Eggs: advantages and disadvantages I don’t think I need to remind you that you shouldn’t eat eggs with mayonnaise if you are overweight or have high cholesterol. When people start talking about eggs, the vegetable salad Macedouane immediately comes to mind, which is often

Advantages of the method High specificity due to the fact that the desired pieces of genetic material have unique DNA sequences. High sensitivity due to repeated reproduction of the starting material. Versatility - when done correctly

Advantages of the Kremlin diet One of the reasons for the wide popularity of the Kremlin diet is that there are no prohibitions on fish, meat, cheese, eggs, or vegetables, but only those that contain a small amount of carbohydrates. In addition, there is no taboo even on

Advantages and disadvantages of the Atkins diet Today, the Atkins diet is considered one of the most controversial. In addition to her supporters, she has many opponents, especially in medical circles. Some doctors claim that Atkins's method of losing weight can lead to

A sense of the reality of one’s own “I” Disturbances in the sense of “I” are found primarily in such manifestations as depersonalization and derealization. A person loses his sense of his own reality, which is usually associated with the feeling of the changed forms of his own body,

Self-esteem is a person’s internal sense of self, which has a visible manifestation in the behavioral sphere, reflected by a high assessment of one’s own social value and rights. Has a close semantic connection with self-respect, self-esteem and the concept of one’s own self, which are at high level, but at the same time not being identical, since in these similar concepts greater emphasis is placed on a person’s perception of himself, while dignity always appeals to the external society.

Self-esteem in relationships (whether intimate, child-parent or work) always predetermines a decent level of human behavior and high demands on oneself and the participants in the relationship. Such requirements include calmness of dialogue and decency of actions, guidance of moral principles and showing respect even in the form of one’s appearance(by maintaining neatness). Under the apparent pressure of demands and obligations, a person full of dignity can behave much more freely than the average representative, going to own desires in a virtuous manner and showing excellent manners and upbringing. Such people can open any doors because they know and value their strengths, know how to deal with the weak and are able to present themselves to the world around them in a way that these qualities are valued, without humiliating other people and trying to stand out by denigrating them.

Knowing the norms of behavior with you is a condition for beginning to develop a sense of self-worth, accepting or rejecting interactions from people, depending on their compliance with your internal criteria of what is possible. This category is not innate, but is formed or hardened under the influence external environment, from the assessment of others (family, educators, culture), which can occur in teaching (norms, rules and human rights), conscious or unconscious suggestion (when they praise or scold a child, evaluate his personality), when copying behavioral (parental behavior, as an example or examples of literature and cinema).

What is self-esteem

A sense of dignity is a manifestation of accepting oneself for the most part and recognizing oneself as significant person, and such self-attitude is based on a confident position and calmness, knowledge and real assessment of one’s own capabilities, as well as an understanding of the value of any human personality. Some may confuse such a feeling with pride or, where the prerequisites for feeling valuable and significant are the desire for exaltation, constant comparison, which causes emotional swings and loss of confidence.

Self-esteem in relationships allows you to value yourself and value the other, to choose something based on your own world view, and not under the pressure of manipulation or competitive strategies. There is no desire to do something for the sake of pleasing others or confirming one’s own importance; a person understands his importance a priori and such an understanding is in no way based on external sources. This is similar to a mature relationship, where caring for others will be carried out from one's own internal motives of compassion or love, but not with the goal of earning good treatment, where difference is allowed and it is supported in both directions (i.e. the person will not compromise life conditions or his rights for the sake of maintaining good relations, but will not infringe on the rights of another).

An important internal point is the desire to remain oneself and maintain a calm and firm position, without stooping to empty accusations, showdowns using shouting and threats, turning to intrigue and gossip as ways to influence the environment. Due to the lack of a competitive moment, calmness, confidence and self-knowledge, it is impossible to offend such a person, because he clearly understands who he is and who he is not (you will not be offended or argue with someone who calls you an antelope and take it seriously) . Honesty with oneself, open recognition of weaknesses accompanies decent behavior, then a person can insure himself in advance in unstable moments, but when behavior looks like everything can be solved on one’s own and cope with any problem, then this is something that is sometimes good, but reflects a not entirely adequate perception myself.

This attitude towards oneself is reflected by an effective manifestation of love for oneself and one’s desires, since it is largely aimed at ensuring a high-quality standard of living. The need to take care of one’s appearance (not only at important events, but even on weekends spent at home), to take care of one’s health (not only by purchasing medications, but also by ensuring quality rest, a rich diet, etc.), will buy only high-quality goods (without the desire save because he knows he deserves better). The same goes for choosing work and friends, life partners and ways of building relationships. A person who feels worthy will not be in an unworthy place, engage in low things and communicate with lost people.

How to develop self-esteem

The development of self-esteem occurs in childhood, under the influence of the environment and at the beginning adult life is a formed category, but not stable, so this sense of self can be either lost (if you find yourself in frustrating conditions for a long time) or developed.

In adulthood, the formation of a sense of self-worth occurs on the basis of self-attitude, and accordingly, work must begin from this position. Initially, you will have to objectively evaluate yourself and get to know each other (perhaps this will require responses from people around you who consider some of your shortcomings to be advantages and vice versa). This stage is needed to clearly define who you are, in order to distance yourself from imposing the opinions of others and switch this assessment to internal control, instead of spontaneous external control. The courage to recognize and accept oneself, along with shortcomings, gives a powerful inner strength and the vector of changes. It is important that the intentions of change (if any are suddenly initiated after a revision of one’s qualities) are carried out in accordance with internal guidelines, and not the convenience of other people. Counting your victories and good qualities, changes on the way to better side It’s worth doing visually (you can write it down, you can collect ten achievements and arrange a holiday or pampering for yourself for this) - such events increase .

You will have to fight the desire to compare yourself with others; it is acceptable to compare yourself with yourself (at the beginning of your journey or with where you are heading). To make it easier, you can turn it off for the first time. news feed on a social network with profiles full of photos of success, but you can consider every catchy comparison as an experience of self-discovery. You can analyze your mental victories over someone to see what this victory gives to your inner feeling, and how it can be applied. You can also work with comparisons in negative side, fishing out of envy your desires and needs, and perhaps images of conformity imposed by someone.

Listen to your desires and try to fulfill them; constantly putting off your joys for the sake of others greatly hinders the emergence of self-esteem, because every time, even if important reasons, someone else turns out to be more worthy of happiness than you. If you want to drink sea buckthorn tea in silence now - buy sea buckthorn, brew tea, close the door to the room with a sign prohibiting entry. And the world will not collapse, even if you Small child, a project deadline or a friend in hysterics in the kitchen.

From childhood, many were taught modesty, devaluing compliments and hiding what they have (whether material, even travel, or even achievements). Such behavioral strategies make you value yourself less and shrink in size, trying to be worse, telling about your successes only to those closest to you. But self-esteem implies accepting praise sincerely and joyfully, talking about your achievements, without devaluation. Your attitude towards you and your value to society depend on your self-presentation. Want to good attitude If you feel that you are worthy of it, speak well of yourself. Or you can start from the opposite and by telling stories about your positive qualities to form a worthy attitude, which will automatically improve your inner sense of self-worth.

In the meantime, this feeling still cannot resist violators from the outside, then limit the circle of people and spheres of communication where violations of human rights, freedoms and dignity are possible, where caustic and devaluing remarks are encountered, where they violate your boundaries, loading beyond measure, in order to free your own time. It is not enough to cultivate such an attitude in yourself; you need to get rid of the factors that contribute to the destruction of such an adequate self-perception.

Self-esteem plays a big role in how you feel about yourself and also in what happens in life. Self-esteem may seem like a modern, even secular concept, and many might question whether it has a place in Islam. After all, Islam teaches humility, not arrogance, and it would seem that the less self-esteem the better. But while the hadith condemns arrogance, they emphasize the importance of a healthy sense of self-worth.

In Islamic ethical theory, both arrogance and low self-esteem are two sides of the same coin, resulting from anger. Excessive anger can lead to obsession or arrogance. But excessive gentleness can also cause self-hatred or timidity. Some people suffer from both. In situations where they are in control, they dominate others in a despotic and arrogant manner due to an internal sense of shame. However, in situations where they are less self-confident, they may exhibit deep feelings of insecurity such that they avoid psychologically difficult situations for themselves, thereby limiting themselves in life.

From a religious point of view, self-esteem is invaluable. But how to distinguish self-esteem from arrogance? Abu Dharr once asked the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) whether it is arrogance to want good things for oneself. The Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) replied that this is not arrogance, arrogance is rather when we consider our honor more worthy than that of other people, or our blood more valuable than the blood of other people. He also warned that any person with even a speck of arrogance in his heart will not enter Paradise without repentance. But despite these warnings, people often assume that they are more deserving of Allah's blessings because of their culture, nationality, language, property, social class, origin, profession or level of education. This way of thinking is a grave sin, these aspects are also false grounds for self-respect. Those who value themselves primarily because of external factors - such as wealth - do not actually have true worth, since self-worth must come from within.

External factors can affect our internal sense of worth. Achievements in life can make us respect ourselves more, while lack of achievements can do the opposite. For this reason, Islam emphasizes the importance of work not only so that people do not become a burden to society, but also to develop self-esteem. The way we treat ourselves affects how others treat us and the way we behave. A person with self-respect will not stoop to commit immoral acts. A sense of dignity is important for both men and women - because people who respect themselves do not humiliate themselves in disrespectful relationships. Self-worth is usually associated with controlling one's desires.

But despite the relationship between outer deeds and inner worth, self-respect cannot come from outer achievements alone. Some people become very successful in society and yet inside themselves they do not feel love for themselves. Although we should strive for positive achievements, we cannot rely on other people to give us self-worth; if we lack self-esteem, we end up refusing to believe their praise. More importantly, we must remember that at any moment we can lose the “external” gains.

We may lose our job, our home, our popularity, our family, or our health. Therefore, relying on the worldly is extremely dangerous, especially since Allah often tests us, taking away from us what we are most attached to. The loss of worldliness can be especially difficult for a person with low self-esteem, as it forces the person to confront himself. While some people are at peace with themselves, others do everything they can to avoid themselves and turn to other distractions. The self can become a source of pain, especially if someone suffers from self-hatred or experiences loss or grief. However, sometimes - for example, during illness, we are left alone with ourselves and with Allah. If it does not happen to us in this world, it will certainly happen in the next. If we have a difficult relationship with ourselves, these moments become even more difficult. But if we are in harmony with ourselves, then life becomes calm.

When I work as a psychologist with addiction and codependency in relationships, I often ask the question: where did you make a deal with yourself? You know, there is an expression “to sell the birthright for lentil stew” (a story from the Old Testament). There must be some things in life that cannot be neglected under any circumstances. For example, your self-esteem. You cannot build a relationship with someone who has even slightly encroached on this feeling. But the problem is that in order to protect this self-esteem, you need to have it. And very often there are problems with this: since childhood, this feeling has been neglected (by parents, grandmothers, brothers, sisters). Therefore, it turns out that we make unacceptable transactions with ourselves, which leads to the destruction of relationships and ourselves.

During consultations, we explore this experimentally. But if you try to give some definition to self-esteem, then I would say this - it is an adequate assessment of oneself, one’s life, one’s work, time, one’s boundaries, etc. Adequacy in in this case- this is the correspondence of internal and external circumstances. This manifests itself everywhere in life. From the space we occupy in the room to our closest relationships. Example: a girl just broke up with her boyfriend, less than a month has passed since she starts a new relationship. Inside, the feelings of this gap have not yet been experienced, but she is already “entangled” in the new life context of another person. The internal (feelings) does not correspond to the external (new person).

Or an example from my life: I recently got into a taxi with my little son. The overly polite driver, before driving off, suddenly turns to my son and gives me something that looks like a toy. I feel internal dissatisfaction in this situation and, returning the toy, I politely say: “Thank you, but this is not how we do it.” The driver became more peaceful and did not interfere with us the whole way. What happened? There was an instant assessment of the situation out of “self-esteem.” I could ignore my inner “discontent”, hiding behind false desires to be “good for everyone,” “polite,” “comfortable,” etc. And I would behave irresponsibly. And my soul would feel disgusting (bad conscience). My assessment happened instantly, but what does it look like if you expand the situation: A driver is a hired person whose task is to drive a car and the comfort of passengers from this point of view. I didn't hire him to entertain my son. In addition, there is my relationship with my son, where I am responsible for his life and psychological safety. This is a certain hierarchy; if someone wants to give something to my child, then first of all he should consult with me. The driver completely ignored me as a father.

My responsibility is to protect my son from “intrusions” until he can do it himself. Firstly, purely out of safety - you never know who gives what (this could be accidental harm - candy to which he is allergic - to intentional harm). Secondly, maintaining his own psychological boundaries. And if I allowed this act to take place: I would recognize myself as an "absent father", violate my son's sense of security, and set a "bad" example for my son that his boundaries can be violated. And if I did this systematically, then there would be no trust with my son: and it’s strange to then wonder why he doesn’t listen and interferes with my work (violates my boundaries). Here is an illustration about “dignity”. That is, a “sense of dignity” is the ability to respond fairly steadfastly to the challenges of life, which is impossible without understanding the adequate “state of affairs.”