Although crisis in family relationships A rather difficult test for a married couple, it still has a positive connotation. After the crisis has been successfully overcome, the couple moves to a new stage in the development of their relationship. Spouses become closer to each other, value their life partner more and treat their relationship more carefully. It is better to know the stages of crisis in a relationship and tips on how to overcome them in order to avoid problems.
Crisis of family relations - 1 year
In the first year of marriage, young spouses are faced with the first family crisis in their relationship. It comes at a time when the candy-bouquet period is left behind, and instead of romance comes everyday routine. Partners begin better friend get to know a friend, and besides positive qualities, the shortcomings of a life partner are revealed. The habits of both spouses also play an important role, which can sometimes be very annoying. All these little things accumulate and result in quarrels and mutual reproaches.
In order to overcome this stage with honor family life, spouses should try to hear each other. It is necessary to choose a calm environment and each spouse must speak out what he does not like and what ways he sees to resolve the issue. You need to learn to talk, listen to each other, understand your other half and compromise.
Thanks to communication in family relationships, rules are developed, boundaries are defined, and the foundation for future family life is laid. After the first family crisis is overcome, relationships noticeably strengthen and change for the better. Unfortunately, couples who could not survive the first crisis break up.
Crisis of family relationships – 3 years
Second crisis family relations often occurs at the time of birth of the child. During this period, the spouses try on new roles - caring parents. The husband experiences a lack of attention from his wife, who is completely absorbed in the baby. Often a man unknowingly begins to be jealous of his wife for his own child, because previously she devoted all her free time to him, but now he is relegated to the background.
To overcome the next crisis, a young family needs to spend time together more often. On weekends, go for a walk together in city parks, organize evenings watching movies together, and invite friends over. In this situation, the young husband feels most vulnerable; the wife needs to thank him more often for what he does for the family. It is very important for him now to know that he is still loved and appreciated.
Crisis of family relationships – 5 years
The onset of the third crisis falls on the 5th anniversary of marriage. Often during this period a woman ends maternity leave, and she goes to work. The range of her responsibilities is increasing, because in addition to the usual affairs related to the home, caring for her spouse and child, her professional sphere of activity is included. Mom is torn, trying to keep up in all areas of life, constantly feeling a lack of strength and time. All this provokes lingering irritability, dissatisfaction with oneself and others, and scandals arise more and more often.
To overcome the crisis of 5 years, the husband must help his wife by taking on some of the responsibilities. The spouses should sit down together and discuss, perhaps even make a list of tasks related to the home and caring for the child. Write everything down point by point and distribute responsibilities among each other. For example, a wife can do the cooking, the husband can take out the trash and keep the apartment tidy. Perhaps a young man may not like this option. But if you leave everything in its place, in the end, the crisis can lead to divorce, so it is necessary to find a way out together.
Crisis of family relationships 7 years
Of all the crises, this is the most complex, referred to as the “crisis of monotony.” Everything goes on as usual - the children grow up, feelings have cooled down and developed into a habit, household responsibilities are distributed between the spouses and are performed automatically.
Spouses may begin to feel frustrated, tired, and feel like Life is going side. I want variety, new experiences. Often during this period, spouses begin to cheat in order to get fresh emotions on the side that are lacking at home. At this stage of family life, a large number of divorces occur, initiated by women. The wife wants to feel loved, desired, all that she does not receive at the current stage of family life.
Spouses need to choose a calm environment and discuss the problem. You should not start by expressing reproaches and dissatisfaction with each other, this will only worsen the situation. We must try to find common interests, some new hobby that both will like. It is necessary to spend time alone more often. Watching a movie, romantic evenings with candles, walks in the park will bring the couple closer.
Crisis of family relationships 15 - 20 years
This period occurs when the spouses experience a midlife crisis. At this moment, a reassessment of values and reflections on the meaning of life occurs. This same period often marks the transitional age of the child, which brings its own difficulties. In this difficult time, when many problems are superimposed on one another, it is important for spouses not to move away from each other, to be patient, to support their other half, and then the crisis will be overcome.
Family life has its joys and sorrows, ups and downs, white stripes are replaced by black ones. But if spouses go through life holding hands tightly, learn to hear and understand each other, find compromises in the most difficult times, then their reward will be a strong family and they will not be afraid crises in family relationships.
According to research by sociologists and family consultants, each family goes through several stages of development, and the transition from one to another is usually accompanied by a crisis.
Firstly, problems in family life can begin when one of the spouses experiences his own psychological crisis, for example, a midlife crisis. Reviewing his life, feeling dissatisfied with himself, a person decides to change everything, including his family life.
In addition, the cause of the crisis for spouses is difficulties at work, problems in relationships with relatives, changes in financial situation (both for the worse and for the better), and the family moving to another city or country. And, of course, more serious stress factors - serious illnesses, deaths, wars, loss of work, the birth of defective children.
8 dangerous symptoms:
- 1. The desire of spouses for intimacy decreases;
- 2. Spouses no longer strive to please each other;
- 3. All issues related to raising children provoke quarrels and mutual reproaches;
- 4. Spouses do not have the same opinion on most issues that are significant to them (relationships with family and friends, plans for the future, distribution of family income, etc.);
- 5. Husband and wife poorly understand (or do not understand at all) each other’s feelings;
- 6. Almost all actions and words of a partner cause irritation;
- 7. One of the spouses believes that he is forced to constantly yield to the wishes and opinions of the other;
- 8. There is no need to share your problems and joys with your partner;
Just don't explode!
Psychologists conventionally identify several of the most explosive ages of the family. According to statistics, about half of all marriages break up after the first year of marriage. Newly-made spouses do not withstand the test of “everyday life”. Disagreements may concern the distribution of responsibilities, the reluctance of partners to change their habits.
The next critical age for a family is the first 3-5 years of marriage. It is at this time that children most often appear in the family, and the spouses are concerned about arranging separate housing and their professional problems, career growth. Physical and nervous tension cause alienation and misunderstanding between husband and wife. During this period, romantic love is reborn into marital friendship - the spouses are now comrades-in-arms, and not ardent lovers.
After 7-9 years of living together, another crisis may occur associated with such a phenomenon as addiction. Life has more or less stabilized, the children have grown up. Spouses often experience disappointment when they compare reality with how it was imagined several years ago in their dreams. The spouses begin to feel that now everything will be the same all their lives; they want something new, unusual, fresh sensations.
Time passes, and if the husband and wife are still together, after 16-20 years of marriage, another life reef is possible. It is aggravated by the midlife crisis of one of the spouses. There is a frightening feeling that everything has already been achieved, everything has been accomplished, both in the personal and professional sphere.
During this period, foreign sociologists call another crisis period in the life of a family: when adult children leave it. Spouses are deprived of their main “leading” activity - raising children. They must learn to live together again. And women who dealt exclusively with children and home need to acquire new life tasks. For our culture, this side of the crisis is less relevant: often adult children remain to live with their parents. In addition, in most cases, parents take an active part in the family life of their children, raising their grandchildren.
There would be no happiness...
Often what becomes a “stumbling block” for one family, causing a crisis in relationships, brings another family together.
The art of forgiveness
It is important not only to learn to ask for forgiveness, but also to accept apologies. It is dangerous to “sulk” at your partner for several days, making him feel guilty - eventually it will get boring. If you are not ready for a truce, say so directly: “You know, I need time to cool down and calm down.”
Nothing will work without communication
A family crisis is, first of all, a crisis of communication. More than 80% of married couples applying for psychological help, complain about difficulties in communicating with each other. Whereas problems with children and their upbringing, sexual or financial difficulties are the cause of a family crisis in only 40% of cases.
Look for a compromise
If a close relationship has developed between the spouses, if they love each other, that is, they respect, value, listen to the other’s opinion, then any conflict is just part of their joint desire for mutual understanding.
- Factor #1
It is known that the birth of a child in order to “keep” a spouse does not contribute to the strength of the relationship, but, on the contrary, rather accelerates its disintegration. However, children are still able to “cement” relationships - by dealing with their problems, spouses can push their own conflicts into the background and conclude a truce. But when the children grow up and become independent, the parents are again left alone with their contradictions, having practically forgotten how to communicate with each other.Unfortunately, there are often cases when in a family on the verge of divorce, a child suddenly begins to get sick often or constantly has troubles. In this way, he unconsciously “protests” against the breakup of mom and dad’s marriage, attracting the attention of his parents. This, according to psychologists, is too high a price for a family to overcome the crisis. It happens that, having learned that they will soon become parents, spouses who are on the verge of breaking up decide that this is another chance to improve their relationship. And many succeed.
- Factor #2
Among the risk factors for family life are early marriages. They are considered fragile because young spouses have to solve too many problems: domestic, professional, financial. But marriages between people who are already “steady on their feet” are predicted to last a long time. However, for those who have lived a bachelor life for a long time, it may be even more difficult to change their usual lifestyle and adapt to someone else. And, conversely, in early marriages, adaptation to life changes and mutual “grinding in” with a partner is easier due to the psychological flexibility characteristic of young people. - Factor #3
The majority believes that a family forced to constantly overcome difficulties most often “breaks”, unable to withstand the burden of problems. But for some, the cause of family crises is... “stagnation,” routine, boredom, while difficulties only bring spouses closer together. Stability and regularity of life provoke a crisis.
Darlings scold, only amuse themselves
A recognizable situation: an offended wife greets her husband with icy silence. She expects him to telepathically read her thoughts, understand the extent of his guilt and beg her. However, in 98% of cases, she will have to endure the offense alone (the husband will never understand why his wife is offended). And the unexpressed resentment will “sting” the worrying woman like a scorpion. They say that “to be offended is to punish yourself for the mistakes of others.”
It’s better to quarrel, psychologists advise. But to prevent the quarrel from developing into a banal scandal, conflict experts have developed a number of rules:
Don't insult your partner.
When blaming your spouse for something, avoid generalizations: “You always...”. It’s better to say about yourself: “I’m offended and sad to spend every weekend alone.”Don't criticize your spouse in public. One of my friends who grew up in wonderful family, recalled: “Mom could argue with dad until she was hoarse in private, but in public she invariably took his side.”
Follow the “golden rule”: “Don’t tell others what you don’t want them to tell you.”
Put yourself in your partner's shoes. For example, the husband is in no hurry to go home after work and spends little time with the child. Or maybe you often reproach him? Or do you control your husband’s communication with the baby too strictly, criticizing the games and books chosen for reading?
Try to avoid obviously controversial topics such as politics, religion, etc., especially if you have different points vision.
And - write letters. This way we avoid a heated quarrel, better understand our feelings and - most importantly - express negative energy on paper.
Your personal space
And at home, each spouse should have a zone free from the influence of the other. You don’t even have to leave your apartment to do this. It’s just that each spouse should have a place where he can retire: with a book, watch his favorite movie, sit in silence at the computer.
See with new eyes
Or maybe it’s worth visiting with your husband where he spent his childhood, talking with those who love him for who he is? Then there is a chance to see qualities that are new to you and worthy of admiration. One acquaintance said that he fell in love with his wife again when, having picked her up at work, he witnessed how masterfully she took pictures. conflict situation between subordinates.
Does your husband have a hobby? Show interest. Look at him in a situation where he is successful, passionate. This will help your heart “remember” what made it beat a few years ago.
The art of avoiding stereotypes
You and your partner have very different hobbies, but there are no barriers to, for example, going to the pool together or, say, ballroom dancing classes.
The main thing is to destroy the pattern of behavior that has become boring over the years. Sometimes it is useful for spouses to take a break from each other, to go, for example, with friends to the sea. Do not be afraid of such a desire - this is a completely natural need for a change of impressions. One “but”: this opportunity must be available to each spouse.
Genre crisis? Welcome!
Don't be afraid of a crisis. Many families pass them by without thinking or suspecting what it is. They simply overcome the difficulties that have arisen. Successful resolution of the crisis is the key to the further development of the family and a necessary factor for the effective living of subsequent stages.
Every crisis is a leap forward, going beyond the boundaries of old relationships. A crisis in a relationship helps spouses see not only the negative, but also the valuable that connects and binds them. Meanwhile, separation is more likely a consequence of a crisis that was handled incorrectly.
Analyze it!
Another way to cope with a crisis is to consult a family counselor. Many, however, believe that an intimate conversation with a mother or friend is a completely adequate replacement. However, we are more likely to find emotional support in family and friends, but not a way to solve the problem.
Family crisis - does it exist? Eh, if this were not so, many couples would not break up, and all children would live in full-fledged families. Unfortunately, there is a crisis in relationships, and in order to overcome it, you have to step over yourself and do the impossible.
However, every couple goes through this. And those who survive the crises of family life with dignity remain together forever. Therefore, you should not be scared and immediately tune in to divorce. Everything is surmountable, and it is not for nothing that they say that happy families went through the same things as unhappy families, they just managed to stay together. And, therefore, they strengthened their relationship.
The most important questions in moments of crisis
Is it worth overcoming a crisis in marriage? Or is it easier to give up and try to find another relationship? This is a dead end path. In any relationship, the same ones will await you crisis periods, and run away every time - will it work? And then, if there is love and a desire to be together in the family, you should still try to survive these difficult moments. Believe me, after them everything will only get better, and mutual understanding will move to a whole new level.
There is another equally important question. If there is a crisis in a relationship, what to do? And he is fair.
Indeed, a crisis in family relationships is a very difficult time not only for spouses, but also for children. Constant tension, fear, irritation and thoughts that there is nowhere to go further, that’s it, we’ve arrived, a dead end. How to overcome despair? How to get through this stage and emerge victorious? It seems impossible, but the reward is worth the struggle. We will tell you how below.
The most difficult years of marriage: when do crises occur?
Marriage is not an easy job for a married couple, and the spouses can only dream of peace in it. Crises have a very sharp expression, they put pressure on everyone around them, frighten them, and cause bad emotions. They are characterized by a very stormy course, a seeming lack of mutual understanding, increasing irritation or indifference towards each other. If we consider a crisis in a relationship through its signs, they will be as follows:
- The irritation that one spouse experiences towards the actions of the other (and this is mutual).
- Another arrangement of life priorities, according to which the family is relegated to the background (this can be for one of the spouses or for both).
- Clearly noticeable cooling between loving people, almost complete absence of sex life, reluctance to share their experiences and thoughts with each other.
- It follows from the previous one: the lack of conversations and common affairs between the spouses.
- On family topics, neither the husband nor the wife can come to an agreement; any attempt to resolve issues of raising children, budget distribution, holding family holidays, etc. leads to quarrels and discontent.
Sometimes you can notice the whole complex of these signs, sometimes only part of it - it depends on the intensity of the manifestation of the crisis in the relationship in marriage, however, even the presence of at least one of these points should already alert you.
Now let's look at family crises by year. There are not so many of them in total, but they are completely different in intensity. Psychologists highlight the following:
- The crisis of one year (or the first family crisis) is based on recognizing your soul mate with a not so positive aspects and, as a result, disappointment in it;
- Crisis of 3 years (approximate period of 3-5 years from the date of marriage), it is also called a crisis in a relationship after the birth of a child;
- The crisis of 7 years (again, the boundaries are very arbitrary, it can begin closer to 10 years of marriage) often coincides with a midlife crisis and is based on an analysis of life achievements and a reassessment of values;
- The crisis of 10 years (the boundaries extend to 13-15 years) is associated with the growing up of children and related problems.
These are the main crisis stages in the development of every family. Everyone encounters them, and you are not the first, and alas, you are not the last. But knowing family crises over the years is already a big advantage in dealing with them.
Year 1 crisis: disappointments instead of charms
The relationship crisis of the first year is based on the simple truth that while we are dating, we all want to show ourselves off. the best side. After the wedding, life moves into a different direction, and the spouses begin to show their character. There is also another factor present – “grinding in”. Two came together different people, from different families, with different worldviews, and now that all the romance is behind them, they need to build a family life side by side. Of course, this causes some difficulties.
True, such a crisis is overcome quite easily. During this period, love is still strong, husband and wife are not tired of everyday issues, so disagreements are overcome quite simply.
Crisis of 3 (5) years: when there are small children at home
A relationship crisis after 3 years is already more difficult. Often it is associated with children appearing in the family and the burden of responsibility associated with them. Before this, the spouses were together, they were able to pay more attention to each other and show love in different ways.
But now the baby has come to the fore. It is especially difficult for husbands in this situation. Men generally do not like to share their woman with anyone, even with their son or daughter. Discontent begins to grow, reinforced by sleepless nights, new tasks, significant changes in everyday life. This all results in a crisis of 3 years of marriage. You can overcome it only if you stock up on wisdom, patience and understanding. AND mutual love, Certainly.
Psychologists advise in the current situation to push into the background one’s own ambitions and the egoism inherent in every person. Do you want to save your family? Grit your teeth and get through the post-baby relationship crisis.
Many psychologists believe that there is still a family crisis for 5 years. But this is a rather vague statement. Often this includes either a late-onset 3-year crisis or an early 7-year crisis. Often its causes are the same as those that cause the 3-year crisis, and therefore many psychologists do not consider 5 years of family life dangerous. Usually, on the contrary, at this time, in many couples, relationships are just stabilizing, the spouses are getting used to life next to the baby, entering a new rhythm and feeling relatively calm.
Crisis of 7 years: when it’s time to change your life radically
The 7 years of marriage are considered the most difficult. As a rule, for most families they coincide with another difficult age period: entering the category of middle-aged people. For many, the crisis of 30 years becomes very difficult, and it is clearly reflected in relationships with husband or wife.
If we take a conventional scale of complexity, then this period will be in the very first place. The routine that has already become quite boring over the time spent together, the dulling of feelings, the departure of romance - all this negatively affects the mood. And the thought involuntarily creeps in: isn’t it time to give up everything and dramatically change your life? A family crisis of 7 years is a very deep and complex phenomenon associated with a complete reassessment of values and a rearrangement of priorities.
Yes, it is difficult. Yes, sometimes you even despair and give up. Yes, sometimes the question arises: how to survive a crisis in a relationship after 7 years, and is it even possible? However, everything is simple here. If you can do it, you will be surprised how tender, warm and easy the relationship between spouses can be. After all, after this period they reach a qualitatively new level.
A relationship crisis after 7 years is a test of your couple’s strength, love, and willingness to do anything for each other. You can survive it only by treating the situation wisely and calmly meeting the disagreements that arise. Conflicts and quarrels can only destroy a marriage.
Crisis of 10 (13) years: older children and new troubles
A family crisis of 10 years is no longer so bright, stormy and scary. It is believed that if a couple has overcome the previous 7-year period, then it is now strong enough and is unlikely to break up. However, life makes its own adjustments. Children grow up and begin to show their character. This is why a new crisis arises in family relationships. It is qualitatively different. Here the conflict develops not only between spouses, but also between generations. The problem of fathers and children - who hasn’t heard about it?
The family crisis of 10 years is a struggle of contradictions between parents and their growing offspring. As a rule, spouses come out of it with dignity, having strengthened mutual understanding among themselves. What about children? Children learn responsibility and begin to slowly enter the adult world.
So, the crisis of married couples is an unpleasant matter, but it is quite banal, and absolutely all spouses have faced it. And it doesn’t matter whether you have lived together for 1 year or 15, it can still overtake and catch you at the most unexpected moment. However, there is no need to get lost. Take all your will into your fist and remember: this is just crucial moment. It will pass, but your loved one will remain close.
Overcoming family crises lies only in your patience and understanding of the situation. Don't make a scandal, don't give in to irritation. Analyze and move on. And you will definitely succeed!
Marriage is a very complex phenomenon that each of us must experience in our lives. But everyone succeeds the first time, and often the reason for divorce is not only a difference in character or the husband’s betrayal, it can be a completely standard manifestation of one of the family crises that the couple could not survive. Family relationships tend to undergo periodic crises over time
You can long and persistently teach and instruct each person getting married about what awaits him at the new stage of his life. But in the end, no one can warn us against the mistakes that we ourselves will make. And I completely agree with those who believe that you can only learn something from your own experience. Sometimes it is very difficult to understand what is going on between two people throughout their life, relationship and marriage. What two can understand cannot be understood by a third.
Therefore, before you read this article, I would like to tell you that when solving problems or crises, you should first of all rely on your feelings and your intuition. It’s not for nothing that they say that the heart never lies. It is quite possible that the crisis in your relationship is associated not only with the passage of a certain number of years, but with real problems that you need to solve. Or perhaps you just realized that your feelings have faded over time - and this is not scary, the main thing is to be able to make this decision and move on no matter what.
What is a crisis in family relationships?
And so, in order to determine whether there is a crisis in your family or a completely different problem, you first need to understand what we are dealing with. And here are the main signs of a crisis in family relationships:
- absence of disputes, or, on the contrary, constant scandals. Many psychologists, and ordinary people also believe that the absence of quarrels and scandals is a sign of indifference, or their weakening. But this does not always happen; it is possible that you and your spouse have calm personalities, or you are used to resolving conflicts peacefully by talking.
- in a conflict, even a groundless one, everyone insists on their own opinion and does not try to understand the other side. This is a rather difficult situation that not every family can cope with. Misunderstanding or anxiety towards each other can sometimes cause such misunderstanding, and maybe a loss of feelings or fatigue. No matter what, if your feelings are still strong and you feel it, you should not be led by conflicts. Learn and teach your spouse to listen to each other and be more patient.
- aggression as a defensive reaction to the spouse’s aggression;
- one of the partners refuses intimacy. The reasons for this phenomenon can be completely different, so you shouldn’t concentrate your main attention on it until you figure out what’s going on.
- one of the spouses refuses to take part in decision making. This may be due not only to a crisis in relationships, but also to internal psychological problems.
- undivided responsibilities are very typical for young families who cannot really decide what each family member is responsible for.
- one of the spouses has withdrawn into himself, which may be due to a midlife crisis in one of the spouses. During this period, he tries to rethink his life, he feels a feeling of dissatisfaction, which means he begins to think about changing himself and his family life;
- absence of any conversations between spouses, or reluctance to talk for a long time;
- a woman during a crisis in family relationships stops thinking about herself, devotes herself to her family and turns into a “cook.” Unfortunately, almost every woman has to deal with this phenomenon, despite the fact that the situation in modern family has changed and the woman is trying to devote more and more time to work and personal self-development;
- workaholism often accompanies a crisis in family life. I think the concept is familiar to many. Everyone has had to deal with a situation where a husband is late at work, or a wife is bothered by constant phone calls from work, unexpected meetings on the weekend, working from home, and much more.
- lack of emotional support between partners.
Also, the causes of the crisis may be problems in relationships with relatives, problems at work, moving to another city or country, as well as a change in financial situation. The most difficult factors are job loss, death of a close or relative, serious illness and the birth of children with disabilities.
Psychology of family crises
Some families are able to cope with crises on their own, while others require professional help. As a rule, in such families even the smallest conflicts are not resolved. By lacking the ability to resolve conflicts, the family creates additional difficulties for itself, and goes from crisis to crisis increasingly and with increasing dissatisfaction from its spouse and joint family life.
Even modern psychology family crises cannot give a clear answer to the question of how to properly get out of difficult situations in a relationship with a partner. “All families are equally happy, each family is unhappy in its own way,” I just want to say in addition to the topic. We all strive to be better and create the most ideal family. But this is a big job, both need to work on it, and not everyone succeeds. Each family has its own strengths and weak sides, its rules and obligations, tasks and problems.
If it seems to you that your family at this stage is simply overwhelmed with unresolved conflicts, there is a failure within your family, and you are no longer able to cope with it on your own, then you should seek help from a professional who specializes in the psychology of family crises. There is nothing shameful in this; in many European countries it has already become mandatory presence the spouses have a family psychologist who is ready to help at any moment. This is one of those things that we really should borrow from the outside, because there is nothing wrong with taking a problem to the person who understands it best.
Development of family relationships
Scientists identify several stages in the levels of relationship development:
- 1. The period, better known as the candy-bouquet period, is the period of courtship. This is the time of falling in love, romantic meetings, the couple has not yet started living together;
- 2. The period of living together without children, the beginning of a family;
- 3. The period of living together with children. The wife and husband try on the role of mother and father;
- 4. The period of maturity in life together. The family becomes a big mechanism that requires everything more resources, and a second and third child appear;
- 5. The period of family with adult children. Parents and children are becoming older and preparing to leave the family;
- 6. Grown children leave the family, and the spouses are left alone again.
Crisis of family relations by year
First year of marriage is critical due to the fact that the couple is just getting used to each other and getting used to each other in everyday life. The spouses do not want to share responsibilities in any way and change the lifestyle to which each of them is accustomed. Example: he is a morning person - you are a night owl, he creates a mess, and you clean it up, he is more economical, and you are used to spending a lot - these and similar conflicts become a real problem that requires interaction of both sides and joint discussion. All this leads to frequent conflicts and discord, which can lead to divorce if they are not resolved in time. Most often, adjustments pass over time, and over time, spouses learn to find compromises, understand and accept each other for who they really are. And most importantly, do not lose love and trust, which are the main companion in your entire life together. The next family crises over the years will be much easier for spouses who were able to find mutual understanding.
Third year of marriage is critical because the couple transforms from passionate lovers into loyal companions. In the first three years of marriage, the couple has their first child and the responsibility of raising a new personality falls on the shoulders of the parents, which for now is completely and entirely dependent on you. Material costs increase, as well as the physical and psychological impact on each family member. The spouse devotes all her time to the child and the spouse begins to feel superfluous and unnecessary in his home, and your task is to prove to him that everything is not as it seems. Let him feel not only like a spouse and housewife, but also an excellent father. Remember that your responsibilities include being not only the parents of the baby, but loving and trusting spouses. Also during this period, each spouse is concerned about home improvement, personal and professional growth, and personal problems. Psychological and physical stress can cause alienation and misunderstanding in the family. As a result of the birth of a child, a man often becomes sexually unsatisfied and begins to see all the shortcomings of his other half - and this applies not only to men, but also to women. Banal mutual understanding and respect will help you overcome the crisis, and remember that you yourself are not without shortcomings.
Fifth year of marriage is critical because the woman returns to labor activity after the birth of the child. She faces several tasks at once: raising a child, professional responsibilities, preserving family comfort, her external image. She understands that she cannot cope with all tasks at once. She needs new emotions, but she does not have the opportunity to get them - hence possible nervous breakdowns and psychological problems, and also often they have lovers. Men must be very careful and attentive to their wives during this period, otherwise they risk losing their family. How to survive a crisis in family relationships - involve your grandmother in caring for the child, hire an au pair if you yourself cannot help your wife.
Seventh year of marriage is critical because it is associated with addiction. Life goes on as usual and it seems to the spouses that further existence will not bring anything new and interesting, something like the “limit of development.” It is during this period that real financial expenses begin - kindergarten, clothes for the child, for yourself and your husband, as well as food and many other necessary things. It seems that the list of necessary things will never end, and there is always not enough money. This causes disputes and conflicts within the family. The crisis of family relationships may worsen over the years if the child’s father does not want to give up his old habits, finds a new hobby and again begins to feel like a “hunter”. And the wife may well decide that one child is enough for her, but she has neither the strength nor the desire to care for the second - her husband. It is women during this period who can initiate divorce.
Fourteenth year of marriage is critical because it is associated with hormonal changes in both men and women. Many psychologists consider this period the most dangerous for a married couple. Statistics note that every fifth person at the age of 40-50 starts a second family, and in most cases, the chosen ones are girls 15-20 years younger than their spouse (“gray hair, devil in the rib” - this is precisely about this period), and some simply constantly change partners. Experts believe that this is due to a decrease in sexual potency, as a result of which the man tries to prove to himself and everyone around him that this is not so. Result: leaving the family, young mistress, many sexual partners, etc. phenomena. This is a unique version of female menopause. Women do not stand aside during this period - there is increased irritability and nervousness, but their sexual activity during this period increases, unlike men (“forty-five - old lady again”). But in fact, the main reason for all the changes that occur is damn banal - the fear that life goes on, but nothing changes: the same job, the same person nearby, the same repeating days, etc. To solve the crisis, psychologists recommend organizing something like a second honeymoon with your spouse, but the initiative must come from both sides. Do not forget that you have lived together for so many years and were able to overcome not a single crisis of family life, which means that your family still has a core, a foundation that is the key to a successful and happy family - your task is only to remember this and develop relationships that there was no feeling of “stagnation”.
Ways out of a family relationship crisis
Of course, there is no ideal solution, because this is an individual process. Each of us goes through the crisis of family life in our own way: for some the problem becomes more acute, but for others it passes unnoticed. Below I will give you some tips to help you cope with a stressful period in your family relationships.
The main rule in any relationship, not only family, but also friendly, is to talk, discuss problems and under no circumstances hush up the problem. One of the main reasons for married couples to turn to a psychologist is the difficulty of communication between spouses, and only 40% of all problems are related to financial and sexual problems. Therefore: talk people, talk. This is an important step towards solving many problems and misunderstandings.
Take seriously all claims, as well as your husband’s concerns and problems, because this is how complicity in the life of your loved one is manifested. In addition, your support in resolving difficult situation is very important for any person - it will speak of you as a faithful person who can be trusted and with whom you can live your whole life without worry, back to back - hand in hand.
Another important rule – know how to forgive your loved ones and other halves, good family without this it is impossible, or it will not live very long. In addition, psychologists note that it is very important not only to forgive, but also to accept an apology. If you feel that you are not ready for a truce and do not want to communicate with your spouse in the near future, then you should inform him about this. After all, in the end, your silence without presenting claims and without explanations may simply get boring for him. And then the ending may turn out to be completely different from what you planned.
Do not manipulate your husband, for example, by denying him intimacy. Bring romance back into your relationship: a dinner for two, a trip to the movies, unexpected text messages during the workday, or cute notes on the refrigerator. Try to avoid the everyday routine, bring something new into each new day - it doesn’t have to be something large-scale, even small but pleasant little things will make your life together brighter and more interesting. Even simple compliments can have an amazing effect (remember how long ago you complimented your spouse since your wedding day?). Ideally, set aside a few days that you will spend only together (the children can be sent to grandma or left with their friends, they will only be happy).
Intimacy is an integral part of family relationships, and one should not forget about it in the routine of everyday worries. Diversify and improve your intimate life, it will be a sip fresh air in solving your problems. By the way, physical intimacy helps maintain a strong connection between spouses, but its absence can lead to numerous conflicts.
Except love relationship, do not forget to maintain friendship - this is one of the foundations of a family, which allows you to maintain relationships for a long time and solve pressing problems and avoid crises in family life.
Conflicts also have their own rules that should not be violated if you do not seek to destroy the family, but only want to convey to your partner the essence of your complaints:
- Do not under any circumstances insult him or criticize him in the presence of strangers, it looks very ugly. This rarely happens in the heat of a fight, but you should watch what you say. If possible, try to avoid controversial topics that relate to politics, religion, etc. But not concerning family, children and your relationships. Good solution for the case when you are overwhelmed with emotions - write everything on a piece of paper.
- leave each other personal space, that is, each family member should have a place where he can be alone and calm down.
- An interesting option: try to look at your spouse with different eyes - dive deeper into his hobbies, you can chat with his parents and childhood friends, who will tell you a lot of interesting things about your other half. The psychology of family crises is such that the fewer common interests you have, the higher the likelihood of a breakup.
- you may have completely different hobbies, but it’s okay if you start doing one of them together - it could be dancing, sports clubs or creating a piece of art. Hobbies as a couple will unite you and make your family stronger.
How to survive crises in family life?
Don’t forget that throughout life, each of us changes and develops, so it’s not surprising that the person you initially fell in love with has changed - you haven’t remained the same either, be more tolerant of such things. Only if you have due respect for your soulmate can you survive all the crises of family life together.
Respect is another important key to saving a marriage; each partner must respect the other as an individual, and his habits and hobbies as a consequence. You may not like them, but they should be respected as an important part of your significant other's personality. Without respect in family life, the flow of reproaches and understatements will be endless, which most often leads to disastrous consequences
Under no circumstances should you break off a relationship or move away when the first signs of a crisis appear, because the sooner you start working on the problem, the greater the chances of saving your family. After all, this is exactly what you want?
It is naive to believe that all problems will be solved by themselves and the crisis of family relationships will disappear without your participation. And if it doesn’t work out, then it’s not my person, and I need to look for someone who loves me, who will understand me. With this position in relationships, you will face problems and constant conflicts from one to the other. It is worth remembering that you chose the person you love, you love him. And if the feelings remain the same on your part and on his part, everyone should possible ways try to save the family that you two decided to create.
Even the most harmonious relationships reach a dead end at some stage. Then you start asking yourself, "Is there still meaning?" It is not right. Don't let temporary difficulties cause irreparable damage to your family relationships.
Family conflicts are a natural phenomenon.
Conflicts, quarrels and misunderstandings are completely natural and normal phenomena in any married couple. The only differences are in the time of the crisis and its details. When two people coexist for a long time, friction is inevitably created. Conflicts mainly arise on domestic grounds. A crisis in a relationship can be seen as the next stage in life together. As long as you have problems, you also have solutions - that's normal. Of course, as long as fighting does not become the dominant component in your relationship. After a crisis, relationships receive a kind of second wind, a new round in the relationship. It is like an emotional shake-up for people tired of everyday life, routine, boredom and the like, acute sensation. Many couples cope with the crisis quite easily, and for many the relationship ends there. How to prevent a breakup in a relationship?
Don't isolate yourself.
Don't take all the blame on yourself, even if it makes your partner feel better. Crying is also not a way out of the situation. This is not a reason to think why you annoyed him with your reproaches and the like. If you have problems, try to talk about them not in a raised tone, don’t break dishes, don’t shout at each other, but just calmly express them. Patience and desire on both sides are essential in this situation.
Silence.
Often, a crisis in family relationships is caused by problems that the spouses were silent about. Some relational stereotypes can cause spouses to stop talking to each other, have no common topics, or have difficulty finding mutual language. If something bothers you, something doesn’t suit you, convey it to your partner, explain it without insults or reproaches. Unresolved little things accumulate and at one moment can fall on your head like a snowball. Then the consequences will be severe.
Enjoy your marriage.
Marriage is like a flower - it needs to be nourished all the time, watered regularly. If there is a lack of care, the flower dies. Don't let this happen in your relationship. Adapt to your partner’s interests, show interest in his work, friends, and make joint plans for the future. Stay lively in relationships, do not show selfish traits of your character. Of course, it is always necessary to take into account the mood of the partner, the moments of solitude that each of us has.
Overcome indifference.
For women, a husband's indifference is the worst thing that can happen. If you are having problems and feel that your partner is indifferent to you, try to think about why. If you don't have a good argument for why he's lost interest, he may be experiencing some problems himself that don't apply to you. Take care of yourself. The calmer you are, the easier it will be for you to communicate with your spouse. Try not to overreact to the conflict; this will give your partner rest and relaxation. It is very important to maintain positive energy in relationships. Try to fight for his attention - at least you will try to overcome the current situation.
Divorce is the last resort.
If your marriage is calm and happy, except during times of crisis, fight for it. Difficult moments happen in every family. Divorce is the most easy solution, but not always true. It is necessary to try all options before resorting to such an outcome of the crisis. Remind yourself of the wonderful moments of your life together. If spouses love each other, respect, value, and listen to the other’s opinion, then any conflict is just part of their joint desire for mutual understanding.
