tell, they wouldn’t believe it.
Time has passed, the pain of loss has subsided, they seem to live peacefully and do not quarrel. The neighbors look at them and are happy. They say it’s necessary, what kind of woman is this: not a stepmother, but a mother, she tries everything for her daughter, she cooks goodies, she sews new clothes, and she taught her daughter everything! The neighbors stopped watching and gossiping about their lives, and she decided to send her stepdaughter out of the house to the fair to buy honey. Otherwise, the honey in her village is tasteless, and she herself seemed to be sick.
The girl went through the forest, fortunately the summer was warm, there were mushrooms and berries all around, she could pick them and rest on the way. The road is long, there’s nowhere to rush, we’ve got food with us, and there’s no question about finding some water. A stream runs along the road, gurgles cheerfully, plays with her, warns her, protects her from her stepmother. The girl listens to the trickle's advice, but puts it into her head, but doesn't know what to do. How to protect yourself from your stepmother? Just don't return home. She decided to go to the fair, buy honey, supplies, and look for a shelter somewhere, a home in the forest. I didn’t think that it was scary to be alone in the forest, and there were a lot of angry people walking around. And the stepmother decided to follow her, see if she bought honey, and so that she wouldn’t run away. Girl of marriageable age, in good hands it must be given to a rich estate, not of a simple family, but of a prince.
She collected her little bags and also walked along the road through the forest. And she’s not the only one coming, people from other villages are coming, and some are riding a horse. It’s fun, and the road ends faster when there are crowds of people. She did not see her stepdaughter ahead, she had gone far away, and the stepmother began to listen to everything that the people said, and to listen to all the news from the forest and the stream. There are a lot of birds, they are chatty, they quickly spread through the forest that passed here beautiful girl, the stream warned her of some danger, and she decided to go into the forest. It will be possible to find her there; they, the birds, will definitely find a place where the girl will settle. The stepmother has calmed down, she will not remain in the unknown, since she wants to change the fate of her stepdaughter for her own, replace herself with her, and live in good home with a young husband.
How much time passed, but the road led to the fair. And how big she was! Fun can be heard from all sides, all sorts of goodies are sold, toys, painted scarves, and children are given rides on carousels and songs are sung. Fun and laughter are heard from all sides. The stepmother looked around - there were no fellow travelers, no stepdaughter. She started walking through the rows, looking at people, showing herself off. He smiles at all the merchants, praises himself as if he were a commodity, and mentions how good she is to his daughter. And she herself is watching everything, maybe where her stepdaughter will appear, or some prince will appear, or she will hear about something that he himself is good, young and looking for a wife.
The stepmother walked around the fair for a long time, she had seen enough, heard enough, and was tired. I decided to spend the night in the house, but no one would let me in, everyone’s room was full, there was nowhere to sleep. There was nothing to do, she went to a tavern to ask for a place to stay for the night, and people had unflattering reviews about him. It seems that evil spirits stop there for the night. During the day there is nothing, you can eat and drink, but staying at night means you won’t be alive. But the innkeeper said nothing, rented her a room upstairs and closed entrance doors. There was no one else in the tavern except her and the tavernkeeper. The stepmother, happy from the fair and tired, quickly went to bed and fell asleep. It was just midnight, the doors were shaking, the windows were swinging open, the walls of the tavern were moving, the building was about to fall apart. What about a witch? Sleeps peacefully. She realized that it was not for nothing that there were no people there, it was an unclean place, and she said all sorts of conspiracies to stay cool from evil spirits, to protect against the attacks of dark forces, and to have a restful sleep. All sorts of evil spirits fought at the door until the morning, they could not break into the room with the witch, and at dawn, sunlight, all the evil spirits disappeared, before the roosters even had time to crow.
The stepmother decided to take a walk at the fair one more day, look at people, show herself off, and collect information. Again she walks around the rows, where she will try a piece, where she will touch the handkerchief, and where she will sit down, sit and talk amicably. I learned a lot about life in the surrounding villages, who is alive and who is dead, who is rich and who is poor. She decided to arrange a meeting between the prince and his stepdaughter by replacing her face with her stepdaughter’s. She arranged the meeting in such a way that the prince and his retinue stopped, seeing such beauty. He asked everyone: who she was, where she lived, and who the father and mother were, and decided to immediately send matchmakers to her. How pleased the stepmother was, it was she who chose a husband for herself, and such a handsome one that one could not wish for anything better. She went home, her face changed, she walked by herself, wondering where her stepdaughter was lost.
And at that time the stepdaughter was already walking into the deep forest, carrying a basket of honey and food. She walked for a long time, got tired, and decided to sit down and eat some honey. As soon as she sat down on a tree stump, a little old man came out and asked:
- Treat the girl with honey, I’m too small to climb trees, destroy bee hives, but I really want honey.
She treated him with honey and gave him bread. Here the old man says:
- I know why you came here. I will show you the place where you will live happily ever after.
And he led her through the forest, jumping over hummocks and fallen trees so quickly, as if he were flying on wings. They walked and walked and reached a high tower. They enter the house, there is no dog in it, the house is not tidy, food is not prepared, the beds are not made. The girl looked around, put the house in order, washed the floors, cooked food and went to bed from fatigue, but the owners were still not there. He sleeps and has a dream that the tower is not simple, magical. Whoever lives in it will be protected by its walls, will be fed and shod. And when the time comes, the owner will return here after traveling, but how long to wait for him is unknown.
The girl began to live here as a housewife, she wouldn’t take too much, she kept cleanliness and sang songs. How many days and nights have passed is not counted, but only the prince’s retinue arrives at the tower and the prince himself with his young wife. And the wife is the stepmother, she exchanged her face for the face of her stepdaughter, and so she presented herself to him as young and beautiful. The princely retinue saw that someone was already living in the house, without asking the owner, and they asked:
- Hey, is there anyone alive, come out and show yourself! We won’t do harm, we’ll talk, the owner of the tower has arrived.
And here the prince meets with women who are identical in appearance. What started here! Questions: who, where, and why here, and who is the father and mother. The girl tells, and the prince is surprised. He had already heard this from his young wife. Only there are slight differences in the story, and the young wife did not tell him that she had a sister who was like a drop of water.
The prince decided to bring his young wife into the house and rest, and then, with a fresh mind, again figure out who was who. As soon as the stepmother began to enter the door of the tower, the face of her stepdaughter flew off her and she appeared in her true light. The witch is ancient, terrible, with a bestial grin on her face, hands with long claws, she reaches out to her stepdaughter, but cannot reach her. And magic doesn't help her. Magic does not work where light and truth live. The witch tried for a long time to enter the tower, but the more she tried, the more strength she lost. She was exhausted, only a shadow of her remained, and the prince, out of surprise, did not dare to enter his house himself. Meanwhile, the sun is setting, it’s time to go into the house, there’s nothing evil spirits housetrain. We entered the tower, and it was clean, beautiful, everything was laid out in a proper manner, tidied up, and the guest greeted the prince with a low bow. The prince understood who was in front of him, was glad that the walls of the tower protected him from deception, and the prince decided to play the wedding again, and they collected the witch’s shadow, put it in a bucket and burned it, so much so that there were no ashes left from it.
The tale takes a long time to tell, and young, happy people live even longer. Light and Love! I was there, I didn’t drink the honey, I listened to the conversation and passed it on to you.
Each child has infinitely unique abilities to adapt to absolutely everything. Of course, children are selfish, some more and some less, but they will never respond with evil to those people who treat them well. Children, in particular boys, really want sincere love, when they love him just like that, without demanding anything in return. In such cases, the stepmother just needs to treat her named son well and with love.
The situation with the relationship between stepmother and stepdaughter is much more complicated. There is an opinion that it is much easier for a girl to get used to appearing in own home so to speak, a “new” mother, since love from dad satisfies the need for constant parental love. But everything is far from being as simple as it seems at first glance. The girl is very jealous of her father and stepmother, especially for the attention and time that the father devotes to his new beloved, as well as for the place that the stepmother means in his life. It is known that girls feel much more subtly all the difficulties in the current situation, even the slightest possible threat to their own well-being, and at the same time, they perceive the falsehood that has arisen.
The relationship between daughter and stepmother has its own difficulties, but the most basic one is the stepmother’s demands on the named daughter. Some people are of the opinion that demand can only be made through offense or infringement.
According to many years of experience and research, not only psychologists, but also parents themselves have come to the conclusion that girls can be raised very wisely without introducing any restrictions into their lives, but by working primarily on themselves. In order for the named daughter to gradually become accustomed to adult life, the stepmother must become a good housewife. When a woman cleans, prepares family lunches and dinners, communicates well with her husband’s relatives, friends and colleagues, the girl sees all this and on a subconscious level begins to copy the behavior of the new mother.
With the help of this method of joint behavior, many families were able to avoid a large number of various problems not only in raising children, but also in relationships with each other, as with husband and wife.
Thus, in order to gain the daughter’s affection for her stepmother, first of all, it is the latter who must take the first steps and not only through her behavior, but also through her actions, must show an interest in establishing contacts.
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