How to control and manage your emotions. How to properly control your emotions: methods of mental self-regulation

Do you often lose your temper in difficult situations? Agree, the inability to control your emotions often interferes with life. Therefore, managing them is very important. Don't know how? We'll tell you!

This article is intended for persons over 18 years of age

Have you already turned 18?

What are emotions?

There are several definitions of the concept “emotions”. Some call this concept the expression of emotional experiences using voice and facial movements. Others are situational manifestations of feelings (short and quick). Still others are feelings that are expressed specifically for others. In other words, to summarize all the definitions, emotions are expressive movements that carry information about a person’s state and convey his attitude to a particular action or event.

There are several types of emotions:

positive - forgiveness, joy, admiration, pleasure, etc.;
negative - envy, hatred, anger, anger, irritation, etc.;
neutral - acquiring different shades in different situations(for example, surprise).

Why do you need to control your emotions?

The ability to manage your emotions is very important for any person. First, emotions often do not arise in in the right place and not in right time. Secondly, our emotions can hurt people around us. Thirdly, if we are overwhelmed with emotions, it will be much more difficult for us to concentrate on anything. Excessive emotions make it difficult to relax and unwind. The ability to manage emotions is a sign of a developed personality and an educated person who is able to control his feelings even in situations where it is very difficult. The ability to manage emotions needs to be developed. You can do this yourself or with the help of specialists who will give you practical advice.

How to learn to manage your emotions?

More than one book is devoted to acquiring the skills to manage emotions. This question is studied by such a science as psychology. We will try to briefly summarize the most basic tips on how you can gain control over yourself.

1. Watch your face.Before the emotion gains strength, remove it by changing your facial expression to a more neutral one. If you can do this, the intensity of passions will immediately subside. If this causes you difficulty, then you need to resort to training the skill of calm presence. This skill is one of the most effective and simple ways management with your own feelings. Its essence is as follows: create a list of situations in which your face expresses emotions (curves, wrinkles, twitches, etc.). This often happens in situations where you have to do something unpleasant. Take control of this everyday situation (for example, washing dishes) and practice a calm face. In a couple of weeks you will start to succeed, and in six months you will have developed a corresponding habit. Your face will remain calm in any situation, and at the same time your character will become balanced and calm. A greater effect can be achieved by filming yourself. This way you can see how you have learned to control yourself, and this will inspire you to continue training. If you want to teach your child to gain control over himself, it will be enough to give him the command every time: “Stop, stand still for a minute with a smile!”, and in a minute you will see the result.

2. Watch your breathing.Your emotional state will immediately change if you change the rhythm and frequency of your breathing. If you need to raise your energy, it is enough to do exercises accompanied by sharp and strong exhalations. If you need to calm down, start taking calm breaths in and out.

3. Learn to control your thoughts, as they tend to control our attention. If you think about the positive aspects of life, you trigger positive emotions (negative thoughts generate negative emotions). Your job is to avoid negative thoughts. This can be done by switching to other, more positive thoughts. To do this, you need to either say positive phrases out loud, or imagine bright positive pictures (for example, beautiful flowers, rainbow, etc.).

4. Learn to manage your mood.The emotions you experience depend on your mood. Therefore, your task is to constantly improve your mood. The easiest way is to choose an action that improves your mood and do it every time. For example, you improve your mood by walking in the park, then every time your mood deteriorates, go for a walk in the park.

If you approach the issue from the perspective of mental hygiene, then the following exercises will help you find lasting joy:

start taking pictures of your unhappy face. You won’t like it, and you will subconsciously look for an option on how to make your face happy;
standing near the mirror, repeat the phrase ten times: “What a bad mood I’m in.” As a rule, after the fifth repetition a smile appears and the mood becomes much better;
If you are overcome by negative emotions and are in the grip of a bad mood, smile as widely as possible and maintain this smile for a while. You will immediately feel the negative emotions recede;
laugh sharply - your mood will immediately improve;
distract yourself from negative thoughts by turning your attention to positive aspects;
mentally talk to yourself, asking questions: “Why do I need this emotion? What are the benefits of this emotion? Is there a different way to respond to the situation?” In dialogue with yourself, negative emotions will leave you;
recharge yourself with the emotions of other people - a smile will cause a return smile;
use chromotherapy and aromatherapy. Surround yourself with bright color pictures that improve your mood, your favorite smells;
know yourself. The more you know yourself, the better you will learn to control your emotions and your mood. Try to talk more with friends and relatives about your feelings, then over time you will learn to accurately determine which emotion is possessing you at a given moment in time, and you will control it;
use self-motivation. Determine those goals that will move you forward, give you the strength to overcome negative emotions, control your emotions;
be positive. Treat everyone easier life situation and try to see something good in each, even the most difficult of them;
avoid negativity. Choose your emotions yourself and don’t let anyone influence them;
learn to let go of the situation. There are enough events in every person’s life that leave an unpleasant aftertaste. Let go of these situations, get rid of the burden that prevents you from moving forward;
read books. Reading books gives you a lot of impressions and positive emotions. The book helps fight bad mood and depression, helps to achieve inner harmony;
Choose a hobby or hobby you like. Then you will have no time left for negativity, all your free time will be devoted to what you love;
change the situation. Take a break from events and people that cause you negative emotions and recharge yourself with positive impressions.

Why is it important to know how to manage your emotions and feelings?

Strong emotions can add to your life. bright colors, but at the same time they can destroy your health and psyche. Negative emotions dull your sensitivity to other people and contribute to the destruction of relationships with others. All your energy resources are spent on experiences, which means that you no longer have enough of them to achieve anything significant. For example, negative emotions can hinder your career if you fail to control them in the negotiation process.

As for health, negative emotions are the cause of many diseases, both psychological and physical. Therefore, it is very important to prevent neurological reactions by monitoring negative emotions in order to avoid sad consequences. People, for a long time Those who are in a state of stress put their health at great risk (psychosomatics). This is especially important for students and schoolchildren during exams. Is a person able to cope with this on his own? Yes, definitely. By taking control of your emotions, you will become the master of your life and make it happy and harmonious.

Do you ever find yourself yelling at your husband and then regretting it? Does it happen that you say offensive things to him, the reality of which you yourself do not believe? How often do you feel remorse for actions that destroy your relationships? Does this sound familiar to you? Then this article is written for you!

To get started, answer the following questions:

Do you think it is possible to control emotions?
What advantages and benefits will we get if we learn to control our emotions?
What damage do we cause to ourselves and our family by failing to control ourselves?

I think it's obvious that self-control is a skill worth learning, but how?

When I first got married, my ability to control my emotions was limited. best case scenario corresponded to 10%, and today I can proudly say that I do it by 90%. I not only learned to control my emotions, but also began to help other women in this difficult task. I have developed several exercises that, with constant practice, give amazing results.

How to control your emotions and maintain peace in the family?

Follow the six rules!

Rule 1: Don't dramatize the situation

Many women simply “wind up” themselves and make a big deal out of any little thing: “He didn’t call me, that means he forgot about me, that means he doesn’t care about me, that means he doesn’t love me anymore, etc.” and so on".

Remember - as a rule, you are offended or angry not at the event itself, but at the meaning that you attach to it. Learn to think more positively and more broadly: “He didn’t call me because he has an important project at work; he didn't call because he wanted me to miss him; he didn’t call because he didn’t want to distract me from my business.”

Or even: “He didn’t call, simply because he forgot.” That's all. No drama.

Rule 2: Take care of your well-being and emotional state

Imagine that you are tired, hungry and on the verge of a nervous breakdown due to the amount of work. And then your husband comes home an hour later than promised. You throw out on him everything that has accumulated at work, and all your fatigue for last days, and maybe months or years.

Very often we take our anger out on our husband, although in principle he has nothing to do with it. He just came across it at the wrong moment.

So, your direct responsibility is to take care of yourself and your happiness. Then your husband will get a piece of your happiness instead of a ton of your stress.

Rule 3: Play the role of a happy and good wife

Yes, as they say, “fake it till you make it.” That is, play it until you get it - until it becomes second nature.

They will help you here necessary books, films and live communication with those who can serve as an example for you.

Say goodbye to your previous image, because you didn’t choose it, life somehow imposed it on you without your consent. Choose for yourself new image and be who you want to see yourself when playing this role as an actress. Very soon this will become a habit, and before you know it, you will become the person you always dreamed of being!

Rule 4: Analyze your intentions, behaviors and results

Behind every action there is a good intention. For example, a woman yells at her husband because she wants him to understand and accept her feelings. But does her action - raising her voice - lead to the desired result? Obviously, this leads to the opposite. The husband simply ignores her and insists on his own even stronger.

Therefore, it is important to ask yourself: “Why am I screaming? What do I want to achieve with this? Does this lead me to the desired result? What alternative action can I take to achieve what I want? Learn to ask yourself these questions and analyze your behavior, and not just act automatically.

Rule 5: Count to ten and breathe deeply

In any stressful situation, the first reaction is usually animal, instinctive: attack or run away. Therefore, women either make a scandal, or slam the door and leave offended. Neither one nor the other option is a way out of the situation.

You need to understand that rational and creative thinking comes into play a little later in a stressful situation. That’s why they recommend counting to ten and then reacting. More effective way- this is to do a full breathing exercise: 8 seconds while inhaling, 32 seconds holding your breath, and 16 seconds exhaling. After this exercise, you literally become a new person with whom you can communicate again.

Rule 6: Go to another room to beat a pillow

As a last resort there is very effective remedy for the release of negative emotions without sacrifice, without remorse and without harm to others. As soon as you feel like you are about to explode, move away from witnesses and, when you are alone, feel free to start hitting the pillow and shout loudly: “A-a-a-a-a!”

I assure you that even a minute of such entertaining pastime will be enough for you to again feel that you are “perfectly in the saddle”! You can again talk, communicate and clarify various issues without fear for your health.

Remember, you may not always have power over the situation, but you can always have power over yourself. This is what I wish for you!

IN Everyday life Between people, due to differences in temperaments, conflict situations often occur. This is due, first of all, to a person’s excessive emotionality and lack of self-control. emotions? How to “get the upper hand” over your own feelings and thoughts during a conflict? Psychology provides answers to these questions.

Why do you need self-control?

Restraint and self-control are something that many people lack. This is achieved over time, constantly training and improving skills. Self-control helps to achieve a lot, and the least of this list is inner peace of mind. How to learn to control your emotions and at the same time prevent intrapersonal conflict? Understand that this is necessary and gain agreement with your own “I”.

Control over emotions prevents the conflict situation from worsening and allows you to find someone with completely opposite personalities. To a greater extent, self-control is necessary to establish relationships with people, no matter business partners or relatives, children, lovers.

The influence of negative emotions on life

Disruptions and scandals, in which negative energy is released, have a detrimental effect not only on the people around them, but also on the instigator himself conflict situations. your negative emotions? Try to avoid conflicts and not succumb to provocations from other people.

Negative emotions destroy harmonious relationships in the family, interfere with the normal development of personality and career growth. After all, few people want to cooperate/communicate/live with a person who does not control himself and starts a large-scale scandal at every opportunity. For example, if a woman cannot control herself and constantly finds fault with her man, which leads to serious quarrels, then he will soon leave her.

In raising children, it is also important to restrain yourself and not give free rein to negative emotions. The child will feel every word said by the parent in the heat of anger, and will subsequently remember this moment for the rest of his life. Psychology helps to understand how to learn to restrain emotions and prevent their manifestation in communication with children and loved ones.

Negative emotions also have a great impact on business and work activities. The team always consists of people of different temperaments, therefore self-control plays an important role here: negativity can spill out at any moment when a person is put under pressure and required to do overwhelming work. And instead of the usual dialogue where the parties can reach a consensus, a scandal develops. How to learn to control your emotions in the workplace? Do not react to employee provocations, try to start a casual conversation, agree with your superiors in everything, even if the assigned tasks are difficult to complete.

Suppression of emotions

Constantly restraining yourself within certain limits and preventing the release of negativity is not a panacea. Suppressing accumulates negativity, and therefore increases the risk of developing psychological diseases. Negativity must be periodically “thrown out” somewhere, but in such a way that the feelings of other people are not harmed. How to learn to restrain emotions, but without harm to your inner world? Go in for sports, because during training a person spends all his internal resources, and the negativity quickly goes away.

For ejection negative energy Wrestling, boxing, hand-to-hand combat is suitable. It is important here that a person mentally wants to give vent to his emotions, then he will feel relief and he will not want to take it out on anyone. However, it is worth considering that everything should be in moderation, and overwork during training can provoke a new influx of negativity.

Two ways to control your emotions:

Do you dislike a person so much that you are ready to destroy him? Do this, but, of course, not in the literal sense of the word. At the moment when you feel uncomfortable communicating with him, mentally do whatever you want with this person.
Draw a person you hate and write down on a piece of paper next to the image the problems that appeared in your life thanks to him. Burn the sheet and mentally put an end to your relationship with this person.

Prevention

How to learn to restrain emotions? Psychology gives the following answer to this question: to control your feelings and emotions, prevention is necessary, in other words - emotional hygiene. Like the human body, his soul also needs hygiene and disease prevention. To do this, you need to protect yourself from communicating with people who cause hostility, and also, if possible, avoid conflicts.

Prevention is the most gentle and the best way control over emotions. She doesn't demand additional training human and specialist intervention. Preventive measures They allow you to protect yourself from negativity and nervous breakdowns for a long time.

The main thing is that it helps you gain control over your emotions - over your own life. When a person is satisfied with everything in his home, work, relationships, and he understands that at any moment he can influence all this and adjust it to himself, then it is easier for him to restrain the manifestation of negative emotions. There are a number of preventive rules that help manage your own feelings and thoughts. How to learn to control your emotions and manage yourself? Follow simple rules.

Unfinished business and debts

Complete all planned tasks in a short time, do not leave the work unfinished - this can cause delays in terms of deadlines, causing negative emotions. Also, “tails” can be reproached, pointing out your incompetence.

IN financially try to avoid late payments and debts - this is exhausting and prevents you from achieving your goal. Understanding that you have not repaid a debt to someone causes negativity and helplessness in the face of current circumstances.

The absence of debts, both financial and other, allows you to fully spend your own energy resources and strength, directing them to the realization of desires. A sense of duty, on the contrary, is an obstacle to mastering self-control and achieving success. How to learn to restrain emotions and control yourself? Eliminate debts in a timely manner.

Cosiness

Create a comfortable experience for yourself workplace, equip your home to your own taste. Both at work and at home, with your family, you should feel comfortable - nothing should cause irritation or any other negative emotions.

Time planning

Try to make smart plans for the day, strive to ensure that you have a little more time and resources to complete your tasks than you need. This will avoid the negativity associated with a constant lack of time and worries about the lack of finances, energy and strength for work.

Communication and Workflow

Avoid contacts with unpleasant people who waste your personal time. Especially with individuals called " energy vampires" - they take up not only your time, but also your energy. If possible, try not to interfere with overly temperamental people, since any incorrect remark directed in their direction can provoke a scandal. How to restrain your emotions in relationships with other people? Be be polite, do not exceed your authority, do not overreact to criticism.

If your job brings you nothing but negative emotions, then you should think about changing your job. Earning money to the detriment of your soul and feelings, sooner or later, will lead to a breakdown and disorder of mental balance.

Marking boundaries

Mentally create a list of things and actions that cause you negative emotions. Draw an invisible line, a line that no one, not even yourself, should cross to a loved one. Create a set of rules that restrict people from communicating with you. Those who truly love, appreciate and respect you will accept such demands, and those who resist these attitudes should not be in your environment. To communicate with strangers, develop a special system that will avoid violating your boundaries and creating conflict situations.

Physical activity and self-reflection

Sports activities will bring not only physical health, but also mental balance. Spend 30 minutes to 1 hour a day on sports, and your body will quickly cope with negative emotions.

At the same time, analyze everything that happens to you during the day. Ask yourself questions about whether you acted correctly in a given situation, whether you communicated with the right people, whether you had enough time to complete the work. This will help not only to understand yourself, but also in the future to eradicate communication with unnecessary people who cause negativity. your own emotions, thoughts and goals allows you to fully develop self-control.

Positive emotions and prioritization

Develop the ability to switch from negative emotions to positive ones, try to see in any situation positive sides. How to learn to control emotions in relationships with family and strangers? Be more positive, and this will help you overcome your own temper.

The right goal is a great help in achieving self-control. When you are on the verge of a surge of negative emotions, imagine that as soon as you stop being nervous and paying attention to provocations, your dreams will begin to come true. You should choose only realistic, achievable goals.

Environment

Take a close look at the people around you. Is there any benefit from communicating with them? Do they bring you happiness, warmth and kindness, do they make you happy? If not, then the answer is obvious; you urgently need to change your social circle, switch to individuals who bring positive emotions. Of course, it is impossible to do this in the workplace, but at least limit yourself from communicating with such people outside the work space.

In addition to changing your environment, expanding your social circle will help you develop self-control. This will give you new opportunities, knowledge and a positive charge for a long time.

The question “How to learn to control emotions” contains a goal. Many people want to learn to control their emotions. After all, a balanced and restrained person is perceived as reliable, smart, and serious. People who are too emotional scare those around them, and it makes no difference what emotion is going off scale: either the person is crying bitterly, or laughing out loud.

Before you start working on yourself, you need get rid of from the existing stereotype that emotions are something light, insignificant, something that must quickly submit to reason.

People often tell others: “Calm down! Now stop being nervous! Can’t you pull yourself together?”, but when it’s their turn to worry, they simply don’t know what to do with themselves.

Emotions control people and people get very angry with themselves when they fail to control their emotions because underestimate their strength and meaning.

Why you shouldn’t be angry with yourself when emotions control and direct can be understood by learning what emotions are in general. We recommend that you read the article to learn more about the nature and functional significance of emotions.

Emotions this is not just some kind of mental processes and states, it is a complex psychophysiological internal regulation mechanism mental activity and behavior aimed at meeting current human needs. Roughly speaking, emotions help a person survive. Both bad and good emotions vital people, they regulate behavior by directing a person towards To achieving and maintaining well-being and from troubles.

Manage emotions - social necessity. Although this is difficult, it is possible and often simply necessary for a cultured, civilized person.

Controlling emotions is...

Emotions, out of bounds normal manifestations, no longer serve for the benefit of a person, they provoke illnesses (including mental ones), spoil relationships with others, and complicate self-realization in different areas life activity, change personality (a person becomes impulsive, irritable, aggressive, etc.).

Excessively prolonged and intense emotions, especially negative ones, can make a person unhappy and significantly ruin their life. It is known, for example, that in a state of passion an individual can even commit a crime.

Control your emotions difficult, and such extreme forms of intensity and inhibition of all other mental processes as affects are generally impossible. The stronger the emotion, the more effort it will take to curb it. So it's much easier don't let it happen emotion to a state of excessive and too long, learn to control yourself.

No matter how difficult it may be, a huge number of people still know how to regulate their emotional state. Actors, politicians, lawyers, military men do this masterfully - many people know how to control themselves.

Control your emotions this is not the same as suppressing them or ignoring them! Control of emotions implies:

skill realize, that is, catching yourself thinking about the occurrence of emotions and understanding what exactly this or that experienced emotion is called,
skill accept both good and bad your emotions and understand their functional significance, necessity for the body and personality,
the ability to manage them, that is, to support them normal intensity and duration of experiences.

Control over emotions this is managing them to the extent possible when they have already arisen, as well as the ability to prevent the unwanted development of strong, excessive, dangerous emotions.

How to learn to control emotions in 5 steps

There are many emotions and each of them requires separate consideration. It is easy to guess that the mechanism for controlling laughter and fear will be different. But still there are some universal recommendations given by psychologists:

Small secret: To relax tight muscles, you need to tighten them even more. You need to press even harder, compress, squeeze, twist the clamped area, after which this muscle group will automatically relax. If you can’t give yourself such a mini-massage, then you need to try to grimace at least a little, this will relax your facial muscles.

So, the essence of emotional control in skill:

be aware of them and their bodily expression,
by an effort of will to control their intensity,
intelligently regulate your behavior without denying the presence of emotions.

Any emotion is a hint, a signal to action. You need to listen to her.

Most people want to learn to control negative emotions (fear, anger, resentment, guilt, envy), but a negative emotion stimulates human activity aimed at avoiding harmful and dangerous influences from the outside!

Emotion is not an enemy, but a friend. If you understand this, it is easier to understand yourself. If a person is annoying, instead of hiding the negativity, isn't it better not to communicate with him at all? If you are afraid of something, maybe you don’t need to do it, but if you do it, then first get rid of the fear? If envy arises, maybe it's time to stop comparing yourself to someone else and become more confident in yourself?

What emotions are most difficult for you to control?

Anger and irritation are among the most powerful, and, moreover, unpleasant, emotions. How can we learn to control ourselves when everything around us seems to be only happening to piss us off? We cannot always control our mood, and the state of other people and the events that take place do not depend on us. Irritation is a normal reaction to something that a person would not like to encounter.

It can be physiological, for example, the skin’s reaction to an unpleasant fabric, and emotional, when we are annoyed by someone’s manner of speaking. How can we learn to restrain our emotions when we are forced not to show our true feelings? Let's consider several ways.

Use deep breathing to overcome anger.

This will help distract you from strong emotions and will be the first step in returning to normal. After the most acute emotions have subsided, try not to think about the reasons for the irritation. Between the moment when you have recovered a little from the passions overwhelming your soul and complete calm, there is a small buffer. During this time, angry thoughts may still return. Therefore, try not to be distracted by them and do breathing exercises and relaxation again.

For believers, a method such as prayer is suitable.

If you are in unfavorable circumstances, reading even the simplest prayers will quickly help you feel protected. You can learn your favorite prayer by heart in advance. Meditation can also serve as an alternative to prayer. However, it must be remembered that these spiritual practices still differ from each other.

Meditation is a technique aimed at calming the mind and detaching from the situation. It has a much greater effect when practiced over a long period of time. But concentrating on something in a state of strong emotions also gives a good effect. The mind switches, and negative thoughts gradually go away with it.

To control your emotions, distract yourself from your worries.

When feelings begin to manifest themselves in all their power, it’s time to turn on soothing music in your headphones or pay attention to some unfinished work project. You can take a break and play your favorite game computer game. Or call an old friend who always knew how to cheer you up. Humor is also a reliable way to distance yourself from negative emotions.

Work on developing willpower.

This quality will be useful to you in others as well. life spheres. But in terms of control over the emotional state, it is simply irreplaceable. Eliminate the phrase “I can’t” from your vocabulary. Whenever you encounter difficulties, say to yourself the accusatory “I don’t.” By doing this every time, you will gradually be able to regain control over your own life. Including feelings of anger and irritation.

Use emotions as additional motivators.

For example, if you feel angry about an employee's inappropriate behavior at work, turn your feelings to your advantage. Instead of endlessly drowning in thoughts about the actions he commits, transfer the energy of your emotions to work on your skills and abilities. In a normal state, it can be difficult to move on and start working on oneself, and the potential of negative emotions is so great that it can serve as a good impetus for development.