“Men are polygamous, and women are monogamous”, “all men walk to the left, this is male nature”, “women always wait for their one and only” - such opinions can be found with amazing frequency both on the Internet and in decent communication. These stereotypes are sometimes so persistent that it never occurs to us to question them. However, how true are they?
What do scientists say?
In nature, approximately 90% of bird species and 5% of mammals are monogamous (that is, they create stable pairs and raise offspring together), and among primates (which scientists also include humans) this figure is 23%. Scientists are still debating what kind of species Homo Sapience is by nature - polygamous or monogamous.
Some researchers believe that people are polygamous and the biological task of a man in this case is to impregnate as many women as possible, and the task of a woman is to become pregnant from the most status and physically strong man.
But this point of view is not confirmed by historians and anthropologists. According to them, our ancestors, just like modern primitive tribes, formed couples to live together and raise children. Such unions were beneficial from the point of view of population survival, since they allowed both parents to share responsibilities and care for the offspring. According to researcher Tom Smith, “such marriages on the one hand guaranteed the wife and children the care and support of the husband/father, and on the other hand, they guaranteed the husband that the children in whom he was investing his resources were from him. Contrary to popular belief, societies did not exist and do not exist where sexual and love relationships were not regulated by tradition or law. These traditions may be more or less rigid, but they are always there.” However, no matter what point of view scientists adhere to, they agree that all people should be considered monogamous or polygamous, without making a distinction between men and women.
Speaking about the differences between men and women, scientists also often point out that men have higher levels of testosterone, a hormone responsible, among other things, for sexual desire. But based on this, it cannot be concluded that men are prone to polygamy, since testosterone stimulates precisely sexual desire, and not the desire to have as many sexual partners as possible.
What do sociologists and psychologists say?
If we were writing an article about hamsters or dwarf jerboas, then the discussion could end there - all biological theories have been dismantled, there is nothing further to discuss. However, humans, unlike animals, are not controlled by physiology and hormones alone. Therefore, let's look at how the sexual behavior of men and women differs, based on modern sociological research.
In general, according to the results of surveys and social experiments, men do tend to have more sexual partners, move on to sexual relationships more quickly, and even think about sex more often than women. As a result of a social experiment conducted in the United States, 72% of men agreed to have sex with a pretty stranger. While all the women who participated in the experiment refused to have sex with a handsome stranger.
According to one survey, American men on average would prefer to have 18 sexual partners in their lifetime, while women on average preferred to stop at 4. But in reality, both men and women had approximately the same number of sexual partners (4 for men and 3.5 for women). In addition, a fairly large percentage of Americans, regardless of gender, remain faithful to one partner all their lives (among people over 60 years old this is 40%, and among thirty-year-olds 25%).
In other words, in sociological surveys, both men and women, as a rule, express only their desired position, trying to comply as much as possible with social norms, which prescribe that a man should strive to have many sexual partners, and a woman should strive to find “the one.” The real situation may differ significantly from what it appears on the basis of dry statistics. In practice, the number of sexual partners differs little between men and women.
What is the attitude towards the ideas of polygamy/monogamy/infidelity in Russia?
According to surveys by the Levada Center, regardless of gender, the majority of Russians (63%) consider adultery unacceptable. Among men, those who do not see anything reprehensible in cheating are 34%, while among women - 16%. But these differences are not significant enough to suggest that men are more accepting of or more likely to cheat. Regardless of gender, Russians most often aim for monogamy in permanent relationships.
In a word, each person builds his own personal life and decides for himself how many sexual partners he will have - one, a couple of dozen, or none at all. But whatever choice we make, it is we who make it, and not the X or Y chromosomes in our DNA.
Polygamy of men - what is it? The definition of the word “polygamy” is quite vague. It can be considered both as the presence of many legal partners in one marriage, and as connections on the side, in addition to the only husband or one wife. Does male polygamy really exist or is this just another tale of unfaithful husbands?
Polygamy and monogamy of the sexes
Why is male infidelity not as scary as female infidelity? Sometimes it doesn’t even occur to a man that sex requires feelings. For him, it's just like quenching his thirst by drinking a glass of water. Just a good time, nothing more. For women it's the opposite. Those vivid feelings that she experiences are impossible without sympathy for her partner. This is the main difference. A family can survive a husband’s infidelity, but if a wife betrays, the union in most cases simply falls apart. Psychologists put forward the theory that both men and women are polygamous. This hypothesis is very controversial. After all, if you analyze the usual composition of families in various countries of the world, you can see that only men from certain countries can have several wives. However, there is not a single civilized country where a woman is allowed to live in a marriage with several husbands.
So why do all nations have almost the same opinion that polygamy “suits” only men? In all cultures, a woman is the keeper of the hearth. And what the house will be like depends only on her. She has a household and children. The tradition has survived to this day. But thanks to emancipation, women have many rights: to take part in elections, study, work. There is only one taboo regarding married life for women, only one partner.
In nature, monogamy is not very common, but is typical for pairs of swans, wolves, vultures, penguins, prairie voles and eagles. They go hunting together, raise their offspring, and run the “household.” It turns out that if animals can be together all their lives, then humans even more so.
A polygamous man (or, in other words, a subspecies of the “ordinary womanizer” person) simply does not want a serious relationship. It seems to him that it is too early to start a family or that there is no suitable candidate. If he nevertheless decides to take this extremely important step for him, then it is not a fact that he will remain faithful to his wife for a long time.
Polygamy among men is an excuse for husbands who like to go “to the left.” And it may not even be about the wife. He just quickly gets tired of one woman, and in order to make life more interesting, he goes for another “trophy”. But he can only love his wife. Just purely sporting interest.
Such husbands are often childish. As soon as they are unable to resolve some problem in the family, they immediately look for another woman who will accept him and “understand” him. Therefore, there is an idea that behind polygamy there may be hidden a banal cowardice in the face of responsibility. In any case, this hobby of his will not last long.
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How to deal with male polygamy?
Men are more sexually active than women. The latter have the habit of often “refusing”. But the guys do not despair and, in order to expend their energy, they find “exercise machines” on the side. Some women really don’t understand that their refusals literally destroy the family.
Many psychologists advise married ladies to forget the word “no”. After all, if for a woman sex is just sex, then for a man it is a release after a hard day at work. Frequent intimate relations are equally beneficial for the health of both. And the more such emotional “conversations” they have, the less the husband will glance at others.
The reason for a woman’s refusal may be simple fatigue, lack of sexual attraction to her husband, or his inattention to her during sexual intercourse. Also, failure to comply with the husband's hygiene rules can easily kill the wife's desire. Therefore, it is best for a couple who has such problems to discuss all the nuances of their sexual life together. The more nuances you can discuss, the brighter the sex will be.
Everyone knows that for the stronger sex, the peak of sexual activity occurs in spring and morning, and for the fair sex, respectively, in autumn and evening. Sometimes this difference in the biological clocks of men and women creates some inconvenience. But that's why there are compromises. The ability to negotiate will only strengthen the alliance.
In countries where polygamy is allowed, there are much fewer problems with infidelity. After all, if a man already has a wife, and he likes another woman, then he simply takes her as his wife. Everything happens legally. But an important nuance is that he must have enough funds for this venture. If he fails to pay attention to his wives and their common children and provide them with the required amount of money, then he will be punished.
Therefore, if a person wants to expand his family, he thinks ten times before whether it is worth doing. After all, a second or third wife means even more responsibility. Modern families in Turkey, where polygamy is permitted, increasingly resemble ordinary European families.
People are increasingly choosing monogamy over polygamy. This indicates the positive development of the family as an institution. Also, do not forget about same-sex families. Their largest number is in the USA, Canada and Australia. An interesting fact is that among such couples there is practically no betrayal. While this issue has not yet been sufficiently studied, there is still an idea that such couples understand each other better. Because they have the same thinking: either male or female.
Everyone knows that one of the reasons for polygamy among men is understatement between spouses.
In the case of gays or lesbians, this does not happen, because they understand each other perfectly, and there are simply no quarrels based on gender differences.
Polygamy is polygamy, a marriage where one of the parties has several partners. Most often, a man has several wives. In the modern world, polygamy is common mainly among Muslims and Hindus, as well as in some African countries. But polygamy was mentioned in the Old Testament.
Historically, it was a privilege of the nobility: the richer a person, the more wives he could have. Arab sheikhs and Chinese emperors, in addition to their wives, also had countless wives.
So who is he - a polygamous man? Men love to attribute their numerous love affairs and infidelities to “polygamy,” supposedly inherent in them by nature. But nature cannot create females and males of the same species with different priorities. It turns out then that women are also polygamous?
In the modern world, the concepts of “love” and “sex” are not identical concepts. Nature does not predetermine whether a person should live in a polygamous or monogamous marriage. People fall in love, get married, and raise children because the social conditions of modern society have led them to this.
The slogan is well known: “The family is the unit of society.”
Polygamy and monogamy
A European man chooses marriage because it is accepted in the society in which he lives. And if in the Middle Ages in European countries marriages were concluded purely for practical reasons, in the modern world marriages are concluded (in most cases) for love. But how then can we explain the infidelity of the husband and the love affairs on the side that lie in wait for most marriages today?
The point here is not in the polygamous nature of a man, but in his psychology and morality. If a man is essentially polygamous, then sex is more important to him than love. For him, simply sex with different partners is more attractive. He is free in his choice. It's his right. Such a man should not marry and start a family. But since the foundations of society force him to get married and be a good family man, he is forced to do this purely for practical reasons.
It is in such marriages that there is no end to the husband’s infidelities.
If a man, he chooses one - the only one. For him, love and sex are one concept. This is how his parents raised him, this is how he was surrounded by relationships in real life, and he will pass this on to his children.
The polygamous man is a myth. Everything depends on social norms and foundations in society, in the family. Religion plays an important role in this. In most Muslim countries, polygamy is accepted. But this again developed historically and turned into a social norm. The way of life that has developed in Muslim families for a very long time allows numerous wives to coexist together. Unshakable Muslim rules and traditions maintain order and peace in such families. But this in no way speaks of the natural polygamy of Muslim men. It's just another community of people.
People are mainly divided into two types: some prefer monogamous relationships, while others are considered adherents of polygamy. Most countries in the world still have monogamous marriages.
First, let's define the meaning of these concepts. From Latin “mono” is translated as “one”. This means that a person who prefers such a relationship does not exchange his attention on many partners, but focuses on only one thing - remaining faithful to him. "Poly" means "many." In this case, the person does not see the need to connect his life with only one chosen one, and does not deny himself the pleasure of regularly starting new romances.
What is the difference between monogamous and polygamous relationships
Polygamy
As follows from the previous paragraph, a polygamous person can simultaneously establish relationships with several people. Such a union can be called successful only when all its participants are completely satisfied with this state of affairs. That is, if one of the spouses starts an affair on the side without informing the other about it, then we are not talking about polygamy at all - it is simply treason.
Monogamy
It is believed that most people are still more inclined towards monogamy, and, of course, expect such an attitude towards themselves. It is worth noting that women still gravitate more towards this form of marriage, and this is not surprising, because most of the fair sex are known as homemakers. As a rule, the overwhelming number of women, even being unhappy in marriage, find it difficult to decide to cheat.
Examples of monogamy in the animal world
It is generally accepted that most animals are polygamous and do not attach importance to who they mate with. Most often this happens, but not always! So, which representatives of the animal world are inclined to remain faithful to their partner?
1. Swans
The pairs that swans form can last for many years, or even until the death of one of the birds. It’s not for nothing that swans have become a kind of symbol of love for many!
2. Wolves
One of the clearest examples of devotion to your partner, which many people can only envy. If the male dies, the female usually remains alone for the rest of her life. In turn, the wolf is ready to fight with anyone for its partner and offspring.
3. Beavers
Not many people know that these small and nimble animals are amazingly faithful! While the beaver is preparing to give birth to offspring, her partner provides her with food. Subsequently, they raise the baby together for about two years, after which they release him into a free life.
4. Penguins
Penguins live in pairs for many years. After they become a couple, returning every few months to the colony, they try to find each other among the other penguins.
5. Steppe voles
When voles become mated, they produce hormones that affect certain lobes of the brain. The male is faithful to his partner and does not pay attention to other rodents.
Examples of female polygamy (in history, in the culture of other nations)
Female polygamy has long had a scientific definition - polyandry. According to the latest data, there are about fifty nations in the world in which this type of relationship is practiced - a woman can have more than one spouse. This phenomenon occurs among the Indian population, Eskimos, Tibet, and so on.
For example, in India, the emergence of polyandry can be explained by gender considerations. Many families have a negative attitude towards the appearance of a girl in the family and resort to abortion - the reason for this is the reluctance or inability to collect the necessary dowry. As a result, there are now far fewer women in India than men. Of course, this phenomenon is not widespread everywhere, but only in remote outbacks.
Nowadays, there are places where female polygamy is not only common - it is officially legalized. This type of relationship is quite acceptable in Nigeria and Polynesia.
Why do some peoples do this? We can consider the situation using the example of Tibet, where many citizens value their land, which often feeds them. Naturally, when sons grow up, they need to start families. Not wanting to exchange land, parents prefer to marry only their eldest son. If there are other boys in the family, then subsequently they are also considered the husbands of the only daughter-in-law in the house.
Also, polyandry once became widespread in Venezuela. A woman could live with two husbands, and after giving birth to a baby, as a rule, she did not know who his father was. As a result, two spouses assumed paternal obligations at once, which subsequently turned out quite favorably for the fate of the heir.
Polygamy of men: a question that interests many
Men are polygamous by nature, is this true?
Usually women whose chosen one was caught in an attempt to cheat are forced to ask such questions. Not wanting to tolerate this state of affairs, the woman declares her readiness to break off the relationship, but the man convinces her not to rush off the handle and not hope that the next romance will be more successful, because all men are by nature prone to polygamy. Is it really?
Unfortunately, there is still some truth in these statements. A man can really show interest in several women at once - this is how nature provides. Simply put, such behavior is inherent in the genes. In the past, even before humanity found faith, earthlings were adherents of polygamy. This was not caused by licentiousness or dishonesty - this is how peoples simply survived, because large-scale wars were not uncommon then, claiming many lives. The male population always suffered in these battles, so society had an urgent need for male children. Gradually, harems began to appear.
Much has changed since then, but you shouldn’t be surprised that at the instinctive level, men still gravitate towards several women at once. Cultural society began to emerge only three thousand years ago, but polygamous relationships existed much longer!
The real problem or excuse of men who are womanizers
However, it is worth noting another important fact: yes, men are polygamous by nature, but this does not mean at all that they are not able to control their instincts! Of course, a man with a weak will will easily succumb to affairs on the side; more self-confident male representatives prefer to lead a monogamous lifestyle. Also note that some men are still more polygamous than others.
Lack of attention in childhood. Many psychologists agree that if an adult man periodically cheats, this means that, most likely, he had problems in his childhood. More specifically, he probably lacked maternal attention. As a boy, he remembered this feeling - the need for female participation and care. Subsequently, he carries this need throughout his life, and, as a rule, the attention of one partner is not enough for him. The more often new women appear in his life, the more harmonious he feels.
Too much attention. At the same time, there is another extreme - in childhood, a man gets used to the increased attention of a woman. We can talk about an overly caring mother, or a situation where the boy was raised by his mother and grandmother. The second case is more critical. A man, on a subconscious level, notes to himself that two women can take care of him at once, and he likes this state of affairs. As an adult, he will most likely also seek increased attention from women - this makes him more comfortable.
Why are women less likely to engage in polygamy?
Female monogamy can be fully explained - just like male polygamy, it was inherent in nature. This is the way it is now, and it was established many centuries ago - it is predominantly women who have the fate of raising children and being the custodians of home comfort and hearth.
It is worth noting that both spouses may be inclined to polygamy, but the fair sex usually has more restraining factors - in the old days they simply had no time to look for new chosen ones.
Also, one cannot leave aside their hormonal background, which helps a woman take care of her children. Of course, this point, as a rule, prevents the establishment of numerous sexual partners.
What history and religion say about polygamy
In world religion, issues about polygamy periodically appear on the agenda, but it cannot be said that this topic has gained some kind of transparency and unified opinion over time. From time to time it still becomes a cause of controversy.
Previously, there was an opinion that this phenomenon first appeared among the Muslim people. However, this theory is already considered erroneous. As it turned out, many centuries ago, different segments of the population were inclined towards polygamy, and one wife for several husbands was not uncommon. As already mentioned, this was due to the fact that many men died in battle, and the survivors considered it their duty to leave as many other healthy offspring as possible. Of course, in these situations, women gradually began to feel disadvantaged, because in essence they were used only for reproduction. At the same time, it was considered a great joy and blessing if a boy was born into the world, but the appearance of a girl made few people happy.
But Islam, in turn, has significant differences from the described tradition. Muslims have established certain restrictions on polygamy.
First of all, it is important to note that a Muslim cannot have an infinite number of women - he is allowed to marry no more than four chosen ones. It is also worth clarifying that polygamy in Islam is not at all a prerequisite - it is the choice of each individual family, and nothing more. Many Muslims prefer to live with one woman, and consider this as natural as possible for themselves.
There are reasons why polygamy is encouraged in Islam. The first of them is that polygamy has been applicable since ancient times where there are significantly fewer men than women. At the same time, no one wants to be left without a husband, and every woman needs male protection. Having failed to become the first wife of her chosen one, the Muslim woman agrees to become the second, third or fourth. In this case, it cannot be said that women's rights are violated. Rather, they feel protected, and such a marriage is preferable to them than living alone.
How to change a polygamous man by persuading him to monogamy
Often, having confirmed their guesses that a man is naturally inclined towards polygamy, women feel confused. Some of them come to the conclusion that they have only one thing left to do - accept their fate. However, there is another solution to the problem!
1. Trust relationships
According to psychologists, a woman may well avoid betrayal by her partner if a trusting relationship develops in their union. If a man understands the nature of his inclinations, but at the same time strives for monogamy, then there is no need to worry too much. Moreover, if in the woman he loves he finds everything that he previously tried to find in others, he will not have the desire to waste his energy searching for better options. It is important for a woman to listen to the wishes of her chosen one, and then the couple will be able to avoid many problems.
2. Work on yourself
In order to always remain interesting to her partner, a woman will have to regularly carry out serious work on herself - on her behavior and appearance. Having realized that a man has a natural tendency towards diversity, you can use this to your advantage by periodically making positive changes to your usual image. For some, changing their hair color is enough to refresh their senses, but for others, a complete change of style will be a great shake-up.
Be that as it may, it is important to remember that appearance alone cannot keep a partner. Every woman intuitively feels which representatives of the fair sex her husband strives for - daring, modest, intellectuals, hippies, etc. If the desired trait is present in the chosen one, then the man will most likely stop “looking around.”
One of the most controversial issues in gender psychology is the issue of polygamy in men and monogamy in women. Has nature really endowed us with opposite qualities? What opportunities do both sexes see in this? Let's figure it out.
What does the term "polygamy" mean?
In nature, polygamy is the tendency of males and females to mate with multiple members of their own species, without forming a permanent pair. This common method associated with reproduction is not the only one, since there are pairs of animals connected for life not only by reproducing offspring, but also by caring for them.
Note that in this case, representatives of their species have no choice, and instinct dictates to them either a polygamous or monogamous model of behavior.
Among people, polygamy from the point of view of marriage law is called polyandry and polygamy, which is prohibited by law in modern Western society. It is interesting that if, for example, a person had several consecutive marriages at different times, then he cannot be considered polygamous.
In common understanding, polygamy is considered to be the desire for multiple sexual relationships.
There are many situations in which such a desire is realized:
- romantic relationships outside of marriage;
- open relationship in a couple;
- swinging (exchange of sexual partners);
- sex without commitment;
- sexual drift - moving from one partner to another in a circle, without breaking the relationship.
Thus, polygamy is in many ways a real betrayal, but with a tinge of unconscious, animal motivation, which, according to some, protects against moral condemnation.
The male version of polygamy is usually perceived by society more tolerantly than the female version. Men are allowed to want variety, to desire many women sexually and to seek intimacy with them. Moreover, in a man's world, numerous love affairs raise authority in the eyes of friends and employees and even serve as a source of pride for some and envy for others.
It is worth noting that not everyone thinks so, and most people still look at relationships as a connection between one man and one woman. Many are negatively opposed to the traditions that still exist in some countries, according to which a man is allowed to have several wives at the same time. And the idea of several husbands is completely unusual, which, however, does not occur at all.
Motivation for a polygamous partner
Since polygamy is neither an orientation nor an innate instinct, in everyday life its place is somewhere in the middle between conviction and myth.
Why do some people declare their polygamy or simply defend its idea? Why is this position convenient? Most likely, this is either the point of view of a person who does not want to look old-fashioned and complex in a conversation, or a clumsy way of a womanizer to justify his promiscuity.
Why are monogamy and polygamy equated with the law of nature?
Indeed, one of the most outrageous ideas attributed to male polygamy is its naturalness. The desire of men to have several sexual partners is allegedly dictated by nature itself.
A convenient statement from which several conclusions that are beneficial for womanizers can be drawn:
- There is nothing personal in betrayal, it is the call of nature;
- judging is as pointless as being angry at the weather;
- any oaths of allegiance are frivolous and unnatural.
Proponents of polygamy do not want to listen to the arguments that biologists give about the occurrence of monogamy in birds, fish and the same primates, which for some reason are so often cited as an example of “herd marriage”.
They are also not interested in the contradictions in their “theory”, because in nature, within one species, only one principle should exist - either males are polygamous or not. And if polygamy were an instinct, then it would act on absolutely all people, while there are both faithful spouses and monogamous spouses.
In fact, supporters of polygamy do not need real evidence from science and life. Their main advantage is a suitable name for their sexual promiscuity or psychological problems (“I love both!”).
The only thing such convinced polygamous males should be wary of is real changes in their personal lives. After all, it happens that in mature years a different understanding of happiness comes, the need for sexual victories weakens, a man learns to establish himself in another area, a single woman appears...
