To make eye contact or not? Many people are scratching their heads over this question. It is believed that they do not make eye contact only when they are deceiving. But psychologists assure that this is not so, and offer several options possible reasons, according to which a person may not look another person in the eye during a conversation.
British scientists conducted a series of experiments and found that in just one second of time, when people look into each other's eyes, they receive the same amount of information that they could receive in three hours of active communication. This is partly why it is constantly very difficult to look into the eyes of the interlocutor and the person has to look away.
In addition, it has been proven that when a person constantly looks at another and eye to eye, it is very annoying and makes you nervous. After all, it seems that he is trying to “read” you. And no one wants this.
In some cases, looking away when speaking is considered a sign of shyness, which is scientifically proven. With a glance you can reveal your entire attitude towards an object, since interest, love, and interest make the eyes shine in a special way. And if a person does not want you to understand his feelings right now (maybe it’s too early?), then he will not be able to look into your eyes all the time.
It is also impossible to look into the eyes of a person whose gaze is “boring” and heavy. Literally from the first seconds of communication with such an interlocutor, it becomes very uncomfortable, unpleasant and uncomfortable. Such a look presses and forces you to look away.
Self-doubt is another reason why people cannot look straight in the eyes. If your interlocutor is fiddling with something in his hands during a conversation, nervously crumpling a napkin, fiddling with his ears, the tip of his nose or his hair, then he thereby reveals deep emotional excitement. This means that he will avoid direct eye contact, as he is not confident in his actions. And he doesn’t know what exactly needs to be done now and what look is most appropriate to “send” to you.
Of course, there are also cases when a person does not look his interlocutor in the eyes simply because he is not interested in the latter. Then there is no point in exchanging information both verbally and non-verbally. You need to recognize that the reason is boredom as quickly as possible so as not to have unnecessary conversations. Moreover, it is quite easy to do. In addition to a lowered gaze, a person will show other signs of disinterest: pointedly glancing at his watch, sometimes yawning, constantly interrupting the conversation under the pretext of answering a phone call, etc. In this case, it is better to say goodbye to your interlocutor as quickly as possible.
If you want to avoid problems with communication, practice not looking away while talking. Then it will be easier for you to make new friends and build working relationships.
Psychologists say that a person who hides his eyes or looks away in a dialogue can be either a very modest person or a liar. And it’s true that someone whose eyes “shift” gives the impression of not being a very decent person. But people often don’t like to look eye to eye, and this is not connected with thoughts of stealing something or cheating. Why do we look away? Do liars look you in the eye? U modern science There are answers to these and other questions.
Eyes are the mirror of the soul
Experts from the University of California are convinced that 93% of the quality of communication is determined by non-verbal means. Body language, tone, timbre of voice and, of course, the expression of the eyes - all this helps to understand what a person really wants to say.
Other figures are given in a study led by Steven Janik and Rodney Wellens from the University of Miami in Florida: 44% of attention during communication is focused on the eyes and only 12% on the mouth. It is the eyes that are the “litmus test” of our emotions: they reflect fear, disappointment, bitterness, joy... But why then do we look away so often?
Trying to concentrate
Psychologists Fiona Phelps and Gwyneth Doherty Sneddon in their work “Gaze-Disgust” tried to determine the dependence of the duration of the gaze on the method of obtaining information and the level of its complexity. They conducted an experiment in which two groups of 8-year-old children were given lung and difficult questions, while the former received information on a face-to-face basis, and the latter through a video monitor.
It turned out that the more complex the question, the more often the child looked away in an attempt to concentrate and find the answer. It is interesting that a similar situation was observed more often in groups where the dialogue was built face to face.
Liar? Liar!
There is a persistent stereotype that when lying, a person is unable to look his interlocutor in the eyes. However, British psychologists from the University of Portsmouth are confident that everything is happening exactly the opposite.
The person telling a lie wants to make sure that his “noodles” are securely settled in your ears, so he continuously monitors your emotions, looking intently into your eyes. But is this behavior effective?
Power of persuasion
Sometimes liars do this: knowing that the interlocutor will be unpleasantly surprised by his shifting gaze, he looks intently through the person, directing his gaze to the bridge of his nose.
A series of experiments conducted by psychologists Francis Chan of the University of British Columbia and Julia Minson of the Kennedy School at Harvard University showed that the more intently a speaker looks into the eyes of the interlocutor, the less convincing his speech seems. Have you ever noticed that many public figures do not look into the eyes, but a little lower or at the bridge of the nose? Close visual contact can often be seen as a clear attempt to impose one's point of view.
One on one
British scientists from the University of Portsmouth also proved that people look into the eyes of their interlocutor longer if they are face to face with him - on average 7-10 seconds. This time is reduced to 3-5 seconds if communication occurs in groups.
Flirting triangle
A smile, a wink, a long look straight into the eyes... Such behavior is regarded as modern society like an attempt at flirting. Many of us probably avoid prolonged eye contact exactly because of this reason. What if a person thinks something wrong?
Communication consultant Susan Rabin confirms this stereotype in her book 101 Ways to Flirt: Long eye contact is extremely important for flirting, with men and women using different "techniques." If representatives of the stronger half of humanity prefer a direct gaze, which they subconsciously consider a manifestation of strength and courage, then women “slide” their gaze along the so-called “flirting triangle”: the lady first visually examines the entire “object”, if the “test” is passed by the subject successfully, the gaze “rests” on the eyes.
The reason is misfortune
Dr Peter Hills, who teaches psychology at Anglia Ruskin University, and Dr Michael Lewis from Cardiff University, have published a paper which suggests that unhappy people tend to avoid eye contact.
They are more likely to pay attention to a new hairstyle, beautiful shoes or the scent of perfume. Perhaps this happens because the suffering person does not want to immerse himself in the true emotional state of the interlocutor. He has his own problems “through the roof”!
Visual, auditory or kinesthetic?
Neuro-linguists offer their explanation. Whether a person likes to look into the eyes or tries to quickly look away - it depends on the way he thinks. Visual learners think through visual images, which is why it is so necessary for them to focus on their eyes in order to “read” the missing information.
For auditory learners, sounds are important - they are more likely to listen to the timbre and intonation of the voice, looking somewhere to the side. Kinesthetics, based on intuition and tactile sensations, during communication try to touch the interlocutor, hug, shake hands, while they usually look down.
Aggression, or What does he need?
Social psychologist Julia A. Minson is convinced that visual contact, on the one hand, is a very intimate process, on the other hand, it can reflect the desire of one person to dominate another.
“Animals will never look each other eye to eye,” says Julia, “unless they then intend to fight for dominance.” Indeed, a person looking closely at you gives rise to a feeling of anxiety and a lot of questions.
If this is a stranger on public transport or at a deserted bus stop, then the question immediately arises: “What does he need?” Nervousness can lead to mutual aggression. If a colleague, a good friend, or a nice saleswoman in a supermarket stares into your eyes, you want to quickly look at yourself in the mirror and check if the parsley stuck to your teeth during lunch or if the mascara ran. Each of us has experienced similar feelings of awkwardness, so we often prefer to quickly look away.
Sep 20, 2016 tigress...s
Not long ago, through a series of experiments, British scientists found that in just one second, when people meet their eyes, they exchange a volume of information comparable to what is obtained in three hours of live communication. Psychology says that because of this, some people find it difficult to look into the eyes of their interlocutor for a long time.
Practice not looking away when speaking. This will help you make new friends faster and also build favorable business relationships
Another reason lies in the person whose eyes they look into. This can be very annoying, irritating, and make you nervous. It seems that the interlocutor is trying to “read” you, listening to every word and creating his own personal opinion. Such moments hardly cause positive emotions, and the person tends to quickly look away.
It is very difficult for men or women who seem to deliberately glare with their heavy gaze in order to show, for example, their superiority over their interlocutor. From the very first seconds of such communication it becomes uncomfortable, desire lower your eyes to the floor.
The ability to make eye contact is an important quality when communicating.
- More details
Uncertainty and boredom
Very often, looking away when speaking can be a sign of shyness. With the help of a glance, you can express your attitude towards an object, show interest, and demonstrate a feeling of falling in love. Also, one can read in the gaze that it is difficult for a person to find words for conversation, his nervousness, etc. Therefore, they avert their eyes to the side so as not to tell too much about themselves ahead of time and show themselves not at their best.
Uncertainty and lack of composure also often force people not to look their interlocutor in the eyes. Sometimes it can be hard to find mutual language with this or that person, because of which the interlocutor lowers his eyes, begins to nervously finger something in his hands, fidget with his ears or hair, thereby betraying his excitement. Such people are simply not sure that they behave and speak correctly.
There are very common cases when you don’t look your interlocutor in the eyes because he is simply uninteresting. In such a situation, there is simply no point in exchanging information both at the verbal and non-verbal levels. It’s enough to simply recognize whether your interlocutor is bored with you. In addition to a downcast gaze, such a person will be characterized by other signs of his disinterest: frequent glances at his watch,
When a person does not make eye contact when communicating, there is often a feeling of understatement, as if he is hiding something. And usually this intuitive feeling does not deceive.
When a teenager doesn't make eye contact
When it comes to children, especially adolescence– this situation arises often. Parents begin to notice that their daughter or son avoids looking directly when talking, moving their eyes to the side or lowering them “to the floor.” When asked directly, children answer that they are uncomfortable making eye contact. Why is this happening?
Usually this behavior is preceded by some event, especially if the child previously looked calmly into the eyes, and then suddenly began to feel awkward during visual contact. Think about what it could be.
This particular phenomenon may have many individual causes or a whole complex of them.
During this period of time, teenagers experience their first loves, their bodies change, “hormones play” - as if the whole world around them is changing, and they do not know how to hide it and how to adapt to numerous changes themselves. Here it is important to give time to come to your senses - by the age of 16-17, the child will adapt to his new state and learn to communicate adequately.
When an adult doesn't make eye contact
When an adult avoids looking into your eyes - either he does not want to see something in you, or he does not want to show something in himself, he is uncomfortable, because a huge flow of information goes through the eyes.
Maybe at this moment he is experiencing emotions that he does not want to share with you for some reason. For example, he may be angry with you or jealous of you.
It’s not for nothing that they say that eyes are the mirror of the soul; sometimes they can tell the observer more than their owner would like.
When talking with a friend or girlfriend, averting his eyes to the side, a person may try to maintain his personal boundaries; he feels uncomfortable opening up completely. At some moments he may feel emotions that he would like to restrain and, avoiding direct gaze, he tries to do this.
Attempts to emphasize the face (glasses, beard, long bangs, a low cap) are also a way to distract attention from direct visual contact, a preference to remain more autonomous, secluded, protected.
What to do if a person does not make eye contact?
Don't support him in this game, don't look away, act like you always do. Don't put pressure on him, he's uncomfortable. Most likely, something in your behavior is causing you to try to isolate yourself - perhaps you are asking unwanted questions that can be unpleasant, too formal and intrusive for the interlocutor. Turn your attention to yourself, learn to talk about your thoughts and feelings.
Other reasons why a person avoids making eye contact
Other reasons overlap with the above in one way or another:
- Feeling of self-doubt
When communicating, a person behaves nervously - he fidgets with something, constantly touches his hair, and experiences emotional agitation. Usually he does not look you in the eyes because he does not know whether he is behaving correctly in this situation.
— Shyness
An attempt to hide their feelings is typical of shy people, so a person does not look into the eyes.
— Irritation
Prolonged visual contact often causes irritation - the interlocutor begins to think that you are trying to unravel all his secrets,
— Piercing gaze
It is unpleasant for the owner of a heavy gaze to look into the eyes, as it causes discomfort.
- Not interested
Sometimes avoiding eye contact means that the other person is simply not interested. This can be confirmed by yawning, frequent glances at the clock, and inventing excuses to stop communicating.
- A lot of information at once
A glance conveys a lot of information about another person; in order to assimilate it, you need to temporarily look away.
The eyes are not capable of lying, since they connect the human soul with the outside world. It is generally accepted that if a person does not make eye contact during a conversation, then he is definitely deceiving.
No matter how widespread this opinion may be, it is wrong. Psychologists have identified the reasons and situations due to which the opponent does not make eye contact when communicating.
This is one of those factors that is based on scientific statements. Shy people Most often they hide their feelings, which is why they cannot look directly into the eyes, because a look can tell everything. The deepest feelings and sensations will be read in it, be it love or hatred. Shy people are mostly closed, and therefore they do not want to be revealed.
Often, one glance can provide a huge amount of information about the interlocutor. A couple of minutes of eye contact will do much more than hours of simple conversation. Due to the overabundance of information, people simply have to look away for a while.
Excessive eye contact makes a person worry and contributes to irritation. After all, it seems as if the interlocutor is trying to find out everything that is inside. And almost no one will like this.
Internal discomfort is not difficult to notice. Signs of this may be touching the ears, nose during a conversation, or fiddling with hair. It is for this reason that the interlocutor will not make eye contact.
Maintaining eye contact with a person who literally pierces his interlocutor through and through causes psychological discomfort, to say the least.
Lack of interest does not always manifest itself in glancing at the clock and yawning. The other person's disinterest can also be expressed in a lack of eye contact.
Many people find it easier to formulate a thought and imagine a certain situation only by immersing themselves a little. Such people simply need to create a picture in their heads for better perception, and doing this while maintaining contact with their opponent is simply impossible.
For more productive communication, you should learn to hold your gaze for as long as possible. The ability to maintain eye contact will help not only in informal, but also in business relationships.
If a person does not make eye contact during a conversation: a psychologist’s opinion
During their reflections, psychologists noted that absolute majority people do not make eye contact during a conversation. Eye to eye looks are most common among couples in love. In ordinary communication, people very rarely look into each other's eyes.
Also, during the observation process, it was found that leaders who are distinguished by the effectiveness of leadership over people look into their eyes when talking with their employees.
Everyone knows the need to look into the eyes of the interlocutor, but not everyone is comfortable doing this. Even if a person tries to maintain eye contact, he becomes uncomfortable and begins to feel some embarrassment because he is not used to it.
In many countries, looking “eye to eye” is considered an expression of disrespect, which is why women in such countries, predominantly Muslim, do not look up at a man when talking to him.
It is a common belief that to create the effect of eye contact, you need to look at the bridge of your interlocutor’s nose. But it is wrong, since increased attention can cause neurosis in the opponent.
Body language will also help to understand the reason why a person does not make eye contact when speaking. To tell that a person has become bored and no longer wants to carry on a conversation, his gaze directed upward to the right will help. And his dilated pupils will indicate the opponent’s interest in the conversation.
Some tips to help you learn to make eye contact
- Try to look at your opponent with a soft and relaxed gaze, touching large area coming into view. The main thing is not to lose this contact and remain calm.
- Staring can cause a harsh expression, so watch your facial expressions. It should not be focused; on the contrary, goodwill and gentleness will not only relax you, but will also endear your opponent to you. To achieve this effect, you can mentally imagine that you are holding this person over the shoulder. This will create more warmth and softness in your eyes.
- The main problem standing in the way of the ability to look into the eyes is self-doubt. This uncertainty gives rise to nervousness. You need to overcome this line and understand that looking into the eyes only establishes contact with a person.
- Try to study the facial expressions and position of your interlocutor. You can try to “mirror” it. This will help overcome the interpersonal barrier and win over your opponent.
If a person does not make eye contact during a conversation, do not rush to make erroneous conclusions. Perhaps you should take a closer look at the interlocutor and understand the reason for the lack of eye contact on his part.
