How to negotiate with stubborn people. Ability to negotiate

The ability to get along with other people characterizes a person with one of the best sides. Let me make a reservation: not to please others, but to get along with others. This is important during negotiations, when resolving conflict situation, in situations of concluding a deal, in situations of communication with loved ones, in force majeure circumstances, and finally, in order to preserve one’s own nervous system...
There are specific tools for this. They will be discussed further.

Territory of agreement

The territory of consent, like any other, must be protected. Security device is very a short word"Yes". The interlocutors should agree with each other and you can do without a psychoanalyst.
The initiative is taken by the one who has good mood; who are tired of fighting; who is smarter; who is more far-sighted; who is more cunning; who wants to talk...
He should start a conversation. The topic of conversation should not be neutral. On the contrary, the topic should concern each of the interlocutors personally. How to find such a topic? Let's ask the English: “What always unites them all?” The answer is simple: the weather today, yesterday, the day before yesterday, a year ago on the same day... You can take advantage of good experience.
So, the initiator of the conversation characterizes the state of the weather, his interlocutor agrees. All: two are in the territory of agreement.

The best music

Next, you need to elicit positive responses from your interlocutor. To do this, first of all, you need to address him by name (if you don’t know what to call him, find out in advance). It has been proven that sounds own name are the best music for any of us.
Remember about intonation: a person first perceives the intonation of speech, and only then its content.

The interlocutor shows disagreement

This is fine. This indicates that rational () wins over him.
But you are in control of the situation! And you demonstrate it. How? First, you agree with your interlocutor’s arguments and even support his point of view. But then you present arguments in defense of the opposite position. You do it correctly. And – remember about intonation!
It is important: you need to argue for the position you are defending, and not insist: “I think so because this is my point of view.”

The main thing is from the edge

A person remembers better what he hears either at the beginning of a conversation or at the end of it. Be aware of the “edge effect” when making your argument.

You to me - I to you

Everything that is said between interlocutors should not bear even a shadow of guile. The ability to “stand in someone else’s shoes” helps to avoid deceit. This means being able not only to, but also to accept his position, whatever it may be for you.
The speech should contain “golden words”. These words are usually taught in childhood. They can only be spoken sincerely.
In this case, the interlocutors will offer concessions to each other. This is called: “solving your problems by solving the problems of others.”

Conclusion

So, dear reader, you have become acquainted with some techniques that can lead to mutual understanding, and on its basis - to mutual assistance, and even to interaction.
These are simple techniques: “yes”, “yes - but...”, “proper noun”, “golden words”, “edge effect”, “standing in the shoes of another” and, finally, “solving one’s problems by solving the problems of another”.
Accept the wish to use these techniques always. This will not only allow you to get along effectively with other people, but it can also make them trust you.

When I think about this topic, I am immediately reminded of my attempts to negotiate with my university professors about grading. It's like you're walking through a minefield: one wrong phrase and you don't have a chance. After thinking a little and searching for the opinions of other people on the Internet, I came up with a few tips that have helped me and will help you successfully negotiate with other people.

Offer several options

When you insist on your own, remember about another person who, just like you, defends his point of view. Don't try to beat him by offering just one option. Instead, offer several. For what? By giving him several options to choose from (each of which is beneficial to you), you will create the illusion of choice, and it will be easier for your partner to support you.

At the same time, don't overdo it. By offering 10 options to choose from, you will ruin yourself. We like simple things, and it is much easier for a person to make a choice if he has two or three options rather than a dozen.

Unnecessary bluff

It will be easier for you to convince a person that you are right if you really believe in what you are saying. This implies the following: do not bluff. You may be lucky and the interlocutor will not notice the deception, but if everything does not go according to plan and you are caught, there will be no turning back.

If you believe that you are right, it will be much easier to convince other people of this.

You can't win alone

The outcome of the situation must be win-win for both parties. Imagine yourself in the place of another person and think, would you agree to what you are offering? If not, then you probably shouldn’t expect the same from him. You want a win-win situation that satisfies both parties, not just one.

Forget about emotions

People who involve emotions in negotiations are doomed to failure. Although the situation can be looked at from several angles. If you talk about your position with admiration and fire in your eyes, it can work.

If you shout at your interlocutor, laugh at his position, or try to insult him, even in a veiled way, you have already lost.

Ask for a little more than you need

This is a fairly simple trick, and you probably know about it. If you want to sell an item for $100, ask $110 for it. When the buyer wants to reduce the price, he will just bring it to the number you need.

I'm sure there have been situations in your life more than once when you were able to come to an agreement with another person on your own terms. Tell us about your methods!

I am sure that you have tried to come to an agreement with other people more than once. Sometimes this is successful, sometimes you have to agree to other people’s terms. More often than not, victory or defeat depends on you and how you behave. We'll share a few tips that will help you win negotiations on any topic more often.

When I think about this topic, I immediately think of my attempts to negotiate with teachers at the university about assessment. It's like you're walking through a minefield: one wrong phrase and you don't have a chance. After thinking a little and searching for the opinions of other people on the Internet, I came up with a few tips that have helped me and will help you successfully negotiate with other people.

Offer several options

Unnecessary bluff

It will be easier for you to convince a person that you are right if You really believe in what you say. This implies the following: do not bluff. You may be lucky and the interlocutor will not notice the deception, but if everything does not go according to plan and you are caught, there will be no turning back.

If you believe that you are right, it will be much easier to convince other people of this.

You can't win alone.

Another piece of advice that I cannot recommend is to make it appear that the outcome is beneficial not only to you. To put it simply, deceive a person. Are you ready to do this? Then you have one more extra trick up your sleeve.

Forget about emotions

People who involve emotions in negotiations are doomed to failure. Although the situation can be viewed from several angles. If you say about your position with admiration and fire in your eyes, then it can work.

If you shout at your interlocutor, laugh at his position, or try to insult him, let and veiled- you have already lost.

Ask for a little more than you need

(Found on the Internet)

Negotiations are a duel. Negotiations are a fight without weapons. Negotiations are an elegant fencing with words and arguments. The financial position, income and future of the company often depend on their outcome. How to learn to negotiate correctly, use psychological techniques and business techniques - read the new article on our blog.

to push through your decision;
to get benefits and goodies from partners or investors;
to justify yourself before those in power;
to find a compromise.

We warn you in advance: we are only talking about those negotiations in which both sides have different opinions and are to some extent rivals. Otherwise, it will just be friendly get-togethers.

What are negotiations like?

There are basically two main types: competitive and affiliate.

Competitive negotiations - the parties are aimed at winning, everyone wants to remain a winner and make a profit ( good conditions, guarantees, agreements). In this case, the compromise is considered a “draw” and is not particularly needed.
Partnership - both parties are friendly and agree to compromise. They are ready to sacrifice small benefits in order to ultimately reach a peaceful agreement.

Negotiation styles are also divided:

authoritarian - clear, daring, sharp as a bullet. This is how bosses often communicate with subordinates, and stronger partners with outsiders;
democratic - participants communicate on equal terms, like partners;
informal is more of an informal conversation without strict regulations.

Depending on what underlies the subject of negotiations, the conversation style will be chosen. If you need money for construction or a startup, most likely the contracts will be partnership ones. The tax office came to the individual entrepreneur with an inspection - perhaps the authorities will behave authoritarianly. Two dudes from competing organizations met, liked each other, grabbed a beer - and an informal conversation began. Most often, styles are mixed, and here it is up to you to choose which one is more appropriate and effective.

Stages of negotiations

Stage 1. Preparation

Select the date and location of the negotiations. Psychologists say that it is better to meet in the first half of the day - when your interlocutor, and you yourself, have not yet had time to load your head with current affairs. The location is also very important - the outcome of the negotiations may depend on what territory you will meet on. It is known that houses and walls help - if possible, try to hold important meetings in your office. And if there is no office yet, in a place where you feel most comfortable (favorite cafe, lobby, etc.)
Get mentally ready: calm down, concentrate, grow your zen to your knees or below. Let nothing be able to unsettle you. If on the eve of the appointed date an unpleasant event occurred for you (failure, breakup, death), reschedule the meeting.
Write down the main ideas and thoughts that you are going to convey to your interlocutor. Work through possible objections and think about how to respond to them. Model different situations, different channels in which negotiations can go, and options for different outcomes.

Stage 2. Monologues and sentences

At this stage, everything usually goes smoothly: the parties to the negotiations position their opinions and intentions. Here it is important to present your arguments as clearly as possible, without slipping into unnecessary reasoning and saving the interlocutor’s time. Then comes the time for the most important thing - voice your proposal, supporting it with arguments. Then, in turn, listen carefully to the other. Key points It’s better to write it down to discuss at the next stage.

For example, you came to negotiate the rent for your office space did not increase. Tell me why this is so - average price according to the market is n rubles, but you offer a higher price.

Stage 3. Discussion and bargaining

The most difficult and intense stage of negotiations, where spears break, collapse, or, conversely, hopes and prospects appear. It can drag on for half a day, especially if the goals and objectives of the parties are radically opposite. Or if we're talking about about big money. If you are conducting competitive negotiations, try to make as few concessions as possible and inform your interlocutor about your plans. Remember that anything said can be used against you.

We continue to talk about reducing rents. When discussing, don’t just ask to reduce the price - offer something profitable in return. For example, pay with part of your products, or make repairs to the premises. If you reduce the fee, we will do the repairs - this is what your words should sound like.

In partner negotiations, everything is simpler: both interlocutors are aimed at a compromise - accordingly, it will be easier to find one. It is also unprofitable for the landlord to lose a tenant - it is not known when another one will be found, so there is a high chance that he will make concessions to you. Conflicts during partnership negotiations are practically impossible - the conversation proceeds in a peaceful direction. You are discussing, not pushing, everyone’s position.

Stage 4. Decision making.

It is finally decided how the negotiations will end. May lead to compromise or breakup. Perfect option- signing the contract. Verbal promises are also a good thing, but it is better to consolidate the meeting on a documentary level.

After negotiations, we advise you to contact your interlocutor again. If the meeting was successful, thank and outline the main points and agreements. This is necessary to make sure that you have understood everything correctly.

If the negotiations fail, write anyway and thank them. Express your hope that this is not your last meeting, and that next time the dialogue may proceed in a more positive manner.

Rules of Negotiation

1. Set realistic goals. Let's say you have a startup and you are meeting with a potential investor. Don't expect to get a million dollars - who will give you that much? Assess your investor's capital, guess how much he will be able to invest (if at all) in your business. Set a maximum goal of getting a million rubles. And the minimum task - if he gives 500 thousand, that will be enough. But still better than nothing.

2. At the same time, always ask for more. An old trick: if you want to ask your boss for a salary increase of 10 thousand, feel free to ask for 20, and he will breathe a sigh of relief and agree to exactly those 10. The same is true in negotiations: ask for more than the maximum, and perhaps you will get that same maximum.

3. Start with easy topics - this is what psychologists advise. It will be easier for your interlocutor to agree with you, and the situation will be defused. If you feel mutual affection, great. Thousands of transactions were made thanks to spontaneous personal sympathy. And then move on to the most important thing - the main subject of conversation.

4. Don't get carried away by the authoritarian style. Even if you are the boss and your interlocutor is an inexperienced subordinate, maintain democratic communication. First of all, it's popular now. Secondly, this way you will not turn your partner against you (we remember that one won battle is not yet a won war? And if you managed to win these negotiations, it is unknown what will happen next. Therefore, it is better not to spoil relations with partners and competitors ).

5. Study your interlocutor. Read an interview with him, find mutual friends, use word of mouth to the fullest. Reveal his strengths and weak sides, do an analysis of his financial situation. Find out his needs: maybe he has been building houses all his life, and before retirement he wants to release a memoir or invest in a young creative brand. Play on these feelings, offer exactly what he wants.

6. Use precise numbers. It doesn't matter what the topic of negotiations is. Whether you are looking for a partner, agreeing on joint cooperation or trying to find a sponsor, always provide accurate information. Business people do not like approximate calculations; they want to understand how much money they will have to spend and when they will pay back. All. Believe me, you and your interests are of little importance to anyone, the main thing is money. As they say, nothing personal - just business.

For example, you came up with a startup and are looking for a sponsor. Don’t say, “Well, I think the idea should roughly pay off in about six months.” What the kindergarten! Bring a business plan with you and clearly, in detail, describe all investments: yours and the investor’s, expectations for payback, expected profit and margin.

7. Ask questions. Negotiations are a thing where every word matters. If you and your interlocutor work in different areas, of different ages or mentality - you may misunderstand each other. Therefore, listen carefully and ask guiding questions:

“Tell me more about this”;
“What do you think about this?”;
“What would you like to hear from me?”

Ask again. If something is unclear, do not be afraid to ask: this way there will be no false illusions and expectations. Maybe your interlocutor was joking or you were wishful thinking.

Example:

Yes, of course, we will work together. Some day.
Please let us know when we start work.

8. Record and document. This will be useful to ensure that there is no ambiguity. Insist on drawing up an agreement - involve a lawyer and carefully study each of its clauses.

9. Never make excuses - do not show your interlocutor that you are weaker than him. Even if it's true. Even if you are not the one dictating the terms and are in an unequal position. Even if your interlocutor communicates in an authoritarian style. And if you have to explain something - for example, why exactly your startup deserves investment - behave with restraint, with dignity, and don’t fuss. You are an equal partner, not a whipping boy.

Example:

Well, come on, tell me what you have there.
I have a business there that will bring you millions if you listen to me carefully now.

10. Avoid conflict. Suppose the interlocutor adheres to a tough style and provokes conflict in every possible way. Don’t give him this joy: direct the conversation in a constructive direction.

Example:

What are you telling me here? It’s too small to argue with elders.
Please explain what you mean. I'm not arguing, but giving you reasonable arguments.

11. Take a time out. If the conversation is difficult, disagreements arise, it is better to go for a smoke break or drink a cup of coffee. By doing this you will defuse the atmosphere, and at the same time you will think about how to build a dialogue further.

12. Don't be intrusive. Give the person the right to think. Remember that he is also afraid of risks, afraid of losing investments. If you followed all our rules and were precise and convincing, rest assured that the interlocutor heard you. Just give him time - he will make some decision sooner or later.

13. And most importantly, keep your promises. If you promised to make a million in six months/bring the business to break even/hire an employee in a month—do it.

The main mistakes in negotiations

You are nervous and fidgety. The enemy feels like he’s winning—and that’s how it is.
You don’t set a goal - you don’t know what you want to achieve as a result of the negotiations.
You don’t know anything about your interlocutor - it’s the same as not studying your target audience.
You are provoking conflict. The times of the 90s are long gone, now even disagreements are resolved in a civilized manner.
You are bored and want to finish quickly - then why did you even come?

Our advice: use not only numbers and facts, but also knowledge of psychology. Tune in to your interlocutor, study him - and the chances of a successful result will increase significantly. And remember: forewarned is forearmed!

A deal with conscience never works out; it is generally impossible to come to an agreement with conscience.

Vladimir Rudolfovich Solovyov. Us and them

The art of negotiation as a personality quality - the ability to come to mutual agreement, in as a result of negotiations, come to an agreement, a common opinion.

In one village there lived a lonely old man. In the evenings, local boys played near his house. The games, as usual, were accompanied by loud screams. The old man got tired of this, and one evening he invited the boys to his place. He told them how much he liked to listen to loud children's voices, and promised to give each of them a ruble if they promised to come tomorrow. The guys came and played even more fun and noisily. The old man paid them and promised to pay them again next time. But the next evening the boys no longer received a ruble, but 50 kopecks. On the third evening, the old man paid them only 10 kopecks and explained that he was running out of money. “Dear children,” he asked, “let’s agree that now you will come here again every day and play just like that?” Extremely disappointed, the boys announced that they would not come again at all. Is it worth spending so much effort for free?

The art of negotiation is mastered by those who know how to actively listen to other people, naturally showing them respect and benevolence. With pride and arrogance you can only sow enmity and envy, you need to negotiate

not in an accusatory, condemning mood, but in the mood and desire to reach agreement, to find something unifying and common with the opponent and, on this basis, to come to an agreement.

The soulful writer of the East Elchin Safarli says: “Is it so difficult for two people to agree? Especially if they think they love each other? It turns out it's difficult. Sometimes, son, it’s even impossible. Because everyone has their own past, their own pride. Everyone hears only themselves, feels only their own pain. Only those couples remain together where two do not tear each other away from the past.”

When, due to any provocation, the last one, that is, the third one, can begin World War, you need to master the art of negotiation. If we don’t come to an agreement, a war will definitely start. There is no third option: either we come to an agreement, or the war begins.

In the art of negotiation, those who know how to talk to their counterparts so that “the bell does not ring” become proficient. Just as a thief/pickpocket trains on a dummy to pull out a wallet so that the bell does not ring, so an experienced negotiater works with his opponents, trying to express his opinion so intelligibly that the bell of the false ego of the listeners does not “ring.” It is impossible to negotiate when the false ego is invisibly present in communication. While a person speaks kindly, without egoism in his words, the false ego of those around him lies dormant. The art of a negotiater is to present his position in such a way as not to awaken the false ego of his listeners.

It is possible to reach an agreement in almost all cases if both parties think in the following mode: “I will benefit from the agreements reached, and my partner will also benefit, that is, everyone will receive equal benefits.”

In general, there are six types of interpersonal relationships: “I won and you won,” “I won, and you lost,” “I lost, you won,” “I lost, but you also lost,” “I won, but interests and problems I don’t care about the other side at all”, “Both sides care not only about their own benefit, but in case of doubt that someone will not win, they decide not to get involved.”

It is extremely difficult to reach an agreement if one side lives and thinks in the mode: “I will win, and he will lose.” My victory is his defeat. I may lose, but he will lose even more.

In a word, those who do not know how to negotiate love the “I won and you lost” relationship mode. My victory speaks of your defeat. Collaboration prefers to work in the “I win and you win” mode. Stephen Covey writes: “Win/Win is a special attitude of heart and mind aimed at constantly seeking mutual benefit in all interactions between people. “Win/Win” means that all agreements and decisions are mutually beneficial and satisfy both parties. When a Win/Win decision is made, both parties are happy and committed to the plan of action. The Win/Win mindset presents life as an arena for cooperation rather than competition. Most people are prone to polar assessments: strong - weak, stubborn - weak-willed, winning - losing. But this way of thinking is flawed. It is based on power and position, not principle. The Win/Win mindset is based on the paradigm that there is enough for everyone, that one person's success does not come at the expense of another and does not preclude another's success. The Win/Win mindset is the belief in the existence of a Third Alternative. This decision is neither yours nor mine - it is The best decision, a higher order solution.”

A type of relationship based on the principle of competition “let it be worse for me, but let it be even worse for you” is a philosophy of envy, vindictiveness and settling scores. This is the handwriting of angry losers and envious people who are unable to negotiate. Stephen Covey writes: “When two people with a Win/Lose mindset come together—that is, two determined, stubborn, selfish natures interact—a Lose/Lose result is inevitable.” Both will lose. Both will become vengeful and want to “get even” or “settle scores”, being blind to the fact that murder is suicide, and revenge is a double-edged sword... Some people become so concentrated on the image of the enemy, become so obsessed with the behavior of the other person that for them there is nothing left except the desire to make this person lose, even if it means losing himself. “Lost/Lost” is the philosophy of the conflict between two sides, the philosophy of war. Besides, Lose/Lose is a philosophy at its finest. dependent person, devoid of internal orientation, an unhappy person who believes that everyone else should be unhappy too. “If no one ever wins, then being a loser isn’t such a bad thing.”

Unfortunately, not many people master the art of negotiation. Stupidity, envy, greed, pride and vanity interfere. IN interpersonal relationships people's wise position - “I won and you won.” My victory is your victory” is significantly inferior in prevalence to the “My victory is your defeat” mode. I won - you lost” or “I lost, but you also lost. My defeat is your defeat. Even though my cow was taken away, my neighbor’s two cows died.” Patterns are firmly established in people’s minds: “All means are good for victory,” “History is written by the winners,” “Winners are not judged.”

Igor Bogdanov writes: “Time passes, and we understand that we ourselves were to blame for our mistakes... and only because we failed to reach an agreement at the right time! All that was required was: not to lose your temper, calm down and try to find the necessary words, which, after failing to reach an agreement, keep popping into your head and often for many years... Know how to negotiate if you want your problems to be solved and not to destroy your life! Agree!”

An anecdote on topic.

The newlyweds agreed that they would tell each other only the truth, no matter how bitter it may be... So the husband went alone to rest in a sanatorium. He rides the train back home and thinks: - This is what a faithful husband I am. In 24 days I didn’t even look at a single woman! At this time, an elegant leg suddenly hangs from the top shelf. The man couldn’t resist - he touched his heel. The leg didn't go away. He became bolder, touched it higher, then even higher, even higher... In general, at the first station they got off the train and rented a hotel room. And everything started to happen... Then the husband thinks: - After all, we must honor the agreement, so we need to tell the honest truth home. And then she waits, worries. How to tell the truth and not get hurt and, at the same time, not break the agreement? And he sends a telegram to his wife: “I was driving home, my leg sprained, I’m lying in bed, hugging, kissing. Your husband".

Those who do not know how to negotiate are doomed to waste the chances that fate gives them. A wise man negotiates with fate, a stupid man tries to change it. Therefore, he abandons his children and changes external circumstances, but does not change itself.

It’s easy to come to an agreement with yourself with the help of self-deception, if, moreover, you have lost your conscience and lost shame, but with others it is very difficult, because who will come to an agreement with a person who reeks of ignorance, self-interest, envy and greed?

Parable on topic.

There was a severe drought. After mass, the peasants gathered in front of the church and began to reprimand the priest: how many times he had prayed for rain, but there was still no rain. Apparently his prayer is displeasing to God. And the priest knew the art of negotiating, so he said: “I wanted to tell you, brothers, that yesterday I received an order from heaven to agree with you how much rain you need and on what day.”

The headman spoke: “Yes, even tomorrow, Monday.” And the priest replied: “Tomorrow is not possible.” I hired day laborers to weed the corn. “Well, on Tuesday,” the headman suggested. -Have you not seen how much bread I have laid out on the threshing floor to dry? - said another peasant. - So let's go on Wednesday. “It’s impossible on Wednesday,” objected the third, “I have a holiday, and if my guests get wet, what will I do?” “Well, then, on Thursday,” said the headman. But the fourth interrupted: - How was it on Thursday? So I can't marry my son? - Then on Friday. “You can’t do it on Friday,” the fifth one put in, “people say that Friday is a hard day - there will be no luck.” - Then, brothers, on Saturday. “Hey, I can’t,” answered the sixth, “they’ll bring me two oxen and I’ll have to try them.” Then the priest intervened: - Listen, good people! Agree among yourselves and give me an answer next Sunday. But by the next Sunday the peasants could not agree.

Jokes on topic.

At the corporate table. - Let's agree right away. I’ll say that I’ve had enough, that I’m already sick, that my husband is waiting for me at the door, that you’re impudent, but don’t pay attention: pour it as always. Waist-deep!

Neighbor to neighbor: - Come to my place, let's have some tea. - With pleasure. “But we’ll agree separately about pleasure.”

Peter Kovalev