Are all men polygamous?

Aw, how provocative. Let's clarify right away: there are very few phenomena in the world under which a common denominator can be summed up - because this mythical “everything” simply does not exist, nature loves exceptions.

But what if we are talking about something truly fundamental? About the program that is written into the genetic code? What then?

Let us remember Nietzsche’s imperishable phrase that man is a wild beast with a subtle touch of civilization. Well, in general, yes, we are largely controlled by the most ancient structure - the reptilian brain.

If you follow this logic, in our body it plays the role of something like a secret world government, which alone makes decisions and allows the rest of the brain to enjoy the illusion of choice.

However, whether it is a gift or a curse, humans have had to adapt to their environment over millions of years. If we are not talking about survival, we now make any decision on the balance of biological and social principles.

Therefore, to understand the essence of male polygamy, we will turn to both biology and sociology.

What does biology say?

First of all, it is worth noting that in nature there is not a single species in which the male is polygamous and the female is monogamous.

In the animal world, the sexual behavior of males mainly depends on the needs of females, that is, on their reproductive system. Females are a decisive factor in the behavior of the entire species - most likely because they are responsible for maintaining the population.

Let's look at the polygamous version of the animal species. In such populations, during ovulation, the female diligently collects the gene pool for procreation, and for this she needs to mate with as many males as possible.

However, no one would even think of suggesting that female polygamy could be normal or natural.

Indeed, it is difficult to imagine at least one woman who, during ovulation, enthusiastically seeks unprotected sex with as many men as possible, and during the rest of the cycle does not even think about sexual intercourse.

If we draw analogies without double standards

In general, if you compare the behavior of people with the animal world, you can stumble upon a number of strange and sometimes scary precedents.

It would be funny if women were inspired by the example of, say, a female praying mantis, who during sexual intercourse is not yet entirely sure whether to eat the male or simply bite off his head - in the hope of avoiding this fate, males sometimes bring something edible to mating.

“Darling, didn’t you bring any sweets for tea? Oh, what can you do, let me bite your head off. Why are you panicking, that you don’t know what nature is like?”

If we draw any conclusion based on the animal world, it is only that diversity reigns in nature. What is acceptable for a black widow is even physically impossible for a dolphin.

But animals are united by one main feature: everything is fair with them, a lion does not carry a piece of antelope to another lioness while the mother of his children is resting under a baobab tree, and the male of the same praying mantis, when deciding to mate, is fully aware that his woman is thinking about cannibalism.

Everything is open.

What Sociology Says

Let's go back into history again, just not so deep. Islam. The ancient religion approves of male polygamy. The sages, as far as we know, did not say a word about female polygamy, while male polygamy is officially permitted.

It’s unlikely that the prophets had no reason for this, right?
Many are sure that the main goal of most religions is social in nature: to restore order, to restrain people from breaking the rules, etc.

Let us remember that Islamic countries throughout their history have waged bloody wars in which many men have died. Who knows, perhaps polygamy simply helps them continue to exist?

Polygamy as self-affirmation

For modern moderately civilized men, a large number of women can be a way of self-realization - especially in cases where a man is not very confident on his feet in other areas of life.

Self-affirmation at the expense of female attention can be both a specific personality and compensation for deep-seated complexes. It is always difficult to deal with internal problems; it is much easier to wrap them up in an attractive wrapper and decide that everything is okay - especially if common cliches help with this.

What does psychology say?

American psychologist Andrew P. Smiler expressed the opinion that in the process of evolution, humans developed the understanding that for the subsequent transmission of genes, control over descendants is necessary.

To do this, it is more convenient to live in a family and maintain constant contact with your children.

The researcher also found that most men are looking for permanent, serious relationships, and not with many partners - this behavior is often explained more likely by the search for their one and only.

Funeral of the myth of male polygamy

The myth of male polygamy breaks down at the slightest collision with logic - both from the biological and social sides.

Polygamy is not something negative until it acts as a screen for deceiving another person, in which case “polygamy” is the same fornication, only pronounced with a more aristocratic breath.

A person’s level of consciousness is too high to seriously consider examples of animal behavior as a solid excuse.

And Nietzsche, he could just be joking.

Polygamy for men is an issue that worries many.

Moreover, both women and the representatives of the strong half of humanity themselves. After all, there is a lot of controversy about such phenomena as polygamy and monogamy.

And even scientists cannot come to a consensus: is polygamy an excuse or a real problem.

What is the opinion about polygamy?

Monogamy is not a man's thing. And, as many women believe, a polygamous person is a simple excuse for men when they need to justify having several women next to you: wives, mistresses, girlfriends, etc.

There are not so many real polygamous men, that is, those who essentially do not know how to cope with their inclinations on their own. At the same time, they deny polygamy to women, claiming that their destiny is monogamy, which means loyalty to one man.

However, if you try to understand more deeply the nature of such a phenomenon as male polygamy, you can discover many interesting facts that will allow you to look at monogamy and polygamy in a new way.

Scientific view of the phenomenon

Male polygamy is explained by two sciences at once: psychology and biology. According to these two directions, not the most pleasant arguments emerge for women.

For example, it has been proven that men are polygamous throughout their nature. Sexologists have proven that after just 3 years, attraction to one woman weakens. Since this is exactly how much time our ancestors needed to ensure the protection of a woman and a common child.

After a few years of seemingly happy love, the idyll ends. And if a couple does not make any effort to maintain the relationship, falling in love never develops into strong love. Which leads to the search for a new partner or mistress. This is how monogamy disappears in the family.

Men have several sexual contacts. And all because of the fact that man is partly subject to the same instincts as other animals. And many of them have a mechanism for sexual intercourse with several partners in order to get more viable offspring.

Why are women not inclined to polygamy?

By the way, this also explains monogamy in women. Ladies must raise children and devote themselves completely to maintaining the family hearth. They are prescribed and assigned a harsh and rigid monogamy. At the same time, both partners can be polygamous.

Ladies have no time to have other partners. And the state of their hormonal levels, aimed at feeding and preserving offspring, does not correspond to promiscuity.

Men, on the contrary, are prescribed by nature itself to give birth to the maximum possible and large number of children. And, preferably, healthy ones, many of whom will survive and continue their lineage further. And it is male polygamy that allows this to be done without any problems.

From a psychological point of view

If we study this issue from a psychological point of view, there are also a number of explanations why men are distinguished by their love for polygamy.

1. The reason for such a phenomenon as male polygamy may be the fact that representatives of the stronger half of humanity are less likely to speak out about thoughts or problems that torment them.

And when a relationship with a regular partner reaches a dead end or an attraction to another woman appears, they do not go to a psychologist in an effort to solve the problem. It is easier for men to start a relationship with another woman who will satisfy their need for affection and tenderness.

2. In addition, the roots of male polygamy may lie in improper upbringing. So, for example, if a man was raised only by his mother and grandmother, without any participation from his father, he grows up mostly infantile and selfish.

He needs to be admired, and he demands this kind of attitude in the family. When his wife stops admiring him the way he would like, he finds someone else. Polygamy in this case is directly related to children's complexes.

Polygamy as a man's excuse

Psychologists also often argue with scientific evidence and insist that it is impossible to refer to animal instincts. After all, a person is a rational being, therefore neither men nor women can be justified in the presence of several relationships.

A person, as a sane individual, must be able to give an account of one or another of his actions, and not justify them by the legacy of natural instincts. A polygamous man and a monogamous woman, according to experts, are far from the most correct family model.

Polygamy: history and religion

The transition from polygamy to monogamy occurred when people began to marry. This happened under the direct influence of religion.

Christianity prohibits the presence of several sexual partners at once in men, as well as in women. And this is clearly stated in the biblical commandments.

However, in reality, these postulates are often violated, and no one is afraid of the Last Judgment. Nevertheless, it was religion that had a rather strong influence on the fact that polygamy became less common and even received the status of a kind of shame.

There are, of course, exceptions. So, for example, in Islam, a polygamous family and relationships are quite normal. Polygamy is even held in high esteem.

• It should be understood that it is not Islam itself that promotes polygamy. It came long before the development of this Eastern religion. Hindus and other eastern peoples allowed themselves polygamy.
• The Greeks and Romans did not officially classify themselves as polygamous peoples, but cohabitation was not denied or condemned.
• It is also worth understanding that, despite the permission in Islam to have many wives, a number of restrictions and requirements are imposed on men, ranging from the number of women to the conditions of their maintenance.

Marriage in Islam is about lovers who strive to build a harmonious and integral union. Therefore, they are as honest as possible with each other.

Extramarital cohabitation in this situation contradicts the general concept, and there is no need to talk about building harmonious relationships in this case. Therefore, men can marry several times and support several wives at the same time, and in fact he does not cheat on anyone.

Moreover, according to the Koran, a man cannot force a woman into such a relationship; everything happens only by mutual consent. Surprisingly, as a result of various studies, it was determined that in such families the percentage of divorces initiated by both men and women is much lower than in monogamous marriages.

Polygamy in Islam can be justified for various reasons. For example, the childlessness of the first wife, the need for additional labor on the farm, etc. It is not possible to enter into a real polygamous marriage everywhere, because such a situation is not legally fixed.

How can polygamy be expressed?

Male polygamy is not always expressed in the desire to have several wives or have mistresses.

There are several ways a man can realize his need for variety in sexual relations:

• Typically, such gentlemen enter into an open relationship, honestly warning their partner about their inclinations. And here it’s up to women to agree or not. And there are no complaints in such situations.
• Also, male polygamy can have a solution in swinging, that is, the exchange of sexual partners. This, as a rule, also happens with mutual consent.
• Sexual drift and sex without commitment also give a man the opportunity to satisfy his polygamous characteristics.

But you need to understand that although monogamy is more natural for women, there are those ladies who also like to change partners.

However, despite modern equality, men's adventures are perceived more favorably than women's. Therefore, polygamy among women is carefully hidden.

What are the advantages of polygamous relationships?

Incredible, but true: there are scientists who believe that polygamous relationships are very useful, and a polygamous family can save civilization.

This is due to the fact that when organizing relationships of this kind, partners are as honest as possible with each other, there is no betrayal (and this is precisely what is a common cause of divorce in traditional families), etc. The main condition is that such a relationship suits everyone involved.

If you suspect a man of infidelity, it is advisable to first understand the reasons that are pushing him to have several affairs on the side. After all, it also happens that a man rushes into a new romantic relationship because of the coldness or lack of understanding of his own wife.

In any case, it is worth analyzing and talking through the situation before deciding whether or not to maintain a relationship with a polygamous man. Author: Anna Shatokhina

Male polygamy is one of the most common stereotypes in society. You can often hear the female half say that a man is a “walker” by nature. Women's polygamy is talked about less often; it is believed that this is the lot of men. Is it so?

What is polygamy?

Polygamy is a person's tendency to have multiple relationships with the opposite sex. The concept comes from the word polygamy (Greek. pολύς – many, γάμος - marriage) is a marriage in which a man or woman has several marriage partners. In nature, the phenomenon of polygamy in males is called polygyny, and this sexual behavior helps preserve the species through numerous offspring.

Is a person polygamous or monogamous?

The question of whether a person is polygamous is of interest to biologists and sociologists. Science does not give a definite answer; in most cases, it is believed that monogamy prevails when an individual has a desire to continue his family, but when the relationship becomes stable and the children grow up, then consistent polygamy can arise: and new offspring. Men or women who do not want to destroy their family have extramarital affairs that are carefully hidden.

Reasons for polygamy

What pushes a person to multiple connections or relationships. There are several reasons for polygamy:

1. Survival. Since ancient times, humanity has experienced many wars, outbreaks of various epidemics, and genocide. Men died in battles, children died, and in order to somehow compensate for the balance, the instinct of procreation awakens in men through connections with several partners at once.
2. Traditions. Religion and the way of society play a role here. Polygamy is supported in a number of Islamic states, the reasons are also rooted in the past, when high mortality rates prevailed. Some nations still have a custom: in the event of the death of her husband, the woman and her children go under the protection of another brother, becoming his wife, even if he is married at that time.
3. Love for several at once. This also happens when a man or woman, being married, falls in love with another, and at the same time strives. More often these are affairs on the side, which are kept secret so as not to hurt the spouses.
4. Prestige. In certain business circles, having multiple mistresses provides authority.
5. Psychological complexes. Psychologists talk about polygamy in the modern world as an inferiority complex. “Don Juans”, “Casanovas” are afraid to build serious relationships that mean responsibility and polygamy here is a way to prove to others “how good and successful I am!”

Polygamy of men

Male polygamy, scientists believe, is caused by the fact that there are fewer men as a percentage of women. According to statistics, the difference is small (50:52), but boys are born weaker and their mortality rate in infancy is higher than that of girls. Polygamy in men is a phenomenon in society carefully supported by the stronger half of humanity. Male polygamy has been traced by historians since the times of the Old Testament:

1. The great King Solomon, according to various sources, had up to 700 wives in his harem.
2. Artaxerxes II Persian ruler of the Achaemenid dynasty - 336 wives and concubines, 150 children.
3. Vladimir Krasno Solnyshko - before receiving baptism, he was known as a great libertine and, mired in fornication, had up to 800 wives.

Polygamy of women

Polygamy in women is a less common phenomenon, condemned by modern society and causing rejection in a person with a European mentality. The concept of female polygamy is associated with impartial epithets directed at them. The main reason, according to anthropologists, lies in the fact that a woman is looking for a biologically strong male with good genetics to procreate; along the way, she can change a sufficient number of partners. Psychologists have divided polygamous women into types:

1. "Snow White"- believes that “quantity is more important than quality.” A woman over 30 years old who hasn’t had enough exercise in her time. Practical. She values ​​generosity in men: gifts, “outings into society.”
2. "Alpha Females"- often this is a business woman, a mature lady choosing younger partners. She can afford relationships with several “young men” at once.

Types of polygamy

Polygamy is an adaptive phenomenon characteristic of the animal world, and man, as a part of nature, tends to follow the manifestation of his instincts. Polygamy is divided into types:

1. Polyandry is a rare form of marriage where a woman has several husbands. Fronternal polyandry - a girl marries her brothers, such a marriage allows her to use land inheritance without dividing it. Female polygamy, as a type of relationship, is practiced by ≈ 50 nationalities and is officially legalized in the countries:

• Tibet;
• some states of India (Rajasthan, Zanskar);
• Polynesia;
• Nigeria;
• regions of the Far North.

Polygyny is polygamy, common in eastern countries. A man is not prohibited from having up to 4 spouses; a larger number is allowed only to the ruling elite. In countries where polygyny is common, most men prefer to have one wife - this is due to economic reasons; not everyone can afford to support a “large family”.

Group marriage - several women and men unite into a family, run a common household, and raise children together. This form of marriage was preserved in the Marquesas Islands.

Polygamy - pros and cons

From a biological and psychological point of view, polygamy is attractive to men and has a number of advantages and disadvantages in contrast to monogamy, and very few disadvantages. What is more in reality? Pros of polygamy:

1. The man is confident in himself, surrounded by an aura of mystery. Women intuitively feel the demand of the “male” and this attracts them.
2. Care, warmth and affection provided by wives or mistresses.
3. The difficulties of choosing when you need to choose one life partner are over.
4. Diversity of the gene pool: offspring from different “females” provides a “footprint in history.”
5. When you part with one, others remain.

Cons of polygamy:

• if this is not an officially legalized relationship, you have to lie and dodge;
• fear of being exposed;
• big waste of money;
• inheritance disputes;
• in case of ruin or injury, the family is left without support;
• less time is spent on children.

Polygamy in Christianity

Polygamous relationships are suppressed by the Christian denomination and are considered unacceptable. it is replete with examples of polygamy. The Holy Fathers explain this by the Fall of man, because even in the Garden of Eden God entered into a monogamous union between Adam and Eve. The Old Testament is “replete” with polygamous relationships and only in the New Testament, according to the teachings of the first Apostle Paul, marriage appears as a sacred sacrament of two people: “let the husband cleave to his wife, and the wife to her husband,” everything else is adultery, a sin.

Polygamy in Judaism

Among Jews, the phenomenon of polygamy - polygamy has been common since ancient times. Only wealthy people could afford several wives. The Torah, the sacred scripture of the Jews, prescribed having a second wife if the first one was barren or weak. In the 11th century, Rabbi Meor Gershom decreed a 1,000-year-old decree requiring no more than one wife and prohibiting divorce without her consent. Modern Jews are in favor of returning polygamy in order to correct the demographic situation in Israel; in their opinion, the 1000-year period has already ended.

Polygamy in Islam

Polygamy among Muslims is a common and widespread phenomenon, based on the ancient way of life. Common in areas where there are more women. What is polygamy among Muslim peoples:

• any man has the right to take several wives;
• everyone decides for themselves whether to take advantage of this right or not;
• marital relations should be fair and equal for everyone;
• If a man cannot provide for more than one wife, polygamy is prohibited for him.

While women all over the world are sharpening rolling pins, waiting for their husbands “from work,” and looking for new synonyms for the worn-out word “male,” scientists are trying their best to prove that men are actually faithful and monogamous creatures. True, not all. Finding publications on male fidelity in scientific journals is as difficult as finding photographs of kittens rolling on a rainbow. That is, the phenomenon clearly exists, but for some reason it has not been recorded by scientists. Even the Google dissertation library contains mostly works on monogamy among gay men, and this once again proves that scientists are, to put it mildly, entertainers. However, we were able to track down five interesting reports.

LET'S START FROM THE OPPOSITE

No, no, we still disdained works about gays, and the word “nasty” in this paragraph only means “opposite.” Because the first report seems to be supposed to prove a sad and opposite thesis: throughout their history, men were not monogamous at all, but had sex with just anyone. This is exactly what geneticists from the University of Arizona in Tucson found out. They analyzed genetic material collected from six different areas of the world, including restricted areas of China and Papua New Guinea. As you remember from anatomy lessons (in which it was so embarrassing for the boys who laughed every time the teacher said “zygote”), the body has chromosomes - cellular structures on which, like sticky pieces of paper, important hereditary information is recorded. Women have two X chromosomes, men have X and Y. But there are also autosomes in our bodies... At this point you can stop reading and go straight to the conclusions, because well, you can’t be seriously interested in such boring things! Autosomes do not determine gender and contain information common to men and women: eye color, number of elbows, nose capacity. So that's what he says Michael Hammer, the head of geneticists from Arizona, “if equal numbers of men and women had sex with each other and did not switch pairs, then the amount of genetic variation on the autosomal regions and on the maternal X chromosomes would be the same.” Imagine! Cool, right?! (We didn’t understand anything either, so we’re just artificially expressing agreement and joy.) But cross-analysis of chromosome sections showed: since ancient times, people were not characterized by monogamy, but polygyny - this is when one man has sex with a brood of different women . “However, this data should not serve as an excuse for anyone,” Michael shakes his finger. “We are talking about evolutionary mechanisms that are tens of thousands of years old.” Therefore, let’s move quickly to modern people - everything is probably much more decent there.

HORMONE OF INFAITH

To begin with, however, let’s gloat a little more: if we analyze the animal world, it turns out that monogamy in general is nonsense, useless from the point of view of evolution. Neither the poeticized nightingale nor the swan are monogamous. The duk-duk antelope, which is no longer remarkable in any way, is please to be faithful. But besides her, there are just one or two examples. Less than one tenth of a percent! But these are stupid animals driven by instincts. But what about us - persistent, thinking, able to proudly not look after our butts covered in pink leggings? Physiologists from the University of California give women a tiny bit of hope. A group led by a professor with a semi-precious surname Sapphire-Bernstein I found out that polygamy and infidelity in general are provoked by the hormone arginine-vasopressin - in men, because women have their own hormonal cockroaches. The hormone is considered prosocial - that is, it is produced and accumulated in the body as a result of stress, when a couple is faced with the threat of breakup. Scientists are not yet clear what processes the hormone triggers. However, as soon as the wife dies or runs away to Barnaul with the pool cleaner, AV somehow helps to survive the breakup and prepare for (not so painful, to be honest, and in some cases even pleasant) intercourse with a new passion. But here’s the problem: hormone production starts not only at the moment of rupture. Business trips, fatigue from relationships, even the appearance on the horizon of that same butt in leggings - all this is perceived as a threat to the couple’s existence. It turns out to be a vicious circle: without even thinking about betrayal, the man is secretly preparing for it and over time, when the hormone accumulates, he becomes a walking threat to the relationship. “Fortunately, since the hormonal system is inseparable from the nervous system,” summarizes Shimon Sapphire-Bernstein, “a person with a high level of self-awareness can suppress any impulses and hormone production as such!”

Science has proven that only fools cheat on their wives and girlfriends

GENE FOR MALEISM

I drew an even more encouraging conclusion from my research Hasse Walum from the Karolinska Institutet (Sweden). Working with colleagues to decipher the notorious gene code, Hasse found out that some men are born with infidelity. And fortunately for women, such dishonest scum are only two-fifths of the total number of men! And if these statistics diverge from your personal one, it means that you were simply unlucky all the time, and every time you ended up in bed with those two out of five men who are afraid of stable long-term relationships - and the other three, good ones, were apparently drinking at that time fruit drink in the next room of your country boarding house and, wiping their glasses, arguing about the advantages of the Nintendo Wii over the GameCub. Jokes aside, science has already accepted this fact: the avpr1a gene, or more precisely its variation, allele 334, really provokes dissatisfaction with marriage or stable relationships. Alleles are variations of the same gene that are responsible for some trait. For example, if a green pea has more of some alleles, it will grow yellowish, while others will grow emerald green. So it is in men: there is a pair of alleles 334 - predisposed to infidelity. One allele or no allele (three out of five men! keep looking!) means he is a natural monogamist. “Of course,” Walum’s colleagues sarcastically note, “we do not recommend ordering a genetic examination based on our findings. In the end, predisposition is not a verdict. A person with cancer-promoting genetics can avoid melanoma by vowing not to spend an afternoon sunbathing on Australian beaches." And this is where the most interesting thing opens up.

A SMART WILL NOT GO TO THE LEFT

Finally! Here it is, a ray of hope for all readers. What a ray there is! A column of light as thick as the leg of an elephant with elephantiasis! Job Satoshi Kanazawa, a professor at the London School of Economics and Political Science, says bluntly: only fools cheat on their wives and girlfriends. The preamble to this conclusion was a long-term statistical study in which Kanazawa tried to find a connection between IQ, or, as his friends call it, intelligence quotient, and a person’s religious and political views. The professor didn't just ask his subjects whether they were atheists—or, say, whether they were cheating on their wives. He forced each study participant to undergo a series of logic-moral problems, along with IQ tests. An interesting correlation emerged: people with an IQ above 107 (which is a lot even by the standards of the author of the text, who, to his sadness, always had an IQ of 153) were more likely to hold liberal views and not believe in God. But what’s even more surprising is that almost all of them chose monogamy as the “best” and “only self-justifying” form of relationship! Moreover, their loyalty, it seems, was not only declared (any smart person can, just in case, lie to an unfamiliar professor that he does not sleep with anyone except his wife). In psychological tasks “for fidelity” - and the professor had some of these - the subjects proved that they knew how to take into account the feelings of their partner and suppress base impulses in themselves. “I’m not surprised by the results,” said a touched Kanazawa. — Monogamy is the same product of conscious choice and moral growth as altruism. Any person at a high stage of mental development is inclined to decent behavior." By the way, the fearless and invulnerable scientist to holy water also added that religiosity, on the contrary, has nothing to do with decency and loyalty. Believing in a bearded old man who sits on a cloud and seems to make sure that people pay for the juice they drink in the store, and do not shove the empty package under the rack, is a manifestation of stupidity, lack of independence and moral cowardice. However, much was written about this even before Kanazawa. Take for example the book “The God Delusion” Richard Dawkins- a more entertaining read than the Twilight saga.

Monogamous men who are not married are the happiest

FOR CONNECTION WITHOUT MARRIAGE

And yet, and yet... In order to somehow sweeten the pill for men who inadvertently read this text (well, what if! Let’s say there won’t be any other paper on the market to wrap capelin, but after beer they’ll want to read), and so that Without giving false hope to you personally, we must warn you: monogamy for men does not mean marriage at all. She spoke about this with a sympathetic sigh in her report. Michaela Benzeval, head of social and public health at the Medical Research Council in London. Having initiated a large-scale study of married and simply strong couples from different European countries - her well-groomed hands, however, did not reach Russia, being stuck somewhere in the Slovenia region - Mikaela collected interesting statistics. The average woman is happier when she marries her first love. While the average man is happiest when he is in a series of strong (lasting at least a year and a half) monogamous relationships! However, these data relate to the subjective assessment of happiness. All study participants were given a standard “clinical depression test.” The best results—the furthest from depression—were shown by monogamous men who did not register relationships with their partners. The poor souls in monogamous marriages were, on average, unhappier. In general, when you manage to meet a person who is ready to step on the throat of hormones, genes and - most importantly - temptations for your sake, do not demand that he also get married to confirm his monogamy. In the end, without a ring on your finger, it will be easier for you to cheat on him later.

Famous monogamous people They don't even have to be married to be faithful.

Ivan Urgant

The popular TV presenter turned out to be a monogamist. Ivan's talent for talking and joking non-stop does not extend to his personal life. Therefore, few people know that he has loved his wife Natalya since school. They got married in 2008, and now Urgant is a devoted family man and loving father. We hope that he will show the same consistency in relationships as he does in producing jokes.

Andrey Arshavin

Footballer, thanks to whom many women became interested in this male sport. Andrey does not care about popularity with the opposite sex. Since 2003, he has been faithful to his wife, who has already given birth to two children. Arshavin's only interest in women is commercial: in 2011, he released a fashion collection of women's clothing.

Johnny Depp

The most popular actor among fifth-grade students starred in films of various genres and was known as a playboy until he met Vanessa Paradis in 1998. Having become a father, Depp chooses the roles of fairy-tale characters to delight his children. He shows enviable consistency in his work: his long-term collaboration with Tim Burton turned out to be very, very productive.

Hugh Laurie

The British actor is a multi-talented man. Laurie does not hide the fact that he has a pessimistic and depressive character. His wife Jo Green, with whom he has been together for 22 years, helps him cope with difficulties. While filming the TV series House, Laurie was forced to live in another country for a long time, far from his family. However, this only strengthened the relationship with family.

Brad Pitt

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When people do something they think is not very good, they strive to find an excuse for themselves. The best justification, perhaps, is the justification of nature.

Here is a man who cheated on a woman. He understands that this is not very good, but for some reason he doesn’t want to admit it (see). Which exit? Refer to nature. Like, sorry honey, I can’t help it - we men are so polygamous, so polygamous.

So let's figure it out, is this true?

Polygamy and monogamy - what are they really?

When people talk about monogamy, they usually mean sexual contact. Like, with no one except.

But this is only one of the meanings of the term, and a narrow one. Much broader is the other – social. In such cases, we are talking about the method of raising offspring (see).

Polygamy- this is a method in which either only the female, or the male too, looks after the cubs, but not only his own. Typically polygamous creatures are chimpanzees. In their group, everyone mates with everyone else; the cubs are mainly cared for by mothers, but males can also take care of the young.

Monogamy arranged differently. Here the parents care for the cubs in approximately the same way. For example, in wolves, the father can expose his nipples to the wolf cubs, the sucking of which has a beneficial effect on the development of the brain and the nervous system of the cubs as a whole (see the works of Y. K. Baridze). In monogamous birds, both parents fly away to find food.

But who sleeps with whom... In monogamous swans, for example, about a third of the offspring are from other males. And not necessarily lonely. Family ones can also go “to the left”, and even to each other’s nests (see).

So, having one sexual partner for life is rare. One such species is yellow-bellied voles. These animals really have one love for life - males attack strange females, females chase strange males. But there are much, much fewer such species.

So, strictly speaking, people are a monogamous species - in our country both parents still take care of their offspring (even in the harem version of marriage, but more on that later), but at the same time there is a strict attachment to one sexual partner, like in yellow-bellied voles, everything no. Anthropologists call our approach serial monogamy (that is, marriages with different partners, sequentially, one after another), but there is no serious evidence for a final verdict on this point.

Are men polygamous and women monogamous?

Sometimes they try to prove that women are monogamous and men are polygamous. Therefore, a man needs a harem, and let a woman be content with one ruler, she has nothing to do with it!..
All this is again due to poor mastery of the subject.

Firstly, the harem family organization is still monogamy, because In raising the offspring, the father still takes some kind of participation, and males that are strangers to the family stay on the border of the family’s territory.

Secondly, with a harem family organization, the species develops very noticeable sexual dimorphism. Simply put, males are very different from females.

Look at gorillas - males are much larger than females, males have silver backs. Look at lions - males are larger than females, they have huge manes. An adult male gorilla is fairly easy to distinguish from a female. An adult lion is quite easy to distinguish from a female.

Look at the people. A human male can be distinguished from a female, but not always. The main distinguishing feature is the beard. But the same lion has hair that is not only on his beard, but much thicker. In men, the hair growth is not so 100% – some people grow beards somehow. The same applies to hair growth throughout the body. And the hair on the head generally grows about the same (if there is no baldness, of course).

One might object, but we can easily distinguish a male from a female, which means there is sexual dimorphism after all! Of course have. Weak. Not the same as in species with a harem form of family organization.

And yes, it is not difficult for us to distinguish a male from a female, but this is because we are representatives of our species, we easily distinguish males from females, this is innate to us. Imagine if aliens tried to distinguish us - they would succeed, of course, but not right away. Just like the trained eye of a specialist distinguishes a cat from a cat.

Our weak sexual dimorphism means that our species evolved from a species that practiced polygamy (kind of like chimpanzees do today). But in the course of evolution, we came not to the division of polygamy and monogamy between the sexes (which, to put it mildly, is unusual for biology), but to relative monogamy.

At the same time, it is important to understand that our males and females are quite capable of mating on the side. The interest in such mating in females is not much lower than in males, and this is the case in most species that practice monogamy (i.e., raising offspring with more or less active participation of both parents). In the same swans, not only males, but also females go to their side (and who do you think the males go to?).

The famous Coolidge effect, when a male willingly enters into sexual intercourse with a new female, although he may not look at the familiar female, turns out to be characteristic of females as well (see. for example, this work).

Another thing is that in our species, firstly, this effect is weakened by long evolution and is expressed in some revival when a potential partner appears, and not in immediate sex with him. And secondly, a woman’s desire for sex is largely suppressed by repressive morality (i.e., a purely psychological mechanism) and it is simply indecent for a woman to want a lot of sex with different men. Therefore, women, by the way, can easily fall in love - this is a way to legalize simple sexual interest. You can’t just “fall in love” like that, but when you’re head over heels in love, you can.

So, it turns out that men and women of our species are predisposed to fidelity and to betrayal in approximately the same way. And the slight bias towards men’s infidelity is easily explained by the psychological mechanism of suppression of women’s sexuality. If women were rewarded for uninhibited sexual behavior in the same way that men are, or if men were reprimanded for it in the same way that women are reprimanded, we would not notice any difference in this aspect of behavior at all.

We are monogamous creatures

People have several very serious biological mechanisms that clearly indicate a shift away from total polygamy like chimpanzees.

Firstly, we have extremely small fangs, which indicates a fairly low intragroup level of aggression (). This means that our male ancestors did not fight for our female ancestors, but split into pairs more or less peacefully.

Secondly, as the English researcher Robert Baker (see) showed, the release of sperm during sexual intercourse in our species depends on the status of the female in the eyes of the male. If the female is “our own”, the release is relatively small, if the female is alien, the release is larger. But this is not the most interesting thing. If a male has not seen “his” female for a long time (for example, a week), the release of sperm is approximately three times greater than if it is normal, so to speak, routine sex. As you understand, this cannot happen in species where polygamy is practiced - as much sperm as possible must be thrown into each female.

Third, the males of our species have relatively small testes. This is especially noticeable with the huge testes of chimpanzees - that’s where the champions are! By the way, gorillas have testes smaller than ours. What does all of this mean? That chimpanzees are promiscuous and need a lot of sperm to win the sperm wars. Male gorillas are not threatened by sperm wars, so relatively small testes are enough for them. We are in an intermediate position. Sperm wars do occur (because we do not tend to limit ourselves to one sexual partner, as yellow-bellied voles do), but they are relatively rare, so medium-sized testes cope with their task quite well.

As we see, Homo sapiens began its evolution from a clearly polygamous society, but in the course of development it came to monogamy.

So references to nature are simply inappropriate. Yes, nature definitely pushes us towards monogamy, but it only pushes us. It does not provide it completely (perhaps - until, perhaps, someday we will become like the voles mentioned above), but rather pushes it. And then it’s up to each person’s personal choice - to remain faithful to their partner or not.

At the same time, there is something much more important than nature. Namely, the norms existing in society. Considering sex with different partners to be bad or good is not something that is innate in nature. This is a purely social moment. A well-known example is that among many northern peoples it is considered normal to invite a male guest to sleep with the host’s wife. This is not considered bad, it is not considered treason. Why is that?

Because this custom helps (or at least used to help) increase the genetic diversity of the population, which is very important in such vulnerable communities. A social norm arose as an adaptation to living conditions, and in those conditions it is considered useful. In other conditions, other norms arise. They may or may not be appropriate, but they are a product of psychology/sociology, not biology. Biologically, a person is inclined to raise children with the participation of both parents, but sex with one partner throughout our lives is not in our biological code (perhaps for now).

Total. We humans, in the course of evolution, definitely moved away from polygamy and came to monogamy. Monogamy should not be understood as strictly maintaining fidelity to one partner - this is extremely rare in nature. Men and women do not differ much in their interests in fidelity or infidelity. Yes, men are drawn to “leftist exploits” a little more often than women, but it’s just that little, and this is due more to upbringing than biology. Our mating behavior is more cultural than biological, and we as a species generally strive for monogamy, for which we have very specific biological adaptations.