What is the impact of the family on a person's life. What does a family give to a person and how it affects his future. Child's reaction to family conflicts

Kononok Valeria Alexandrovna,
teacher-psychologist of the city center
psychological and pedagogical assistance MGDDiM

It would seem obvious that family and social education directly affects the formation and development of a child. But often we do not pay special attention to this, making a big mistake. The family occupies a special place in the life of every person. The child grows in it, and from the first years of his life he assimilates the norms of human relations, absorbing from the family both good and evil, everything that characterizes his family. Having matured, children repeat in their family everything that was in the family of his parents.

One of the basic conditions is that the family provides a sense of security, which provides him with safety when interacting with the outside world. Children gain confidence in their abilities, fear and excitement go away.

Parenting patterns also play an important role. Children often copy the behavior of other people, especially those who are in close contact with them. This is partly a deliberate attempt to behave in the same way as others behave, partly it is an unconscious imitation, which is one aspect of identification with another.

The family plays an important role in a child's experience of life. The extent to which parents provide the child with the opportunity to study in libraries, visit museums, relax in nature depends on the stock of children's knowledge. It is also very important to have a lot of conversations with children. Those children who have more life experience will be better than other children to adapt to the new environment and respond positively to the changes taking place around them.

Thus, it can be argued that a positive attitude of parents towards the cognitive development of a child, support for his cognitive and creative activity, encouragement of cognitive activity and recognition of the child's success helps to develop his intellectual and creative abilities.

The family is an important factor in the formation of discipline and behavior in a child. Parents influence the child's behavior by encouraging or condemning certain types of behavior, as well as using punishment or allowing an acceptable degree of freedom in behavior. The child learns from his parents what he should do, how to behave.

Communication in the family influences the formation of the child's worldview, which allows him to develop his own norms, views, ideas. The development of the child will depend on how good the conditions for communication are provided to him in the family; development also depends on the clarity and clarity of family communication.

For a child, a family is a talisman, a storehouse of knowledge and a springboard into adulthood. It is in the family that the child receives the basics of knowledge about the world around him, and with the high cultural and educational potential of the parents, he continues to receive not only the basics, but the culture itself throughout his life. The family is a certain moral and psychological climate, for a child it is the first school of relations with people.

Family education has a wide time range of impact: it continues throughout a person's life, takes place at any time of the day, at any time of the year.

Also, a family can harbor certain difficulties, contradictions and disadvantages of educational impact. The most common negative factors of family education that have to be taken into account in the educational process are:
. inadequate impact of factors of the material order, excess or lack of things, the priority of material well-being over the spiritual needs of a growing person, disharmony of material needs and the possibilities of their satisfaction, spoiledness and effeminacy, immorality and illegality of the family economy;

lack of spirituality of parents, lack of aspiration for the spiritual development of children;

authoritarianism or "liberalism", impunity and forgiveness;

immorality, immoral style and tone of family relationships;

lack of a normal psychological climate in the family;

fanaticism in any of its manifestations;

pedagogical illiteracy;

illegal behavior of adults.

Based on the specifics of the family as a personal environment for the development of the child's personality, a system of principles of family education should be built:
children should grow up and be brought up in an atmosphere of benevolence, love and happiness;

parents should understand and accept their child as he is, and contribute to the development of the best in him;

educational influences should be built taking into account age, gender and individual characteristics;

the dialectical unity of sincere, deep respect for the individual and high demands on her should be the basis of family education;

the personality of the parents themselves is an ideal role model for children;

education should be based on the positive in a growing person;

all activities organized in the family for the development of the child should be based on play;

optimism is the basis of the style and tone of communication with children in the family.

These principles can be expanded and supplemented, but the main thing is that they must be there.

The influence of the family on the development of the child cannot be overemphasized. For every person, the family is the place of birth and the main living environment. In it, he gains an experience that he will preserve for the rest of his life. In terms of the duration and degree of its influence on the personality, no other institution of upbringing can compare with the family, because the child is surrounded by the closest people during a significant part of his life. Here the foundations of a person's personality are laid, his physical and spiritual development takes place.

The main manifestations of the influence of the family on the child

Each individual family has a certain moral and psychological climate. In a family, a child learns relationships between people, receives ideas about good and evil, decency, learns a respectful attitude towards material and spiritual values. The family influence on the child is carried out and manifests itself as follows:

The family gives the child a sense of security, providing him with safety when interacting with the outside world, in the course of mastering new ways of his research and response.
Children adopt certain methods and ready-made models of behavior from their parents.
Parents for children are a source of essential life experience.
The influence of the family on the child extends to his behavior in society, parents can encourage or condemn a certain type of child's behavior, apply punishment or allow an acceptable degree of freedom.
In the course of communication in the family, the child develops his own views, attitudes, norms and ideas.

In general, the development of a little person depends on how good conditions for communication he has in the circle of the people closest to him. The influence of the family on the development of the child is determined, among other things, by the degree of clarity and clarity of communication between all members of this special kind of group. At the same time, the family can be both a positive and a negative factor in upbringing. No other social institution can potentially do as much harm to personal development as the family can. At the same time, the relationship between spouses has a huge influence on the development of the baby's personality. Friction between parents traumatizes the psyche of the baby, and the family in which the child grew up will become a model for the family that he will form in the future.

Parents are not born, they become. This is a natural law of life, and the starting point for the development of a personality is life in the family and relationships in it. Of course, the thinking and feeling parent at various levels understands the needs of their baby. Further, the child, becoming an adult, transfers to his children what he sees in his own family. Thus, the influence of the family on the child is such that all the stereotypes, styles and manner of communication, the vision of the world and the people around them are laid in it. Here the little person gets the first life experience, makes the first observations and learns how to behave in various situations.

Influence of the father on the child

A child needs a loving father and mother equally. But the style of interaction with young children is different for women and men. If the mother communicates with the baby most of the time while caring for him, then the father interacts with him during the game, which has a direct impact on his mental development. Games between father and child are usually energetic, unpredictable, associated with fuss and confusion. In them, children like the manifestation of physical strength and spontaneity, they contribute to the formation of a reaction to a possible danger, the ability to make the right decision in difficult situations, relieve nervous tension and charge with positive emotions.

From the very first months, dads play differently with boys and girls. Thus, under the influence of the father on the child, his sexual identity begins to form. The father is an important role model, he teaches the boy to be a man, instilling in him typically masculine traits. Whereas, it is on the example of the relationship between father and mother that a girl forms an idea of how men relate to women. A good relationship with dad gives the girl confidence in her attractiveness and charm, communicating with him, she learns to understand masculine nature.

Mother and child

The influence of the mother on the child is undoubtedly enormous. A special emotional bond is established between mother and child. In the first year of life, the mother is the whole world for the baby, she is his main teacher and educator. It is the relationship between mother and child that, from the very first day of his life, largely determines his subsequent development. At the same time, it is important that the mother not only praises, but also punishes, explaining to the baby what is good and what is bad. Proper upbringing should have a mixed character, combining love, affection and severity.

From a very early age, the influence of the mother on the child is very great and of great value. A woman should be able to lay in a small personality a number of life principles, including respect for the role of the mother in the life of every person. This will only be possible if she can harmoniously balance punishment and rewards. Then, both in adolescence and even in adulthood, the family influence on the child will remain strong enough and will have a positive character. The mother can act as a mentor and advisor, to whom you can come for help in difficult times at any age. To do this, she needs to learn the ability to understand and listen to her child in order to establish close contact with him. Only in this way will she be able to lay in him morality, character and a kind view of the world.

INTRODUCTION

Relevance of the research topic. The family is a special social environment. There are rules and norms of behavior in it, there can be its own hierarchy, in the family the child finds his first role models, sees the first reaction of people to their actions.

Younger school age is the most favorable period for personality formation. The family environment and the experience gained in the family contribute to the development of the child of primary school age. The family is traditionally the main educational institution. What the child acquires in the family in childhood, he retains throughout his subsequent life. In terms of the duration of its impact on the personality, none of the institutions of upbringing can compare with the family. It lays the foundations of the child's personality, and by the time he enters school, he is already more than half-formed as a person.

The influence of the family on the formation of a child's personality is recognized by many educators, psychologists, psychotherapists, and neuropsychiatric specialists. The problems of family and family upbringing have worried people since ancient times. In the works of the great thinkers of the past: Plato, Aristotle, Ya.A. Kamensky, J.-J. Rousseau - we find their attitude to the family as a factor in upbringing, an assessment of its role in the formation and further life of each person. In Russia, such outstanding scientists as N.I. Novikov, A.N. Radishchev, V.F. Odoevsky, A.I. Herzen, N.I. Pirogov, N.A. Dobrolyubov, K. D. Ushinsky, T.F. Lesgaft, L.N. Tolstoy, A.S. Makarenko, V.A. Sukhomlinsky.

The peculiarities of the family, family upbringing, the peculiarities of the formation of the child's personality in the family were studied by Yu.P. Azarov, D.N. Dobrovich, A.I. Zakharov, A.S. Spivakovskaya, A. Ya. Varga, E.G. Eidemiller, Y. Gippenreiter, M. Buyanov, 3. Mateychek, S.V. Kovalev, N.V. Bondarenko and others.

A huge contribution to the study of family relations was made by A.S. Makarenko, who developed the most important issues of family education. In The Book for Parents, he shows that the family is the primary collective, where everyone is full members with their own functions and responsibilities, including the child.

Purpose of the study: to study upbringing in a family as one of the conditions for the formation of a child's personality.

Object of study: the identity of the younger student in the family.

Subject of study: the process of upbringing in the family, as one of the conditions for the formation of the child's personality.

Research objectives:

1. Give a description of the concept and functions of the family.

2. To study the influence of family education on personality formation.

3. Choose methods and experimentally show the influence of parents on the formation of the child's personality.

Research methods: theoretical study of psychological, pedagogical, sociological literature on the topic of course work.

Structure and scope of work: course work consists of an introduction, two chapters, conclusion and literature.

CHAPTER 1. FAMILY EDUCATION

The influence of the family on the formation of the child's personality

The leading factor in the development of a child's personality, on which the future fate of a person largely depends. The first thing that characterizes the family as a factor in upbringing is its upbringing environment, in which the life and activities of the child are naturally organized. It is known that a person already from infancy develops as a social being, for whom the environment is not only a condition, but also a source of development. The interaction of the child with the environment, and above all with the social environment, the microenvironment, the assimilation by him of the "culture created by humanity" (AN Leont'ev) play a primary role in his mental development, the formation of his personality.

The family is the most important factor in socialization not only for children, but also for adults; it largely determines how a person's physical, emotional and social development goes throughout life. It is a personal environment for the life and development of children, adolescents, young men, the quality of which is determined by a number of parameters of a particular family. These are the following parameters:

· Demographic - family structure (large, including other relatives, including only parents and children; full or incomplete; one-child, few or large);

· Socio-cultural - educational level of parents, their participation in the life of society;

· Socio-economic - property characteristics and employment of parents at work;

· Technical and hygienic - living conditions, housing equipment, lifestyle features [Telina, 2013, p. 265].

Family environment- the first cultural niche for a child, which includes the subject-spatial, socio-behavioral, eventful, informational environment of the child.

Parents, to a greater or lesser extent, create a parenting environment (for example, provide hygienic conditions, good nutrition; purchase appropriate toys, books, houseplants, an aquarium and other means of education; take care of positive examples and patterns of behavior). The methods of influencing the child and their effectiveness for his development depend on how the upbringing environment is organized.

The whole life of a family consists of many social situations: goodbye at night and greeting each other in the morning, parting before leaving for work, school, kindergarten, getting ready for a walk, etc. The ability of parents to give a targeted orientation to a particular social situation turns it into a pedagogical situation when literally everything becomes a factor in upbringing: the interior of the room, the arrangement of objects, attitudes towards them, family life events, forms of relationships and methods of communication, traditions and customs, and much more. So, for example, grandmother's birthday: you can limit yourself to a call on the phone and traditional congratulations, then the pedagogical effect will be minimal. Or you can involve the child in preparing the gift in advance, paying attention to what will especially delight the grandmother, which is consonant with her interests. A well-thought-out educational environment, a humanized home environment is the richest food for the development of feelings, thoughts, and behavior of a child. The social values and atmosphere of the family determine whether it will become an educational environment, an arena for self-development and self-realization.

In family life, socio-biological, household, moral and legal, psychological and aesthetic relations are formed. Each of these areas of family life plays an important socializing role. In a family, a child gets the first work skills when he participates in self-service, helps elders in the household, does school lessons, plays, helps organize leisure and entertainment; learns to consume various material and spiritual benefits. The family largely influences the choice of a future profession. The family develops the ability to value and respect the work of other people: parents, relatives; the upbringing of the future family man takes place.

Raising children in a family is a complex, delicate business that requires parents to be interested in positive results, patience, tact, knowledge in the field of child psychology and pedagogy. The specificity of upbringing in a family is determined by its type, and living conditions, and the degree of preparedness of parents for the implementation of the upbringing function in the family.

The family is one of the main tools that ensure interaction between the individual and society, integration and prioritization of their interests and needs. The family gives a person an idea of life goals and values, what you need to know and how to behave. The explanations and instructions of the parents, their example, the whole way of life in the house, the family atmosphere develop in children the habits of behavior and criteria for evaluating good and evil, worthy and unworthy, just and unjust.

The importance of the family as an institution of upbringing is due to the fact that the child is in it in the most significant period of his life, and in terms of the strength and duration of its impact on the personality, none of the institutions of upbringing can compare with the family. The foundations of the child's personality are laid, and by the time he enters school he has already more than half formed as a person [Newcomb, 2002, p. 346].

The need for family education is explained by the following:

1. Family upbringing is more emotional by its nature than any other upbringing, because its "conductor" is parental love for children and reciprocal feelings (affection, trust) of children to their parents.

2. A child, especially at an early age, is more prone to family exposure than to any other exposure.

3. Being a small group, a kind of social microcosm, the family best meets the requirement of the child's gradual involvement in social life and the gradual expansion of his horizons and experience.

4. At the same time, the family is not a homogeneous, but a differentiated social group, in which various age, sex, and sometimes professional "subsystems" are represented. This allows the child to more actively show his emotional and intellectual capabilities, to quickly realize them [Azarov, 2001, p. 389].

The peculiarity of the educational activities of the family- its unintentional nature, natural involvement in the life of this small psychological and social group. Special educational "measures" aimed at the development, correction of any properties, qualities of the child's personality occupy an insignificant place in the modern family, although certain requirements, prohibitions, punishments and rewards have been established in home education. And, nevertheless, at every moment of life, certain influences of adults of an upbringing or teaching nature are interwoven. The younger the child, the more organically the processes of care, supervision, education, and upbringing are combined. As a rule, this gives a good effect due to the fact that parents (other family members) feel the child's mood, know his capabilities, and see development trends. In other words, home education is highly individual, concrete, personalized; due to this, it is favorable for the initiation of the child's activity. And the activity of the child himself, being realized in one or another activity, is the basis for the formation of socio-psychological new formations in the structure of his personality, because specifically human properties and qualities develop in the process of the child's interaction with the environment, in his vigorous activity.

The content of family upbringing is very diverse and not as "sterile" as, for example, upbringing in kindergarten, where the educational work program focuses the child's attention mainly on the positive things in the world around them. With this approach, the child's ability to adapt to real life in all the variety of its manifestations is reduced, and the formation of immunity to negative patterns is inhibited. In a family, a child is a witness and participant in a variety of life situations, and not always of positive content and meaning. In this respect, the social experience acquired in the family is very real. Through the prism of the observed behavior of adults close to the child, he builds up his own attitude to the world, forms ideas about the value of certain phenomena and objects.

The child's attitude to the surrounding objects, norms of behavior, life in his home arises indirectly, thanks to his communication with all family members. The emotions accompanying this communication help the child to understand the meaning that is attached to the world around him by close people. He reacts sharply to the tone and intonation of adults, sensitively captures the general style, atmosphere of relationships. The family provides the child with a variety of behavioral models, which he will be guided by, gaining his own social experience. Based on specific actions, methods of communication that the child sees in the immediate environment and into which he himself is drawn by adults, he learns to compare, evaluate, choose certain forms of behavior, methods of interaction with the surrounding reality.

The importance of the family educational environment- determination of the first contours of the child's image of the world, the formation of an appropriate way of life. On the other hand, the family is a rather closed community of close people who educate each other, focusing on public interests, needs, using time-tested means, methods and techniques of upbringing that are passed down from generation to generation. There is a borrowing of new ways of influence that adult family members see in the life around them and learn from special literature. To the best of its strength and pedagogical capabilities, the family guides the development of the child's personality. This characterizes the family as a factor in upbringing.

The family is also a factor in upbringing because it is the organizer of various types of activities for children. From birth, a child, unlike many representatives of the animal world, does not possess the skills that will ensure his independent life. His interaction with the world is organized by his parents and other family members. This has a great pedagogical meaning, because even a child who is lucky enough to be born in a favorable environment will not be able to fully develop if he is limited or deprived of the opportunity to actively interact with it. The fact is that by itself he does not master the means of mastering, assimilating and appropriating those cultural achievements with which he is surrounded. In the family, the child begins to familiarize himself with various types of activities: cognitive, objective, play, work, educational, and also communication activities. Initially, adults work together with the child, stimulating and reinforcing his activity. But as the child masters individual actions, it becomes possible to organize his activity as jointly shared with the adult. As the child masters certain actions, he turns into a subject of his own activity, but even at this stage he needs the attention of an adult, emotional support, approval, assessment, sometimes - a hint, additional information on how best to do, to act in one or another situations, etc. It is important for parents to observe the measure, a reasonable ratio of children's and their own activity, not to do for the child what he has already learned.

The pace of modern life is so intense that it is sometimes easier for adults to do something for a child than to wait for him to cope with it himself. And the parents continue to feed the child from a spoon, clean up toys and clothes after him, wipe his nose ... It is much more difficult and troublesome to come up with and implement a method that will help to include the child himself. From the point of view of upbringing, the first path is uneconomical, short-sighted, since it leads to infantilism, to a syndrome of helplessness in the behavior of a child and, subsequently, an adult. Endless fears, excessive caution of adults, their lack of patience and an eternal lack of time lead to the fact that in preschool years, when a child is characterized by activity, a desire for independence ("I myself!"), He is constantly stopped: "You don't know how, give I will do it "," Do not go! "," Do not touch! " . This hinders the development of independence, decisiveness, and, consequently, will complicate the child's life in the next stages, when he will attend a preschool institution, go to school.

Parents should support every attempt, every sign of the child's independence, gradually increasing the load, armed with patience. If the correct help of adults to a child is carried out without an emphasis on his helplessness, without humiliation of his dignity, if it is timely and imperceptible, then the first element of true independence is fixed in the structure of the child's personality - the need for purposeful actions that end with a practical result that has social significance, cultural meaning. And this is a prerequisite for the development of perseverance, perseverance, the ability to self-control and self-assessment of the results of one's activity and oneself as a doer. It should be remembered that the measure of the child's efforts should correspond to the extent of his capabilities.

Condition of favorable activity- the child's experience of joy from her process, the result, the product obtained, therefore, underestimation of the child's capabilities and his overload will equally have a detrimental effect. So, too difficult a task that exceeds the limits of the child's capabilities may remain unfulfilled, which will bring him grief, will entail a decrease in volitional efforts. Practice shows that a child with less willingness and diligence performs what has already been mastered, "passed", if you do not introduce new elements into his activity (expand the range of actions, offer new materials).

Thus, when organizing the child's activities, it is advisable for parents to take into account how to create a situation of success for him, thanks to which a subjective experience of the acquired achievements occurs, no matter how small they are. It will be effective to positively reinforce the child's intentions, advance success, focus on the child's positive traits, and strengthen the motivation for activity. The feeling of success creates an atmosphere of emotional uplift in the child, and this, in turn, initiates activity, stimulates the desire to work (learn, play).

Thus, the family is the main factor in the development of the child as a person. The success of upbringing in a family can only be ensured when favorable conditions are created for the growth and all-round development of the child. The determining role of the family is due to its profound influence on the entire complex of physical and spiritual life of the person growing in it. The main conditions for success in raising children in a family should be considered the presence of a normal family atmosphere, the authority of the parents, the correct daily routine, the timely introduction of the child to books and reading, to work.

The influence of the family on the development of the child

Family upbringing is more emotional in nature than any upbringing, for it is "guided" by parental love for children, which evokes children's responses to their parents.

Family as the basis for a sense of security

Attachment relationships are important not only for the future development of the relationship - their direct impact helps to reduce the feelings of anxiety that a child arises in new or stressful situations. Thus, the family provides a basic sense of security, guaranteeing the child's safety when interacting with the outside world, mastering new ways of exploring and responding. In addition, loved ones are a source of comfort for the child in moments of despair and excitement.

Parenting patterns

Children usually tend to copy the behavior of other people and most often those with whom they are in closest contact. In part, this is a conscious attempt to behave in the same way as others behave, in part, it is an unconscious imitation, which is one of the aspects of identification with others.

Interpersonal relationships experience similar influences. In this regard, it is important to note that children learn from their parents in a certain way of behavior, not only by assimilating the rules directly communicated to them (ready-made recipes), but also through the observation of models existing in the relationship between parents (example). It is most likely that in cases where the recipe and example are the same, the child will behave in the same way as the parents.

Family and life experience

The influence of parents is especially great because they are the source of the necessary life experience for the child. The stock of children's knowledge largely depends on how parents provide the child with the opportunity to study in libraries, visit museums, and relax in nature. It is also important to have a lot of conversation with children.

Children whose life experience included a wide range of different situations and who are able to cope with communication problems, enjoy versatile social interactions, will adapt better than other children to the new environment and respond positively to the changes that are happening around.

Discipline and Behavior Shaping

Parents influence the child's behavior by encouraging or condemning certain types of behavior, as well as using punishment or allowing an acceptable degree of freedom in the child's behavior. In childhood, it is from the parents that the child learns what he should do, how to behave.

5 Family communication

Family communication allows the child to develop their own views, norms, attitudes, and ideas. The development of the child will depend on how good the conditions for communication are provided to him in the family, development also depends on the clarity and clarity of communication in the family.

Problems of child-parental relations and the well-being of the child in the family

In his development, the child goes through certain stages, each stage has its own specific tasks, characteristics and difficulties. Children in the family are an addition, enrichment of the life of two people who have tied the knot. The child needs both parents - a loving father and mother. The relationship between husband and wife has a tremendous impact on the development of a child's personality. Conflict, tense environment makes the child nervous, whiny, disobedient, aggressive. Friction between spouses is usually traumatic for the child.

Two styles of parenting.

Democratic- characterized by the following: a high degree of verbal communication between parents and children, the involvement of children in the discussion of family problems, the success of the child when the parents are always ready to help, the desire to reduce subjectivity in the child's vision.

Supervising - presupposes significant restrictions on the child's behavior in the absence of disagreements between parents and children about disciplinary measures, a clear understanding by the child of the meaning of restrictions. The requirements of the parents can be quite strict, but they are presented to the child constantly and consistently and are recognized by the child as fair and justified.

Types of educational activities of their parents.

Authoritative parents- initiative, sociable, kind children. Parents love and understand their children, preferring not to punish them, but to explain what is good and what is bad, without fear of praising them again. They demand meaningful behavior from children and try to help them by being sensitive to their needs. But such parents often show firmness, rigidity.

The children of such parents are usually inquisitive, try to justify, and not impose their point of view, they take their responsibilities responsibly. Self-esteem and self-control are better developed, and it is easier for them to establish good relationships with peers.

Authoritarian parents- irritable, conflict-prone children. Authoritarian parents believe that a child should not be given too much freedom and rights, that he should obey their will and authority in everything. Parents, striving to develop discipline in the child, without leaving him the opportunity to choose options for behavior, limit his independence, depriving him of the right to object to his elders, even if the child is right. Strict control over the behavior of the child is the basis of their upbringing. A common method of disciplinary action is intimidation and threats.

Such parents exclude emotional closeness with children, they are stingy with praise, so a feeling of affection rarely arises between them and the children.

However, tight control rarely gives a positive result. In children with such upbringing, only a mechanism of external control is formed. Feelings of guilt or fear of punishment and usually poor self-control develop. Children of authoritarian parents find it difficult to connect with peers due to their constant vigilance. They are suspicious, sullen, anxious.

Indulgent parents- impulsive, aggressive children. Parents are not inclined to control their children. Allow children to do whatever they want. More often, there are disagreements with discipline, often their behavior becomes simply uncontrollable. And parents are desperate and react very sharply - they rudely and sharply ridicule the child, in fits of anger they can use physical punishment. They deprive children of parental love, attention, and empathy.

Upbringing in a family through the roles that a child performs.

"Scapegoat»--- The role arises in the family when marital problems are passed on to the child. He takes away the emotions of his parents, which they actually feel for each other.

"Favorite" ---- When parents do not have any feelings for each other, and the emotional vacuum is filled with exaggerated caring for the child.

"Baby" ----- The child is distant from his parents, he is ousted from the family community, he is ordered to be in the family only a child, on whom nothing depends. This role arises when the spouses are very close to each other.

"Sampler »----- A child in such a role is early involved in the complexities of family life, occupies an important place in the family, regulating and eliminating marital conflicts.

One of the most important functions of the family is the well-being of the child in the family, the creation of conditions for the upbringing of a healthy personality.

Influence of parental attitudes on the development of children.

Negative attitudes Positive attitudes

Having said so	Think about the consequences	And correct in time
You will not obey, no one will be friends with you ..	Closure, alienation, obedience, obsequiousness	Be yourself, everyone has friends in life
My woe	Feelings of guilt, alienation, conflicts with parents	My happiness, my joy
Crybaby, whiner	Restraint of emotions, anxiety, deep experience of even minor problems, fears, emotions. voltage	Cry, it will be easier
Here, fool, everything is ready to distribute	Low self-esteem, greed, hoarding, communication difficulties, selfishness	Good for sharing with others
It's not your mind	Lack of opinion, shyness, mental delays. Development, alienation	What do you think?
Dress warmly, you'll get sick	Increased attention to your health, anxiety, fears	Be healthy, be tempered
You are just like your dad ... (mom)	Difficulty communicating with parents, stubbornness, inadequate self-esteem, repetition of parental behavior	Our dad is a wonderful person, our mom is a smart one
You don't know how to do anything inept	Lack of self-confidence, fears, mental retardation, lack of initiative, low motivation to achieve	Try again, you will succeed
Don't shout like that, you'll go deaf	Latent aggression, increased psychoemotional stress, conflict, throat and ear disease	Tell me in my ear, let's whisper
Get out of my sight, stand in a corner	The violation is mutual. With parents, secrecy, distrust, anger, aggressiveness	Come to me, let's figure it out together
Slob, dirty	Feelings of guilt, fear, absent-mindedness, inattention to oneself and one's appearance, promiscuity	How nice to look at you when you are clean and tidy

Parent-child communication scale

Parenting methods that cause a child

Positive emotions

Negative emotions

Praise

Encourage

Approve

Kiss

Hug

Caress

Sympathize

Empathize

You smile

Admire

Doing pleasant surprises

Reproach

Suppress

Humiliate

Blame

Condemn

Reject

You pull

Shame

Read the notation

Depriving something you need

Spank

Put in a corner

It is important to remember that the child communicates with you, and the climate in the family - for him mainly depends on you and on YOUR emotions. And the climate of the family is an indicator of how the child still lives in the house, what does he feel when he is next to YOU: humiliated or soaring in the sky, is he comfortable !?

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Subject: Psychology

Topic: The influence of the family on the formation of personality.

Prepared by: Skripkina Ksenia

The family is traditionally the main educational institution. What the child acquires in the family in childhood, he retains throughout his subsequent life. The importance of the family as an institution of upbringing is due to the fact that the child is in it for a significant part of his life, and in terms of the duration of its impact on the personality, none of the institutions of upbringing can compare with the family. It lays the foundations of the child's personality, and by the time he enters school, he has already more than half formed as a person.

The family can act as both a positive and a negative factor in upbringing. The positive impact on the personality of the child is that no one, except for the people closest to him in the family - mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, brother, sister, treats the child better, does not love him and does not care so much about him. At the same time, no other social institution can potentially do as much harm in raising children as the family can do.

The family is a special kind of collective that plays the main, long-term and most important role in upbringing. Anxious mothers often have anxious children; ambitious parents often suppress their children in such a way that this leads to the appearance of an inferiority complex in them; an unrestrained father who loses his temper for the slightest reason, often, without knowing it, forms a similar type of behavior in his children, etc.

In connection with the special educational role of the family, the question arises of how to do so in order to maximize the positive and minimize the negative influences of the family on the upbringing of the child. To do this, it is necessary to accurately determine the intrafamily socio-psychological factors that have educational value.

The main thing in the upbringing of a little person is the achievement of spiritual unity, a moral connection between parents and a child. In no case should parents let the upbringing process take its course even at an older age, leaving the grown-up child alone with himself. It is in the family that the child receives the first life experience, makes the first observations and learns how to behave in various situations. It is very important that what we teach the child is supported by concrete examples, so that he sees that in adults, theory does not diverge from practice. (If your child sees that his mom and dad, who every day tell him that it is not good to lie, without noticing it, are deviating from this rule, all education can go down the drain.)

Each of the parents sees in their children their continuation, the realization of certain attitudes or ideals. And it is very difficult to deviate from them. A conflict situation between parents - different approaches to raising children.

The first task of parents is to find a common solution, to convince each other. If a compromise has to be made, it is imperative that the basic requirements of the parties are met. When one parent makes a decision, he must be sure to remember the position of the other.

The second task is to make sure that the child does not see contradictions in the positions of the parents, i.e. it is better to discuss these issues without him.

Children quickly "grasp" what was said and quite easily maneuver between their parents, seeking immediate benefits (usually in the direction of laziness, poor academic performance, disobedience, etc.).

Parents, when making a decision, should not put their own views first, but what will be more useful for the child.

In communication between adults and children, the principles of communication are developed:

Adopting a child, i.e. the child is accepted as he is.

Empathy (empathy) - an adult looks at problems through the eyes of a child, accepts his position. Congruence. Assumes an adequate attitude on the part of an adult to what is happening. Parents can love a child not for something, despite the fact that he is ugly, not smart, neighbors complain about him. The child is accepted as he is. (Unconditional love) Perhaps the parents love him when the child meets their expectations. when he studies well and behaves. but if the child does not satisfy those needs, then the child is, as it were, rejected, the attitude changes for the worse. This brings significant difficulties, the child is not confident in the parents, he does not feel the emotional security that should be from the very infancy. (conditional love)

The child may not be accepted by the parents at all. They are indifferent to him and may even be rejected by them (for example, a family of alcoholics). But maybe in a prosperous family (for example, he was not long-awaited, there were difficult problems, etc.), the parents do not necessarily realize this. But there are purely subconscious moments (for example, the mother is beautiful, and the girl is ugly and withdrawn. The child annoys her.)

Types of family relationships

In every family, a definite system of upbringing is being formed, which is by no means always conscious of it. This refers to the understanding of the goals of upbringing, and the formulation of its tasks, and more or less purposeful application of methods and techniques of upbringing, taking into account what can and cannot be allowed in relation to the child. 4 tactics of upbringing in the family can be distinguished and 4 types of family relationships corresponding to them, which are both a prerequisite and a result of their emergence: diktat, guardianship, "non-interference" and cooperation.

Diktat in the family is manifested in the systematic behavior of some family members (mainly adults), initiative and self-esteem among other family members.

Parents, of course, can and should make demands on their child, based on the goals of upbringing, moral norms, specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those of them who prefer order and violence to all kinds of influence are faced with the resistance of the child, who responds to pressure, coercion, threats with their countermeasures: hypocrisy, deception, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if the resistance is broken, along with it many valuable personality traits are broken: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and in one's own capabilities. The reckless authoritarianism of parents, ignoring the interests and opinions of the child, systematic deprivation of his right to vote when solving issues related to him - all this is a guarantee of serious failures in the formation of his personality.

Guardianship in the family is a system of relationships in which parents, ensuring with their work the satisfaction of all the needs of the child, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon themselves. The question of active personality formation fades into the background. At the center of educational influences is another problem - the satisfaction of the child's needs and the protection of his difficulties. Parents, in fact, block the process of serious preparation of their children to face reality beyond the threshold of their home. It is these children who turn out to be more unadapted to life in a team. According to the data of psychological observations, it is this category of adolescents that gives the greatest number of breakdowns in adolescence. It is these children who, it would seem, have nothing to complain about, are beginning to rebel against excessive parental care. If diktat presupposes violence, orders, rigid authoritarianism, then guardianship means care, protection from difficulties. However, the result is largely the same: children lack independence, initiative, they are somehow excluded from solving issues that personally concern them, and even more so the general problems of the family.

The system of interpersonal relations in the family, based on the recognition of the possibility and even expediency of the independent existence of adults from children, can be generated by the tactics of "non-interference". At the same time, it is assumed that two worlds can coexist: adults and children, and neither one nor the other should cross the line outlined in this way. Most often, this type of relationship is based on the passivity of parents as educators.

Cooperation as a type of family relationship presupposes the mediation of interpersonal relationships in the family by the common goals and objectives of joint activity, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the child's egoistic individualism is overcome. The family, where the leading type of relationship is cooperation, acquires a special quality, becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.

The style of family education and the values adopted in the family are of great importance in the development of self-esteem.

3 styles of family parenting:

casual

In a democratic style, the best interests of the child are taken into account. Consent style.

In a casual style, the child is left to himself.

A preschooler sees himself through the eyes of close adults who are raising him. If the assessments and expectations in the family do not correspond to the age and individual characteristics of the child, his / her self-image appears to be distorted.

M.I. Lisina traced the development of self-awareness of preschoolers, depending on the characteristics of family education. Children with an accurate idea of themselves are brought up in families where parents devote a lot of time to them; positively assess their physical and mental characteristics, but do not consider their level of development to be higher than that of most peers; predict good school performance. These children are often encouraged, but not given gifts; punished mainly by refusal to communicate. Children with an underestimated self-image grow up in families in which they are not taught, but require obedience; they are rated low, often reproached, punished, sometimes in front of strangers; do not expect them to succeed in school and make significant achievements in later life.

Adequate and inadequate behavior of a child depends on the conditions of upbringing in a family.

Children who have low self-esteem are unhappy with themselves. This happens in a family where parents constantly condemn the child, or set overestimated tasks for him. The child feels that he does not meet the requirements of the parents. (Do not tell the child that he is ugly, complexes arise from this, from which it is impossible to get rid of later.)

Inadequacy can also manifest itself with increased self-esteem. This happens in a family where the child is often praised, and gifts are given for little things and achievements (the child gets used to material reward). The child is punished very rarely, the system of requirements is very soft.

Adequate presentation - it needs a flexible system of punishment and praise. Admiration and praise are excluded with him. Rarely are gifts given for actions. Extreme harsh penalties are not used.

In families where children grow up with high, but not overestimated self-esteem, attention to the child's personality (his interests, tastes, relationships with friends) is combined with sufficient exactingness. Here they do not resort to humiliating punishments and willingly praise when the child deserves it. Children with low self-esteem (not necessarily very low) enjoy more freedom at home, but this freedom, in fact, is lack of control, a consequence of parents' indifference to children and to each other.

School performance is an important criterion for assessing a child as an individual by adults and peers. The attitude towards oneself as a student is largely determined by family values. A child's qualities come to the fore that are most concerned with his parents - maintaining prestige (at home, questions are asked: "Who else got an A?"), Obedience ("You were not scolded today?"), Etc. In the self-consciousness of a young schoolchild, accents shift when parents are not worried about educational, but everyday moments in his school life ("Doesn't it blow from the windows in the classroom?", "What did you get for breakfast?" is discussed or discussed formally. A rather indifferent question: "What happened at school today?" sooner or later will lead to the corresponding answer: "Nothing special", "Everything is fine".

Parents also set the initial level of the child's aspirations - what he aspires to in educational activities and relationships. Children with a high level of ambition, high self-esteem and prestigious motivation rely only on success. Their visions of the future are just as optimistic.

Children with a low level of aspirations and low self-esteem do not claim much either in the future or in the present. They do not set high goals for themselves and constantly doubt their capabilities, quickly resign themselves to the level of academic achievement that develops at the beginning of training.

Anxiety can become a personality trait at this age. High anxiety acquires stability with constant dissatisfaction with studies on the part of parents. Let's say a child is ill, has fallen behind his classmates and finds it difficult to get involved in the learning process. If the temporary difficulties experienced by him annoy adults, anxiety arises, the fear of doing something bad, wrong. The same result is achieved in a situation where the child learns quite successfully, but the parents expect more and make excessive, unrealistic demands.

Due to the growth of anxiety and the associated low self-esteem, educational achievements decrease, failure is fixed. Uncertainty leads to a number of other features - the desire to thoughtlessly follow the instructions of an adult, to act only according to models and templates, the fear of taking the initiative, the formal assimilation of knowledge and methods of action.

Adults, dissatisfied with the declining productivity of the child's educational work, focus more and more on these issues in communicating with him, which increases emotional discomfort. It turns out a vicious circle: the unfavorable personality traits of the child are reflected in his educational activity, the low performance of the activity causes a corresponding reaction from others, and this negative reaction, in turn, enhances the child's peculiarities. You can break this circle by changing the attitudes and assessments of the parents. Close adults, focusing on the child's smallest achievements. Without blaming him for individual shortcomings, they reduce the level of his anxiety and thereby contribute to the successful completion of educational tasks.

The second option is demonstrativeness - a personality trait associated with an increased need for success and for the attention of others to oneself. The source of demonstrativeness is usually the lack of attention of adults to children who feel abandoned and "disliked" in the family. But it happens that the child receives sufficient attention, but it does not satisfy him due to the hypertrophied need for emotional contacts. Excessive demands on adults are not made by neglected children, but, on the contrary, by the most spoiled children. Such a child will seek attention, even breaking the rules of conduct. ("Better to let them scold than not notice"). The task of adults is to do without lectures and edifications, make comments as less emotionally as possible, not pay attention to minor offenses and punish major ones (say, by refusing a planned trip to the circus). This is much more difficult for an adult than caring for an anxious child.

If for a child with high anxiety the main problem is the constant disapproval of adults, then for a demonstrative child it is a lack of praise.

The third option is "escape from reality." It is observed in cases where demonstrativeness is combined with anxiety in children. These children also have a strong need for attention to themselves, but they cannot fulfill it due to their anxiety. They are hardly noticeable, they are afraid to cause disapproval by their behavior, they strive to fulfill the requirements of adults. An unsatisfied need for attention leads to an increase in even greater passivity, invisibility, which makes it difficult for already insufficient contacts. With adults encouraging the activity of children, showing attention to the results of their educational activities and searching for ways of creative self-realization, a relatively easy correction of their development is achieved.

Many parents with bated breath are waiting for the so-called transitional age in their children. For some, this transition from childhood to adulthood passes completely unnoticed, for others it becomes a real disaster. Until recently, an obedient and calm child suddenly becomes "prickly", irritable, he now and then comes into conflict with others. This often causes an ill-conceived negative reaction from parents and teachers. Their mistake is that they are trying to subordinate the teenager to their will, and this only hardens, repels him from adults. And this is the worst thing - it breaks a growing person, making him an insincere opportunist or still obedient up to the complete loss of his "I". In girls, due to their earlier development, this period is often associated with experiences of first love. If this love is not mutual, and, in addition, there is no understanding on the part of the parents, then the mental trauma inflicted during this period can break the whole further fate of the girl. Parents should always remember that their girl is no longer a child, but also not an adult. Although the 13-14-year-old girl herself, feeling how quickly her growth is increasing, her figure is changing, secondary sexual characteristics appear, she already considers herself an adult and claims an appropriate attitude, independence and independence.

Adolescent independence is expressed mainly in the desire for emancipation from adults, release from their guardianship, control. Needing parents, their love and care, their opinion, they feel a strong desire to be independent, equal with them in rights. How the relationship will develop in this difficult period for both parties depends mainly on the parenting style prevailing in the family, and the parents' ability to rebuild - to accept the sense of adulthood of their child.

After a relatively calm elementary school age, adolescence seems turbulent and challenging. Development at this stage, indeed, is proceeding at a rapid pace, especially a lot of changes are observed in terms of personality formation. And, perhaps, the main feature of a teenager is personal instability. Opposite traits, aspirations, tendencies coexist and fight with each other, defining the contradictory character and behavior of a growing up child.

The main difficulties in communication, conflicts arise due to parental control over behavior, the teenager's studies, his choice of friends, etc. extreme cases, the most unfavorable for the development of a child, are rigid, total control under an authoritarian upbringing and an almost complete absence of control, when a teenager is left to himself, neglected. There are many intermediate options:

Parents regularly tell their children what to do;

The child can express his opinion, but the parents, when making a decision, do not listen to his voice;

The child can make individual decisions himself, but must receive the approval of the parents, the parents and the child have almost equal rights in making a decision;

The decision is often made by the child himself;

The child himself decides to obey his parental decisions or not.

Let us dwell on the most common styles of family education, which determines the characteristics of a teenager's relationship with his parents and his personal development.

Democratic parents value both independence and discipline in their behavior. They themselves give him the right to be independent in some areas of his life; without prejudice to his rights, at the same time require the performance of duties. Control based on warm feelings and reasonable care usually does not irritate the teenager too much; he often listens to explanations why one should not do one and another should be done. The formation of adulthood in such a relationship takes place without much worries and conflicts.

Authoritarian parents demand unquestioning obedience from a teenager and do not believe that they should explain to him the reasons for their instructions and prohibitions. They tightly control all spheres of life, and they can do it and not quite correctly. Children in such families usually become isolated, and their communication with their parents is disrupted. Some adolescents go into conflict, but more often the children of authoritarian parents adapt to the style of family relationships and become insecure and less independent.

The situation is complicated if high exactingness and control are combined with an emotionally cold, rejecting attitude towards the child. A complete loss of contact is inevitable here. An even worse case is indifferent and cruel parents. Children from such families rarely relate to people with trust, experience difficulties in communication, are often cruel themselves, although they have a strong need for love.

The combination of an indifferent parental attitude with a lack of control - hypothyroidism - is also an unfavorable variant of family relations. Teenagers are allowed to do whatever they want, no one is interested in their affairs. Behavior becomes out of control. And adolescents, no matter how they sometimes rebel, need parents as a support, they must see a model of adult, responsible behavior, which could be guided by.

Overprotection - excessive care for the child, excessive control over his entire life, based on close emotional contact, - leads to passivity, lack of independence, difficulties in communicating with peers.

Difficulties also arise when the parents' expectations are high, which the child is unable to justify. With parents who have inadequate expectations, spiritual intimacy is usually lost during adolescence. The teenager wants to decide for himself what he needs, and rebelles, rejecting requirements alien to him.

The dependence of relationships on the feelings of parents for the child and the peculiarities of control over his behavior

family education self-esteem psychological

Conflicts arise when parents treat a teenager as a small child and when demands are inconsistent, when he is expected to be either childish obedience or adult independence. Often the source of conflict is the appearance of the adolescent. Parents are not satisfied with either fashion or prices for things that their child needs so much. And a teenager, considering himself a unique person, at the same time strives to be no different from his peers. A stumbling block in many families can be the question: until what time can a teenager walk in the evening? Or parents think that it is too early for a girl to meet a boy, etc. the easy vulnerability of this "adult" child requires a patient explanation from the parents. But in no case lectures and lectures! The teenager wants adults to consider his opinion, respect his views. Treating yourself as a little one will offend a teenager. That is why petty custody and excessive control are unacceptable on the part of the parents. Words of persuasion, advice, or requests that parents use on an equal footing with a teenager are more effective.

There are 4 ways to support conflict situations:

Avoiding the problem (purely business communication)

Peace at any cost (for an adult relationship with a child is the most precious thing). By turning a blind eye to negative actions, an adult does not help a teenager, but, on the contrary, encourages negative forms of behavior in a child.

Victory at any cost (an adult strives to win, trying to suppress unnecessary forms of child behavior. If he loses in one, he will strive to win in another. This situation is endless.

Productive (compromise option). This option assumes a partial victory in both camps. It is imperative to go towards this together, i.e. this should be the result of a joint decision.

In adolescence, intimate and personal communication is very important. Trust, respect, understanding, love - what should be present in relationships with parents

To achieve educational goals in the family, parents turn to various means of influence: they encourage and punish the child, strive to become a model for him. As a result of the judicious use of rewards, the development of children as a person can be accelerated and made more successful than with the use of prohibitions and punishments. If, nevertheless, there is a need for punishments, then in order to enhance the educational effect of punishments, if possible, they should follow directly the offense that deserves them. The punishment should be fair, but not cruel. Very harsh punishment can make the child fearful or angry. Punishment is more effective if the offense for which he is punished is reasonably explained to him. Any physical impact forms in the child the belief that he, too, will be able to act by force when something does not suit him.

With the advent of a second child, the privileges of an older sibling are usually limited. The older child is now forced, and often unsuccessfully, to regain parental attention, which is more usually directed to younger children.

Specific conditions for upbringing are formed in the so-called incomplete family, where one of the parents is absent. Boys are much more acute than girls in their perception of the absence of a father in the family; without fathers, they are often cocky and restless.

Family breakdown has a negative impact on the relationship between parents and children, especially between mothers and sons. Due to the fact that parents themselves experience mental imbalance, they usually lack the strength to help children cope with the problems that have arisen just at that moment in life when they especially need their love and support.

After the parents divorce, boys often become uncontrollable, lose self-control, and at the same time exhibit overestimated anxiety. These characteristic features of behavior are especially noticeable during the first months of life after divorce, and by two years after it they have smoothed out. The same pattern, but with less pronounced negative symptoms, is observed in the behavior of girls after their parents divorced.

Thus, in order to maximize the positive and minimize the negative influence of the family on the upbringing of the child, it is necessary to remember the intrafamily psychological factors that have educational value:

Take an active part in family life;

Always take time to talk to your child;

Take an interest in the child's problems, delve into all the difficulties that arise in his life and help develop his skills and talents;

Do not exert any pressure on the child, thereby helping him to make decisions on his own;

Have an understanding of the different stages in a child's life;

Respect the child's right to their own opinion;

To be able to restrain possessive instincts and treat the child as an equal partner who simply has less life experience so far;

Respect for the aspirations of all other family members to pursue a career and improve themselves.

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