George Bernard Shaw
Fear of loneliness is one of the most common fears among people nowadays. It is also called autophobia if it is pathological in nature, when a person cannot stand loneliness at all. It would seem how this could be - after all, there are a lot of people around and there are also many ways to establish contact with them, which is worth the Internet alone, in which we can all communicate with each other. But at the same time, we still feel lonely. Not all of course, but many. Why is that? This has its reasons, and in this article we will look at them. And then we'll figure out how to deal with the fear of loneliness. To do this, it is not at all necessary to surround yourself with a large number of people and constantly communicate with them on all sorts of topics. In many cases, you can feel very good and comfortable alone. So, friends, if the problem of loneliness is relevant to you, and you want to learn about how to cope with it, or rather, how to cope with the fear that it causes, then this article is for you.
The fear of loneliness has many reasons to exist. It is not at all necessary that a person who experiences such fear is truly lonely. He may simply feel lonely for a number of reasons. Suffice it to say that many people today feel very lonely only because they have begun to pay less attention to each other and are less interested in each other. That is, we are talking not just about people’s interest in each other, but about their interest in each other precisely as people, as individuals, and not as resources or sources of some resources, nor as business partners with whom You can agree on something and so on. A person’s value in the eyes of other people, without everything he has, has decreased - that’s the problem. And if other people do not value us, then we ourselves begin to value ourselves less, precisely as people, as a person, with all its advantages and disadvantages. This doesn't apply to everyone, but to many. Therefore, people strive to impress each other with the help of, for example, expensive and beautiful things, high status, bright appearance, and not with the help of some of their personal traits. Although it is clear that the same status and material security imply some difference between a person and other people when he surpasses them in something, and therefore has something that some do not have. But at the same time, we won’t argue that people who are less successful in life are not interesting in any way and there is nothing in them? We won't. But we pay less attention to them, admire them less often, and even rarely communicate with them. And they do the same to us if we don’t stand out from other people in anything special. As a result, we are all, as it were, in the shadow of those who are superior to us in some way, and we are interested in each other only sometimes and only in a certain capacity, for example, as I already said, as a resource or source of resources. And our personal characteristics often go unnoticed and underestimated, so we feel lonely. And we are afraid of this feeling. We are afraid not only of being alone, we are afraid of being worse than others, afraid of being unnoticed, not taken seriously, not accepted by other people. These are all the roots of the fear of loneliness.
It is also worth noting that the fairly high pace of life and excessive practicality, which we all try to adhere to in order to keep up with modern living standards, have turned most of us into a kind of automata, for whom only vital resources have become important, but not those goals and not the purpose for which these resources are mined. As a result, people even began to communicate with each other using standard phrases, template questions and answers; they do not show sincere interest in each other, they simply imitate communication. And if no one shows interest in you as a person, as an individual, but are only looking for an opportunity to benefit from communicating with you, you will naturally begin to feel lonely. With the same success, a person could communicate with artificial interlocutor programs so as not to feel lonely. Moreover, these programs would not try to get anything from him, which is already good. Therefore, in some cases, people are quite satisfied with pets, which provide them with good company and warm their souls. After all, if a person communicates with you superficially, stereotypedly and solely for the sake of some kind of benefit, and not because he is interested in you, and therefore does not take your desires and interests into account at all, does not pay attention to your problems, then what is the interest in such communication, what is it useful? With such communication, you feel like a thing, not a person. As a result, a feeling of loneliness can wash over us even when there are a lot of people around us who are superficially interested in you and each other, these kind of automatic people who do not so much communicate with each other and with you as imitate communication.
So it turns out that in order to get rid of the fear of loneliness, a modern person needs to look for ways, for starters, to at least simply attract the attention of other people, to somehow stand out from everyone else, and then try to somehow do this on himself keep attention. The only question is how exactly to do this. Let me tell you right now, there are many ways. You can really make yourself into something interesting, special, unusual, through very long and painstaking work on yourself, or you can simply create a lot of noise so that they are forced to pay attention to you. I think that all ways to fill your life with the attention of other people have a right to exist. In the end, people always decide for themselves what is interesting to them and what is important to them. You just offer them something, depending on your capabilities and desires. If you want to go deeper into this topic, if you need to somehow attract attention to yourself in order to reduce the fear of loneliness, then I think that for this it is better for you and me to communicate separately, since there are so many ways to make yourself interesting to other people that Not only can all of them be described at great length, but not all of them should be discussed publicly.
Well, now we’ll talk about another very important point, because of which we experience fear of loneliness even when there are no serious reasons for it. This point is more common, so our entire further conversation will be devoted to it. We are talking about our dependence on other people, or more precisely, about the dependence of people on each other. In many cases, this dependence can be significantly reduced and thus you will not feel lonely in situations where there is no one nearby. The problem is that people cannot be self-sufficient in the areas of their lives in which this is possible. They simply do not know how to achieve this self-sufficiency. When a person really experiences or simply feels his dependence on other people, both emotionally and materially, and cannot compensate for the lack of external resources with his internal resources, he will inevitably begin to fear loneliness, since it will mean for him the loss of what he what he needs.
Well, in this case, let's see how you can become a self-sufficient person, primarily emotionally, as well as a confident and independent person, thanks to your inner world, and thus cope with the fear of loneliness.
Our task is to reduce your dependence on the external world and begin to receive more satisfaction from the inner world. To achieve this, you must first find out what the outside world, other people, men, women, no matter who, gives you, what gives you pleasure, joy, satisfaction, what makes you a happy person. We are talking, as I already said, about either material or spiritual values, which in one way or another affect our emotional state. We usually need both. In other words, other people give us something, something tangible and intangible, and this makes us dependent on them. Now let's ask ourselves a question - what of what other people give us can we find within ourselves? Or let’s ask the question even more broadly: how can we provide for ourselves so as not to depend on other people?
Material values
Let's start with material things that we all need, regardless of our inner state, but which can also tie us very strongly to other people. Let's think about what material needs we can satisfy ourselves? By yourself, in the sense of your own hands, your own head, your own strength, and not through someone else’s help? Well, I guess every person has their own answer to this question. And you, I am sure, also have your own informed opinion on this matter. It depends on the opportunities you have and on your desire to do something for yourself. Let's say, if we talk about money, then there are women in this life who are highly dependent on men in this matter - men provide for them, so they are strongly attached to them with money. There are also men who are supported by women or their parents. And there are women who provide for themselves well, they earn good money themselves and men do not particularly need money, or do not need it at all. There are other material resources that can attract some people to others and tie them to each other. What of these resources attracts you to other people and makes you dependent on them - you need to figure it out in order to understand which of these material things you can provide for yourself, or what you can refuse in order not to depend on others people, and thus not be afraid of losing them, these people. It doesn’t matter whether you are a man or a woman - the better you can take care of yourself, the less material things will connect you with other people and make you dependent on them. And this dependence, I repeat, feeds our, your fear of loneliness.
The next need, if we talk about the dependence of people of different sexes on each other, is the need for sexual intimacy - let's call it that. A person is designed in such a way, no matter whether we are talking about a man or a woman, that if he is completely healthy and young enough, then he experiences sexual attraction to individuals of the opposite sex. This need is absolutely normal and completely natural, having, first of all, its natural goals. People need to reproduce somehow, so they need each other. But this need again makes us dependent on each other. And often people feel lonely because they cannot find a partner for an intimate relationship. So, let's think about whether a person can satisfy this need himself. Well, not in a completely unnatural way, or better said, not in a completely correct way, of course, he can if he wants to have fun. Still, for people, sexual intercourse is mainly a way to get pleasure, and not a way to reproduce. And this pleasure can be obtained in other ways, without a partner. Even if this is not exactly what nature expects from us, people nevertheless get the desired pleasure in this way, thereby reducing their dependence on people of the opposite sex. Here you also need to think about how dependent this need makes you on other people, on men or women. And how much is your fear of loneliness related to this need? I don’t think that in this matter you need to become a completely self-sufficient person, but some points related to it can be reconsidered. For example, if you are used to meeting different men or women who are interesting in their own way, but due to their character and life position are not constancy and reliability, so you have to part with them after a while, then you can try to show interest in less bright , less temperamental, less interesting in some ways to men or women, but at the same time more constant, reliable and stable. Then your life will become calmer and more predictable, and accordingly, the feeling of loneliness, in the form of fear of parting with your next partner, will go away. You will be able to satisfy your sexual need with a person who will need you as much as you need him. This means that you will not have the fear of losing him, which means that the fear of loneliness will not annoy you.
The next point is protection. In this case, if we talk about a woman, then she feels a need for this, that is, she needs a man as a protector. In general, this is a need for certain services from other people. Men also have certain needs for a woman’s services. For example, they need female support, care, attention, affection, and so on. These needs also need to be taken into account when deciding for yourself what you need and what you can provide for yourself. Let's say there are men who cannot, or rather do not want to protect their woman, in the broadest sense of the word, they simply do not value her highly enough to try to protect her by any possible means. Consequently, the question arises: does a woman need such a man, specifically as a protector, or is it better for her to find another man for this purpose, or can she protect herself much better? It also wouldn’t hurt for men to think about how much the woman with whom they live or are going to live together satisfies their requirements, or better yet, how much they need what this or that woman can offer them. In other words, think about what brings you closer to this or that person, and what or how you can replace what he or she gives you. It is quite possible that you need a completely different person for a relationship, for living together, or at least you do not need the one who is now next to you. Then the dependence on this person will be significantly lower. And if he disappears from your life, you will not feel too lonely. It's like losing something that you didn't really need. But this, however, is only the case from a material point of view. We will talk about the spiritual connection between people below.
Well, for now, let's talk about another very important need, related largely to material values, which we can satisfy only with the help of other people - this is the need for a family. And to be more precise, this is the need for procreation in the most acceptable way for our culture. This need should not be confused with sexual desire, since sexual desire can be and often is a way for people to obtain pleasure, which I already wrote about above, that is, people perceive this attraction exclusively at the biological level. The need for procreation through a union with a person of the opposite sex, through a family, through a serious relationship, if we talk at the level of our culture, implies a more, let’s say, advanced approach to life. And this need gives rise to a desire in us to be close to such a person, thanks to whom we can best satisfy it. That is, if you are a woman, you need a reliable, responsible, serious, caring man with whom you can start a family, who can become a good father to your children and a good husband to you. You understand that not every man is suitable for such a role. And without a man suitable to satisfy this need, you can feel very lonely, and of course, you will be afraid of this loneliness, because you will be afraid that you will not have a family and you will not have children.
And if you are a man, then to satisfy this need you need a caring, decent, responsible, honest, and, in my opinion, intelligent woman who can become a good mother for your children and a good wife for you. Again, not every woman meets these requirements, at least not sufficiently. Therefore, I repeat once again, you must understand well what you really need and how much the person who is next to you now or whom you are looking for corresponds to your goals and generally suits you. Keep in mind that this need - the need for procreation by creating a normal family - you cannot satisfy yourself. Therefore, whatever one may say, you need another person, a partner, and you definitely won’t find him within yourself. Therefore, if your fear of loneliness is connected precisely with this need, think carefully about how best to satisfy it.
Spiritual values
Now let's talk about spiritual values and, accordingly, our need for them. Let us first take such an important human need as the need for communication. It is quite obvious that this need has no direct relation to material resources, unless communication is aimed at achieving a specific goal related to material resources. But in this case we are talking about communication that brings, first of all, moral satisfaction to a person. Of course, it must be said that not all people need communication, at least not frequent and intense communication, but they still need, even if it’s a little communication, with a limited circle of people, but they still need it. This means that there should be people in our lives with whom we can communicate when we need it. Or we must somehow be able to satisfy this need ourselves, at least partially.
But that’s not the point, it’s not about introverts or extroverts - it’s about the ability to switch from the external world to the internal one when necessary. To do this, you need to learn to enjoy internal dialogue, thinking, reading, and daydreaming. And when there are a lot of bright images, interesting people, all sorts of events around you, when your life is in full swing, there is simply no time left for immersion in yourself and there is neither the need nor the desire to communicate with yourself. Still, the outer world justifiably seems to most people much more interesting and rich than the inner world; it makes a stronger impression on most of us. In addition, it is easier to enjoy the external world than the internal one; this does not require much effort from us. It’s like watching a movie or reading a book, in the first case you don’t even need to think much - all the images are presented to you in a ready-made form, all you have to do is observe them, experience the observed events, be happy or sad. Whereas in the case of a book, you need to turn on your imagination, draw appropriate images for yourself, imagine the experiences of the main characters, some events, people, and so on. That is, when reading a book, the brain is more loaded than when watching a film, which means a person is more actively immersed in his inner world, in his own thoughts. Therefore, if you read a lot and think a lot, fantasize, dream, and conduct internal dialogue, then you can accustom yourself to interesting communication with yourself and not feel lonely when there is no one around with whom you can communicate. But you need to accustom yourself to this. You need to give yourself time to think, to read interesting literature, to think about your life and to just be alone with yourself in peace and quiet. Discover an interesting interlocutor within yourself with whom you can communicate anytime, anywhere.
As for aesthetic things, values that we love to admire, they can also be replaced. We can admire not only the external, and therefore other people's beauty, other people's creations, but also the internal, and therefore our own beauty, our own creations. To do this you need to start creating! You need to start - drawing, writing, composing, and so on, in general, somehow materialize your imagination, turn your dreams into reality, into something beautiful. A creator will never feel lonely if he is completely immersed in his creativity. Here it is important to learn to enjoy not from external things, not from someone else’s work, but from your own, from your own achievements in the field of art and creativity. The more you engage in creative activities, the less you will need the company of other people and the beautiful and aesthetic things they create. All your attention will be focused on the pleasure that you will begin to receive from your own activities. Of course, in this sense you shouldn’t completely close yourself off from the outside world, I think you understand this very well, but it is very important to contribute to the beauty of this world in order to increase your value in your own eyes. Then with such a person - with yourself, you will not be lonely.
Our memories are also of great value to us. Without these memories there would be no us as individuals. And when we are lonely, we can immerse ourselves in these memories and, with their help, fill the external emptiness with internal experiences. Remember how many interesting and bright things have happened in your life and are now in your memory. Rummage through your head, find something interesting, pleasant, warm in it and live it again, then at least your mood will improve. You can always mentally relive all the best moments in your life, remembering them in as much detail as possible. Sometimes people are so deeply immersed in their memories that they completely do not notice what is happening to them in the present reality, so their memories greatly influence them. Good memories, by the way, help to overcome all sorts of life difficulties, and not just loneliness.
It is also very important to learn to observe everything that surrounds us. Life often becomes uninteresting and boring, because everything in it always becomes boring, everything gets boring, everything becomes familiar and monotonous over time. But if we learn to notice more details in everything that surrounds us, then the world will immediately become more interesting and rich. Not only some colorful events can evoke exciting feelings and vivid emotions in us, but also everything that we usually do not notice against the background of these events. For example, you can admire the beauty of nature and get great pleasure from it. At night, you can admire the starry sky, think about space, what secrets it hides, about your life on the scale of the Universe - you can simply drown in these thoughts, watching this amazingly fabulous world. Then no fear of loneliness will overcome you, because in this Universe you are not alone. The world is so complexly structured that there will always be something to be surprised by, something to enjoy and be happy about; there is absolutely no need to experience a feeling of loneliness in it, and even more so there is no need to be afraid of this feeling. You just need to become a little more attentive to everything that surrounds you in order to understand that you are not alone.
And finally, the last thing that can save you from the fear of loneliness and that is primarily spiritual, and subsequently can become a material value - this is a big, bright dream, a great idea, a mission that already empowers, or will endow your life in the future meaning. A person's awareness of the meaning of his life allows him to look at it as a story with a happy ending. Such a person knows how to enjoy both every moment he lives, the future he dreams of and strives for, as well as the memories he has of the past. In other words, a person perceives his life holistically if he keeps memories that are valuable to him, knows how to enjoy what he has here and now, and thinks about his future, striving for his goal, dream, and fulfillment of desires. All this allows him to see meaning in his life, which, like air, is necessary for every sane person. The fear of loneliness in such a person will inevitably fade away or not arise at all, since there is simply no place left for it in the person’s head, heart and soul.
Despite the fact that such a huge number of people live on our planet, a large number of modern people are terrified of loneliness. People susceptible to this phobia cannot remain alone even for short periods of time, they become strongly attached to other people, and every separation from loved ones turns into a real tragedy for them. They are ready for a relationship with anyone, as long as they are never left alone with themselves.
Fear of loneliness constantly torments the souls of such people. In addition, this fear and the feeling of emptiness it causes can cause the development of bad habits, such as smoking, alcohol abuse, and constant overeating. All this happens because people who have developed this phobia are constantly trying to escape from themselves. They suffer when they are forced to remain alone, and cannot accept the fact that a person, at his core, is a loner, and it is impossible to change this state of affairs.
What causes the fear of loneliness? There can be a variety of reasons for this.
Firstly, modern society constantly imposes the stereotype that loneliness is something bad, that only a person who is surrounded on all sides by friends, loved ones and people dear to him can be considered truly complete. Society also cultivates the idea that loners are flawed, and they are lonely because there is something wrong with them.
In fact, this is absolute nonsense! Every person is complete, regardless of whether he has friends or not. Once you can accept this thought, you can overcome your fear.
The second reason is an escape from anxiety. Many people are afraid of loneliness due to the fact that their subconscious constantly presents them with various disturbing thoughts. A person returns to them again and again, which is very painful for him. The natural desire in such a situation is to hide from them, and the best way to do this is to find yourself in society. Finding himself among other people, he stops thinking about what worries him and fear is replaced by a feeling of happiness. Unfortunately, it is impossible to completely escape from anxiety in this way, and sooner or later you will have to deal with your problem.
Another reason causing fear of loneliness, there may be a desire to escape from oneself. Most often, this manifests itself in “empty” people who do not have any real goals and guidelines in life, and try to replace them with illusory justifications for their existence. These people are running away from reality, from their own life purpose, trying to hide in a crowd of people like them. In this case, you can get rid of being alone only by honestly assessing yourself, your life and allowing love and light to settle in your heart.
Is it possible to somehow overcome the fear of loneliness? In order to achieve this, you must admit to yourself that every person on our planet is lonely. Loneliness is inherent in each of us, and it is impossible to hide from it. No one will ever understand 100 percent of the people and will not share with him all the joy or, on the contrary, grief. It may be quite difficult to admit it, but once you can cope with it, you will forever overcome your own.
In addition to this, you must accustom yourself to the fact that sometimes you will be left to your own devices, and do it in such a way that you don’t feel lonely in moments. Listen to yourself, find some activity for yourself in which you can fully open up and feel true happiness. Fill your life with meaning, and the fear of loneliness will forever remain for you just a memory of a past life.
Autophobia: fear of loneliness Autophobia or pathological fear of loneliness can easily be considered one of the most common mental disorders in the world.Autophobia or pathological fear of loneliness can easily be considered one of the most common mental disorders in the world.
People subject to this fear cannot get rid of thoughts about their own uselessness; they are afraid of being left completely alone. Those suffering from autophobia are afraid not of what exists, but of what they themselves have invented.
It is not without reason that the fear of loneliness is called a problem of modern humanity. Most often, people who live in cities and lead an active social life tend to experience it. They get used to constantly being surrounded by others and tend to adapt to the standards accepted in their environment. Such people’s own inner world is quite poor and they do not develop as individuals. As a result, they think and behave according to certain stereotypes, a slight deviation from which leads to panic.
Autophobia significantly reduces a person’s quality of life. Makes him unhappy, sick and deprives him of the ability to be happy for a long time. Meanwhile, like many irrational fears, it is highly treatable. The main thing is to really start fighting it.
Reasons for the development of autophobia
There are many people who feel good and comfortable being alone with themselves. They do not feel inconvenienced even when they voluntarily break off all ties with the world. Others require constant communication, otherwise they begin to feel bad. Regardless of age or situation, anyone can experience the fear of loneliness. However, the greatest likelihood of developing autophobia is observed in dependent and weak people who do not want to be responsible for their actions.
They get used to seeing a stronger partner next to them, and in his absence, they immediately find a replacement for him. Being alone is so scary for them that they will be happy with anyone who appears nearby. For obvious reasons, this choice is not always good, but it brings relative peace and relief. Those who do not have real friends in their lives or have not met their soulmate can also suffer from autophobia.
The real reason for this state of affairs lies in the individual’s inability to build relationships, but it is more profitable for him to think that no one simply needs him. Fear of loneliness can also develop from a lack of communication in shy, vulnerable people who are forced to lead a more measured lifestyle than is customary.
A person may be afraid of getting sick, losing his job, or losing his usual social status. This means becoming unnecessary and thrown to the sidelines. Such people are often lonely.
A high risk of developing autophobia is also observed in people who have experienced the loss of loved ones, betrayal or betrayal.
They literally were already alone, and they no longer want to experience this again. The fear of loneliness can have deep roots that go back to early childhood.
Lack of parental love and attention, divorce of parents, and non-pedagogical methods of education are the main causes of phobia here. Lack of socialization during adolescence can also be a factor that leads to problems.
In medical practice, cases of autophobia caused by several reasons are often recorded. According to statistics, men have a harder time with the absence of a close circle of people than women. The fear of loneliness, rooted in childhood, is the most persistent.
Symptoms of autophobia
Depending on the causes and situation, the signs of autophobia in people may vary. The earliest symptoms expressing fear of loneliness are hysterics and loud crying of a child when he is left without his mother. In adolescence, children can make bad acquaintances only because they are afraid of being alone. This pathology can take on a different character, manifesting itself with symptoms such as neurodermatitis and other skin diseases.
As adults, out of fear that they will be abandoned and they will be left alone, they may be afraid to build family relationships, and fear of relationships arises. In marriage, autophobia will begin to manifest itself in pathological jealousy of the partner, attempts at any cost to keep children near oneself and not allow them to live their own lives. People can manipulate the feelings of others to do this, for example, by feigning illness. If the symptoms of autophobia at the beginning of its manifestation are not very noticeable, then with the development of the disease the picture changes.
- The person begins to show more obvious signs of fear, which include:
- emotional experiences and worries;
- indifference to what is happening around;
- the desire to always be among people;
absent-mindedness or obsessive attention.
In severe cases, the phobia can develop into depression, in which the patient often has thoughts of suicide. In its acute form, fear manifests itself as a panic attack. Classic symptoms of a phobia include trembling limbs, rapid breathing and heart palpitations.
Of course, you should not ignore a disorder such as a phobia and succumb to its influence. Invented fears are highly treatable, and in some cases a person can get rid of them himself. However, specialist help in these matters is required much more often.
When the fear of loneliness just begins to manifest itself through the first worries and anxieties, you can try to fight it with all possible means. First of all, a person should understand that people are all unique, therefore there will always be someone who will be interested in him. New acquaintances, hobbies or a change of activity will also distract from the disease. Many people are helped to feel confident by playing sports and exciting travels, visiting cultural and entertainment events.
Staying alone with yourself and improving is also useful. Today, many auto-training techniques have been developed, which are not difficult to learn. A person suffering from autophobia must constantly grow as a person in order to get rid of his addictions and start a new full life.
If you cannot overcome the fear of loneliness on your own, you should consult a psychologist or psychotherapist.
These specialists are ready to help in any situation, but you should be prepared for the fact that the recovery process will not be quick. Much depends on the personal qualities of the person, the situation, and the complexity of the disease. However, it is possible to overcome autophobia.
Various techniques are used to treat irrational fears. For example, a doctor may prescribe group or personal therapy. To relieve unpleasant symptoms of the disease, taking sedatives, antidepressants, and psychostimulants is indicated. They are prescribed individually to each patient, but they are not mandatory in every case. Cognitive behavioral therapy is considered an effective method of getting rid of the fear of loneliness.
Such treatment allows not only to identify the true cause of the development of the disease, but also to form a new model in human behavior, where logical thinking is involved instead of emotions. Therefore, the negative fades into the background, giving way to the positive.
With this therapy, a person learns to relax, understand himself and control his feelings. His self-esteem increases and a desire to live a new life appears. This has a positive effect on his well-being and inspires confidence that recovery is possible. After treatment is completed, the fear goes away forever.
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Phobias
Autophobia (also called monophobia, isolophobia) is an irrational fear of loneliness when a person is left to his own devices. Along with strong negative experiences, there may also be a physiological reaction, the manifestations of which are characteristic.
This pathological state of the psyche is conventionally divided into three degrees: mild, moderate and severe. In the absence of corrective measures, the fear of loneliness can progress under the influence of a person’s internal states or external influences.
This phobia is considered one of the most dangerous, since its “pressure” on an individual can lead to somatic problems. Along with mental symptoms, autophobes often have skin diseases, for example, neurodermatitis. And a severe form of phobia can provoke suicidal attempts, dictated by the idea “I am abandoned by everyone, I am abandoned by everyone, no one needs me, I am left alone and nothing will change.”
Fear of loneliness is a painful manifestation of the psyche that occurs both in early childhood and among adults. According to statistics, it follows that more than 60% of the population of all countries suffer from this phobia in one form or another. A special tendency to develop and fixate the condition is observed in the female sex due to the characteristics of the psyche.
The “risk group” also includes people who grew up in single-parent families, children deprived of close and frequent contact with their mother, or those living in a family dominated by indifferent relationships between relatives.
A number of personality traits of an individual, for example, unstable self-esteem, self-esteem and pronounced conformity, suspiciousness, anxiety, influence the “consolidation” of the fear of loneliness.
Causes
The insidiousness of the pathological condition lies in the fact that even a minor situation can become a “trigger” for the development of irrational fear.
In most cases, the root cause of the phobia lies in childhood. The baby may begin to show some signs of the condition already in the first months of life, bursting into hysterical crying when his mother is not around.
Insufficient attention to the newborn and lack of emotional contact create the ground for the further development of isolophobia.
The basis for the fear of loneliness may be improper upbringing, frequent threats from parents that they will leave the child alone, send him to an orphanage, and so on. Pathological fear often takes root in a situation where a child finds himself alone in an unfamiliar place or is left alone in an apartment.
The presence in a person’s mind of a tendency towards negative thinking can play a cruel joke at a certain point in life. Thus, during a teenage crisis, monophobia is often revealed against the backdrop of thoughts about the futility of existence, that the teenager is not needed by anyone and is not understood by everyone. Depressive moods, often characteristic of this stage of growing up, only aggravate the situation and provoke thoughts about the severity of life and suicide.
In adulthood, pathological fear can manifest itself very sharply under the influence of external circumstances. This phobia haunts most people living in megacities, dependent on their surroundings, existing in a crazy rhythm and in a situation of multitasking every day. As soon as there is a lull, the person finds himself completely alone, the situation acts as negative stress.
Additionally, the following possible reasons for the occurrence of fear can be identified:
- job loss or retirement;
- forced move to a foreign city or country;
- death of a loved one or relative;
- divorce, separation from a loved one;
- a feeling of alienation and lack of connection with immediate family;
- attention deficit under the age of 3 years;
- other psychotraumatic circumstances that radically change the usual routine of life or lead to isolation.
Characteristic manifestations
Despite the fact that pathological fear is common, its diagnosis causes a number of difficulties due to its rather vague symptoms. The mild form is often disguised as personality traits, while the moderate form causes some discomfort, which is not taken seriously. Only in the case of severe manifestations, when somatic reactions and ideas about suicide are added, problems with defining a phobia do not arise.
Symptoms of a phobia
Symptoms are based on obsessions and thoughts that depress a person, as well as on emotional reactions and the mood of an autophobe. People with this phobia feel unpleasant anxiety and a sense of hopelessness when left alone with themselves. They are unable to escape from painful thoughts and cannot concentrate on work or creativity.
The longer the situation of being alone with oneself continues, the more the autophobe begins to think that everyone has turned away from him, they have forgotten about him, and they have found a replacement for him.
Along with heavy thoughts and a depressed emotional state, there may be an uncontrollable idea that some kind of misfortune will happen to friends or relatives. Therefore, a person can begin to “pull” people, constantly calling, asking or demanding a meeting, and “flooding” them with messages on the Internet.
A standard manifestation of a phobia is the desire not to be alone. In severe cases, the autophobe needs company in any activity, even when going to the toilet. Such individuals diligently avoid solo work and activities that require independent performance. They strive to constantly be in society.
In a number of situations, desire can go to extremes, when a person becomes indifferent to whom to communicate, make friends, work or start a family. There is practically no selectivity in contacts, which can also lead to promiscuity and a quick change of lovers.
The following points may also be noted:
- unstable self-esteem;
- avoidance of responsibility and lack of independence;
- pathological dependence on other people's opinions;
- tendency to manic-depressive manifestations, hysterical reactions, manipulation, neurotic states, parasuicidal tendencies;
- readiness to “attach” one’s surroundings to oneself at any cost;
- a feeling of boredom and melancholy in moments of loneliness;
- panic attacks, affective manifestations;
- pathological jealousy;
- difficulties in self-realization.
Treatment
Regardless of what phase of development of the pathology a person is in, assistance from specialists is necessary.
At the initial stages, monophobia practically does not require drug correction, while the severe form with associated additional manifestations requires drug therapy. And you need to understand that the fear of loneliness is a mental pathology that cannot be eliminated on your own.
Drug correction
Most often, monophobia is treated with antidepressants, and various types of psychostimulant drugs are also prescribed.
For sleep disorders, sleeping pills and some sedatives may be prescribed.
Treatment in a hospital, carried out with the help of medications, may be indicated for individuals with pronounced suicidal tendencies.
Psychotherapeutic assistance
Psychocorrective effects are basic. Based on the characteristics of the patient, the emphasis can be placed on individual counseling or group work. However, the dominant method still remains the cognitive behavioral approach to therapy.
The main goals of psychotherapy are to determine the root cause and identify the main “irritants” that cause a negative state and attacks of panic. Next, the person is trained in ways to relax and control his condition, gradually learning a new model of behavior.
The use of art therapy aimed at working through internal fears may be relevant. Correction of the internal state is often carried out: working with self-esteem and self-attitude, removing internal “blocks” and complexes, and so on.
Already at the end of the first year of work, in the overwhelming majority of cases, positive dynamics are noted. On average, it takes three years to overcome irrational fear. Therefore, when faced with manifestations of the fear of loneliness, one should not assume that this phobia cannot be treated. Willingness to make contact with a psychotherapist and psychologist, a sincere desire to cope with fear, allows you to gradually get rid of obsessive fear.
Psychologist.
Fear of loneliness- an integral part of human life, all people encounter it in one way or another. It should be noted that the fear of loneliness is very common in our time. It can be experienced by both people who have families, social connections, and people who do not, for example, have a loved one and there is a fear that the meeting will never happen.
Fear of loneliness can be characterized by the following symptoms: a feeling of unbearable restlessness and anxiety when it is necessary to be alone with oneself, or a feeling of melancholy and boredom, since they are anxious or uninterested in being alone with themselves and they do not understand what to do, and if they try to find something to do, then have difficulty concentrating on it. Fear of loneliness can develop due to the sudden loss of a significant loved one, as a result of which increased anxiety can develop and there is a risk of panic attacks.
Signs of the fear of loneliness may include pathological jealousy, the desire to keep your children close to you and prevent them from living independently, as well as attempts to maintain your social connections at any cost, even if they do not bring satisfaction.
Loneliness is not so scary for people who are able to build healthy connections and emotional contacts, who are capable of empathy and love, understanding and sympathy.
Autophobia
Autophobia(autophobia - self-fear) - an extreme degree of fear of loneliness, developing gradually. Unlike the fear of loneliness, which a person experiences but can control, autophobia is a pathological phobia of loneliness, which a person is unable to fight on his own. Signs of autophobia are severe emotional distress, spiritual emptiness, high levels of anxiety, loss of interest in the world around us and what is happening in it, and a painful desire to constantly be among people. The psychosomatic manifestation of autophobia is neurodermatitis. Autophobia often leads to depression and suicidal behavior.Gestalt therapy considers autophobia as a consequence of psychological trauma received in childhood, most often before the age of 3 years, due to the absence (temporary or permanent) of emotional and physical connection with a parent or parents.
Autophobia is quite treatable. It can be overcome with the help of individual and group psychotherapy. Long-term treatment may vary from approximately one to three years. During therapy, fears and their root causes are worked through. If autophobia is severe, medications (antidepressants, sedatives, stimulants) can also be prescribed for its treatment.
