Dear readers, where to start: with President Putin, who received Jews in the Kremlin? or from the boys who ran around the train wearing masks and carrying baseball bats?
Let's start with an anecdote from the times of the USSR, when everyone had their nationality in their passport. A man with a typically Jewish appearance shows off to a friend his new passport, which says “Russian.” Friend (with a sad grin): “Are you happy? But they will hit you in the face, not your passport.”
...Now we still have to decide: first the president or first the boys with the bats? The easiest way would be to approach it chronologically and start with what happened before. But the fact of the matter is that two events happened synchronously (at the same minute). And if so, let's start with the main thing.
The Chief received representatives of the European Jewish Congress in the Kremlin. This organization represents the interests of Jews living in Europe.
The President of the Congress, Vyacheslav Kantor, had the following dialogue with the President of Russia:
CANTOR. Our news is alarming. The situation of Jews in Europe today is the worst since the end of World War II. The Jews are gripped by fear, and a new exodus of Jews from Europe is very real.
PUTIN. Yes, I saw these reports. There people are already afraid to wear a kippah in public places, they even try to hide their nationality. But I don’t think that it’s as bad there as you say - the worst situation since the Second World War.
CANTOR. There is more emigration from France, which was still prosperous yesterday, than from Ukraine, which is engulfed in civil conflict. ...The explosive growth of nationalism, xenophobia, racism. Manifestations of Islamic fundamentalism and extremism fuel these sentiments. And this is not only in France: it is Germany, Great Britain, as well as Greece, Hungary, Sweden and Italy.
PUTIN. Let them come to us, let them come to us. We are ready.
And all the television and radio channels, all the news agencies began to endlessly repeat: President Putin promised Jewish refugees from Europe a safe life in Russia.
Exactly at the moment when this invitation was sounded in the Kremlin, 15 young men, wearing masks and carrying bats, ran into a train near Moscow. They beat up a passenger whose face was clearly not Slavic. Then (the police) it turned out that the guy was Azerbaijani. But those who beat him didn’t know this. Few people in our country can discern at first glance exactly what nationality a person with a Caucasian or Transcaucasian appearance is. Moreover, you can’t see very well through the holes in the mask, and there’s no time to figure it out. Maybe they thought they were beating an Armenian, or a Chechen, or a Dagestani. Or maybe they didn’t think about anything like that at all; there was a non-Russian in front of them - that’s enough.
Putin promised a safe life for Jews from Europe. Suppose he himself believes in his promises. But how to organize execution? An additional problem is created by the fact that not everyone in our country can immediately distinguish a Jew from an Azerbaijani. In addition, the refugees invited by Putin will find themselves here without the Russian language and will not be able to explain to the boys with bats that they are guests of our president. In a “train-masks-bits” situation, there is no time for explanations at all. Everything should be clear at first glance.
A kippah (Jewish cap) and sidelocks can become a protective uniform for refugees from Europe. If everything is explained to everyone, an absolutely peaceful life will come. And not only for Jews from Europe.
Before getting on the train, any Azerbaijani (Dagestanian, Kalmyk, Kumyk, Tajik) must put on a kippah, or even better, attach a six-pointed yellow star to his chest. I got to the mosque, unhooked the Star of David, walked home along a dark street, and hooked it up. It couldn't be simpler.
It is unknown how the investigation into episode 15 will end with bits against one non-Russian. It is not even known whether there will be an investigation. The beaten man does not seem to want a trial. Either he’s afraid, or he’s forgiven everyone in a Christian way. Maybe even turned the other cheek.
It is possible, however, that the investigation will discover that this guy himself attacked the gang. This happens all the time here. Swamp squishes always attack riot police and damage different places of fighters protected by law, body armor, helmet, baton. I remember a 9-year-old Tajik girl attacked a group of skinheads. And when they ran away, she stabbed herself to death out of chagrin that she couldn’t catch up.
...Actually, the safest place is prison. There is security there, there are no bats in the hands of the population, no weapons at all. But here, even in these safest places, prisoners fall in their sleep and are killed.
No, we should not be afraid of the Jewish invasion from Europe. They will not burden our budget.
Our caring government paid attention to the protection of “small” objects from terrorist threats: restaurants, shops, entertainment centers and other crowded places. A bill has been sent to the presidential administration for approval, which clarifies the term “place of large gatherings of people” - this category will now include any territory or building where more than 50 people can be present. Owners of such places will be required to obtain a safety passport, which provides for additional requirements for the anti-terrorism protection of the facility.
The bill requires that all objects falling under the new definition be required to compile a safety data sheet. And, as a source close to the development group explained, the document will primarily affect the small business and public catering sector. Previously, no one paid attention to their safety and security.
Thank you, benefactors, for paying attention to what else you can get money for.
Unable (due to impotence) to boast of something constructive, creative, our government (both executive and legislative) is constantly looking for (and sometimes creating) informational reasons to start collecting money in a new circle- either after the story with the “Lame Horse”, or after another car accident, etc.
It doesn’t even occur to them that it is the business sector that provides income to the bulk of the citizens of our country, that receiving gas and oil dollars in modern Russia is the prerogative of, as one of the domestic political figures aptly put it, “a narrow circle of limited people.”
It doesn’t even occur to them that they can study world experience, in particular Israel, where the danger of terrorist threats is much higher than in Russia. But no one deals with anti-terrorism passports there, because they understand perfectly well that they are hitting not in the passport, but in the face.
Today, a Moscow businessman in some small cafe can easily be visited by: the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection, the Federal Migration Service, fire supervision, Rospotrebnadzor, local tax, inter-district tax, SES (Sanitary and Epidemiological Service), department for regulating the circulation of alcoholic beverages, Mosgorreklama, administrative and technical inspection, Moscomarchitecture, etc.
And if it takes at best a day to sort things out with everyone (and having not found any shortcomings, these evil uncles and aunts will not leave - perhaps they came in vain), then it turns out that the businessman will simply have no time to engage in business. Because if you try to fulfill all the requirements of each of these bureaucratic institutions in practice, then a whole life will not be enough.
Let's take, for example, an excerpt from the list of documents, the submission of which by a legal entity or individual entrepreneur is necessary to achieve the goals and objectives of conducting an audit of the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection:
- data on the inventory of emission sources (materials from the inventory of emissions of pollutants into the air);
- draft standards for maximum permissible emissions of pollutants into the atmosphere;
- schedule of production (laboratory) monitoring of compliance with MPE standards;
Results of production monitoring of established emission standards at sources in accordance with the schedule (protocols of quantitative chemical analysis with attached copies of accreditation certificates of laboratories performing sample analyzes);
- documents confirming the implementation of measures to temporarily reduce emissions of pollutants during periods of unfavorable meteorological conditions.
The list of provinces prohibited for residence in the famous Soviet film of the 1930s “Maxim’s Youth” compared to the lists of demands of today’s bureaucrats is just a comic book.
The growing army of bureaucrats, living luxuriously on average official salaries thanks to extortions from the business sector, continues with renewed energy to invent new ways of extorting bribes from entrepreneurs. And they don’t realize that, thus strangling entrepreneurship in Russia, they are cutting off the branch on which they are sitting.
Or maybe it’s easier to close all these extortionate bureaucratic shops that give society NOTHING?
After all, probably neither the tax office nor the FMS (where 50 people gather at one time) have anti-terrorism passports. By the way, the Duma does too.
The topic of the day
Dear readers, where to start: with President Putin, who received Jews in the Kremlin? or from the boys who ran around the train wearing masks and carrying baseball bats?
Let's start with an anecdote from the times of the USSR, when everyone had their nationality in their passport. A man with a typically Jewish appearance shows off to a friend his new passport, which says “Russian.” Friend (with a sad grin): “Are you happy? But they will hit you in the face, not your passport.”
...Now we still have to decide: first the president or first the boys with the bats? The easiest way would be to approach it chronologically and start with what happened before. But the fact of the matter is that two events happened synchronously (at the same minute). And if so, let's start with the main thing.
The Chief received representatives of the European Jewish Congress in the Kremlin. This organization represents the interests of Jews living in Europe.
The President of the Congress, Vyacheslav Kantor, had the following dialogue with the President:
CANTOR. Our news is alarming. The situation of Jews in Europe today is the worst since the end of World War II. The Jews are gripped by fear, and a new exodus of Jews from Europe is very real.
PUTIN. Yes, I saw these reports. There people are already afraid to wear a kippah in public places, they even try to hide their nationality. But I don’t think that it’s as bad there as you say - the worst situation since the Second World War.
PUTIN. Let them come to us, let them come to us. We are ready.
And all the television and radio channels, all the news agencies began to endlessly repeat: President Putin promised Jewish refugees from Europe a safe life in Russia.
Exactly at the moment when this invitation was sounded in the Kremlin, 15 young men, wearing masks and carrying bats, ran into a train near Moscow. They beat up a passenger whose face was clearly not Slavic. Then (the police) it turned out that the guy was Azerbaijani. But those who beat him didn’t know this. Few people in our country can discern at first glance exactly what nationality a person with a Caucasian or Transcaucasian appearance is. Moreover, you can’t see very well through the holes in the mask, and there’s no time to figure it out. Maybe they thought they were beating an Armenian, or a Chechen, or a Dagestani. Or maybe they didn’t think about anything like that at all; there was a non-Russian in front of them - that’s enough.
Putin promised a safe life for Jews from Europe. Suppose he himself believes in his promises. But how to organize execution? An additional problem is created by the fact that not everyone in our country can immediately distinguish a Jew from an Azerbaijani. In addition, the refugees invited by Putin will find themselves here without the Russian language and will not be able to explain to the boys with bats that they are guests of our president. In a “train-masks-bits” situation, there is no time for explanations at all. Everything should be clear at first glance.
A kippah (Jewish cap) and sidelocks can become a protective uniform for refugees from Europe. If everything is explained to everyone, an absolutely peaceful life will come. And not only for Jews from Europe.
Before getting on the train, any Azerbaijani (Dagestanian, Kalmyk, Kumyk, Tajik) must put on a kippah, or even better, attach a six-pointed yellow star to his chest. I got to the mosque, unhooked the Star of David, walked home along a dark street, and hooked it up. It couldn't be simpler.
It is unknown how the investigation into episode 15 will end with bits against one non-Russian. It is not even known whether there will be an investigation. The beaten man does not seem to want a trial. Either he’s afraid, or he’s forgiven everyone in a Christian way. Maybe even turned the other cheek.
It is possible, however, that the investigation will discover that this guy himself attacked the gang. This happens all the time here. Swamp squishes always attack riot police and damage different places of fighters protected by law, body armor, helmet, baton. I remember a 9-year-old Tajik girl attacked a group of skinheads. And when they ran away, she stabbed herself to death out of chagrin that she couldn’t catch up.
...Actually, the safest place is prison. There is security there, there are no bats in the hands of the population, no weapons at all. But here, even in these safest places, prisoners fall in their sleep and are killed.
No, we should not be afraid of the Jewish invasion from Europe. They will not burden our budget.
The OVIR inspector dissuades a Jewish scientist from emigrating to Israel:
- Your job is good, your apartment is good, what else do you need?
- My wife insists...
- And you, a man, cannot influence your wife?
- My wife’s parents also want to go...
- So let them go, and you stay!
- Unfortunately, I am the only Jew in the family...
Two Jews pass by Lubyanka. One sighs heavily.
- Ha! - the second responds. - He's telling me!
What is the "aggressor's face"?
- This is the former “Jewish face”.
The Jew is asked why he does not want to join the party.
- I will have responsibilities like a communist, and rights like a Jew!
War communism. Exchange of telegrams between Sarah and her husband, who is in the Red Army:
“I have to plant potatoes. There’s no one to dig up the garden.”
- “Don’t dig it up. There’s a machine gun buried in the garden.”
- “The security officers came. They dug up the entire garden.”
- “Plant potatoes.”
Chaim, have you heard that there will be a pogrom soon?
- But I’m not afraid - I’m Russian according to my passport.
- Fool, they will hit you not on your passport, but on your face!
A Jew enters graduate school at the department of history. On the history exam, he answers all the questions, but they keep asking him for new names and dates.
- A historian needs an especially good memory! - they tell him.
- Oh, I have an excellent memory. I remember myself from the age of eight days: a gray-bearded Jew leaned over me and cut off my path to entering graduate school!
An expensive Russian restaurant "Nostalgia" has opened in Tel Aviv. The food is bad, they move you to another table, they are rude, they cheat you. The doorman bids farewell to those leaving:
"Get back to your Israel, you Jewish mug!"
What does Brezhnev fear most?
- That the Chinese will learn to fight like the Jews, and the Jews will learn to reproduce like the Chinese.
In the Sandunovo baths:
- Rurik Solomonovich, one of two things: either take off the cross, or put on panties!
Abram tosses and turns in bed and cannot fall asleep. Sarah asks:
- What happened, Abram? Why do not you sleep?
- I owe Moishe 50 rubles and I don’t know how to repay him.
Sarah opens the window and shouts:
- Moisha!!!
From the other side of Moishe Street:
- What, Sarah?
- Abram owes you 50 rubles, so he said that he won’t give them back!
She closed the window and said to Abram:
- You go to sleep, let him not sleep now.
One Russian in a trolleybus had his foot stepped on by a Jew, who did not notice it and continued to stand. The Russian is hurt and offended. He thinks: “If he doesn’t get off in a minute, I’ll hit him in the face.” A minute passes - the Jew does not come down. The Russian punches him in the face. Immediately two more Russians jump up from their seats and begin to beat the Jew. Everyone is taken to the mentura. Interrogation. Russian:
- I’m driving, not touching anyone, suddenly this one gets on my leg and doesn’t come off. I thought: “If he doesn’t get off in a minute, I’ll hit him in the face.” After 15 seconds I didn’t cry, after 30 I didn’t cry, after 45 I didn’t cry, after a minute I gave it to him.
Jew:
“I’m riding on a trolleybus, I’m not touching anyone, I’m thinking about my own things, and all of a sudden this one hits me in the face for no reason, and these two let’s help him.”
"Helpers":
- We are driving, we look - there is a Jew standing, and a Russian is sitting next to him and looking at his watch, then at the Jew, then at his watch, then at the Jew, and at exactly 12 he will hit him in the face. Well, we thought that it had started all over the country.
A Jew writes from the front:
“Dear parents, everything is fine with me, I serve with Budyonny in the cavalry. I ask you to send money for a horse. Here everyone rides their own.”
Answer:
“We didn’t receive your letter, son. That’s why we don’t send any money. Be careful, don’t end up serving in the navy, so we don’t have to buy you a submarine.”
Questionnaire:
- Are you Jewish?
- No, I'm not Jewish.
- Okay, so you're not Jewish?
- I told you that I am not a Jew.
- Great. This is the last time I ask. Are you Jewish?
- Yes, I’m not a Jew, not a Jew!
- Why are you getting excited? I just write that you are a Jew.
- Right now I’ll hit you in the face!
- Now I see that you are not a Jew. Then we move on to the second question of the questionnaire. Are your parents not Jews?..
