The life of people in society is full of all kinds of situations, including conflict ones. Social scientists note that this phenomenon or even feature is quite natural. Disagreement between the points of view of different people on the same problem and ways to solve it is natural. At the same time, it often turns out that one problem requires solution by several people or a whole team at once, since it affects the interests of many people. In such a situation, one cannot do without the ability to negotiate, that is, to search through joint efforts for a mutually acceptable solution. Otherwise, public relations different levels risk turning into a continuous insoluble conflict.
The art of communication
Any serious (and most importantly, monetary) work position requires the person occupying it to be able to communicate with different people, that is, to negotiate. There are professions in which a positive outcome of negotiations will not only attract new partners or allow the negotiator to enrich himself financially, it will save human lives. For example, talented negotiators are invited to the most important events: to agree with terrorists on the fate of hostages, to become an arbitrator in a local interstate political conflict.
All public professions require mastering the art of diplomacy - the ability to negotiate. This category includes politicians, businessmen, and artists. They often have to communicate with different people and respond to different awkward questions, but due to the duty of their profession they are obliged to master psychological techniques self-control and communication with others. 
However, anyone can learn how to resolve a dispute. Every self-respecting person should get out of a conflict situation by diplomatically resolving the problem and preserving his reputation. arises in any area, it can affect relationships in the family, work team, on the street (in any public place). Even minor domestic quarrels require competent resolution. Therefore, you need to prepare for such situations in advance in order to always use your negotiating skills correctly.
Development of negotiation skills
If a person decides to accustom himself to the peaceful resolution of possible conflict situations, he must develop a plan, write it down, remember it, and daily practice the ability to negotiate with people.
Here you can use this technique:
1. You need to take time to talk.
2. It is necessary to prepare the conditions in advance.
3. Express your own arguments and let your interlocutor speak.
4. Come to a mutually beneficial solution.
Diplomacy is an art that must be mastered. There is one a common problem, requiring the decision of several people, so first of all it is worth realizing that the parties are equal both in relation to the problem and in relation to the search for its solution. The interests of each party must be respected, and the final decision must be based on consensus, but not on the good will of one participant.
To be able to come to an agreement is, in totality, a correctly expressed one’s own position on this issue, listening to the opinion of one’s counterpart, respecting him, taking his into account psychological characteristics, friendly attitude. It is important to find a solution together. However, before you encourage someone to cooperate, you need to clearly formulate your own expectations. At the same time, when expressing your goals, you need to justify them. The scheme of the message to the interlocutor is as follows: “I want” + a reasonable continuation of “You do it.” For example, how can a parent agree with a child: “I want your behavior at school and at home to change for the better” + “You need to have your own opinion, but be sure to listen to the opinion of your elders (teachers and parents).”
Obviously, when developing a compromise solution, it is necessary to find out the interlocutor’s opinion about what is offered to him and what he himself wants to get as a result. At the same time, you need not to push your position, but to prove its effectiveness with the help of facts, examples, and common sense. 
The basis of a future agreement is a compromise, as well as the ability to understand, the ability to listen and hear, and to defend one’s opinion. Each party has its own interests and desires, which are transformed and modified during the negotiation process. The end result is a solution that will satisfy everyone interested in it. Achieving general agreement is possible through compromise, that is, through certain concessions.
It is important to understand that finding a compromise is very difficult task. To master the art of negotiating, you first need to work on yourself, your own reactions, and develop the skills of patience, endurance, and self-control. It is necessary to think in advance about the trade-offs that are likely to be necessary in arriving at a solution that benefits everyone. Don't get hung up on the little things and mutual reproaches, grievances, you need to focus on the main thing.
Stages of preparation of the negotiation process
The ability to find a compromise and come to an agreement based on it is really difficult task, the skills to solve which must be constantly developed in oneself. Even the most experienced negotiators prepare for the next meeting in advance, thinking through every detail.
As researchers note, before you come to an agreement with another person, you must first adjust yourself, come to an agreement with yourself. You can even prepare yourself using the “teacher’s” method, that is, writing down everything you need. The recorded new knowledge (essentially, an algorithm for future actions) will serve as the foundation for self-preparation.
You need to honestly answer the following questions:
1. “How to understand the interlocutor and what prevents me from doing this?”
2. “How to distinguish neutral emotions and sensations from negative/positive ones?”
3. “How to find an approach to a specific person, what can help?”
After the first stage - self-preparation, you should move on to the second stage, preparing the very process of the future conversation.
Simple rules and techniques for developing your negotiation skills
The first rule when preparing for negotiations is to maintain parity between the parties. It is not for nothing that the established expression “gather for round table" That is, no one initially occupies a more advantageous position in relation to other participants, does not exert pressure with their status (social, professional, material, age, gender).
Before starting the procedure for reaching an agreement, it is necessary not to lose sight of the idea for a second that the main goal is to find a compromise. Therefore, communication under any set of circumstances must be correct and polite.
Basic rules to help you reach an agreement:
1. Everyone speaks freely, no one interrupts anyone and listens to the thought to the end.
2. You must respect your counterpart.
3. It is unacceptable to put pressure on your opponent, impose your opinion, or threaten.
4. It is worth focusing on positive aspects conversations: talk about achievements, advantages.
5. The main “tool” of a negotiator is convincing argumentation, indisputable facts, and a calm and consistent tone of communication.
6. Relying on diplomatic techniques, you can save face and be able to come to an agreement even with a difficult interlocutor.
7. Do not neglect improvisation, but also do not place serious hopes on it.
The most typical example is the practically insoluble “fathers and sons” problem. When an older child develops his own interests, studies often fade into the background. Any responsible parent sets a goal - to return the child to good academic performance. The obvious actions of the parent are a conversation that should end with a certain agreement. To find a compromise, it is necessary to find out the reasons for such behavior, motives, and take into account the interests of the child. Definitely needed Additional Information about the interlocutor, it’s easier to come to an agreement. It’s also useful to simply imagine yourself in his place and realize him psychological condition. When the picture appears in in full, we need to start looking for a compromise.
Practical advice from professionals (according to U. Yuri)
1. Golden Rule, written in the Bible: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
2. Self-control is the surest path to success. The main thing is not to fall below the level self-esteem, do not be like aggressive interlocutors.
3. You should not blame your opponent for your own failures, you just need to always have a backup version of the final agreement, which will be a good alternative to the initially desired result.
4. There is no need to perceive a future conversation as a fight or war; it is better to tune in to positive and friendly communication.
5. It is necessary to always take advantage of the moment, not to remember or predict, but to act based on the present, to be in the present day.
6. You must respect any interlocutor with whom you need to come to an agreement. You always need to be friendly, sympathetic, and attractive. So the reputation will not be tarnished.
7. You should always focus on a positive outcome of the conversation for all participants. It is necessary to avoid a “zero-sum game,” that is, when one wins exactly as much as the other loses, and vice versa. Everyone must win in the end, and an agreement will be reached.
The human ability to get along with other people characterizes him with one of the best sides. It is to get along with others, but not to please them. This is very important in conflict situations, during negotiations, in the case of concluding deals. Or simply for the purpose of communicating with loved ones and to preserve your nervous system. For this, there are special methods. And therefore, we will tell you how to negotiate with people.
Territory of agreement
This territory, like any other, must be protected. This security device is the small word “yes.” The interlocutors need to agree among themselves, and this can be done even without a psychologist. You must have good mood because you have to take the initiative. You should not be tired, you should be smarter, more far-sighted, more cunning and more talkative. First you need to start a conversation. And the topic of conversation should not remain neutral. On the contrary, the topic should affect each of the interlocutors. How to find such a topic, you ask? The weather will be perfect. You, as the initiator, characterize her condition, and your interlocutor agrees, and that’s it! Both interlocutors are already in the territory of agreement.
Emotions of the interlocutor
Then it is very important to call your interlocutor positive emotions. First of all, you need to address him by name; if you don’t know his name, try to find out about it in advance. It has long been proven that sound combinations own name, are in the best words for each of us. And remember about intonation. Initially, a person perceives it, and only then the content of speech.
Showing Disagreement
It's quite normal. This means that the rationalism of your interlocutor is still beginning to win. But you must control the situation, and therefore demonstrate this in full height. To do this, initially agree with the arguments of your counterpart, and even unobtrusively adhere to his opinion. But immediately, give strong arguments in defense of the opposite position. Of course, you do it correctly, and in no case forget about intonation. And it is very important - you need to argue for the position being defended, and not insist on it: “I think so, due to the fact that this point of view is mine.”
Edge rule
Remember one simple truth. A person will be able to remember well that part of the information that reaches him initially, or at the end. Always remember the edge rule when making your case. The more expressively and with the correct intonation you highlight the beginning of the conversation and its end, the more likely your chances of success.
How to negotiate correctly: reciprocity
Everything that is negotiated between opponents should not be of the nature of slyness. The ability to “walk in someone else’s shoes” will help you avoid such a situation. This means not only understanding your own interlocutor, but also accepting his positions, whatever they may be for you. At the same time, your speech should contain “golden words”. Usually these words are taught to us in childhood. They can only be spoken sincerely. IN in this case your interlocutor will be able to offer you a concession. In common parlance, this can be described as: “solve your problem by solving the problem of another.”
How to negotiate with a person
- Always avoid extremes. If you find yourself in conflict situation, know that everyone can behave differently. Someone may become aggressive, thus defending own opinion, and convincing the opponent, will agree with his words. Others, on the contrary, may agree with the opponent in order to avoid conflict. The art of compromise will help you find that “golden mean”, in fact, in any situation.
- Take advantage of breaks. If your tension is off the charts, you are nervous and are absolutely not ready to discuss matters, it is better to postpone the negotiations and rest. Even just 10 minutes will help you relax, look at the issue from the other side, and understand how to negotiate with a person in a given situation. In addition, you will have the opportunity to more clearly prove your position. You need to think about what you can give up and what points are important to you. If you prioritize, you will be able to concentrate and have a calm conversation.
- Be flexible. Listen carefully to your interlocutor’s options and be on the alert, you may have to put forward arguments in defense of the opposite opinion. Always try to find real option, and know that truth is born only in dispute. If the opportunity arises to give in, but give up secondary interests, do it. A bad tactic is to stubbornly stand your ground.
Now you know how you can agree with a person, how to arrange a meeting, or simply agree with any person about anything. These techniques will not only make other people get along with you, it will help build their trust in you.
How can you ensure that what you say is heard by your interlocutor? First of all, learn from the variety of words to catch seemingly insignificant, but this is precisely why words-signals are valuable to you. Act carefully, without unnecessary aggressiveness and assertiveness, try to say only what you want to say. And then you will have no equal in the art of negotiating!
The main law of life says: either you survive at the expense of others, or others - at the expense of you. If parents, friends and family help soften the “sharp corners” of life, then in business every leader is a lonely iceberg in a stormy sea.
For a businessman, it is important to always be ready to adequately respond to the slightest changes. Any gesture, any phrase can be interpreted incorrectly. Alas, this is not another Parkinson’s law, but a harsh reality.
There is no need to repeat once again how important it is to be able to negotiate with people. In our country, as a rule, the result of a particular transaction depends on personal acquaintance. However, it is not always possible to reach an agreement...
It is difficult to say for sure why the stereotype was formed: if you present reasonable arguments in a conversation, then your opponent will not be able to disagree. Alas, quite often, all reasonable arguments are smashed like peas against a wall due to unwillingness to hear. What to do? The solution is simple: if you are not consciously heard, you need to influence the subconscious of your interlocutor.
It should be noted that the phrase “influence the subconscious” sounds somewhat unusual to most and smacks of something forbidden. This is wrong. Whether we like it or not, in any communication there is a suggestion, sometimes mutual. Even the seemingly simple words “put on a different dress” already have an impact on the psyche of the interlocutor. This point has long been noticed in the West, researched and developed methods of influence and counteraction. Special techniques, which, by the way, are studied not only by intelligence officers, but also by businessmen, help not only to attract the attention of the interlocutor, but to inspire him correct solution or the right thought. Of course, no one will give an absolute guarantee of a result, but you should not refuse an additional chance when negotiating, creating your image or ordinary communication with friends.
Many people like to use words such as “honestly” in their speech, "really", "for real" . As a rule, these people are cynical, they view the succession of everyday life as self-deception and because of these life lies they doubt their ability to be truly truthful. They are always on guard and mistrustful of everything, so attempts at deception or falsehood often do not work with them. On the other hand, a love of risk is not alien to this type of people.
Expressions "in principle", "I'd like to make a constructive comment" used by those who are inclined to global explanations and want to make generalizing, directive verdicts as the highest judge. In this case, self-affirmation “smacks” of arrogant arrogance and swagger.
"essentially", "essentially" "as a matter of fact", “by itself” - all these words characterize a modest, objective, sober person. The words "actually" "as a matter of fact", which prudent and critical people often insert into their speech, mean: “I consider what is objectively correct, although there are other opinions.”
For frequent use of expressions "it goes without saying", “of course I thought about it” a distinct self-defense is hidden. The words "of course" and "of course, of course" are used when they expect criticism and want to avoid it in advance. In other words, the person is hostile and ready to argue.
The conjunction “for” always hints that you don’t know everything yet. However, if the phrases introduced with the help of this conjunction are known to both the listener and the speaker, it can be assumed that the interlocutor is making fun of you. Without wanting to directly point out what you absolutely should have known and taken into account, but do not take into account, he reminds you of his role or puts you “in your place.”
People who consider themselves “down to earth”, who feel discomfort from general theoretical concepts, prefer to use the word “practically”. When this word is used frequently and inappropriately in speech, it means: “I don’t understand this at all in detail.” Sometimes such people behave impulsively due to insecurity.
“Well, of course”, “yes, perhaps”, “well, so...”, “well...” - all this is the humble “amen” of a person who believes that he knows exactly what needs to be done, but does not believe in practical the feasibility of this and capitulates.
There are a certain number of signal words that express uncertainty in general or self-doubt, for example: “somehow”, “somehow”, “partly”, "to a certain extent", "in a manner", "in some way", "so to speak" "to a certain extent". A person who frequently uses these words is signaling that he does not understand (partially or completely) what he is talking about.
Statements "everything is going as it should" or “there’s nothing you can do about it” indicate humility, resignation and weakness. Insert words “of course”, “exactly”, “for sure”, "as a matter of fact" can be compared to fingerprints, so high is the probability of accurately determining the personality type from them. As a rule, they are characteristic of a person who lacks self-confidence and needs self-affirmation.
Affirmative words: “surely”, “confidently” - shining example uncertainty. Anyone who would like to calm his own and others’ doubts reveals his own hesitations by assessing for sure: “tomorrow I will probably win”, “and I approached him so confidently...”.
“Very simple” is a typical phrase from people who feel insecure and do not clearly understand what they are talking about. Self-doubt, covered by authoritarian intolerance and stubborn self-affirmation, comes through in the absolutized manner of speech and the use of words: "in no case", "under no circumstances", "out of the question".
So, having determined what type of people your interlocutor is, let’s move on to practical methods changes in his opinion. There are two ways to influence consciousness, or rather the subconscious. The first and simplest: put a gun to the interlocutor’s head. Despite the fact that the second method is much more complicated, we recommend using it. These are several rules of communication, each of which may be suitable in a given situation.
Avoid generalizations
There are a number of generalization words that are simply imbued with categoricalness and categoricalness. By using words such as “everyone”, “everyone”, “nobody”, “no one” and others, you can rest assured that you have done everything to push your interlocutor away. For example, if you tell your partner: "You let me down every time", - you will turn him against you and at the same time show that you really have nothing to say. Try to avoid these words and not create unnecessary difficulties for yourself.
Pressure by implication
The technique consists of linking (double, triple, etc.) several facts. In this case, there may not be a logical connection between them. Phrases “the longer we talk, the more you agree” or “The longer you contradict me, the more you agree in your heart” act on the subconscious of your interlocutor, instilling in him the idea of agreeing. It would seem that there is no connection between the first and second parts of the sentence - however, the brain remembers precisely the second part. By carefully weaving such phrases during negotiations, you thereby instill in your interlocutor the idea that he will agree anyway.
There is no such thing as too much deserved praise
A fairly banal technique that, when used skillfully, always works. Tell your interlocutor something nice while remaining sincere. Say for example: "You clever man and you can agree with me" or “You are the best car dealer, so you will understand me.”- you won’t lose anything, but you can gain a lot. The only caveat is to be as sincere as possible. If you feel false, then the effect can be diametrically opposite.
Teach people to agree with you
This technique is not new, it is hackneyed and... still effective. Start a dispute (negotiation, conversation) with obvious truths, ask your interlocutor clear questions that he can answer in the affirmative. In this case, he is prepared to agree, and it will be more difficult for him to say “no”. However, do not forget that not every interlocutor will agree to spend time discussing obvious truths with you.
Veiled Thoughts
The human brain is a mystery, and no one can still say why certain processes occur. A typical example is the illusory “not” method. From the whole phrase "You can agree with me or disagree" The part “not” is the most unmemorable. In form you offer a choice, but in essence you impose an unambiguous thought.
Multiple denial
This technique is derived from the previous one. By stringing together phrases with a bit of “not”, you put the necessary information into the mind of your interlocutor. "You cannot fail to sign this agreement", “You won’t make money if you don’t deliver the goods on time”- typical examples of double negatives.
Significant understatement
The idea of such suggestion is simple. When you need to do something, you list all the options (situations, dates, etc.) except one. For example, if you tell your secretary that she can do this work on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday, rest assured that the work will be done on Wednesday. Important point The idea is that the enumeration be closed, that is, there is only one alternative (two floors out of three, six days out of seven, three friends out of four).
There is strength in simplicity
You need to insert the idea you need into the most seemingly banal, non-specific phrase. For example, “it takes time to agree to all points of the contract”, “any person needs time to think and agree”- you essentially said nothing, but rest assured that the word “agree” is clearly imprinted in the subconscious of the interlocutor.
Situations are different, so you need to be able to quickly change methods of influence. Having developed a certain habit, you will be able to “pick up the key” to your opponent, thereby facilitating the solution of the assigned tasks. But remember, it is possible that your interlocutor also read this magazine...
When I think about this topic, I am immediately reminded of my attempts to negotiate with my university professors about grading. It's like you're walking through a minefield: one wrong phrase and you don't have a chance. After thinking a little and searching for the opinions of other people on the Internet, I came up with a few tips that have helped me and will help you successfully negotiate with other people.
Offer several options
When you insist on your own, remember the other person who, just like you, defends his point of view. Don't try to beat him by offering just one option. Instead, offer several. For what? By giving him several options to choose from (each of which is beneficial to you), you will create the illusion of choice, and it will be easier for your partner to support you.
At the same time, don't overdo it. By offering 10 options to choose from, you will ruin yourself. We like simple things, and it is much easier for a person to make a choice if he has two or three options rather than a dozen.
Unnecessary bluff
It will be easier for you to convince a person that you are right if you really believe in what you are saying. This implies the following: do not bluff. You may be lucky and the interlocutor will not notice the deception, but if everything does not go according to plan and you are caught, there will be no turning back.
If you believe that you are right, it will be much easier to convince other people of this.
You can't win alone
The outcome of the situation must be win-win for both parties. Imagine yourself in the place of another person and think, would you agree to what you are offering? If not, then you probably shouldn’t expect the same from him. You want a win-win situation that satisfies both parties, not just one.
Forget about emotions
People who involve emotions in negotiations are doomed to failure. Although the situation can be looked at from several angles. If you talk about your position with admiration and fire in your eyes, it can work.
If you shout at your interlocutor, laugh at his position, or try to insult him, even in a veiled way, you have already lost.
Ask for a little more than you need
This is a fairly simple trick, and you probably know about it. If you want to sell an item for $100, ask $110 for it. When the buyer wants to reduce the price, he will just bring it to the number you need.
I'm sure there have been situations in your life more than once when you were able to come to an agreement with another person on your own terms. Tell us about your methods!
When I think about this topic, I am immediately reminded of my attempts to negotiate with my university professors about grading. It's like you're walking through a minefield: one wrong phrase and you don't have a chance. After thinking a little and searching for the opinions of other people on the Internet, I came up with a few tips that have helped me and will help you successfully negotiate with other people.
Offer several options
When you insist on your own, remember the other person who, just like you, defends his point of view. Don't try to beat him by offering just one option. Instead, offer several. For what? By giving him several options to choose from (each of which is beneficial to you), you will create the illusion of choice, and it will be easier for your partner to support you.
At the same time, don't overdo it. By offering 10 options to choose from, you will ruin yourself. We like simple things, and it is much easier for a person to make a choice if he has two or three options rather than a dozen.
Unnecessary bluff
It will be easier for you to convince a person that you are right if you really believe in what you are saying. This implies the following: do not bluff. You may be lucky and the interlocutor will not notice the deception, but if everything does not go according to plan and you are caught, there will be no turning back.
If you believe that you are right, it will be much easier to convince other people of this.
You can't win alone
The outcome of the situation must be win-win for both parties. Imagine yourself in the place of another person and think, would you agree to what you are offering? If not, then you probably shouldn’t expect the same from him. You want a win-win situation that satisfies both parties, not just one.
Forget about emotions
People who involve emotions in negotiations are doomed to failure. Although the situation can be looked at from several angles. If you talk about your position with admiration and fire in your eyes, it can work.
If you shout at your interlocutor, laugh at his position, or try to insult him, even in a veiled way, you have already lost.
Ask for a little more than you need
This is a fairly simple trick, and you probably know about it. If you want to sell an item for $100, ask $110 for it. When the buyer wants to reduce the price, he will just bring it to the number you need.
I'm sure there have been situations in your life more than once when you were able to come to an agreement with another person on your own terms. Tell us about your methods!
