Relationships are complicated things. They cannot always be smooth, understandable, simple. Life circumstances change, people themselves change over time, and along with this, relationships between people also change.
There are probably moments in the life of every couple when living together seems absolutely meaningless. People suddenly realize that they are missing something important.
Doubts arise whether he is wasting time by staying close to his partner. But a long-term relationship is also the result of serious work, so only a few decide to cut from the shoulder in such a situation.
Many people prefer a method of temporary separation, which has become known as a pause in the relationship.
Today such pauses are not uncommon. They are often resorted to by people who are in long-term relationships and want to understand their own feelings a little.
Usually this decision is caused by a lack of mutual understanding in a couple, frequent quarrels, disagreements that have arisen over time, etc.
Temporary separation is one way to determine what the future of this couple will be, and whether there will be one at all. By taking a break, partners get the opportunity to check their feelings, understand themselves, without losing their previous relationship forever.
This is a good way to find a way out of a crisis or end a relationship less painfully.
In this article we will tell you what a pause in a relationship is, what leads to the need for a temporary separation, and how it can end.
Why do people decide to break up temporarily?
This phenomenon has long been studied in detail by professional psychologists who work in the field of personal psychology.
The main reason that leads to the decision to temporarily separate is that the partners realized that they were at an impasse. Moreover, they suddenly realize that they are experiencing alienation, and the former warmth has gone somewhere.
In this state, people want to find themselves in a different situation, to feel their own individuality, separateness from their partner. And this is not surprising, considering that the presence of a partner nearby has ceased to be a source of joy and comfort.
A pause in a relationship has the advantage of not always implying that the story will end with a final breakup. Nevertheless, quite often the pauses drag on and gradually develop into the end of the relationship.
Someone will say that if people love each other, then they don’t need any pauses, because those who love feel good together. This means that all these pauses are just one way to gently hint to your partner that the need for him has disappeared forever, and the feelings have faded away.
But life is much more complex and multifaceted. Every couple can experience crises, and this does not mean at all that feelings in this union no longer live.
At the root of such problems lie, as a rule, various circumstances that did not allow a couple or an individual partner to realize any goals or fulfill a life plan.
Despite the fact that everyone understands that life is often unpredictable, few are willing to accept the collapse of their own hopes due to starting a family.
But among the most basic factors that can lead to alienation in a union, psychologists name:
- Lack of romance. Almost all couples who are in long-term unions face this problem. It may seem that romantic nonsense is not the foundation required for a happy marriage. But without passion, without romance, without courtship and without beauty, it is impossible to maintain a harmonious relationship between the sexes. Unfortunately, after the candy-bouquet period, the romance in the couple gradually fades away. It is replaced by a dull life, life turns into “Groundhog Day”. And living in such circumstances is quite difficult. Therefore, sooner or later, monotony will bring one of the partners or both to the extreme point. A couple or one partner will decide to separate. In this situation, a temporary separation will help to take a break from each other, from everyday life, from the usual course of life. If mutual feelings are still alive in the couple, then such a measure may well save the union and refresh it.
- Lack of confidence in your partner. Complete trust in a couple - very rare, despite the fact that harmonious and healthy relationships can only be built on the foundation of mutual trust. Often one of the partners considers the other to be flighty, sometimes with good reason. As a result, the level of trust in an unreliable partner decreases, becoming lower and lower over time. A state of constant tension, worry, fear, uncertainty - all these negative feelings can ultimately lead to the first partner deciding to break up, because it will be vital for him to get rid of this negative burden and free himself from mistrust. But even in this situation, a temporary separation does not mean a complete break. Perhaps the partners just need a break from each other.
- Constant scandals. Quarrel in family life cannot be avoided, but in some couples they become an integral part of life. Moreover, each time the showdown becomes louder, brighter, more hysterical. If one of the couple has a temperament prone to conflict, and the other does not, then over time the first will mortally tire the second with his constant desire to quarrel. As a result, the second member of the couple will need a pause in the relationship in order to free themselves from the constant oppression of aggression. Quite often in such situations the pause turns into a complete break.
- Treason. This event is difficult for every couple. And not all partners are able to cope with their own feelings and solve the problem quickly and competently. Being angry and resentful, a person can make the wrong decision. Therefore, in such a situation, it would be quite reasonable to take a break from the relationship to calm down, come to your senses, check your partner and his ability to keep his word, and also decide whether you can forgive him. Often, when cheating, pauses drag on, since it can be difficult for the injured party to make a final decision in favor of maintaining or ending the relationship.
- Affairs on the side. A pause in a relationship is not always used for noble purposes. Often they hide behind it in order to try a relationship with another person whom they have liked for a long time. In this case, the person does not risk anything, because if the new relationship does not work out, he will be able to return to the previous one. But if the second member of the couple finds out that his partner has already started a new affair, then he may follow his example, and then the situation will become even more complicated.
- Severe stress. Despite the fact that it is customary for couples to help each other, in some situations a person just needs to be alone. Certain types of stress can be so severe that no amount of persuasion and support will help you get back to normal. On the contrary, the participation of another person irritates and causes aggression. In such circumstances, a break in the relationship is initiated by the partner who is in a state of stress, because he needs to solve the problems that have arisen in a calm environment, alone with himself, to experience grief or simply cope with an emotional upheaval. After this, he will be able to return to the family and continue normal communication with his partner.
- Lack of confidence in feelings. This is also a fairly common reason for breaks in relationships. Over time, people stop noticing the feelings that were previously in the couple. And both from the partner’s side and from one’s own. As a result, people wonder if these feelings exist at all? Perhaps everything has long been overgrown with cobwebs, and we are together only out of habit? To test their own relationships and return passion to them, people decide to take a break.
In most cases in which a decision is made to break a relationship, there is a real threat of its complete termination.
Therefore, you should not take this method of regulating relationships in a couple lightly. After all, the consequences can be unpredictable. It is quite easy to destroy an alliance, but it is almost impossible to gain the trust of a partner again.
What is a pause in a relationship, and how does it happen?
Each couple decides for themselves what form their break in the relationship will take. But There are several basic forms that are used most often:
- Examination. In this case, one of the partners decides to take a break in the relationship solely in order to check whether his partner will remain faithful, get bored and worry if left alone? They think it's The best way understand whether the partner is serious about them, and what kind of future they might have as a couple. Unfortunately, predicting the results of such a test can be quite difficult.
- Forced pause. This is perhaps the most rational and expedient type of pause in pairs. They resort to it when a serious conflict occurs in a couple. It is much easier to think about the situation, assess the situation, draw the right conclusions and make the right decision after emotions calm down and anger, resentment and other negative feelings subside. And this will happen much faster if the source and cause of these emotions and feelings are not nearby. In a hot head, you can decide a lot of things wrong, breaking relationships that could have been successfully established. A pause allows you to look at the situation from a slightly different angle.
- Step of desperation. This type of pause is often provoked by infidelity. This is a rather hasty decision, caused by the desire to never see or be around the cheater. However, often such pauses are beneficial for the couple, as they allow them to think alone about solving the problem that has arisen and evaluate own wish and the opportunity to forgive a partner.
- Protest. This type represents a demonstrative departure of one of the partners, the purpose of which is the desire to show the very ability to leave without regret. At the same time, the leaving partner hopes that they will catch up with him and beg him to return. But his expectations are not always met. Therefore, you should not play on the feelings of other people and resort to cheap manipulation when it comes to your relationships.
Do not forget that relationships do not always recover successfully after a break. Consider whether you are ready for such an outcome when deciding that you need a break in the relationship.
Read below on how to behave with your partner during such a break in order to improve rather than ruin the relationship.
Taking a break from a relationship according to the rules
For many people, a partner's proposal for a break can come as a complete surprise. After all, they simply have no idea what it is, what their relationship will be like, what will happen next.
Therefore, temporary separation also requires some preparation. Otherwise, if your partner is not ready for a pause, but you insist, it will most likely end in a breakup and severe resentment.
The first thing to consider is the gender of your partner. In the issue of temporary separation, a huge role is played by which partner initiates it. After all, men and women have completely different reactions to the same life events.
Temporary separation initiated by a man
Men are more likely to end long-term relationships. Even the initiators of temporary breaks are more often representatives of the stronger sex.
Women tend to value more what has been built over the years. At the same time, the man seeks to directly or indirectly place responsibility for what is happening on the side of his partner.
For men, thoughts about ending a relationship forever or temporarily arise quite often. Most often, the reason for this is a common misunderstanding, a reluctance to understand your partner, as well as women’s demands, which from the male side look like whims.
If a man notices real problems in the relationship, but seeks to maintain the union through a temporary break, then he needs to optimal shape convey to the woman your opinion that they need a break in the relationship. How should a man behave in this situation:
- Analyze the relationship. It is necessary to admit that a man’s attitude towards his chosen one has changed, and to understand what exactly led to this change. If the reason was some kind of misconduct by a woman, and it is quite serious, then a pause is really necessary so as not to escalate the situation and not bring the union to complete disintegration. All this needs to be explained to the woman in an accessible form, so that she also understands the need for a temporary break.
- Set priorities. Typically, men experience a temporary breakup more easily, especially if it was initiated by them. But in such a situation, you need to pay maximum attention to the woman’s condition. We need to convince her that this is not the end of the relationship, but a reboot. But if after some time a man realizes that he has completely cooled down to his former passion, then he will need to immediately inform her about this so as not to give false hope.
- Determining the timing of the break. It is very important for a woman to know exactly what period a man means when he proposes to separate temporarily. This will make it easier for her to pass this test. However, the certainty of the terms of separation does not guarantee that the woman will not decide to completely end the relationship even before its expiration.
Temporary separation initiated by a woman
A pause in a relationship initiated by a girl is quite rare. But at the same time, such decisions are more justified than those initiated by a man, because women feel relationships much more subtly and know when it’s time for them to shake things up.
But when announcing their decision to their partner, girls also need to follow certain rules:
- Preparation. You cannot dump this decision on your partner suddenly and in the form of an ultimatum. You need to start from afar, gradually explaining what is wrong in the relationship and what needs to be done in order to bring it back to normal. It would be nice to give an example from life when a temporary break only benefited the couple.
- Choose the right moment. There is no need to “finish off” your man with the news of your decision when he has problems at work or personal troubles, or even just Bad mood. This attitude will not play in your favor, demonstrating your disregard for your partner. Perhaps in the future he will decide that he also needs to treat you more coldly, and agree to restore the relationship only under this condition.
- Choose the right words. The information must be provided comprehensive, complete and understandable. But it must be provided in a kind and gentle voice, without shouting, without tension. At the same time, your partner should not have any erroneous illusions about your current situation. But I must understand what decision you made.
Behavior of partners during a temporary break
In order for both partners to feel more or less comfortable in new circumstances, the following recommendations must be adhered to:
- Eliminate pressure. After the partners have discussed the decision to temporarily separate, it is important that they share their feelings on this matter in a discreet manner, but do not torment each other with constant confessions, phone calls, and messages. All pressure on each other must be eliminated. Otherwise, a temporary break will not have any effect, but will only speed up the separation process;
- Do not use unethical practices. These include various types of manipulation: intimidation, refusal to communicate with children, conversations about suicide, etc.
- Communication from time to time. Partners should not completely exclude each other from their lives. Rare communication is necessary so as not to forget each other. But it must take place in a friendly and conflict-free manner;
The relationship between a man and a woman, no matter how the skeptics may treat it, is often effectively built according to the signs of the Zodiac.…
Everything was great: he said that he loved you, that he didn’t need anyone else... You were talking about how many children you would have, and where you would spend your honeymoon... So to speak, nothing foreshadowed trouble, and you were in seventh heaven from happiness. But suddenly he said that you need to take a break in the relationship - these words were like a bolt from the blue! What do these words mean, and how to behave now?
Let's think rationally
So, the first thing you need to do after such news is to pull yourself together and not give in to panic. Don’t even think about crying, falling at his feet, or, even worse, demanding explanations or reasons for such behavior from him. Just smile and agree, and best of all, if you are a few steps ahead, and in response to his statement you will say that he is absolutely right, and you yourself have thought about it.
Now, when you return home, don’t throw yourself on the pillow and shed tears, as they say, this won’t help matters. Better make yourself some tea with mint and linden and think about what happened after all?
In such complex issue It’s best to trust the experts and listen to what they think about this.
So, let's turn to experts in the field of personal psychology and here's what they say about this: a man who suggested taking a break in a relationship is a weak-willed, spineless creature who cannot accept on his own important decision, placing everything on your fragile shoulders.
There is no need to console yourself with empty hopes: a pause in a relationship is also a separation, no more, no less.
It’s just that your young man is so spineless that he can’t tell you this to your face, because he’s afraid of a debriefing and a showdown. That’s why he found a way out, saying that you need a pause in the relationship - after all, this is, as it were, not a break, but not a couple either. And he did all this in the hope that you would be the first to freak out and leave him - in that case, he would generally come out of the water dry and good - he didn’t leave you, did he? Now think about whether you should be upset and worried about a guy who can’t even make a decision on his own!
Why did he do this?
Yes, you can rack your brain and scroll through the options for why he did this ad infinitum. Only he knows the truth, but you, in fact, don’t need it. Of course, you can analyze his behavior, who knows, maybe you will get to the bottom of the truth, but the fact remains: he abandoned you.
Now it is very important to maintain emotional and mental peace. And this can only be done if you recognize this fact, do not deny it and come to terms with the fact that now you are alone. Puzzling over the question of why he did this, and what was wrong with you, you will get absolutely nothing but your frayed nerves and eyes swollen from tears.
In fact, now you will find yourself at a crossroads, like in that fairy tale, where in the middle there will be a stone with sentences. Let's take a look possible ways, as well as the consequences that will arise later:
1. You will keep a pause in the relationship, in the hope that he will return to you, and everything will be as before - the stupidest decision. Firstly, it will never be the same as before, because he wanted to break up with you, and you will never forget this. And, secondly, even if he has some fun and returns, what confidence is there that he will not do this again?
2. He returns with declarations of love, with words of repentance, and you forgive him. Perfect solution, but what awaits you next? You already know that this person is not capable of making serious decisions, and is also not consistent in his choices. And also, think about it, now he can sit on your neck. And what? After all, you forgave his weakness once, which means you will forgive him again and again. But he won’t take you seriously, because he will think that you won’t be able to live without him and will do anything to have him around. Rest assured, such relationships have no future.
3. You are starting a new and happy life, but without this person. This means that as soon as he suggested that you take a break in the relationship, you can safely turn your attention to the rest of the stronger sex. And if suddenly his friends see you arm in arm with a new young man, that’s even better, let him see that a holy place is never empty. Oh yes, don’t forget, after you stop getting upset and pull yourself together, tell him that you no longer need a break, since you’re breaking up.
There is always a second side to the coin
Of course, it will be difficult for you to get over the breakup, but in this case It is best to turn to the old and wise proverb, which says that “everything that is not done is done for the better.” And this is really so, even if you don’t believe it now.
And one more thing, the light did not fall like a wedge on this guy. It is quite possible that fate deliberately upset your union so that you would meet a real man who could make you happy.
Just imagine what horizons are now opening up for you: you can go wherever you want, and no one will make scenes of jealousy for you, you can return home in the morning from a nightclub, and also go on new dates every day. The main thing is not to close yourself off, don’t develop complexes, and throw out of your head the negative thoughts that prevent you from living happily.
So, let's summarize all of the above. Let's start with what a pause in a relationship really is. This means that it’s far from a pause, but a real break, just for your young man I don't have the courage to admit it.
If your relationship is over, this does not mean at all that you are somehow different, that the reason is in you, and you are not worthy of a happy relationship. The reason, after all, is in him, but not in you. And, lastly, don’t wait for him to break off the relationship, do it yourself and start a new happy life. Be happy!
How to take a break in a relationship and how to behave
Taking a break in a relationship is often the only right decision for two people. The main thing is not to turn the break into torture sleepless nights and endless torment. A competent taut-out will help put everything in its place and will not cause additional discord between loving people. Is it necessary to take a break in a relationship and how to behave during this period?1. Don’t part with your loved ones?
2. The obvious is probably
3. Pause is a lifeline
4. Work on mistakes
5. Rules and taboos for time out
Not to part with your loved ones?
It has been proven that even the strongest couples experience difficult periods. But some families “gently” move to a new stage of relationships, while others break up with loud scandals and secure each other’s status as enemies. The surprising thing is that after stormy breakups, for many, love does not disappear, but turns into torment and doubt. But...the dots have been drawn, conclusions have been drawn, and pride forbids showing weakness. Alas, an illiterate time-out in a relationship often becomes the beginning of the end.
It happens differently. In an effort to maintain the union, the halves try their best to please each other and try to avoid conflicts. Outwardly, everything looks perfect, but internal tension gradually grows and one day spills out. The ending may be unpredictable.
The obvious is probably
Psychologists say: sometimes taking a break in a relationship is not just necessary, but extremely important! But such a decision should not be spontaneous, but mutually meaningful.To begin with, you should accept the fact that all couples experience crises of “varying degrees of severity.” In the list of dangerous periods:
First year of relationship. At this time, loving people adapt to each other, their partners (and themselves) recognize themselves from new angles. Not everyone passes the test of everyday life.
Birth of a child. It would seem that the happiest stage in family life for many turns into quarrels, scandals, and reproaches. A constantly tired wife requires help, her husband lacks attention.
Crisis 15 years. Spouses usually come to him as a full-fledged family with a “baggage” of skills, an established life and... some cooling off, bordering on habit.
Add here financial difficulties, lack of your own home, fleeting connections - and dozens of reasons for separation appear.
Is a pause a lifeline?
In most cases, yes.
A time-out in a relationship helps you cool down, look at thrown phrases from a different angle, think about the situation and draw the right conclusions.But under no circumstances should you engage in self-flagellation or look for new reasons to accuse your partner! Otherwise, the pause will quickly develop from a lifeline into a new ball of resentment with mutual accusations.
A break in a relationship is useful in the following cases:
You need to understand yourself. Living with another person, we often put our goals in the background and after some time we stop seeing a complete picture of the future. This is a crisis of self-determination, which young families usually face before the birth of children.
There are doubts. They may concern the choice of a partner, a possible loss of freedom, an open relationship with another person... To dispel them, time, distance from the object of passion and a cold mind are needed.
Feelings have lost their sharpness. Ups and downs are natural companions of any relationship. But if for a long period people are absolutely indifferent to each other and experience irritation, it is better to live separately for a while and understand whether this is a temporary phenomenon or the beginning of an inevitable end.
Many people are subconsciously afraid of a time-out, have no idea how to survive a pause in a relationship, and are wary of a final break. But statistics say: after meaningful breaks, most couples maintain their union.
Work on mistakes
The hardest thing is to keep your mind cool when emotions reach their peak. However, without this, it is unlikely that you will be able to “settle” the situation and understand yourself. There are many questions to be answered, and the main thing will not be “Who is to blame?”, but “What to do?”
Before blaming your partner for everything, you should analyze your words and actions. If you are not sure that you can cope on your own, contact a psychologist.
It is important to know: women and men react differently to crises in the family. Representatives of the fair sex prefer to resolve issues at the negotiating table; their partners most often withdraw into themselves and deny any attempts to get through to the truth. Putting pressure on a man and trying to squeeze answers out of him is pointless. It is more correct to wait until he is “ripe” for communication. Raising your voice, reproaches, constant questions are the worst enemies on the path to reconciliation. The main task of partners is to express their thoughts and listen carefully to each other.
Rules and taboos for time out
Many couples “scatter” precisely because they do not know how to keep a break in the relationship. In order not to provoke a new round of showdown, initially discuss the “rules” of time-out with your partner:
Explain the reasons and importance of such a step,
install approximate time pauses,
Choose a time to talk on the phone.
No matter how difficult it may be to adhere to these rules, you will have to do it. This will show mutual respect for each other. The first few days you will have to fight the irresistible urge to call.This is especially true for women who are used to taking care of their boyfriend (husband) or want to control their other halves. Outbursts of jealousy on both sides are possible.
How to take a break in a relationship with a man or woman? Often this question turns out to be overwhelming for loving people. A psychologist will help you get through a difficult period painlessly, who will understand the reasons for what is happening and propose the optimal “plan of action” to overcome the crisis.
80% of couples believe that a break in a relationship is extremely necessary, as it makes it clear where to move next. 30% are inclined to think that the pause may end in a break. What to do?
Psychologist Ksenia Gorchakova told me whether it is necessary to separate for a while and who is suitable for this method of resolving family problems:
There are many ways to spice up a relationship, taking a break or breaking up is one of them. This method may suit some couples, but not so much for others. It all depends on how long this pause is, how complex and confusing the relationship is, whether there are children and other subtle moments.
One of my clients separated from her husband when they had a crisis in their relationship. They lived separately for some time, but met regularly. She says it was like a second honeymoon. After some time, they started living as one family again, and lived together for several more years. But the underlying problem in their relationship did not go away; separation alone could not solve it. Therefore, they still decided to divorce.
What does distance give to a couple?
At a distance, it is easier to discover what a relationship gives and what you lose when that person is far away. Some things that seem self-evident, such as care, intimate conversations or heated quarrels, a feeling of closeness and warmth, acquire special value at a distance. It’s like air that you don’t notice while it’s around you, but as soon as you lose it even for a short while, you begin to suffocate and acutely feel its lack.
The sweet and beautiful illusion that loved ones can be together all the time and will be happy at the same time, unfortunately or fortunately, is far from reality. Even a loved one and good man happens a lot. It’s good if you have the ability to notice yourself, your needs and desires while staying close to others, but often this can be difficult. And then distance can help you see that I am not he or she, that we have a lot in common and unite, but there are also differences, something that makes us different, but at the same time interesting to each other. Or, conversely, in moments of crisis, when it seems that there is nothing in common and it is impossible to understand each other, distance will help you see these unifying things, see how they are similar and what is worth preserving.
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What problems will a pause not solve in a couple?
A pause is unlikely to help solve those problems in relationships that are associated with ambiguity, where it is necessary to talk to each other and agree, share what is important and what is missing, see and hear each other. From a distance, you can realize what the difficulty is and roughly imagine how you can try to solve it, but you can solve and negotiate only by remaining in contact with a significant other.
Are there couples who just need a break?
Small pauses are especially needed in long-term relationships in which people have been around too much. for a long time, and may have lost that sense of freshness and novelty that is just as important as stability and predictability. Sometimes, to add freshness to a relationship, you need to lose it. At least for a little while. It’s such a wonderful meeting when you have time to get bored. And a familiar and familiar person seems to be a little stranger, a little different, and this, among other things, allows you to maintain your partner’s sexual attractiveness and heightens the perception of his or her attractiveness.
It is important to understand that parting is not a panacea, it will most likely reveal and make more prominent what is in the relationship at the moment and what is not. And this is precisely why a pause is useful and necessary when the situation seems deadlocked. But looking for ways out of it, discussing ways to get what is missing or how to build relationships further is definitely better in dialogue. A pause in a relationship can be used as a litmus test, a time out, a stimulator of the creative process, but not a cure for relationship problems.
When to take a break in a relationship:
- when it seems that you are lost in the relationship and no longer feel the difference between what you want and what he wants;
- when the relationship with your partner suddenly becomes boring and painful, although overall everything is fine and you are happy with a lot of things
- When sexual relations became more of a duty than a pleasure
- when you can’t see your partner behind scandals and insults
- when it seems that love has passed and will never return
- just to prevent burnout in relationships at a certain frequency that is comfortable for both partners
Read also:
What could be the distance?
It all depends on the characteristics of your relationship. For some, spending one weekend with a friend is enough to miss their loved one, but for others, even six months is not enough.
True, if the pauses are too long, then this is fraught with other difficulties. One of my clients’ husbands regularly went on business trips and spent several months away from home. During these periods, their love was especially tender and ardent. But as soon as he stayed at home longer, their relationship deteriorated, they began to hate each other and argue.
After all, at a distance you are no longer dealing so much with real person, as much as with memories of him, or fantasies about him, or with some idealized idea of him. And this fantasy often turns out to be better and more pleasant than the reality of living together, where there are scattered socks, snoring at night and fishing on weekends. It is much easier to love an idealized image than a living person. And it’s easier to communicate with him and control this image than a real partner. And this is the danger of a pause and its disadvantage.
The union of each couple undergoes not only periods of boundless happiness, mutual understanding and love. At a certain stage, discontent, conflicts, and grievances arise. There comes a time when you need to make a decision about future fate: struggle with difficulties and move on or separate. But some couples choose the third option, which seems more humane and simpler - a break in the relationship.
But before you decide on it, you should be prepared for the most different results. For some partners, a temporary break from each other will help refresh old feelings and rekindle passions, while for others it will be the beginning of the end.
When can a couple decide to take a break?
Frequent conflicts
Happens in every couple. Constant quarrels require a lot of mental strength. If relationships are heated to the limit, and conflicts arise out of the blue, it is necessary to look for the cause of the current situation. You cannot live in constant negativity and confrontation. It kills feelings and alienates people from each other.
Sexual and emotional satiety
If a man and a woman become bored with each other at home and in bed, if there are no common interests and goals, this is one of the reasons for separation. Relationships that rely solely on sex cannot last long. Gradually, passions subside, and the unknown and alluring becomes ordinary and dull. Only real feelings can save the situation. Sometimes a temporary break is required to test their strength.
If you want to end the relationship
Many psychologists agree that proposals for a temporary break are made by people who have a subconscious or conscious desire to separate. They are either afraid to say it directly, or reserve the right to think in private about the correctness of their decision. The gradual demise of a relationship is perhaps the most painless breakup.
How can taking a break from a relationship help?
How do you understand what you love? Separate for a while. It’s not for nothing that they say that parting is for love like the wind for a fire: it will fan the strong one, and extinguish the weak one. When you miss and think about a person, you realize how dear and loved he is.
Temporary separation can relieve accumulated tension and fatigue. Seething emotions - no best helper in clarifying relationships and resolving conflicts. Sometimes, left alone, the understanding comes that existing problems are insignificant, and there are simply no reasons for quarrels and disputes. There is an opportunity to realize your mistakes and find compromises.
Why is a break in a relationship dangerous?
A timeout doesn't help solve the problem. It is rather used to avoid difficulties and refuse to work on oneself. It seems that by breaking up for a while, conflicts will disappear, and the relationship will begin with a clean slate. But that's not true. If there is a problem, it needs to be solved. If the partners or one of them does not want to change, then a temporary separation will only act as a catalyst for a breakup.
Perhaps the most difficult and unpleasant situation arises when one, overestimating own feelings, decides to return to the couple, and the other has decided to separate. What to do in this case? No one has control over another person's feelings and desires. Persuasion, persuasion and threats will not return the relationship to its former harmony and romance. Of course, you can’t set yourself up for negativity in advance, but you always need to know that life goes on. And everything that happens is just a step forward, for the better.
How to organize a time-out correctly
Having decided to take a break from each other and put your thoughts and feelings in order, it is very important to determine the rules of the break. It is necessary to discuss with your partner the boundaries of what is permitted in order to avoid unpleasant surprises and misunderstandings. In general, conversations are beneficial to any relationship, and their absence is the main one. It is worth clarifying the following points:
- Timeout time frames. Usually two to three weeks are sufficient. This is the optimal period to rethink the value of relationships. A longer separation with insufficient strength of feelings will increase the cooling that has arisen between a man and a woman.
- Features of communication. Is it possible to call and write to each other during a break, and if so, how often? The most effective would be a break with complete exclusion of contacts, but each couple chooses the conditions that are convenient for themselves.
- Relationships with the opposite sex. Is it possible to meet other people? What boundaries should not be crossed in relations with them? Some couples break up temporarily and allow each other to live full lives with absolutely no restrictions. But then it’s worth thinking about. If your partner desires intimacy with another person, isn't that a clear signal?
Sometimes a short separation occurs on its own. This could be a separate vacation, or the need to go to relatives for a while. This opportunity to be alone, but remaining in a relationship, allows you to think and reevaluate a lot. At the same time, the feelings of the other partner will not be hurt by the phrase “we need a break from each other.”
If you are looking for an excuse to break up, it is better to directly tell your partner about it. There is no need to entertain him with illusions about a future together. If you need time to think, put your thoughts and feelings in order, take a time out. But do not forget to discuss the conditions of the break down to the smallest detail.
Unfortunately, most breaks in relationships end in breakup. But there are also exceptions. Love, mutual respect and understanding will allow you to cope with any difficulties and trials that arise in the life of a couple. If people value each other, they don't need a break to realize it.
