Than a feeling self-esteem different from arrogance?
To see the difference between these concepts, just look at their meanings:
Self-esteem is a respectful, respectful attitude towards oneself. While
Arrogance is a disdainful attitude towards other people.
These are different concepts. A person with self-esteem behaves WORTHY towards himself and others, this is self-respect and respect for other people. At the same time, arrogance is pride - feeling oneself is greater, and those around you are lesser.
Self-esteem is self-respect and respect for others, understanding in oneself and in others of Man with a capital H, recognition in everyone of the Soul, the divine principle. Arrogance is a word that speaks for itself. An arrogant person has the sin of pride, considering himself superior to others and not respecting the Personality of others. Excellent answers have already been given. And here is the opinion of the great bard Bulat Okudzhava:
Self-esteem...
Self-esteem is a mysterious tool:
It takes centuries to create, but is lost in a moment
Whether it's an accordion, or a bombing, or beautiful chatter,
It is dried up, destroyed, crushed at the root.
Self-esteem is a mysterious path,
On which it’s easy to crash, but you can’t turn back,
Because without delay, inspired, pure, alive,
Your human image will dissolve and turn into dust.
Self-esteem is simply a portrait of love.
I love you, my comrades - pain and tenderness are in my blood.
No matter what the darkness and evil prophesies, there’s nothing but this
Humanity did not come up with a way to save itself.
So don’t waste your time, brother, don’t give up, spit on the nonsense vanity -
You will lose your divine face, your pristine beauty.
Well, why risk it in vain? Are there not enough other concerns?
Get up, go, servant, just straight, just forward.
Arrogance is a type of narcissism, narcissism and placing oneself on an unattainable pedestal, comparing others through the prism of the insignificance of others, an instructive tone of communication, and then only with those who are included in the circle of close associates thanks to copying, agreement or flattery...
Self-esteem (SSD) is accepting yourself as you are (taking into account all the shortcomings) and accepting the weaknesses of others, as well as treating others as they treat you (and/or better) - when respect is not begged for or imposed - but comes from others in response to one’s own behavior, words and actions, which sometimes may run counter to generally accepted expectations, but do not cross the line from good to evil, from justice to selfishness, from honesty to lies - it is a person’s knowledge and confidence in that that he will not stumble under any circumstances and will not become better, more beautiful, richer, more famous, etc. over his head or at the expense of others. - and is that core, that character trait that is called CSD or, even more simply, self-respect...
Everything is very simple, since it is a matter of only one factor - the border.
A person with self-esteem does not allow others to cross some important boundary for him, nor does he allow himself to violate this boundary in others.
An arrogant person does not allow his own boundary to be crossed, but actively attacks the boundary of other people.
The second indicator: self-esteem is characterized by pride, arrogance is characterized by pride.
Self-esteem is a flexible and malleable phenomenon. But arrogance cannot be cured, in any way. This is a clinical case of human nature.
An arrogant person cannot step over his ambitions, either for the sake of his neighbor or for his own sake.
And a person with high dignity is quite capable of assimilating to the situation.
An arrogant engineer will not wash the floors.
The engineer, with self-respect, will polish the parquet and improve the methods of polishing the floor.
It's the same thing for me. The only difference is in society's perception. When they see an arrogant person, they give him preference over a modest one, mistaking him for a weak one. And when they are confronted with the consequences, they interpret confidence in a negative way.
For example, a lady will appreciate an arrogant, boorish brutal man who spits on everyone. She only hopes that he won’t give a damn. And when he does do this, then he will become arrogant and bad for not.
Dignity and arrogance are as different from each other as heaven and earth. A person who has his own dignity is self-sufficient. He does not need to constantly prove his exclusivity. He doesn't see any need for it.
An arrogant person, due to a subconscious feeling of his own inferiority, is constantly forced to prove both to himself and to those around him his exclusivity. The methods and methods used are inflated self-esteem, conflict, insults and suppression of others.
Self-esteem is precisely those topics that are sacred, those actions that can subject a person to humiliation or being presented in a worse light. This is something for which each of us is ready to deviate from the principles of morality and resort to violence in order to respect our personal individual values. Arrogance or inflated self-esteem usually comes from low self-esteem; instead of giving in or compromising, many simply reject or criticize this or that topic, thereby not giving themselves the opportunity to admit their weakness, inability, etc.
An arrogant person does not have self-esteem; he most likely has a false sense of his own superiority. And a person who has self-esteem will never behave arrogantly.
That is, it is impossible to confuse such people.
Here's a simple test to tell these people apart. An arrogant person will never shake hands with his opponent, either in case of victory or in case of defeat (who are you). And a person who respects himself will also respect his opponent, so he will be the first to extend his hand to express his respect.
The same reaction to a greeting. An arrogant person may not respond, or if he does, it will only be with minimal reaction. Self-esteem will not allow a person to ignore another person; he will sincerely take an interest in both the health and affairs of his interlocutor.
Arrogant people behave arrogantly, consider themselves better than others and constantly demonstrate this.
They can easily offend a person or humiliate him.
And maintaining self-esteem means worthy behavior, not losing face in any situation, maintaining personal space.
It is no different, and even if we prove and find different parameters of one and the other, the essence of the two values will not change. And who will prove that these are different concepts with the same goal but with different borders, then they are simply hypocrites. It’s just that we people humiliate ourselves in front of some for something or when it is necessary or beneficial for us and in front of others we behave arrogantly, showing our importance or having a desire to humiliate another.
There is such a physiological-social process as spitting. The vector of spitting and the process itself determine this or that concept. If you don’t care about yourself, then your own dignity, and if you just don’t care, and even about those around you, then arrogance.
Self-esteem does not carry selfish goals and does not try to stick out for show; arrogance, on the contrary, does not hide and thus tries to show its superiority over others.
First of all, the fact that one person’s self-esteem will never humiliate the same feeling of another person. Whereas arrogance is unable to notice other advantages than its own.
When I work as a psychologist with addiction and codependency in relationships, I often ask the question: where did you make a deal with yourself? You know, there is an expression “to sell the birthright for lentil stew” (a story from the Old Testament). There must be some things in life that cannot be neglected under any circumstances. For example, your self-esteem. You cannot build a relationship with someone who has even slightly encroached on this feeling. But the problem is that in order to protect this self-esteem, you need to have it. And very often there are problems with this: since childhood, this feeling has been neglected (by parents, grandmothers, brothers, sisters). Therefore, it turns out that we make unacceptable transactions with ourselves, which leads to the destruction of relationships and ourselves.
During consultations, we explore this experimentally. But if you try to give some definition to self-esteem, then I would say this - it is an adequate assessment of oneself, one’s life, one’s work, time, one’s boundaries, etc. Adequacy in in this case- this is the correspondence of internal and external circumstances. This manifests itself everywhere in life. From the space we occupy in the room to our closest relationships. Example: a girl just broke up with her boyfriend, less than a month has passed since she starts a new relationship. Inside, the feelings of this gap have not yet been experienced, but she is already “entangled” in the new life context of another person. The internal (feelings) does not correspond to the external (new person).
Or an example from my life: I recently got into a taxi with my little son. The overly polite driver, before driving off, suddenly turns to my son and gives me something that looks like a toy. I feel internal dissatisfaction in this situation and, returning the toy, I politely say: “Thank you, but this is not how we do it.” The driver became more peaceful and did not interfere with us the whole way. What happened? There was an instant assessment of the situation out of “self-esteem.” I could ignore my inner “discontent”, hiding behind false desires to be “good for everyone,” “polite,” “comfortable,” etc. And I would behave irresponsibly. And my soul would feel disgusting (bad conscience). My assessment happened instantly, but what does it look like if you expand the situation: A driver is a hired person whose task is to drive a car and the comfort of passengers from this point of view. I didn't hire him to entertain my son. In addition, there is my relationship with my son, where I am responsible for his life and psychological safety. This is a certain hierarchy; if someone wants to give something to my child, then first of all he should consult with me. The driver completely ignored me as a father.
My responsibility is to protect my son from “intrusions” until he can do it himself. Firstly, purely out of safety - you never know who gives what (this could be accidental harm - candy to which he is allergic - to intentional harm). Secondly, maintaining his own psychological boundaries. And if I allowed this act to take place: I would recognize myself as an "absent father", violate my son's sense of security, and set a "bad" example for my son that his boundaries can be violated. And if I did this systematically, then there would be no trust with my son: and it’s strange to then wonder why he doesn’t listen and interferes with my work (violates my boundaries). Here is an illustration about “dignity”. That is, a “sense of dignity” is the ability to respond fairly steadfastly to the challenges of life, which is impossible without understanding the adequate “state of affairs.”
Dignity... What is it? Self-esteem is one of the main qualities of the human soul. People who have it know how to take others into account, carry within themselves positive emotions who are enough for everyone around them, they know how to cherish everything that is given to them.
For me, self-esteem is self-respect, i.e. not fawning, not pleasing others, humiliating yourself. For example, someone insulted you with “obscene expressions,” but a person who has this quality is the most difficult to piss off and offend. Admitting your mistake, apologizing if it’s not your fault, not being afraid to get into a stupid or difficult situation for the sake of a good deed - this does not mean sacrificing your own dignity, but committing a noble act. As K. Berne said: “The only advice that can be given to honest people is how to preserve themselves: be proud and noble!”
It seems to me that a person’s moral core depends on where he was brought up, in what family and school he grew up. From childhood, my parents and teachers instilled in me that words such as “honor”, “duty”, “human dignity”, “mercy” are not just sounds. If people lose these qualities, then they turn into cruel and greedy, having neither feelings nor thoughts.
You must be able to remain an honest, unshakable, proud person under all circumstances. This is what self-esteem means to me.
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Self-esteem
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Self-esteem plays a big role in how you feel about yourself and also in what happens in life. Self-esteem may seem like a modern, even secular concept, and many might question whether it has a place in Islam. After all, Islam teaches humility, not arrogance, and it would seem that the less self-esteem the better. But while the hadith condemns arrogance, they emphasize the importance of a healthy sense of self-worth.
In Islamic ethical theory, both arrogance and low self-esteem are two sides of the same coin, resulting from anger. Excessive anger can lead to obsession or arrogance. But excessive gentleness can also cause self-hatred or timidity. Some people suffer from both. In situations where they are in control, they dominate others in a despotic and arrogant manner due to an internal sense of shame. However, in situations where they are less self-confident, they may exhibit deep feelings of insecurity such that they avoid psychologically difficult situations for themselves, thereby limiting themselves in life.
From a religious point of view, self-esteem is invaluable. But how to distinguish self-esteem from arrogance? Abu Dharr once asked the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) whether it is arrogance to want good things for oneself. The Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) replied that this is not arrogance, arrogance is rather when we consider our honor more worthy than that of other people, or our blood more valuable than the blood of other people. He also warned that any person with even a speck of arrogance in his heart will not enter Paradise without repentance. But despite these warnings, people often assume that they are more deserving of Allah's blessings because of their culture, nationality, language, property, social class, origin, profession or level of education. This way of thinking is a grave sin, these aspects are also false grounds for self-respect. Those who value themselves primarily because of external factors - such as wealth - do not actually have true worth, since self-worth must come from within.
External factors can affect our internal sense of worth. Achievements in life can make us respect ourselves more, while lack of achievements can do the opposite. For this reason, Islam emphasizes the importance of work not only so that people do not become a burden to society, but also to develop self-esteem. The way we treat ourselves affects how others treat us and the way we behave. A person with self-respect will not stoop to commit immoral acts. A sense of dignity is important for both men and women - because people who respect themselves do not humiliate themselves in disrespectful relationships. Self-worth is usually associated with controlling one's desires.
But despite the relationship between outer deeds and inner worth, self-respect cannot come from outer achievements alone. Some people become very successful in society and yet inside themselves they do not feel love for themselves. Although we should strive for positive achievements, we cannot rely on other people to give us self-worth; if we lack self-esteem, we end up refusing to believe their praise. More importantly, we must remember that at any moment we can lose the “external” gains.
We may lose our job, our home, our popularity, our family, or our health. Therefore, relying on the worldly is extremely dangerous, especially since Allah often tests us, taking away from us what we are most attached to. The loss of worldliness can be especially difficult for a person with low self-esteem, as it forces the person to confront himself. While some people are at peace with themselves, others do everything they can to avoid themselves and turn to other distractions. The self can become a source of pain, especially if someone suffers from self-hatred or experiences loss or grief. However, sometimes - for example, during illness, we are left alone with ourselves and with Allah. If it does not happen to us in this world, it will certainly happen in the next. If we have a difficult relationship with ourselves, these moments become even more difficult. But if we are in harmony with ourselves, then life becomes calm.
