Systemic therapy
Systemic therapy is a school (direction) of counseling that believes that the adjectives “psychological”, “psychotherapeutic” (“psycho” - soul) narrow the possibilities of methods of helping a person with his life, family, work difficulties and crises. The idea of a person in systematic approach based on the acceptance of the plurality of human worlds and human autonomy. Considering a person in communication systems, this approach sees communication systems as the subject of work. Violations of communication systems arise in connection with the difficulties of mutual understanding of each other by subjective worlds. Restoring disturbances in communication systems becomes the basis of the methodology of this approach to counseling an individual, family, group and organization. These violations become available for correction due to the ability of a specially trained consultant to perceive stories (narratives) and help in the adequate perception of stories by participants in communication systems.
Literature
- Ludewig K. Systemic therapy: Fundamentals of clinical theory and practice / Translation from German T.S. Drabkina. – M.: Publishing house “VERTE”, 2004. - 280 p. – (New wave psychotherapy). ISBN 5-94866-001-X
Links
- K. Ludewig - personal website of one of the founders and theorists of systemic therapy
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See what “Systemic therapy” is in other dictionaries:
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Description of family therapy S. t. can be characterized as an attempt to modify relationships in the context of the family system. In S. t., symptomatic behavior and problems are viewed as the result of incorrect interaction, and not as... ... Psychological Encyclopedia
Systemic family psychotherapy is one of the youngest psychotherapeutic schools developing recently. This approach arose after the Second World War, it developed in close collaboration with cybernetics, and this is its essential... ... Wikipedia
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During the Age of Enlightenment, the center of scientific and philosophical thought was man. Psychology as a science was based on the concept of an individual (individual subjects), endowed with an inner soul (soul), and later with an inner psyche. apparatus. Psychology... ... Psychological Encyclopedia
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Books
- Systemic family therapy of subpersonalities, R.K. Schwartz. 336 pp. In his book Systemic family therapy subpersonalities Richard Schwartz represents a special direction in family therapy, and this book is an introduction to this amazing model...
Systemic family therapy of subpersonalities - description and summary, author Richard Schwartz, read for free online on the website electronic library website
In his book Systemic Family Therapy of Subpersonalities, Richard Schwartz presents a special direction in family therapy, and this book is an introduction to this amazing model of therapy. Developed by Richard Schwartz and his colleagues over 20 years, it has numerous followers.
The author reveals the process of creating his method, the reasons and logic of its emergence, and generously shares ideas about overcoming dead ends in psychotherapy. He demonstrates in detail, step by step, how a therapist can help individuals, couples, and families access resources and feel more integrated, confident, and alive.
Another undoubted advantage of the book is that it provides an opportunity to get acquainted not only with the advanced method of therapy, but also to penetrate deeply into the world of food addictions and, using the example of bulimia, to see the influence of social ideas about the human body on this disorder and to better understand the laws of functioning of the families of these clients .
The book is written in simple language, it does not contain complex terminology, therefore it promises easy and exciting reading and will be of interest to both specialists and a wide range of readers.
Seminar participants will receive an introduction to the advanced, practice-oriented model of psychotherapy developed by Richard Schwartz, a follower of the creator of structural family therapy, Salvador Minuchin.
This understanding opened up a special perspective on the methods and goals of therapeutic intervention. The author highlighted the possibility of using ideas and techniques of structural therapy to solve problems of harmonization internal parts personality, adding to them special techniques for implementing the tasks of the CCTS.
The method has a unique classification of subpersonalities with a focus on the tasks they perform. At the same time, the idea of a healthy core of personality is preserved, and the idea of cooperation with it as a co-therapist is developed.
This method is intended for individual and family work with clients and represents convenient system coordinates for understanding the inner world of people.
Target
- Introduce participants to the basics of the method of systemic family therapy of subpersonalities;
- Train participants to use the ideas of the method as a frame of reference for therapeutic work with clients;
- Teach the basic techniques necessary when working with clients with various requests.
At the seminar you will be able to:
- Master the methodology of systemic family therapy of subpersonalities (the idea of the plurality of the psyche, the typology of subpersonalities with their specifications, the polarization of subpersonalities);
- Get acquainted with the goals of the SSTS (working through trauma, resolving internal conflicts, drawing up a map of subpersonalities);
- Master the necessary techniques to implement the tasks of the SSTS (techniques for accessing subpersonalities; the specifics of isolating SELF; techniques for processing traumatic experiences).
The seminar contains:
- exercises aimed at mastering necessary technicians, training of therapeutic skills;
- viewing video materials;
- demonstration exercises (observation of the teacher’s work in staged mini-sessions);
- analysis of the presented therapeutic cases.
The training is intended for:
- listeners with higher education (psychological, medical, speech therapy, defectology, pedagogical);
- senior students of specialized universities and specialists with higher education and a diploma about professional retraining in psychology interested in expanding the technical arsenal in therapeutic work with clients.
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3rd ed., rev. and additional - M.: Klass, 2001. - 208 p. — (Library of psychology and psychotherapy, issue 97). Systemic family therapy helps to understand an individual in the context of his social connections. This book poses and solves a special problem - to help a specialist develop a holistic understanding of the family as a group of interdependent individuals - a family system. Effective therapy is impossible without a developed diagnosis of family problems and typical therapeutic situations. The integrative model of systemic family psychotherapeutic diagnostics described in the book is designed to speed up the process of assessing the family system and developing therapeutic hypotheses. It provides the therapist with a reliable tool to conduct a comprehensive assessment of the family system, put forward informed hypotheses and outline a treatment plan. The author answers the question of how to connect together ideas about multi-generational family heritage, developmental tasks life cycle, the distribution of power in the family, the peculiarities of the interaction of its members and the conditional benefit that the family derives from its problems. A separate chapter is devoted to the problems of training specialists (psychologists, doctors, social workers) - all those who are called upon to provide assistance to the family. The book is an excellent guide for anyone who would like to study the structure of the family from the perspective of modern family therapy. Introduction.
The place of the interactive model among other theoretical approaches
Classification of the main areas of family therapy.
General systems theory as a conceptual framework for family therapy.
Oudtshoorn's systems model for generating therapeutic hypotheses.
Basic parameters of the interactive model and diagnosed problems
Brief description of the integrative system model
family therapeutic diagnostics.
Family structure.
Basic concepts.
Olson's model.
Triangle as a unit of family assessment
systems.
Some types of dysfunctional families
structures.
Family as a maneuvering system.
Family as a communication system.
Communication problems.
Circularity of family interactions.
Problems of the family life cycle.
Family history.
Functions of symptomatic behavior in the family system.
Goals of family therapy based on the integrative model.
Collection of information based on an integrative model. Diagnostic methods and family interviewing techniques.
Methods for studying family history.
Genogram interview.
Tracing sequences of interactions.
Circular interview. Emphasis on differences.
Study of family structure. Systemic family Hering test. Questionnaire Family roles
Evaluation interview as a diagnostic and therapeutic experiment.
Application of the integrative model in the practice of family therapy
Family A - On the problem of finding a patient in the family.
Family B - Hidden springs of marital choice.
Family B - Crisis therapy for a child entering school.
Family G - Stupidity in learning.
Family D - Domestic theft.
Training of specialists in family therapy based on the integrative model.
Goals of the training program.
Procedural and organizational aspects.
Main types of training and stages of the training program.
Sample program for a three-day training.
Features of the training program.
Conclusion
Literature
Applications
Appendix 1 Family genogram. Basic designations.
Appendix 2 Appearance Hering family system test (FAST).
Appendix 3 Types of structures of the marital and child subsystems, as well as the entire family as a whole.
Appendix 4 Interview questions after the Hering Systemic Family Test.
Appendix 5 Questionnaire Family roles.
Appendix 6 Map for structuring information about the family system, generating hypotheses and planning therapy.
Learning to manage our fears.
Many borderline clients inevitably provoke their therapists at times by sharing their trauma stories. And the therapist's ability to take responsibility for what happens to him, rather than blaming the client, can be a turning point in therapy.
I have specialized in therapy for survivors of severe sexual abuse for many years, which means that many of my clients fit the diagnostic profile of borderline personality disorder.
Typically, therapists are terrified of these clients because they are the most difficult, unpredictable, and often unnerving. For example, many of my clients were suicidal - some threatened suicide, thus manipulating me, others quite seriously attempted to kill themselves. Many had a tendency to self-harm, cutting their arms or bodies, showing me fresh open wounds. I knew that they abused alcohol and it was harmful to their health. They could drive in such a state and come to a session drunk, they were capable of stealing and were caught, or they got into such trouble on the road or on the street that their lives were in danger.
Often they developed a dependence on me, similar to that of a child. They wanted, and often demanded, not only my constant reassurance, but also my help in making even small decisions, such as whether or not to get a driver's license. If I left the city, some people had fits of anger. Others wanted regular contact between sessions and were interested in details of my feelings towards them, as well as my personal life. They tested my boundaries again and again, demanding special treatment such as free sessions and extra phone time to discuss every detail of their lives. Or they violated my privacy by finding the address where I live and showing up at my house unannounced. When I tried to set stricter limits, setting clear times when they could or could not call me at home, some responded with hints or open threats of suicide.
Sometimes I was idealized: “You are the only person in the whole world who can help me!” At other times they attacked me with a knock-down unpredictability: “You are the most insensitive person I have ever known!”
During therapy, some clients suddenly began to act like very frightened little children. Others flew into violent rages at the slightest provocation. Repeatedly, progress in therapy was replaced by sabotage or dissatisfaction with me, which made my work seem like a Sisyphean nightmare.
Early in my career, I responded to this behavior the way I was taught: trying to correct the client's false view of the world or me, rigidly enforcing my boundaries, allowing only minimal contact between our weekly sessions, and refusing to open up about mine. own feelings. He also entered into contracts with clients to prevent them from repeating their attempts to harm themselves.
Such a rational, impeccably “professional” approach not only did not work, but, for the most part, was harmful. My cautious, neutral reactions seemed to escalate the client's feelings. I spent most of my life taking care of clients who never seemed to get better.
Looking at it in retrospect, I see that, despite my best intentions, I subjected many of my clients to a kind of therapeutic torture.
I interpreted their behavior, which frightened me, as a sign of severe pathology or manipulation. By doing so, I was only harming the therapy process. I hardened my heart towards these problem clients and they felt it. They felt that I was rejecting them emotionally, especially during times of crisis when they most needed loving acceptance. My well-intentioned attempts to control their risky behavior were often perceived by them as misunderstanding and even danger, not unlike that posed by their stalkers/abusers.
Of course, I wasn't the only one who experienced this. personal experience. Many therapists try to distance themselves, become defensive, and become directive when confronted with the thinking and behavior patterns of their borderline clients. And it's really hard not to have those reactions when you feel responsible for someone who's losing control. Some therapists, on the other hand, become even more caring, pushing the boundaries far beyond their comfort level until they begin to feel completely consumed and frustrated. As a result, they end up transferring their clients to someone else.
From the point of view of the theory of Systemic Family Therapy of Subpersonalities.
The outcome of this struggle can be influenced by both the therapist’s reaction to the client’s behavior and the intrapsychic manifestations of the client himself. How the therapist responds is largely determined by his understanding of what is happening. The Subpersonality Systemic Family Therapy (SSFT) approach, a model that I have been developing over the past thirty years, offers an alternative the usual way working with clients with so-called borderline disorder. It makes the therapist's task less frightening and depressing and more hopeful and rewarding. From the perspective of the CCTS approach, the symptoms exhibited by these clients represent a cry for help. various parts Me or subpersonalities. These parts are carriers of extreme beliefs and emotions - what we call “cargo”, and this is due to the enormous trauma and humiliation that the client endured as a child.
The main goal of CCTS therapy is to work with these parts of the Self in such a way as to allow the intact core of the client’s personality (Self) to emerge and start the process of emotional healing. If each part, even the most damaged and negative, is given a chance to reveal the origins of its loads, it will be able to demonstrate itself in its original, highly valuable state, as it was before it became so destructive in the client's life.
Let's say that you were repeatedly sexually abused by your adoptive father as a child and were never able to tell your mother about it. When you become an adult, you may be carrying parts of yourself that are stuck in these scenes of violence, isolation and shame. These parts remain young, scared and desperate. When they suddenly appear in your consciousness, it is as if you find yourself back in those terrible times. This cycle brings up all those terrible emotions, memories and sensations that you swore decades ago to never experience again. I call these parts Exiles because you are trying to expel them and hide them deep inside. However, if they were not traumatized, these parts might be sensitive, trusting, playful and imaginative. Thus, suppressing them leads to a decrease in your capacity for love and creativity.
Most of the time these parts remain hidden. They are held by other parts that protect them. And these defenders use various strategies to prevent the possibility of meeting the Exiles. In the first place is the strategy of protecting Exiles from “triggers,” that is, provoking things and situations. The protective parts organize your life in such a way that you avoid meeting anyone who might, for example, remind you of your adoptive father. Plus, they keep you at a safe distance from people in general. They constantly berate you, forcing you to try your best to be perfect in order to prevent rejection or any criticism towards you. They also help to avoid anything that might trigger the feelings of shame, fear and worthlessness that Exiles carry. However, despite these efforts to protect, the universe constantly sends “triggers” to the Exiles, and, in addition, they themselves constantly want to break out of their internal prison so that you will notice them. This manifests itself in the form of flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks or less overwhelming but also very intense feelings of anxiety, shame or despair.
To avoid the ill-health caused by the Exiles, your other parts develop an arsenal of distractions that are used as needed. For example, you suddenly feel an urgent need to get drunk, or you suddenly become numb and feel embarrassed and exhausted. If these efforts don't work, you may find yourself having suicidal thoughts that are both comforting and scary. If you have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, it practically means that you also have two sets of protective parts that specialize in managing relationships with other people: Seekers and Distrusters.
Imagine that your mind is a house with big amount children without parents. Younger children suffer and live in poverty. And the older ones, unable to cope with the task of taking care of the younger ones, locked them in the basement. Some of the older ones try unsuccessfully to find adults who can take care of the orphans in the basement. These are the Seekers. They are looking for suitable candidates: therapists, spouses, acquaintances. And they use all their charm to attract these people to the role of savior. However, these seeking parts share with your Exiles their opinion that you are fundamentally worthless, that once people see how vile you are, they will immediately run away from you. They believe that you need to prove that you are special in some way. Or you need to manipulate people into acting as saviors. These protective parts also consider taking care of your Exiles a full-time job. And it takes up all their time. Therefore, they try to completely occupy the life of the person under their care.
Among the older children in this house of your psyche, there is a coalition (the Distrusters) that is trying to protect the children in the basement in a different way. They trust no one and keep the Exiles away from people who, in their opinion, can deceive them by offering hope of liberation. These protectors have seen in the past what happens when Exiles become too attached to a potential savior, who inevitably betrays them without helping them enough, or even pushes them away out of fear of their never-ending needs. Advocates see the irreparable damage done to the basement children when their savior stops loving them and rejects them. Therefore, these "big brothers" need to make sure that you remain isolated, unattached, completely absorbed in your work, and not emotionally available. They remind you that saviors are running away from you because you are disgusting. And if you allow someone to come closer to you and let them see who you really are, then the other person will only feel disgust.
Whenever your Seekers ignore the warning of the Mistrusters and you approach another person, these Mistrustful Protectors watch the other's every move, looking for signs that the other is deceitful and dangerous. They will research your therapist thoroughly. From clothing style and office furniture to the slightest movements of his mood and the duration of his vacation. They then use these imperfections as evidence that he doesn't care about you or that he's incompetent. Especially if he ever does anything that reminds you of your stalker/abuser from the past. If the therapist uses similar phrases or wears a similar shirt, he “becomes” your adoptive father.
Thus, unbeknownst to him, the therapist enters the house of your psyche and quickly finds himself embroiled in a struggle between two coalitions of defenders: some willing to do anything to keep him, others willing to do anything to drive him away. If the therapist survives long enough, he will come face to face with the repressed needs of the basement children, as well as with the older children's discouraging methods of keeping the Outcasts captive. Thus, a therapist who is not prepared for such hidden warfare or untrained in how to interact with these internal coalitions risks being drawn into endless battles.
The first wake up call.
Early in my career, before I developed the Systemic Family Therapy model for subpersonalities, I began dating Pamela, a 35-year-old woman who worked as an office manager. She came to the mental health center where I worked at the time complaining of depression and compulsive overeating. During our first meeting, she said that she thought her mood swings might be related to the abuse she experienced at the age of 10 at the hands of a babysitter. And besides, she felt very lonely and was forced to do a job she hated. She liked the fact that I was young and seemed kind and asked if she could attend our meetings 2 times a week. I, in turn, was delighted to have the opportunity to work with her, appreciating her level of readiness and interest, especially compared to the sullen teenagers who made up the bulk of my practice at the time. Over several sessions, I accompanied her through the process of deciding whether to quit her job. We also developed a nutrition plan. I was confident that her confidence in me was growing and I enjoyed the work, which seemed to be proceeding quite successfully.
Then came the session where she started talking about rape. She was very scared, shedding tears and did not want to leave my office at the end of the hour. I extended the session until she came to her senses and was able to leave the office. I was somewhat confused by this change in the therapeutic process, but realized that we had stumbled upon a very emotional topic.
The next session, Pamela was apologetic and worried that I would no longer work with her. I assured her that the last session was the beginning of something very important and that my responsibility to help her remained in effect. She asked to increase the number of meetings to three per week, partly because she was experiencing suicidal thoughts. I agreed.
This pattern was repeated in the next session: she began to talk about violence, then became taciturn, began to cry, and seemed to grow in despair. I tried to be as empathic as possible, trusting my Rogerian instincts. The subsequent session began in a similar vein, and then someone knocked on the door. Even though I ignored the knock and told Pamella to continue working, she exploded with rage: “How could you let this happen? What's wrong with you?!"
I apologized for forgetting to post a notice about the ongoing session, but she did not accept my apology and jumped out of the office. I tried to reach her several times over the next week to no avail, my panic steadily increasing as she missed appointments. I was ready to call the police when she showed up unannounced at my office, expressing remorse and begging me to continue meeting with her.
I continued, but from now on not with an open heart. Some of my subpersonalities felt helpless and afraid during the weeks she was away. Other parts of me were outraged by the way she treated me. I had to agree to continue working with her, but I believed that with her behavior she had crossed all conceivable boundaries. I began to resent any of her requests that went beyond the agreed time.
Now I am sure that working with Pamela, by and large, was not successful precisely because she sensed this change in me and in my attitude towards her. Several more suicidal episodes followed, with increasing demands for support and more time. I started meeting her on the street. I began to have suspicions that she was following me. These thoughts started to give me goosebumps. I tried my best to hide it. And I am sure that my irritation and antipathy often seeped out, which drove her Seeking Parts to despair, which was losing hope of my help, and intensified the attempts of her Distrusting Protectors to alienate her from me.
After two years of this type of work with her, she suddenly died of a heart attack related to her excess weight. I'm embarrassed to admit that I almost felt relieved. I never managed to realize my real role in her accelerating deterioration of her condition and I only felt an ever-increasing burden from this “hopeless border girl.”
Strengthening the leadership of the Self.
After for long years working with clients like Pamela, I learned a lot about organizing their internal systems and my style of therapy changed radically. From my experience working with her, I understood why so many therapists withdraw into their inner fortress, hiding panic and anger behind a façade of professional detachment. If you don't have a systematic view of what is happening, you are faced with what you perceive as a collection of militant individuals, often contradicting each other.
However, from the point of view of the Systemic Family Therapy model of subpersonalities, such a change in behavior, signaling the emergence of different subpersonalities, is by no means bad news. Rather than being taken as evidence of a high degree of pathology in the client or low competence in the therapist, the emergence of these subpersonalities can be seen as a signal that the client feels safe enough to reveal them. In the field of SSTS, phenomena such as flashbacks, dissociation, panic attacks, resistance and transference are tools used in different parts personality. And, in this case, they can serve as important indicators indicating what should happen in therapy.
When therapists view borderline personality disorder this way, they are better able to tolerate clients' mood swings, lashing out, intense dependency, apparent regression, and controlling and coercive behavior. Since this kind of behavior is not a sign of deep pathology, it should not be attributed to the personality as a whole. This is only part of the territory.
These attacks come from the defensive units and their purpose is to make you feel bad and retreat. Regression is not an indicator of a shift in borderline toward psychosis. This is a sign of progress as the system feels safe enough to release the traumatized Exiles. Manipulation and coercion are not signs of resistance or character disorder. These are just indicators of fear. Self-harmful behavior and suicidal symptoms are not signs of a frightening pathology, they are the client’s attempts to console himself and alleviate the pain.
This perspective will help you maintain your Self during the storm. Remain grounded and compassionate in the face of extreme behavior in your client. It's like "X-ray vision." You see the pain that guides the protective parts, which helps you not to react, not to start defending yourself. The more accepting and understanding you become of your client's parts as they emerge, the less your clients will judge or attack themselves, or panic when they feel a situation is getting out of control. The better you are at handling the checks of the protector parts, the more they relax, allowing your client's calm, confident, attentive whole personality to release from the protectors and come to the fore.
A distinctive feature of the CCTS model is the belief that top layer From these disparate parts, each client has an intact, healing Self. At the very beginning of therapy, most borderline clients are not even aware of the existence of this internal coherent personality and feel completely disassembled. In complete absence internal management, parts become frightened, rigid, paralyzed, like older children in a house abandoned by their parents. And if the therapist persists in remaining calm, stable, and compassionate, the client's inner parts relax, calm down, and the client's Self begins to emerge spontaneously. From this moment on, the client feels differently. It's as if life's stormy waves are becoming more navigable.
Systemic familyTSubpersonality therapy in action.
I recently began working with a 42-year-old client named Coletta who had already been to several eating disorder treatment centers. And in the last two centers she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Like many borderline clients, she experienced childhood sexual abuse—in her case, by a neighbor. However, her previous attempts therapy focused mainly on the study and correction of its irrational judgments around eating disorders.
She told me that she had heard that I could help people with their injuries. I told her that I could help her with the parts of her that were in pain and seemed stuck in the past. I also added that we will not come into contact with these parts until we know as much as possible about them and have their permission to address painful emotions and memories. In subsequent sessions, I helped Colette establish a dialogue with some of her protective parts, including those responsible for the eating disorder, and convince them not to be afraid of our contact with the Exiles.
Once she was allowed to continue, I supported her decision to focus on the memory of the abuse. She saw herself as a curious five-year-old girl who was lured to a nearby house to play with the pet rabbits. Coletta was able to witness the violence that followed and be compassionate towards her younger self. Mentally, she was able to enter this scene and take the girl to safety. Her defenders were relieved that this part was no longer so vulnerable and reported that they were considering taking on new roles for themselves. When Coletta left this session, she said that for the first time she felt hope. I was very moved by the intensity of the work and grateful for the honor of accompanying her on this journey.
However, during the next session, Coletta was distanced and closed. She said she didn't remember what we did last session and that she didn't think it was a good idea to continue working with me. And she added that she came only to inform me that this was our last meeting. And there could not even be any talk of trying to dissuade her from this.
Even though I had a much better understanding of what was going on, there were still young parts of me that were disappointed by the sudden decline and others that felt unhappy that my efforts to help were not appreciated. At this point, one of my advocates came to the fore, and I coldly, with the detachment of a clinician, said that I was, of course, sorry, but if she had made her decision, I would be happy to give her parting recommendations. As we talked for some time, I was able to recognize the part of me that reacted this way to this “trigger”. I reminded this part of me, through internal dialogue, that it did not have to prevail. I told her this: “I know you think she is ungrateful, but this is just a manifestation of her fearful protective parts. Relax a little. Let me sort this out, and I’ll talk to you after the session.”
As my defensive side retreated, I felt a return of empathy and concern for Colette and it became clear to me why she had distanced herself so much. I interrupted our conversation and said, “I have to apologize. Your desire to stop therapy surprised and disappointed me. I was very pleased with the work we did and would like to continue it. I realized that during the last session I was very upset with some of your parts that we probably need to listen to. And I'm completely open to that."
Coletta thanked me for my time with her and said that she appreciated my honesty, but still wanted to stop therapy. Then, the next week, she called to ask if we could date again. In a subsequent session, she admitted that what I told her about my desire to continue working with her meant a lot to her. And that she had already agreed with the part that fired me to give me another chance. I replied that I was glad to have another chance given to me, but I didn’t quite understand why I was fired. She said that she didn’t really understand it herself and then I suggested that she focus on the part that got rid of me so abruptly and ask her “why”? When she did this, the part that fired me refused to answer and began to swear at Coletta. I suggested asking her if she would be willing to talk to me directly. There was an affirmative answer.
Dick Schwartz: Are you here?
DS: So, you are the part that got rid of me. This is true?
ZK: Yes it is! She doesn't need this crap. And you're such an asshole!
(There is a part of me that reflexively reacts to curses. I had to tell that part to calm down in order to remain interested.)
DS: I appreciate your willingness to talk to me. I'd like to get a better understanding of why you think we were doing stupid things or why you don't like me.
ZK: You are no different from the previous two loser therapists. You give her hope back and then you shit on her.
(I felt a part of me that wanted to argue with her protector and convince him that I was different, that I was safe and would not hurt her. I reminded that part that this approach did not work.)
DS: I understand that you have no reason to believe me. She was betrayed by many who urged her to trust them. And many times the hopes that arose in her were disappointed and she was disappointed again and again. I also realized that your job is to prevent stories like this from happening again, and you have the power to do that. You're the boss and we're not going to do anything about her injuries without your approval.
ZK: You asshole! I see right through you! And I understand what you're trying to do now with this care-filled therapeutic crap!
(Now part of me began to say that this was a pointless and tiresome waste of time and that I was tired of these insults. I asked her to take a step back).
DS: OK. Like I said, I don't expect you to trust me before I've proven I can be trusted. I appreciate that you allow Colette to continue seeing me despite the feelings you have for me. And I would like to meet with you more often in order to monitor how we are progressing. Now I would like to talk to Coletta again. Coletta, are you there?
Colette: Yeah. It was strange. He always treated me so badly! I never thought that he was trying to help me. When he spoke to you, I felt his sadness.
DS: And how do you feel about him now?
TO: I'm sorry that he has to be so tough while he's so sad.
DS: Can you tell him about this? See how he reacts.
TO: (after a pause) He seems to have become softer. He doesn't say anything, he just looks very sad.
While Coletta listened to my conversation with the defender, she looked at him differently. When I asked how she began to feel towards him after hearing what she heard, it became clear that her Self became more clearly visible. Her voice became calmer, and she began to demonstrate the trust and compassion that had been so lacking during our previous conversations about this part.
She still sympathized with this protector during the next session, and I invited her to express her new experience of compassion for her part through internal dialogue. At first, this part of her reacted with the usual contempt, the same as towards me before, telling Colette that she was a clueless fool for trusting me. But I helped my client keep her heart open, and the part with which the dialogue was conducted was satisfied that Coletta finally saw her desire to help.
Later in therapy, after Colette had succeeded in freeing many more Exiles with my help, she began to make major changes in her life. She stopped hiding her emotions and making excuses. Ended a relationship in which she was recreating some of her old victim patterns. I liked her more and more and I believed in the possibility of her further development and in my ability to help her. Suddenly, one fine day, another call from her seemed to douse me in a cold shower. The low, menacing voice on the answering machine said, “You're not getting it. She is mine!". And the other end hung up.
I called back, but no one answered me. I suddenly felt a knot of panic in my stomach, similar to what I experienced with Pamella. Somewhere my client was in danger, and I could do nothing to help him. Thank God I had a few days before our next session to work through my distress. I asked a colleague to help me with a part of my life that related to an early period in my life when I felt helpless and unable to help anyone. I found this work to be very liberating and valuable.
When Coletta came to the next session, she seemed depressed and reported that she was back where she started. She is humiliated again and tries to regain the relationship she left. For the first time this year, she had thoughts of suicide. She remembered calling me, but couldn't remember what she said. Since I had previously been very encouraged by her progress, at that moment my heart sank and I heard a familiar inner voice asking the same question - have we made any progress at all in this joint work of ours? I asked this part to allow me to remain present. I joined Colleta and felt a shift towards more community. This happens when my Self is more “embodied”, turned on.
I asked Coletta to focus on the suicidal impulse and ask the part that was afraid of it to take a step back, allowing the client to simply be curious. After which Coletta was able to ask her other part why she wanted her dead. Scary voice from handset replied that his job was to “destroy her.” I had to control my own nervous parts and help her remain curious about the reasons for this desire to destroy her. She was told that she deserved to die and it was important to ensure that this happened for sure. Coletta looked at me and said it looked like pure evil. I asked her to remain calm and interested, so that dialogue would remain possible and we could see if this was true.
Colette: Why do you think I deserve to die?
Suicidal Part: Just do it, and my job is to make sure you do it.
TO: What are you afraid of, what might happen if I don't die?
midrange: I am not afraid of anything!
Dick Schwartz: Ask her what good will come of your death.
TO: Ok, then what good will happen if I die?
midrange: You won't treat yourself well.
TO: So you don't want me to treat myself well?
midrange: Yes, because you are the most useless piece of shit and empty space!
TO: What's so terrible about it if I have a good opinion of myself?
midrange: (after a long pause) Because then you will try.
TO: What's wrong with trying?
midrange: You will continue to be hurt.
Ultimately, the Suicidal Part says that it is impossible to survive another failure. It's better to die than to experience another disappointment. Coletta expressed her gratitude to the part for trying to protect her from this outcome, and we asked the Suicidal Part for permission to heal those parts that had suffered from disappointment in the past.
Luckily, Coletta's story ended better than Pamella's. She realized that the Suicidal Part was in fact none other than another, even fiercer protector of her, who played a huge role in her life. Because she firmly believed that pain and suffering were hers and that all the good things that came into her life were false and illusory, her ability to experience happiness or a sense of security was severely limited. The client's healing trajectory skyrocketed when this unconscious pressure ended.
The differences in Pamella's and Coletta's achievements were due to differences in my attitudes towards borderline personality disorder. And what helped me even more was my ability to notice those parts of me that reacted to Colette as a trigger, the ability to work with them at the same moment in time and then return the leading role of the Self. Regardless of your professional orientation as a therapist, this ability to constantly monitor the openness of your heart and quickly recover from being “attacked by parts” is especially critical when working with borderline clients. In my experience, distrustful advocates for your clients are constantly monitoring the state of your heart. And as soon as they feel that your heart is closing, they begin to torment you or leave therapy.
One of the great injustices of life is that a large number of people who were traumatized in childhood are retraumatized over and over again throughout their lives because the original trauma left them extremely vulnerable, insecure, and predisposed to reactive reactions. Borderline clients will inevitably, from time to time, act as triggers for their therapists, causing them to feel fear, resentment, and hopelessness. Your ability to recognize what is going on inside you and make a sincere attempt to restore mutual understanding can be a turning point in therapy.
Many borderline clients have suffered from a lack of recognition in their lives. Usually when they found themselves in conflict situation, they were shamed and rejected for being sensitive, emotional, or impulsive. As a result, they often live with the feeling that they are condemned to remain alone with an arsenal of unusually reactive and extreme defenders.
These clients deserve to be in a relationship with someone who, after initially being provoked, is able to return to a position where pain is clearly visible, leading to behavior such as explosive rage, icy withdrawal, or controlling manipulation.
Once you become aware of the parts of yourself that are trying to protect you from these clients, and convince them to allow you to demonstrate the inner light of your Self, these “difficult” clients will become your greatest reward, and your level of self-leadership will also increase significantly. ) and compassionate presence.
Richard Schwartz, Ph.D., Director theCenter for Self Leadership, founder of Systemic Family Therapy of Subpersonalities, author of books
