More and more people are experiencing symptoms of attention deficit disorder, and the lack of Internet on a trip or a long queue can seem like a disaster to many. It is common to blame the modern pace of life and digital technologies for everything - but not all scientists believe that only smartphones, social networks and free TV series prevent us from showing the wonders of concentration and introspection. Perhaps a person is naturally bored with himself? The Atlantic magazine published an interesting article about new psychological research. T&P translated the main points.
Life offers us many challenges, and trying to entertain yourself for a few minutes only with the help of your own thoughts, at first glance, seems to be one of the simplest tasks. You can refer to a favorite childhood memory, make a list of plans for the weekend, or try to solve one of your work problems. But it turns out that people find this task incredibly difficult. And according to a new study, they are willing to resort to electric shocks to get some entertainment.
“We, like everyone else, have noticed how connected people are to modern technology, and noticed that they seem to avoid keeping themselves busy with their own thoughts,” said study leader Timothy Wilson of the University of Virginia. “And we wondered whether this phenomenon said something fundamental about the human ability to entertain ourselves.” A person has a huge brain, full of pleasant memories and the ability to generate fantasies - it’s hard to imagine that spending a few minutes alone with oneself could be so difficult.”
A person has a huge brain, full of pleasant memories and the ability to generate fantasies - it’s hard to imagine that spending a few minutes alone with oneself could be so difficult
The team conducted 11 experiments, most of which asked participants to remove distractions and entertain themselves only by thinking for 6 to 15 minutes. After the first six studies, 58% of participants rated the difficulty of the task as average or above average, and 42% admitted that their level of enjoyment from this pastime was below average. In the seventh study, participants completed the task at home, and 32% admitted to cheating by using their cell phones, listening to music, or doing something else. They rated the task as much less enjoyable compared to other activities such as reading magazines or solving crossword puzzles.
In the most surprising study, participants were given the opportunity to voluntarily give themselves electric shocks during a “thinking period.” Before starting the experiment, they could try the device to see how painful the electric shock would be. And yet, even among those who said they would pay to never have an electric shock again, a quarter of women and two-thirds of men used it when alone with their own thoughts (one participant pressed the button 190 times in 15 minutes).
Why is it so difficult to entertain yourself? Perhaps the participants simply could not decide in which direction to direct their thoughts? No. In several studies, subjects were given topics to fantasize about, but this had no effect on their ratings of the difficulty or enjoyment of the task.
Perhaps modern technology is destroying our brains? No. Pleasure has nothing to do with the era of smartphones and social media. Wilson believes that technology use is more a symptom than a cause of our inability to entertain ourselves. He proposed the "scanner hypothesis": mammals have evolved to scan their environment for dangers and opportunities, so focusing deeply on the internal world for a few minutes does not come very naturally to them.
To confirm this hypothesis, Wilson and his colleagues gave some of their subjects a very small distraction - a rubber band to fiddle with. In other experiments, they allowed some participants to watch a computer screen on which messages occasionally flashed. Compared to “pure” experiments, the results here turned out to be more confusing - sometimes such tasks brought more pleasure, sometimes less, sometimes exactly the same. Despite the fact that the researchers did not receive convincing evidence of the hypothesis, Wilson said that he is confident that it is correct.
Perhaps some practice can make it easier to be alone with your thoughts. Scientists have found little correlation between meditation experience and the ability to entertain yourself. Perhaps one of the benefits of meditation is that it teaches us to control our thoughts.
We are afraid of boredom. We don't like to be bored in conversation, but we don't want to bore others even more.
Users of the Quora site tried to find out what exactly makes a person boring, and this is what they came up with describing what character traits and habits of boring people.
Boring people don't know how to have a conversation
Psychologists often compare conversation to a game of tennis: all participants must both serve and receive hits (in this case, topics and ideas). Instead of finding balance in their conversation, boring people either only talk or only listen.
It is difficult for them to determine the interest of the interlocutor
A boring person is most likely not paying attention to the behavior and body language of their interlocutors. He misses those signals that indicate that the conversation has become one-sided.
What makes a person boring is constant chatter and ignoring signals that say (sometimes even shout) “I’m not interested in what you have to say, but I nod every few seconds just to be polite.”
They have a hard time making people laugh
A sense of humor cannot be imagined without a certain flexibility of mind, the ability to analyze an idea or event from many sides and perspectives. Boring people lack this skill.
Boring people are stuck in routine
If you have friends who go to the same club every weekend and get offended if you don't want to join because of, say, a trip to a museum, a trip to another city, or a quiet evening with a book or movie, then it's no surprise that you and these friends sometimes get bored.
A variety of events, activities, and new experiences help fill the conversation with stories, facts, and topics that everyone can relate to.
Boring people have nothing to add
There are two kinds of boring people - loud and quiet. The first believe that they are the most interesting people and everyone eagerly wants to know their opinion, which has already been expressed more than once. The latter usually sit on the sidelines and are confident that no one is interested in their opinion.
Neither usually has anything to add to the current conversation.
Boring people have no opinions of their own
If a person never critically examines and evaluates his thoughts, arguments and beliefs, then most likely his opinion is not able to evolve and develop.
People who don't see or don't want to look at what is outside their usual beliefs are boring. They can only repeat their narrow view of many topics day after day.
Boring people can't tell stories
To interest your interlocutor, it is important to be able to tell stories that are entertaining, educational and intriguing. This is what successful communication is all about. If a story doesn't excite or impress the storyteller, it won't impress the listeners.
To learn how to tell your own stories, it is important to be able to “pull” stories out of your interlocutors and be truly interested in them.
Boring people don't see things from other people's point of view
Boring people are usually those who are unable to put themselves in another person's shoes. That is why it is difficult for them to understand that a conversation can be conducted from the point of view of another person.
There is nothing to learn from boring people
The need for new knowledge, skills and fresh information is extremely important for people. This is an evolutionary necessity; it is not without reason that they say that “knowledge is power.”
If a person does not bring anything new into the conversation, he is not interesting to others.
Boring people don't care about the people they're talking to
For a harmonious and interesting conversation, it is important that all participants are interested and given the opportunity to express their opinions.
The inability to include other people in a conversation makes a person boring.
Some people dream of breaking out of their shell and becoming more interesting to themselves and to others. A non-boring person is friendly and active. In order to stop being a boring person, it is very important to have a sense of humor, as well as to be more active and open to others. Thanks to this, you can change your life for the better, expand the boundaries of your society and become a happy person.
Steps
In search of adventures
- Visit new neighborhoods and restaurants. You shouldn't visit the same place every day, as you're unlikely to learn anything new.
- Read about people who are different from you. These may be people of a different gender from a different country, region, ethnic group.
- Listen to music from different genres. Even if you don't always understand a particular genre of music at first, keep listening to it. Choose music that is listened to by people from different walks of life or who are different from you.
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Take up a new skill or find a new hobby. Learning a new skill or doing something you love can be rewarding. A new activity can become a topic for discussion with your acquaintances and friends. Others will see that you are an interesting person who is eager to learn something new.
- Your new hobby can also introduce you to people who are interested in the same things as you. For example, you can learn to play guitar with other people who may later become your friends.
- If you love to cook, cooking can be a great topic to discuss with other people. If a person shares your interests, then he will be interested in learning more about your hobby.
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Join an interesting club or group. You will always have an interesting topic to discuss if you take part in activities that are not related to your school or work life. This will show that you are interested in expanding social boundaries and do not want to limit yourself to only communicating with people who do the same thing as you.
Get creative with new experiences. Choose an exciting activity such as skydiving. Thanks to this, others will see that you are not afraid of difficulties, strive to comprehend something new and enjoy it.
Be interested in others
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Listen. If you talk to other people, it means that you listen to what they are telling you. Boring people don't listen. Instead, they just wait for the other person to shut up so they can speak for themselves; learn to listen to others. Thanks to this, your conversation can be called a dialogue rather than a monologue.
Share your opinion. Boring people tend to have no opinions or may be afraid to express them. If you speak your mind, others will see that the topic at hand is important to you and you want to contribute to the conversation.
- Even if you do not agree with the opinion of your interlocutor, show respect for him. Don't argue with him, but show that you are listening carefully and are ready to continue communication.
- When you express your opinion, you must evaluate the situation objectively. To do this, do not look at the problem one-sidedly. Otherwise, you will be considered an ignorant person.
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Enjoy being with other people. Look for opportunities to have a good time. Boring people tend to be introverted and afraid to do crazy things; Find ways to have fun with other people.
- If you have talents or abilities, demonstrate them. Of course, you should not strive to become the center of attention. However, there is nothing wrong with showing what you can do.
- Don't worry too much about what others think of you. If you act naturally, others are less likely to think of you as boring.
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Speak positively about your life. Boring people often speak negatively about their lives and work, while interesting people have a more positive outlook on life. Talk about what interests you, not what worries you.
- If you speak positively about your life, others will view you as an interesting and pleasant person. Show your passion without words.
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Allow others to demonstrate their strengths. Pay attention to other people's talents and abilities. When talking to people, talk about what interests them. This will prevent the conversation from revolving solely around you.
- Don't be an overconfident person. Don't worry about not being able to "keep up" with someone. If the focus is on another person, believe me, it doesn't make you a boring person.
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When communicating with others, do not forget to smile. A smile shows your positive attitude towards life, as well as your interest in friendships. If you have a sad or indifferent expression, others will likely perceive you as boring and uncaring.
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Show interest in a wide range of people, places and things. If you step out of your comfort zone of knowledge, you will learn a lot of new things. Boring people often have no interest in other people, so they are not fun to deal with.
Tearful despair is often observed by professional psychologists in their long-term practice, when girls attend a session with the words: “I’m boring, this worries my heart every day!” It would seem that they have found a problem for themselves, but the main thing here is the mental attitude, but no!
Awareness of the problem
For people who lack self-confidence, this is a series of everyday events that are no different, that do not impress and do not inspire active action. Thus, it is difficult to change first of all yourself, and therefore your life, because a boring person is a diagnosis. The good news is that everything can be fixed; when a person realizes that he has problems and it’s time to realize himself from within, the trend is favorable.
Basic specialist help
Before radically changing your lifestyle, psychologists advise performing an internal introspection, sorting out your desires and preferences, and understanding for yourself what kind of person you are. Subconsciously ask the question: “Why am I boring? Why can’t I be happy with myself in everyday life?” Another misconception is that girls believe that the root of evil lies in their lack of interest, which can manifest itself in awkward, incorrect opinions in communication with others. Self-criticism is useful, but in limited quantities; you shouldn’t flirt with it; tormenting the body with negative thoughts is fraught with long-term illnesses, both psychological and physical. Take yourself apart, not literally, of course, open up your possibilities. Remember that your “boringness” lies precisely in your hidden character; you are afraid to express yourself, to speak out, in order to avoid human condemnation. It is important to understand that you will not be crippled for your opinion and that your opinion has a well-deserved place in this world.
Knowing your personality
Understand your individuality, in fact, because self-knowledge can lead you into the secluded corners of your heart and amaze you with the unpredictability of the results. The idea that you are a boring girl will leave you completely as you explore your capabilities, talents and preferences. Try to create a list of what you have tried in life, for example, what places you have visited, what cuisine you have tasted, whether you have made important decisions that once changed your life. If you are not a ten-year-old child, then the list will be impressive; it is important to simply remember even the little things that are not clearly expressed. Highlight the points that are a priority among the rest, clap your hands for the work done, conclusions about yourself should come naturally, first of all, that you are not hopeless.
Unlocking possibilities, overcoming boundaries
If the thought “I’m boring” is still spinning in your head, despite completing the feats on the list, it’s time to resort to the unknown. Surely, desires have awakened that have not yet been encountered in your modest life: to learn basic sewing techniques, to move a brush on canvas, to make designer stocking dolls, to kick a ball on a football field, to learn the art of makeup. A million examples can be given of how one can develop in various directions if one wishes. As a rule, we build barriers ourselves, but there are no barriers to the beginning of personal development, even at retirement age.
Shock therapy, or unusual circumstances
“So what should I do if I’m boring and don’t notice interesting features in myself, despite the fact that throughout my life I’ve been engaged in different activities?” For such “blind” girls, individual advice is psychological shock therapy. Have you jumped with a parachute, scuba dived, swam with resourceful dolphins or, conversely, with bloodthirsty sharks, staged a fire show, shouted on a crowded street, how happy are you? No? Then what are we waiting for? Go ahead, towards extravagant actions that are not typical for you! Believe me, the sky-high adrenaline will do its significant job, cause a global storm of emotions, pleasant memories that will be enough to share with your loved ones and acquaintances, and there will be something to tell about to unfamiliar friends. You will undoubtedly feel how at this stage of development your individuality is revealed, and then you will want to continue again and again.
Professional growth is a consequence of a developing personality
Depressed clients visit psychologists when they think they have a boring job, what to do in this case? The answer is simpler than they think - it’s worth changing the place of your usual location. Deceived by their desires, even in their youth, teenagers place bets on their chosen specialization at an institute, technical school or any other educational institution. The problem lies in unformed views, immaturity of character, lack of experience, which entails the wrong choice of a profession in which it is quite possible to grow into a respectable employee, but at the same time you can actually become unhappy. According to deplorable statistics, 70-80% of people go to jobs they don’t like every day; naturally, most of them are not satisfied with their field of activity and do not achieve any results. Being happy is a multifaceted concept, everyone has their own happiness, but the priority is to find yourself, to find out what you really like. It’s never too late to know yourself, to realize yourself in other areas of life, perhaps your calling is to make children happy, organize special events, and meanwhile you are sitting in the office over dreary documents.
The impact of characteristic changes on personal life
A woman’s heart is created for love, affection, passionate relationships; for the sake of their loved one, girls are able to change, adapt, become better in all their manifestations in order to please their precious chosen one. There are not isolated cases when a girl at an appointment with a psychologist shares something unpleasant: “The other day I was on a date, everything seemed to be going well, but at the end of the evening the guy said that I was boring, and it’s unlikely that anything serious would work out between us.” ". Agree, it really affects self-esteem and makes you think about your own behavior. Females, by their strategic nature, are able to think through topics for conversation, seemingly relaxed gestures, and an attractive image before going to meet a man. But this is not enough to win the proper attention of a man; it is quite possible to confuse the tactics of behavior with a specific chosen one, because you do not know what exactly this handsome man wants. So that at the end of a promising evening you don’t sit with a questioning look: “Am I boring?” It is necessary throughout the entire period of conscious age to develop in all directions, to learn sciences that are not familiar to you, but interesting in their significance, to touch upon “male” topics: cars, fishing, sports, weapons, hunting. All-round development, even in small quantities, is useful for communicating with the opposite sex; interest only in female beauty and sex appeal is unlikely to last for a long time.
It's time to turn your inner world upside down
It is commendable when a person wants to change completely and completely, give up bad habits, change his style, create a certain creative image, even if not understandable to everyone, and at the same time attract immediate interest in his individuality, stop being boring and tedious. Extravagance is welcomed in such cases when you fundamentally want to change your life, change your type of activity, change your manner of communication, or show shocking expressions of feelings. The most important aspect is self-confidence, self-confidence, decisiveness in actions. Don’t be afraid to show dissatisfaction or, on the contrary, admiration; they will hear you, therefore, they will notice and will be obliged to listen in the future if you do not slow down your persistence in certain circumstances. The banal phrase “everything is in your hands” has a direct place in the life of any person, even the most inconspicuous and quiet one, who is also capable of turning the world upside down.
A fast path to a fulfilling life
If you decide to change, you are not going to stop at any difficulties, improve, develop, become attractive to most people, take a worthy position in society, then it is time to take several steps towards realizing hidden opportunities, talents and desires. Psychologists provide a modest list of sequential steps for self-improvement:
- Stop telling yourself, "I'm boring." Otherwise, you won’t be in an optimistic mood. It is known that lack of self-confidence gives rise to passivity and self-confidence in life.
- Look “into yourself” with the help of a mirror, study every feature of your face, the depth of your eyes, the thoughtfulness of your gaze, look for what you don’t notice in others and identify the features that are unique to you. Love yourself, understand that you are not like you, and this is an individuality.
- A lot of trainings, both individual and group, are carried out in modern society, which has ceased to be wild and is well accepted by people; moreover, attendance at trainings on personal growth is increasing every year. When studying courses on adaptation to life circumstances and personality development, it is easy to find new friends with whom you will also have common interests,
- Do not focus on the opinions of others, this can lead you into a stupor in life at a crucial moment of decision-making; be without a doubt confident in your own abilities and unshakable energy.
- It is worth choosing interesting areas of activity in which focus will not fade, but will only gain momentum in full force, thus really transforming from a boring scientist into an unpredictable showman. Reveal yourself, learn and believe only in your own strength.
